thinking with a clear mind,thats what they always say.im starting to doubt the root of this utmost philiosophy that everyone holds so dear.it is pretty obvious we're living in the age of irrationality and full of outrage emotions.

as i slammed the door i concocted a plan to get out of the house and live a life that 'everyone' seems to worship, which is life of total freedom and no barriers.what do i have to lose?i can be a totally independent person as i am already 20 years of age.

maybe ill get to see the hurt on my mother's face, knowing i couldnt stand living under the same roof as she is.maybe ill get their phone calls once a week to check if my life is okay, and wether i want to come home.maybe ill miss my sisters life, their bowling trips and their swimming classes.

old photos of me when i was i year old doesnt do me any justice.things are not so easy now, and situations in life is not sugar and spice, and everything nice.that picture is a TOTAL LIE.i am not a smiling,cute baby that has just learned to walk!i am a full grown up person that has the ability to hurt your feelings with me scathing remarks and i can walk out of your lives!

haha..behold the person that we all know as teenagers or, more importantly, the new me.

but somehow,after a night of tears and screams, i came to the realization that i can never do that to my parents.i dont want to see how much ive hurt them.i dont want them to know how much i hate them at times.my mother lookd so happy in 1987, my father was all smiles when he took me to the beach, me,trotting next to him.my grandfather panicked when my mother gave birth to me, resulting to his continous trips to the toilet, and him not being able to visit my mother.my aunt gave me a minnie mouse doll during my one year old birthday.

i must really be the most rotten-hearted person on earth.i cant walk out, and i dont want to.even if you hurt me countless of times, i know i made you cry when i gave you a letter saying i hated you.i didnt mean to.im sorry.i know youll never read this.but i want you too.maybe later.when im ready to show it to you.thank you for bringing me into this world.i love you.

my life

haha..i havent blogged for almost a month..byk giler perkara sudah terjadi and it feels like id get my fingers all cramped up if i typed each and everyone of it down.

uia?god..i wish ill never have to set my foot in the studio again.everybody is sick with everyone else.vacation is definitely the solution to this.

friends?i have to say some are good and some are not.a fallout with a friend is both painful and confusing.i guess this is what people say life has its unexpected twists and turns.meeting up with old friends are ...just the right thing you need after coming out of a bruised and battered state called university.

family?i have enough stories to produce a tv drama/soap opera. but raya was good.aby syam is getting married and my aunts are bursting with happiness to know their most eligible nephew are finally getting hitched.

relationship?ayam is great.im starting to panic if id end up with him somehow.shit~

me?im anxious as the day for me to leave for india draws near.im happy that i finally get the chance to go.gawd!taj mahal!here i come!!!!!!(me in the most obvious jakunness state ever)

so far-this is what we all call a synopsis to someone's life.i thank you all for your attention

my life..currently

wow..has it been a month?or two months?since the last time i blogged?giler lah..haha..ive been busy..somehow i find myself committing wholly to the one thing that actually robbed me off my social circles...KAED..

lets see...during the mid sem holidays...i went to this class trip in Penang...for an ASSIGNMENT..though penang was fabulous..but...its kinda pathetic to actually spend your hols working when you shoudve been in GSC watching the latest movie with your friends.

i havent seen the bangi people for almost two moonths..which shows that i havent been home for almost a month.i havent had the time to hang out with the subang people for..how long??and i still havent taken my licence yet...

so far..i think my life is perfect..thank you very much.

my laptop

yesterday was our anniversary.the fourth one.and thank god this time it went well..destroying my theory about the how everytime your anny is around the corner you'll 'indulge' in a big fight that makes you wish you should've cut the anny shorter.

we had wedges and went to carrefour for grocery shopping *i didnt get to buy my panda*..before getting a call from my dad to meet at low yat in an hour time.we rushed to low yat and from the way he was driving i could tell that he was nervous to meet my dad for the second time.

