Forgetfulness may be something serious to be looked upon, medical-wise. Or, it could be a humorous journey to some. Im not saying when you’re actually on the verge of going senile, all you have to do is laugh because it’s funny, im saying the harmless stage where your mind isn’t on what you’re doing at the moment, thus, resulting to the burnt hole on your favourite pink shirt because you were actually thinking about your grocery list when you were supposed to be ironing.
Admit it. Not everyone is born with the talent of multi-tasking. We, normal HOMO SAPIENS- quoted from Magneto (X-men), are sadly, with many flaws which Includes short-term memory “loss”.
The other I was at the mall when I ran out of credit, luckily I found a DIGI centre nearby and bought the 10 ringgit top-up card. After I keyed in the serial number, I received an sms saying that the number I punched in was invalid. I was halfway back to the shop, furious because I felt cheated, only to realize that I am using HOTLINK.
How bout this? A studiomate recently when to Coffee Bean to redeem his card (you know, the ones where they give out and you have to get it all stamped and you’ll get a free drink after that). Sadly, his thirst for an ice blended went awry because the waiter told him to go to Starbucks to redeem the card.
Really, tell me, are those incidents obvious signs of going senile? Or merely you transforming into a real-life Dory (that blue fish in Finding Nemo)? The quest begins….
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
to you
I don’t know what actually triggered it, but it happened. The moment which would not have been possible 2 years ago happened. We boasted that time will never grow us apart, it actually did.
We’ve been in each other’s life for a long time, that I have to admit I still think of you sometimes. Though we thought we couldn’t manage it without each other, it was actually the opposite now.
Though I am not ready yet to fully belt out what’s in my heart now, maybe someday I will. But for now, I hope of the best for you, and I know you can do it.
I know you that well. Haha
We’ve been in each other’s life for a long time, that I have to admit I still think of you sometimes. Though we thought we couldn’t manage it without each other, it was actually the opposite now.
Though I am not ready yet to fully belt out what’s in my heart now, maybe someday I will. But for now, I hope of the best for you, and I know you can do it.
I know you that well. Haha
all it takes
I was flipping through my phone book when I came across ham’s number. Its been 2 years since I last saw him. I sent him a message and thinking maybe he’d changed his number when I didn’t receive any reply 15 minutes later.
What I did get was a call. And we talked for 40 minutes before we decided to meet up for drinks. We talked for hours on everything in our lives. And we made a promise to meet again when he came back. And I was happy to finally meet the friend I was just thinking about the other day.
I stumbled upon ika’s number and gave her a message. She was one of m close friends in high school, and the last time I saw her was when I bumped into her in uia when her class came for a visit. This later leads to me accompanying her around bangi – kajang – and putrajaya on her expedition to find a job. Our last stop which was alamanda saw both of us having meals bought from Carrefour (because both of us are pokai, and Carrefour foods are cheaper, and taste nice too J) and talking about everything from boyfriends to funny stories on our respective campuses.
All these while when I thought maybe time showed that lives have to move on, all it take is just 5 minutes to put back what means a lot to us back in our lives.
What I did get was a call. And we talked for 40 minutes before we decided to meet up for drinks. We talked for hours on everything in our lives. And we made a promise to meet again when he came back. And I was happy to finally meet the friend I was just thinking about the other day.
I stumbled upon ika’s number and gave her a message. She was one of m close friends in high school, and the last time I saw her was when I bumped into her in uia when her class came for a visit. This later leads to me accompanying her around bangi – kajang – and putrajaya on her expedition to find a job. Our last stop which was alamanda saw both of us having meals bought from Carrefour (because both of us are pokai, and Carrefour foods are cheaper, and taste nice too J) and talking about everything from boyfriends to funny stories on our respective campuses.
All these while when I thought maybe time showed that lives have to move on, all it take is just 5 minutes to put back what means a lot to us back in our lives.
sometimes
Sometimes I’d wonder about the many people whizzing in and out of my life. Whatever has become of them, and how are they right now? it seems that they’ve moved on just fine without me as I am without them. There are times when I’ve felt regrets for not enjoying those certain moments to the fullest, for not appreciating that certain people when I should have, and for not grabbing those moments when the opportunities arose.
