closing in

im about to close this blog.because i feel like starting a new chapter in life.

i dont know how i came about this. but there was this one morning that i woke up and suddenly wanting to turn over a new leaf. and maybe by closing a section of the memoirs of life, i could achieve this.

i know this may sound stupid. some would say, " why do u have to delete the entire blog just to start over?", but to me, this is what i want to do.

kuhaz left yesterday. a tearful departure and the fact that the radio played foo fighter's walking after you did not help in easing the pang of missing her badly.

i love you kuhaz. we all love you.

to them with love

ive never been much of a good friend. i know im not completely a horrible one, but still there are things i wished i couldve done more. but im only human. theyve been there when i was in a deep rut, stood by me while i was being a complete ass. so..salude to my friends

heres to my favourite girlfriends

nina:who has always been an inspiration. she became much like a sister who always guides me, and made sure im okay all the way

radhi: my rock, ive never been able to actually comprehend my relationship with radhi, but she was there when i needed her

kuhaz: my dependable friend. somehow kuhaz has always been my comfort zone, even her room was a comfort space to me back when she was in uia.

sue: the one who never fails to love and trust. she was always the one who made us stick together.

and by next week, kuhaz will be leaving for aussie and sue in february. im not very much in a writing - mode right now. i know. but one thing for sure is, i will definitely miss both of you very much.

clearer times ahead

after talking to dr. zain, im more confident of my future than ever. i guess talking to someone in the know-how do help.

ive been so lost before this, and i couldnt really talk to anyone. my head was filled with crazy notions and idealistic goals that i wasnt even sure i could achieve it. and to think id go to sj to talk about this?are you out of ur mind?

thank god for lecturers like dr.zain

where was i?

ive always felt strongly against the israel-palestine affairs. even when nina commented that i have a jewish nose, i went beserk.

but now, the israel's aggresion is more apparent than ever, and where was i when there was a peaceful demo at tabung haji? i was in kaed putting together my first chapter for my thesis. and there was a performance tonight to show support for the palestinians here in uia, and where was i? in this freaking cc.

haih..

resolutions for now

i wont bother making resolutions because each year ive been having the same resolutions, as a result of me not being able to fulfill my resolutions..so..bawak kehadapan...and voila..a recycled set of resolutions.

but not to be deeply pessimistic about this year, and myself, i will state some resolutions that i promise i will uphold/fulfill/whatever you call it:
1. finish my thesis
2.graduate this year

dah...this is my resolutions for NOW...will update later when im thinking with a clear mind and an undivided attention to this blog.because i know i HAVE to finish my thesis, and I HAVE to graduate this semester.hahahaha

2009

the new year came and we didnt even have a countdown. we were too bloated and full with home cooked food and loaded with bitchy gossips and good times spent with close friends. friends that i realized will go on their seperate ways come 2010.

this is probably the last time we'll ever sit together for new year celebration. ill miss this.

angus, thongs and perfect snogging

i dont know why facebook is sooo lembab.....i think it's my pc. its infested with virus and god-knows-what.

yesterday watched angus, thongs and perfect snogging. a true chick flick..and i LOVE it!!..while nina and i were drroling over the hot and gorgeous robbie, faliq wished he never had come because he was completely bored out of his mind.. (ahahaha..kesian..) except the part where angus got lost and part mane2 yang ade angus. (i suke giler angus!!)

to sue, kuhaz and radhi: u guys will love angus. but i chop dulu.hahahaha

stories from my parents #1

When I was small, I fell off a bike. I had a big cut right above my eye lids that required stitching. An hour passed, and I showed no sign of surrendering to the anaestathics the doctor had put me in, he finally gave up, slapped a plaster on my gash, and told my dad to take me home. hence why I had a scar right above my eyelids. I never noticed it until my dad told me recently. Stories like this made me miss my parents everytime im away from home.

i guess time do have healing powers

Friendships were forged because of some common grounds you found within each other. Islam encourages us to protect our silaturrahim. Yet there are a lot of questions swirling in my head concerning friendship, which I know I’ve voiced it in my previous entries. Some contradicting one another, which I may say depicts the mood I was in during the time I wrote it. But as I grow older I still find the question of friendship as mind-boggling as ever. Some friendships I have leave me as lonely as it can get me yet made me feel complete at the same time. Sounds confusing? Believe me, it still is to me. How about the complicated friendship I have with my ex?