what happened?my dad and ayam worked hand in hand to give me a HUGE headache during our "laptop shopping hunt".the result?me getting a gorgeous white laptop,even if its not compaq, but still...its white man...owh and the functionless media player..

banyak bende

psa is over and im damn happy its over.theres too much bad shit in it..and i think i can have an emotional breakdown if i go through the details once again..all i can say is..now i know why i hate being involved in all this activities..because its BAD SHIT!!

im pissed...regarding psa..but other than that,im okay...im gr8 actually...just realized i have a lecturer from hell..and i cant believe that im going to segamat with her fat face sticking down my throat..i know im being a fucked up student here..but i cant stand rude people.

anyway...hmm..what else..ayam is going to cherating tomorrow :( he asked me what i want from cherqaqting..and all i can think about is hideous pareos and bikinis...so i sed tudung..but maybe ill regret it later if he happens to produce some makcik designed tudung after the trip

during leadership, we are to speak in public..(the next class) in a public speaking lesson...about what's happening in lebanon..considering that the last class i talked about howmuch i hate veggies..i think the possibility of me going far in public speaking is NIL..

anyway,i have studio tomorrow and i have yet to finish my work...so..if i am willing to be killed by that fat cow..i better take my leave now so good nite and take care people~

the first time in my life,i was actually screaming on the phone.the first time.without me realising it, i was crying as well.i dont even know why.all i could think of was "how could you do this to me".maybe to her it was no big deal, maybe it was a norm to her.to actually do that.maybe i was just acting like a big fat baby for not being strong enuf.i dont know.all i could think about was how much i hate her and i just couldnt believe that she was in my life.all these years i was there,it just never occur to her i was important too.

home,which the definiton is a comfortable sanctuary which you yearn to reach when times like this come.i wanted to go back home.but i dont have one.i have a rented dilapitated house, but now thats my home.my family lives there, with all their might in trying to find a silver lining in a dark cloud that never seems to go away.maybe i was being cynical before.on how much i hated my present life, my present house.but now i dont hate it anymore.i dont care if my dad does not earn 6000 like he used too.i dont care if i cant be able to afford all the good things in life that my friends have.i just dont care anymore.right now the home i went to that night was the one that made me stop crying and welcomed me with all its contents.i forgot how much i missed the sound of my sisters bathing in the morning,their shouts and groans.i miss my mum with her worn shoes and her pale face.i miss my dad.

i dont care anymore.i just want to go home

fingers are numb

finally the letters are finished..the remaining letters that need to be sent out to the planning firms are FINITO~WOOHOO!!KAK NITA YOU ROX!!*the hod's secretary

anyway..yesterday nite, radhi and i painted our nails black..and i was thinking ~man!these are soo COOL!..then got a message from ayam saying die pening thinking about the fact that my nails have transformed into black..tak rock betul la orang tue ni..*hehe*

im looking forward to this sunday, the final match of the world cup..probably going to b.b for the party...bet my bf will be wearing his france t-shirt and gushing over the wonders of zidane.hmm..i wonder if he's g...damn!syaza!stop thinking bullshit!

anyway..the juniors have just filled in the mahallah..i pun tatau how to react to this..especially since they tend to call me kak everytime they talk to me..its aggravating...really..

so..i'll be off then..blog later..fingers are numb..can..not..type..any..more..must..go..out...

life is GREAT

enjoying every minute of my life at the moment..yep..yesterday i got lost in the mighty big kuala lumpur trying to find a JALAN KAMPUNG ATTAP..and EVERYONE knows that once you miss a turning,you'll never find the damn place.pudu,brickfields..AGH!!CONGESTION!!!* i feel like singing " conjunction conjuction, where's your function"* even though it has no relation what so ever to congestion, but it sounds the same..hehe