I wondered what could have happened if I actually love Iqbal back as much as he loved me, if I actually see that he was perfect for me at that moment of time, instead of hovering over some other guy. Would it make us stay together until now? I wondered what happened to Syaz, if I actually stayed in their group of friends instead of finding Khairun, would it mean that I would still be in touch with them until now. i wondered what could have happened if I stayed in Idayu’s group in Bangi, instead of becoming closer to Anne and Ika, would it mean I’d be a ‘skema’ student and would actually give a shit on my studies? Whatever would happen if I weren’t friends with Intan? Whatever happened to Ham and Rez, the two guys who had been my rock while I was in Bangi.
But if all those things actually happened, it would’ve meant that I would be missing out in a lot of other events happening in my life, I don’t think I’d meet ayam if I had Iqbal, I wouldn’t have met other great friends and learnt the meaning of friendship if I hadn’t been friends with khairun, I wouldn’t have learnt the bitter taste of growing up and overall life if I hadn’t been friends with Ika, and as for Anne, she has always been the one person I could count on if I needed someone, and intan has always been a sort of ‘protector’, from the Izat case, till the veggies, she has always wished for the best of me, and now I hope I won’t let her down. As for ham and rez, I wish them the best in their life, though sometimes I do miss my moments with them, I think we’d be okay for now. But I will never forget them.
All things happened for a reason, this I know, but sometimes im trying very hard to decipher the meaning of these events, and this is what I can come up with. I don’t know about you, but to me this is good enough.
I wondered what could have happened if I actually love Iqbal back as much as he loved me, if I actually see that he was perfect for me at that moment of time, instead of hovering over some other guy. Would it make us stay together until now? I wondered what happened to Syaz, if I actually stayed in their group of friends instead of finding Khairun, would it mean that I would still be in touch with them until now. i wondered what could have happened if I stayed in Idayu’s group in Bangi, instead of becoming closer to Anne and Ika, would it mean I’d be a ‘skema’ student and would actually give a shit on my studies? Whatever would happen if I weren’t friends with Intan? Whatever happened to Ham and Rez, the two guys who had been my rock while I was in Bangi.
But if all those things actually happened, it would’ve meant that I would be missing out in a lot of other events happening in my life, I don’t think I’d meet ayam if I had Iqbal, I wouldn’t have met other great friends and learnt the meaning of friendship if I hadn’t been friends with khairun, I wouldn’t have learnt the bitter taste of growing up and overall life if I hadn’t been friends with Ika, and as for Anne, she has always been the one person I could count on if I needed someone, and intan has always been a sort of ‘protector’, from the Izat case, till the veggies, she has always wished for the best of me, and now I hope I won’t let her down. As for ham and rez, I wish them the best in their life, though sometimes I do miss my moments with them, I think we’d be okay for now. But I will never forget them.
All things happened for a reason, this I know, but sometimes im trying very hard to decipher the meaning of these events, and this is what I can come up with. I don’t know about you, but to me this is good enough.
my parents
When I look at my parents, ive always hoped that I would be able to have what they have when im married.
They are now only husband and wife, but best friends. They never hide anything from each other. They constantly talk about everything that’s bogging their mind, and sort it out together, with me secretly eavesdropping of course.
They have never shown their anger and resentment towards each other until I actually thought that they have never had those marriage fights, but everyone does, but they hid it pretty good, fooled me till now. they have always shown their love for each other with those moments when I see them holding hands while watching television. I wont go into details about their intimacy, that’s just gross.
They always find each other’s lame jokes funny, even though it’s not to me (such as the ayam jokes, which are quite rampant nowadays, for example calling ayam, kfc because it is deemed offensive when I referred to ayam’s father as bapak ayam, so they opt for kfc). They are contented with having each other even though the world around them is falling apart. They are blissfully happy being with each other even though friends and families walked in and out of their lives. They love their children they have together and wished for the best of them. They are willing to sacrifice almost anything for their children’s happiness because their children are the testimonial of their love. They have supported one another through thick and thin and have always shown that he is her biggest supporter and likewise, even if others are doubtful, including me. They are respectful towards one another though they constantly poke fun on one another. Another bonus is that they never give a shit when one of them farts in an offensively loud manner (hint: my male parent).
They have never shown their love for each other fading. And that is the most important.
