not now

i dont know when my next meal will come, but i am still happy.

somehow when a friend told me she wished she didnt have to think of having to save when going out, i was somewhat a bit downtrodden. am i a burden to be around with?i wished so its the opposite.

all these while i keep a straight face when peers make comments on my downright thrifty spending, it was quite a cut. but i know they didnt mean to hurt me. they just do not understand.

its okay. i understand. im not like everyone else. even our own family have turned their back on us, but we're still happy. we still have each other.

i wished for many things. i wished i could further my studies after i graduate. but i cant. i wished i could pursue whatever field that i am interested in, but i cant. not now anyway.

being in a position where you feel like flinging yourself off the cliff for being so helpless everyday is not healthy, but i keep it caged nicely, which is why i could still muster a smile.

im not complaining. this is just a way of me telling you how i feel, since i do have a difficulty of expressing my feelings. i wished that my future is written nicely in the book. but i doubt it. all i could see is big, black, heavy clouds that awaits me. all i have now is you, and God. my father has long since given up, and i wished i wont. not now.

all i have now is a clear cut on who has stood beside me while i go through this and who has abandoned me. i may not be able to afford your weekly outings with branded togs, but i could offer you my friendship and loyalty. if that is not enough, i dont see the reason why we should still be friends. when people say" a friend in need is a friend indeed", i guess its not applicable to you.