3 hours or so,after passing by kl sentral for like the fifth time,we finally found the turning we were SUPPOSED to take, as told by the newspaper vendor at old kl station..hmph..we shout in delight as we saw the sign jln kg. attap.finally, we're here!alamat yang tertera...no.19 jalan kampung attap...apasal nampak 18 je?aiyah!!sesat again ah!!**@@%$#@#@!@~~#$#$@

btw, i lost my matric card..*%@&

p/s:pengumuman:saya sudah mengambil keputusan untuk kembali bersama ayam..our irreconcillable diffrences telah bertukar menjadi reconcillable balik..dan saya ada boxers spongebob baru..haha

what is in my head

im freaking tired of finding sponsors.im tired of having to drop by the office and leave empty-handed (no letters of sponsorships completed) when ive just traveled all the way from bangi by public transportation for two damn hours just to put my butt in the kaed building.

just now i was this close to bursting out in front of my lecturer. but i know he meant well..even if his advice is a total BULL.i am tired of doing this alone, mizi included.i hate my job-period.

but,anyway,enuf of this boring shite aite?yesterday i watched the news,israeli forces are keeping the hamas leaders in captive.i hope they all go to hell.and take their bloody skullcaps with them.i am pissed by the fact that arab countries are all bloody rich, members of the opec, and yet they are not doing anything to help these palestinians.kids die because the these israelis are on the crusade of getting every palestinians killed.i am tired by the fact that they have kofi annan as the sec general, while he was obviously a dickhead and think they should put mahathir there.

so,as a conclusion,the world is a shithole to live in right now.i guess its not sugar and spice after all.

p/s:i oso dont know whats the connection between my job and the world news..but thats whats boggling in my head right now.

i promise

i cant change what u are to me.maybe i am weak after all.for still caring.funny,ive always pride myself for my ability to shut people out of my life.but not you.maybe its not that easy.maybe i need more time to prepare,to let you go completely.

but dont you worry about me.ill be fine.i always am.i know im stronger than i think i am.hey,youve been in a much more worse condition than this.so,ill be fine.

funny,u wont even read this.but ill be fine.thats a promise.so,if all ur seeing now is a big black cloud, ull see sunshine soon.i promise.

what i feel rite now

im having all this mixed up emotions..that i cant even describe anyone of it thats been bogling in my head..so:

-im feeling f***ing sad and down because i just broke(everbody feels that way,unless u memang nak tinggalkan that person seabad lalu)
-im pissed at the hod's secretary because i still havent gotten the rest of the sponsorship's letter
-kesian at the hod's secretary sebab i gave her a long list of addresses for the letters
-stressed out because everbody is breathing down my freaking neck asking about the damn sponsors
-pissed(for another reason) because my ex is being stupid
-scared if the sponsors arent really sponsoring
-pening kepale because my ex cakap keling(ini hanyalah perumpamaan)
-craving for chocolates
-craving for mochas
-scared i might grow fat because i tend to eat a LOT when im stressed out and rite now i AM STRESSED OUT
-malas nak balik naik public transport because i hate the public transport (which is evident in my blog entries)

so..those are some of the feelings i managed to pull out for a sec for this blog entry before it squeezes its way back in..have a nice day folks..coz im not =(

penat lah

aiyo...so penat la jadi budak planmic..ive been ulang-alik- ing to uia from bangi for the past 3 days...naik public transport ok!

so when other students were actually enjoying their HOLIDAY..i was dozing off in the lrt..waiting for it to reach terminal putra so i could get to kaed..by BUS..

why am i making such a big FUSS over taking the public transport??BECAUSE IT SUX!and i think im broke already..and im not even doing something FUN with my cash!

here's to the LRT company..enjoy my duit...next time..please do something to reduce the screeching sound of the train...i nak mati dengar the damn train sreeching against the rail..macam dengar garpu dok scratch kat pinggan over and over again...

soo's bday

mereka yang gila2 belaka


3rd of june was sue`s birthday. Yep, sue, the darling of everyone. Few days before, she told her why she always celebrate her birthday with her family, after a quite dreadful experience that has somehow proven that girls can be quite b****y. (no hard feelings eh?)….

