sekejap. terpikir kejap.

you know, when you have this whole life ahead of you, it somehow swallows you as a whole and makes you feel drowned and a little lost.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be an actress. i wanted to be an interior decorater, i wanted to be an architect.

i got a scholarship from the star to pursue a diploma in architecture in Alif's academy (now called alfa). it was the most poignant moment of my life when i nailed the interview, and recieved praises on how well i could converse in english. they were surprised by the fact that a tudung-clad girl who wears a baju kurung to the interview could speak fluent english.

and then i turned it down when i received an offer from IIUM. and as you know now, i have a degree in urban and regional planning. not architecture. sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i did go on with the architecture gig at alfa's. do i actually have the balls for it? am i the architecture-isk material? do i want to do architecture in the first place? when i see my friends who are doing architecture, i am actually in awe of their commitment for the difficult course. i dont know if i have that strong drive to continue.

the only thing that sets me apart from the rest of the crowd when i was in uia was i could speak well. wtf. that is not even useful when you're working. yeah, it gets you noticed among your bosses, but does it take you far?

i really wished i'd taken a class in drama, or acting, or anything of that sort. i'd be different, maybe more outgoing than this. carefree and extremely loud (aren't all drama students loud?)

im 24 now. i dont see myself being in the urban planning scene at all right now. im not even doing planning *do i want to do planning?* i wish to further my studies in conservation, and im wondering where will this take me. ive always said i didnt want to be a lecturer, but now maybe i have to retract that statement. but one thing for sure is i definitely wont go near anything related to acting.