shit happens

i asked my dad how did he know he was meant for my mum.he said he didnt know.even until now.my mum told me to do sembahyang istikharah if i want to find if ayam is the one for me.and i have yet to do that. think im running out of time.i need to know before he goes off to johor.

ive always wonder if he is the one for me.we are great in so many ways,but he does have his flaws too.which i find it hard to accept.how do you know if that person is the one?i think my relationship with ayam has somehow drift apart over the year.the emotional attachment is not as strong as it was before.i find myself hoping for soemone else that is actually my soulmate, to suddenly appear and whisk me off my feet quickly before i become too attached to this man called rahime.

i even questioned his part in the relationship, if he is actually serious about us.about me.and i cant even answer that with confidence.its actually kinda scary that you're not certain about how you're partner feels about you.

sometimes i'd berangan about my perfect guy suddenly appearing in my life.quite entertaining actually,but its also a total bullshit because im about to graduate from uia, and no guys have ever made any attempts to whisk me off my feet.or even be the guy that i want.this is sad.depressing even.

but there are times, *which is quite often* that i am actually grateful to have ayam.and yet i cant really shake off this feeling of hoping to meet someone perfect for me.its quite horrible to tink this way when you've already a boyfriend who loves you warts and all.oh well, shit happens i guess.you cant really help it if this is how your guts are feeling at this moment.