They are now only husband and wife, but best friends. They never hide anything from each other. They constantly talk about everything that’s bogging their mind, and sort it out together, with me secretly eavesdropping of course.
They have never shown their anger and resentment towards each other until I actually thought that they have never had those marriage fights, but everyone does, but they hid it pretty good, fooled me till now. they have always shown their love for each other with those moments when I see them holding hands while watching television. I wont go into details about their intimacy, that’s just gross.
They always find each other’s lame jokes funny, even though it’s not to me (such as the ayam jokes, which are quite rampant nowadays, for example calling ayam, kfc because it is deemed offensive when I referred to ayam’s father as bapak ayam, so they opt for kfc). They are contented with having each other even though the world around them is falling apart. They are blissfully happy being with each other even though friends and families walked in and out of their lives. They love their children they have together and wished for the best of them. They are willing to sacrifice almost anything for their children’s happiness because their children are the testimonial of their love. They have supported one another through thick and thin and have always shown that he is her biggest supporter and likewise, even if others are doubtful, including me. They are respectful towards one another though they constantly poke fun on one another. Another bonus is that they never give a shit when one of them farts in an offensively loud manner (hint: my male parent).
They have never shown their love for each other fading. And that is the most important.
from a sister
I’ve only found out that my sisters have Attention Deficit Disorder a few days ago. After 14 years being their big sister, I’ve just recently found out that my sisters have ADD. Maybe to some people, they would say they have ADD as a joke, but my sisters are diagnosed with ADD. This was why my sisters are still illiterate at the age of 14. I have never really given much thought of my sisters’ condition, until now. When I am in university, and I began to understand why ibu has always emphasized that my sisters will be my responsibilities in the future, when they’re gone. This is why I have to take my mother’s word literally.
Hundreds of visits to the hospital when we were kids have always been an agony to me. It meant I have to wake up early in the morning on a weekend just to avoid the catastrophic traffic of Kuala Lumpur, just to visit my sisters’ therapist at the HUKL. Although sometimes I looked forward to going to the HUKL’s café for their delicious donuts, I never understood the purpose of why my sisters had to visit the lady with the spectacles inside the room filled with toys and colorful balls, and why my sister Syanaz had to wear a specially – ordered shoes, but my dad said because she had difficulties in walking. Syanaz has always been the slower one, when Syafinaz, the youngest, was able to walk, she was still crawling.
I never understood why my sisters had speech difficulties and sometimes their pronunciation was different than other people, such as toilet was pronounced as toyet. And I never could grasp the reality that my sisters were slow learners until when I realized that they still had difficulties in reading at the age 12. I have to admit that all these while I was so embarrassed with my sisters’ condition that I never really cared what they had to go through, bullied by the kids from the neighborhood, never had the opportunity to go out and play with the other kids, because they didn’t want to play with them, and not being able to have a spoiled and wonderful childhood like I had, because of many other reasons. I was a cold – hearted and ignorant bitch.
Despite me being a horrible sister, it was them who were eager to talk to me on the phone when my dad called, just to ask if I had eaten. It was them who were eager to accompany my parents to send me off to college every time I came back. And it was them who were worried for me when I cried during one of my horrible break – ups. Although I had wished that God would reward them with a normal life one fine day, which I have to admit, one of the stupidest wish I have ever made, I have finally accepted my sister as they are. And I thank God for bringing them into my life. Imagine what would be like if I was the only child, I don’t think life would be as blissful as now.
Although they might not have the childhood like I had, but I know that they will be okay being surrounded by people who love them, and I think that is enough and as long as they have each other. My dearest sisters, although I know I don’t show it, and I have not always been the greatest sister, but I promise you with my life that I will always be there, taking care and loving you always.
Hundreds of visits to the hospital when we were kids have always been an agony to me. It meant I have to wake up early in the morning on a weekend just to avoid the catastrophic traffic of Kuala Lumpur, just to visit my sisters’ therapist at the HUKL. Although sometimes I looked forward to going to the HUKL’s café for their delicious donuts, I never understood the purpose of why my sisters had to visit the lady with the spectacles inside the room filled with toys and colorful balls, and why my sister Syanaz had to wear a specially – ordered shoes, but my dad said because she had difficulties in walking. Syanaz has always been the slower one, when Syafinaz, the youngest, was able to walk, she was still crawling.