Well, I won’t get into that now. when I was a teenager, having a best friend was a must. Having one made me feel like I was the coolest person on earth to be able to say,”well, my bestfriend is etc….”. Yet what does being a best friend really is? To be truthful to one another? To be able to share everything? I have to admit I envy those in the movies where their best friend is like their other half (not in that gf bf way), bila cubit peha kanan, peha kiri terasa juga.

I had a best friend, one that I love and hate at the same time. I loved her in every way that I wished I could kick the asses of the ones that made her cry everytime she called me crying. But at the same time i harbored feelings of dislike that I shouldn’t have towards my bestfriend. Her out-rightness, that stung me, how she made me feel so low that I’d wished the earth could swallow me up at that moment (my very low self-consciousness was partly to be blamed). And in the end I chose to distance myself rather than confront her, all these years, I was still the coward. I wasn’t a good friend myself, for if I was, I would’ve told her how hurtful I felt, and maybe we could actually mend our ways.

But as times passes by, wounds heal, though unlike a plaster covering a gash, more like a cloth covering the wounds, and each time the winds flicked it, the sting is still there. all these years, I wanted to show her that I managed to live a happy life without her, it only made me shameful for being such a vengeful and hateful person. Confronting people is not my cup of tea, but shunning people seemed to be my special ability now. well, maybe if our paths do cross again, I wished to shake her hands and wish her a happy life. im finally able to close the curtains and become a new person.

haih..since everyone did it

Rules:- Choose a band/singer-
Answer the following using ONLY titles of songs by that band/singer

Are you male or female? x&Y
Describe yourself. viva la vida
What do people feel when they’re around you? Shiver (Because im so cool..hahahaha)
How would you describe your previous relationship? Trouble
Describe your current relationship. Lovers in Japan/Reign of love
Where would you want to be now? In My Place
How do you feel about love? Sparks
What’s your life like? God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
What would you ask for if you had only one wish? High Speed
Say something wise. Don't Panic

singer: Coldplay

just a mindless rant

i am blessed with the opportunity to travel to different countries even though i am financially disadvantaged.

the experiences i gained when i went to korea and hong kong is a lot to even put it on paper (or the internet)..i might as well say that there are good times, and definitely some rough patches that surfaced itself during the trip. but im nevertheless grateful to be able to travel.

after the trip, my girlfriends and i finally went on our cptdt. though its a shorter one as compared to what we discussed earlier, but it was still a trip with my close friends.

the new semester that is ushering in seems very much vague to me.and i find myself being nervous on what the future has to offer for me. haha...ill write more after this..i forgot the posts ive written beforehand..

updates later..

im currently surfing with the slowest computer on the face of the earth and with a keyboard so noisy that if type a longer entry i think the rest of the people here will throw me out..so anyway..ill update the blog later..with posts regarding my trip to korea and hong kong, and melaka with the girls..

yesterday i went out with faliq's family (which means the mum and the sister)...scaarrryyy..but after awhile i managed to make myself comfortable and hanging out with his sis and mum is actually fun..hahaha..but im still scared tho..what if they think differently of me..now that they've spent time with me longer than before (which was having dinner..or lunch)

what i will miss

i think i will miss uia when i graduate (which i hope will be next month because honestly im pretty much fed-up with all this hulla-balloos).

ten things i will miss:
1. my room in asiah (pray not my current room because the kipas is rosak and the fastest speed is two..macam f***er)