So we were quite energized to make it up to her, when she hinted that she might be going back to kuantan. Aiyah…manyak susah la ini macam. Anyway, after much harassment committed towards dear kuku, (since she’s sue’s roomie and all, to korek infos), we were quite happy that we found out that she’s not going back after all…yippie ya yay!

So, a tribute to sue’s birthday, and not to forget nina’s as well…but her mum came over to semenanjung, so..we were positive she had an excellent birthday celebration :)

Sue, we’re so sorry the petting zoo closed down (stupid website, never tell oso). Hope you cherish malar hijau’s house pix (even though you don’t “like” him anymore). We had fun eating your cake..haha..and we hope you’ll take care of bob esponja.

Nina, we’re sorry we didn’t put up a celebration for you (blame it on uia for having ungs exam). We would have loved to buy you a nice big cake, but you don’t eat cake…(but if you nak cake, cakap jet au..we’ll buy 1 for you :) ). Happy birthday princess!

yahoo!!

YAHOO!!!!
exam is OVER...shor sem is OVER..haha...sukanya hatiku!
so..rite now im just killing my time, where i had lunch at kaed cafe (after such a LONG time)..and listening to sara yakking (haha) about jelly beans's history and the fact that the best jelly beans are called jelly-bellies...weird...

so..i`ll be celebrating my freedom by having an appointment with my student advirsor, going to a planmic meeting (fucking boring), and watching cars with sara and my boyfriend.

p/s:im wearing my new indian slippers..~gorgeous piece of investment!
bye~

the story

soo....syaza got herself into a new glitch..
okay..maybe not a glitch la..more like a gaung..
see..during the first semester, she noticed a cute second year student whom she nicknamed daniel.

and everytime daniel walked past by, she froze and blushed.because she likes him you see.so..1st sem passed without as much as a hint of her knowing his real name.2nd sem, she knows through a friend that his name is syahir.

then came 3rd sem..well..syaza has already gotten herself a new boyfriend. and they share what people call a 'volatile' relationship. but they are smitten over each other.really.

suddenly, one of syaza's friend, sue, somehow managed to get to know this daniel.and to cut the story short, daniel somehow knew syaza existed and got her number.to cut the story shorter, now they're smsing each other, so frequently that syaza has to top up more frequent than her normal rate.

and one night, they went out together.and it was a blast.but it was somehow an un-blast to syaza's relationship.because syaza's bf somehow knew she went out with a guy.

the shortest cut?...syaza and daniel like each other.but they both are taken.syaza patched up her relationship.and syaza and daniel became friends, who know bets among each other for world cup matches.

~the end

hobi saya

i have a new hobby!and that is naik lrt!
oohh...i love the fast train, yang bukan sahaja berjasa kepada segala umat manusia di klang valley, malah, ia juga snagat menyeronokkan!

lrt train is good for people who enjoy watching other people.lrt trains are also a test, to show wether you're a corteous citizen, or you're just fucking selfish for your own good.not just that, it also menguji your endurance skills and keterer-an berdiri berjam-jam.and it also provides a lot of entertainment, especially for those who likes to watch orang, *there was this gila guy on the train, scary giler*

jadi, one day i spent most of my day cultivating this new-found hobby of mine!from terminal to kelana jaya(where keron picked me up and we went to ou), then from kj to wangsa maju (where ayam picked me up to go and celebrate our second anny!:) ), and then, from terminal to klcc (where we went to nandos and watched the fountains at the park), and then from klcc back to terminal (where i got into the car and almost dozed off,see!its so tirirng!this new-found hobby of mine!)

so, guys, if you want to try this new hobby, feel free to hesitate and squirm because it rips you off your cash and it makes you bloody irritated and sleepy.enjoy! ;)

pelupa

kita sudah banyak mendengar tentang kisah-kisah orang pelupa ini. mungkin kepada sesetengah orang, ia merupakan suatu keadaan serius yang perlu diampbil sepenuh perhatian dari segi perubatan dan sains, namun, untuk kebanyakkan orang awam malaysia yang normal, ia merupakan suatu peristiwa, keadaan atau kisah yang lawak.