I never understood why my sisters had speech difficulties and sometimes their pronunciation was different than other people, such as toilet was pronounced as toyet. And I never could grasp the reality that my sisters were slow learners until when I realized that they still had difficulties in reading at the age 12. I have to admit that all these while I was so embarrassed with my sisters’ condition that I never really cared what they had to go through, bullied by the kids from the neighborhood, never had the opportunity to go out and play with the other kids, because they didn’t want to play with them, and not being able to have a spoiled and wonderful childhood like I had, because of many other reasons. I was a cold – hearted and ignorant bitch.
Despite me being a horrible sister, it was them who were eager to talk to me on the phone when my dad called, just to ask if I had eaten. It was them who were eager to accompany my parents to send me off to college every time I came back. And it was them who were worried for me when I cried during one of my horrible break – ups. Although I had wished that God would reward them with a normal life one fine day, which I have to admit, one of the stupidest wish I have ever made, I have finally accepted my sister as they are. And I thank God for bringing them into my life. Imagine what would be like if I was the only child, I don’t think life would be as blissful as now.
Although they might not have the childhood like I had, but I know that they will be okay being surrounded by people who love them, and I think that is enough and as long as they have each other. My dearest sisters, although I know I don’t show it, and I have not always been the greatest sister, but I promise you with my life that I will always be there, taking care and loving you always.
a job
20th April 2007
I just got my first job today. After a series of rejection at the oh-so-‘cool’ Alamanda shopping mall, an unexpected turn to the bulatan perdana landed me on my first job, a part – time crew at the Dairy King ice cream parlor. Yah yah yah yah!!! Take that alamanda!!
Berikut merupakan deskripsi pekerjaan baru saya:
I’ll be working from 8.30 a.m until 3 p.m., so to all of you who wish to contact me, please do so after 3.
I’ll be working for 6.5 hours.
The wage is not much, though it is kept as a secret for fear of possible extortion by any anonymous blog reader (not that anyone reads my bog..haha)
My first pay will be spent on getting my fixed mp4 yang dah berbulan terceruk at the kedai.
I couldn’t help but grin throughout the entire journey back home. After a week of job hunting, finally someone wants me! Aww….at first I thought that i don’t think I can ever show my face at alamanda again. Ill bet the whole community of alamanda can recognize my face as the girl who couldn’t get a job. But now, who gives a shit coz I got a FRIGGIN’ JOB!!!
21st April
First day at work
Arrived at 8.10 a.m. and realized the front door is not open yet. Wandered around aimlessly at the playground in the front and wondered how the pak guards and makcik cleaners managed to get themselves in. then saw two kids who I think are also part – timers and they were snickering when they saw me with my futile efforts to get in, when the glass door won’t open, not because the sensor was rosak, but the damn sensor wasn’t switched on yet. 15 minutes later asked a pakcik how to get in, and followed him to the back door. Realized that now I can’t use the front door if I want to get my butt on time, but have to settle for the back door, where the others used.
Kak fauziah arrived 15 minutes late. But she taught me almost everything I need to know to handle the whole booth. She’s a good teacher, a patient and very soft – spoken person, and lets just say I am a fast learner..hahaha. and by 10, ive got the gist on how to manage the booth.
At 11, another girl, Siti, came, who was a year younger and a part timer also. She’s been working there for 4 months now, just finished her STPM. A soft – spoken kelantanese and a very nice person. And I noticed that she is very cekap with scooping ice cream, even with two scoops at a time. Scooping ice cream is one of my major kelemahan, kak fauziah told me to practice scooping ice cream at home.
Ive managed to learn how to operate the cash register, whip up a milkshake, make almost all the different toppings they have, and how to fold a packet of napkins in a short time. Hordes of Chinese tourists who didn’t understand a single word of English is a pain in the ass and it adds salt to the wound when they kept on asking if they can use their currency. What are we, an ice cream booth cum money changer?
The staffs could stop complaining about how hot it is, because the air cond is not really working, on us, but the area okay je. It made matters worse when the food court management took away our fan with a promise of a cooler temperature in a while, but takde rase ape2 pun.