2. the kaed lab (i dont care if faliq said our lab is outdated as compared to HIS, this is where i spent most of my time when im in kaed)

3. kaed cafe (because that is the only place i go to when my tummy needs filling up, and the sambal belacan is BEST HABIS)

4. kaed gallery (i know im quite a loser because ive already listed three places in kaed alone..but i LOVE the gallery..ive always been awed by it ever since i came here)

5. hs cafe (since i like to eat a lot, hs cafe is a nice place to eat with an okay variety of good food and a chance to tgk orang *another fav activity of mine)

6. kyros kebab (uve got to admit that having this in the campus is super cool)

7. the library (i looooveee the libabry because its so preeettyyy and BIIGGGG)

8. The shop next to hs cafe (because it has an applaud able range of chocolates)

9. the nescafe kiosk (because i can get my mocha freeze there, and it almost turned me into a caffeine-addict back when i was in 2nd year)

10. kaed's office (because i can think of anywhere else id miss..im ran out of ideas by this time..nasib baik 10 je..kalau 20 mampos tak tau nak isi ape)

having identified that a majority of the places id miss is mostly places that accommodates to food-precessing/consumption or ape2 la yang berkenaan dengan food..the deductive conclusion would be that i like to eat. and maybe when i left uia, ill probably also miss the restaurants and stalls i usually go to such as nz, mali, ayam kukus, mancongkam and many more.

korea episode 1

here i am in the lab.waiting for the rain to stop so i can stop by the hs cafe for my delayed lunch..haish.. so..im anxious of my trip, knowing that ill be welcomed by dry cold winter, and maybe ill have that rash if im not careful enough.

korea has come a long way to become what it is now. never ending wars with japan and china(since the early civilization until the 19th century, as it served as a bridge between these two nations), and a severe civil war that resulted to the seperation of korea into two parts, the republic of korea and north korea.

what interests me was how they managed to build up the nation to become one of the economic tigers in asia (aside from japan, singapore, taiwan and hong kong) after the civil war that severely damaged the capital city, seoul, almost destroying every modern building they have in the 1950s. not to mention the political struggle of the nation itslef, but i wont get into that because i might bore your tights out.

ill write more of korea when i get back.hopefully with pictures too ;)

penat nye

the trip to korea is less than a week away..the CAN PLAN THIS DAMN TRIP is two weeks after the Korea trip..my god...how am i supposed to keep up with this?

a sudden burst of happiness

suddenly i realized that not everything revolved around money. i guess im a little slow being at that could be due to me being friends with people of affluent background. (not that im complaining :) i love them to bits)

i like having this feeling.its a nice one :)

cuba lah kalau berani

being disadvantaged? i call this being strong and willfull.

words can never bring me down..but yes..stick and stones can break my bones.

pretending to be concerned?please shove that in the dustbin.i dont need anymore hypocrisy.ive had that for years.

wahh...you're so HEBAT...*think i'd actually say that to you?are you delusional?

that tiny voice

i can do this. *breathing in deeply

im absolutely sure that i want this *breathing in again

but no one told you to do so

you put this upon yourself

in the toilet..while waiting

i was thinking how i'd actually be when im forty. this realization came when i was ~ehem...in the toilet (well..some of you know the average time i have to spend in that god-forsaken place)... and there was nothing left to do but to think about what my future would be.

a tiny place in my mind nudges me to go forward, before there is no more time left, and i'd be an old fogy before i realize it. another voice was still as whiny as ever (whining about the current situation of life, and its unfortunate events)..

if i dont this now..i never will.no one can actually assure me that they have my back because they don't. im actually really alone in this. i've just realized this. yes..in the toilet.

p/s:aside from thinking of my goals that has yet to be fulfilled, ive also thought about how i would look like when my youth has gotten the better of me. im not sure im looking forward to that.

emotional baggage

emotional baggage are just too heavy to be lugged around.they should be dropped off as soon as there's an opportunity to do so.