*dubbing english plak*
the other i was at mid-valley when i ran out of credit. stopped by at a nearby digi center and bought myself a $10 top up card. i keyed in the serial code only to recieve a message stating the code i punched in was invalid. wild thoughts running through my head but the causal thing i had in my mind was, digi ripped me off my cash and i was cheated cleverly.i was halfway back to the shop that sold the useless top up and suddenly remembered that i was using hotlink.

a friend of mine wanted to redeem a free drink from Coffee Bean, using those cards they gave out, you know, the ones where you have to get it all stamped up and shit. so, he was practically salivating over the thought of drinking an ice blended when suddenly the coffee bean lady said, "ni kene pegi starbucks dik, baru boleh redeem".

aiyoh..what is wrong with our youths now?are we suffering from an early stage of senile-ation?*is there such word?*

pengajaran:jangan makan maggie banyak banyak

I wonder

i can sort of see a pattern in the boys i choose to have affiliations with. first...their names will start with an A.

hmm..
Arif
Aisa
Iqbal (die lain sikit)
Azrul (doreng)
izat Arif
Arif
*Amirul
*Afnan
Faize @ AYAM

*the ones i never had the chance to have an OFFICIAL relationship with

im not saying guys with their names that start with an A are much more appealing to me.i dont even know why i keep on ending up with these people.takde lah hebat mane pun.haha

and i even notice something..
i like to eat naan and ayam tandoori

=afNAN and AYAM tandoori...
haha talk about the irony of the situation..

manual cars are fuckers

manual cars are fuckers

that was what i discovered when i my boyfriend`s car died after i drove it past the bump in campus. the car behind me honked like mad..and i was sweating like hell because i was wearing linen, and it was 3pm, and when its 3 pm in gombak..oohh man,u`d wish u were born in switzerland and stayed there for the rest of your life.

i was trying to get it over and done with, my saman, i got two!!from the mahallah, and the traffic.the latter refers to the incident when i got in half an hour late..(which got me more pissed when cipon told me that she got in at 1 am without any hitch from the fucking guards)..and the former is because...aiyer..so malas want to write it down...because of nina's radio.

so..anyway,managed to convince faize, to lend me his car..which he was pretty reluctant at first..but..yeah..hahaha..

boy..i wished i never would have asked him for the car.

later that evening he textd asking me to pick him up..which i replied..no freaking way am i ever going to drive manual cars AH-GAIN.*i think in order to be a great bf, you`ll need abundance of patience*

so he had to ask his friend to send him over to my college..when he reached the entrance, he told me to drive it to the front.

2minutes later-
i got into the car..and pushed the key to start..but it wont frekig start!!shit...faize is soooo going to kill me

5minutes later-
an annoyed faize in an orange shirt riding the motorcycle with syah reached the car(apparently they had to slow-talk with the gurads to let them in) d car had surprisingly come to life.

i hate MANUAL CARS!!!!!!!!!!!1

what happened between us was confusing enough before we can even have a beginning. the turmoil of emotinons im going through now is quite overwhelming, that i dont even know what im thinking, feeling right now.

you stood by the sidelines,waiting, even after everyhting that has happened.regardless of my shouts, screams, cries.i treated you like dirt sometimes...did u realize that??GOD!wake up!

but i dont want you to leave.i dont want you wrap everyhting up, and said.."okay, if its going to continue being like this..i guess this is my cue to leave". i want you to stay.knowing i have someone waiting at the sidelines.why cant it be like that?why cant you just stay that way?complacent being the person who will always have my back..but not much to expect from me?

god..i sound so evil.no...its not fair for you.its not fair for you to watch from the sidelines while i try my best to fraternize with another person who clearly has no emotional attachment on me..im stupid.when it comes to this..im stupid..im sorry.

will you just stop giving me goosebumps?will you just stop giving me all this emotions that keep on rushing in and out of my system like waterfall..you are not THE ONE..but..i..yeah..well..lets just leave it at that eh?