at this point of time

At this point of time, when you’ve come to the intersection in the choices you make in life, you are often left to wonder if the choices you make will scar you for life. the answer? Yes it will. but there is one thing that I hold on to. Don’t look back. Never look back and regret the choices you made. In this way, it will never scar you.

I don’t think I will ever be 100% happy. That is the fact that I have to live with. I’m so good with building walls around myself that I managed to kick everyone out of my life. The only ones who stayed are of course, my family. Because that is what family do. They stick with you even if you’re a nutcase. And that left me wondering to myself, why couldn’t I stick by my father? Instead of throwing my arms up in defeat and blaming him for fucking up the whole family, why couldn’t I just hold my breath and say,” its okay ayah, we’ll get through this”. I don’t know if ill ever reach that level of maturity. Everyday I pray to God for something that I will never own, and that has often left me with a feeling of resentment and resulted to my diminishing faith in God. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I hate who I’ve become. I am not brought up to be this ugly.

I am 22 for God’s sake. It’s about time I grow up.