By the end of my shift, I realized my legs have nearly come off and my body has never felt so much pain before. I thought my whole body would patah2 and id just die. The fact that I was crammed in the car due to the stupid congestion in damansara on the way to send wanie off is not helping me ease my agonies.
2nd day
22nd April
Arrived early, took the back door and realized Kak Zarina, the other kakak, is not there yet. Kak zarina, or what the others called mukna, is not the warmest person on earth. Don’t know why, and don’t want to know. I’ve decided to just stick doing my job when I realized she hasn’t spoken a word to me, aside from telling me what I should do. And realized she might not like me that much when I asked if I should change the banana strawberry tub because it was too soft and it was difficult to scoop it, and she said nonchalantly, “saya buat boleh”, and I just nodded red – faced.
An hour later, realized that maybe she is not too bad, she taught me a lot of things, including how to scoop a soft ice cream, and maybe she is just slow in the warming up process. When siti came, kak zarina instantly lights up and suddenly she was very talkative, to siti lah. Aiya, nevermind lah, malas mau amik peduli, I just do my work and get my pay, ok dah.
By the end of the day, managed to scoop two ice creams at a time, and learned how to do the slushee mix. And my hands hurt like hell due to ice berg – like ice creams.
And they were still complaining about the panas temperature.
23rd April
3rd day of work
Arrived on time and get on with my job, kak zarina arrived about 15 minutes later. She took no time in putting me to labour with waffle – mixing!! The agony of yesterday wasn’t really healed and now I had to whip up the stupid waffle mix.
And when it was over, she taught me how to make the waffle cones, shich I have to say, something I really hate now. a number of failed attempts to roll the damn waffle into a cone, and finally I got the rhythm. But I am still weak in putting the lump of the waffle mix on the taster because mine kept getting puffy when it was masak, instead of flat and crunchy.
By the end of the day, I realized that I can’t really hate the Chinese tourists because they are our biggest customers, even if they are rude, impatient and yells at you. They are sometimes nice, and I realized that I don’t want to work in this type of job for the rest of my life. I am very much grateful to be in university. And I hate it when ayam said “ now you know how hard it is to earn money”, because its true.
I just got my first job today. After a series of rejection at the oh-so-‘cool’ Alamanda shopping mall, an unexpected turn to the bulatan perdana landed me on my first job, a part – time crew at the Dairy King ice cream parlor. Yah yah yah yah!!! Take that alamanda!!
Berikut merupakan deskripsi pekerjaan baru saya:
I’ll be working from 8.30 a.m until 3 p.m., so to all of you who wish to contact me, please do so after 3.
I’ll be working for 6.5 hours.
The wage is not much, though it is kept as a secret for fear of possible extortion by any anonymous blog reader (not that anyone reads my bog..haha)
My first pay will be spent on getting my fixed mp4 yang dah berbulan terceruk at the kedai.
I couldn’t help but grin throughout the entire journey back home. After a week of job hunting, finally someone wants me! Aww….at first I thought that i don’t think I can ever show my face at alamanda again. Ill bet the whole community of alamanda can recognize my face as the girl who couldn’t get a job. But now, who gives a shit coz I got a FRIGGIN’ JOB!!!
21st April
First day at work
Arrived at 8.10 a.m. and realized the front door is not open yet. Wandered around aimlessly at the playground in the front and wondered how the pak guards and makcik cleaners managed to get themselves in. then saw two kids who I think are also part – timers and they were snickering when they saw me with my futile efforts to get in, when the glass door won’t open, not because the sensor was rosak, but the damn sensor wasn’t switched on yet. 15 minutes later asked a pakcik how to get in, and followed him to the back door. Realized that now I can’t use the front door if I want to get my butt on time, but have to settle for the back door, where the others used.
Kak fauziah arrived 15 minutes late. But she taught me almost everything I need to know to handle the whole booth. She’s a good teacher, a patient and very soft – spoken person, and lets just say I am a fast learner..hahaha. and by 10, ive got the gist on how to manage the booth.
At 11, another girl, Siti, came, who was a year younger and a part timer also. She’s been working there for 4 months now, just finished her STPM. A soft – spoken kelantanese and a very nice person. And I noticed that she is very cekap with scooping ice cream, even with two scoops at a time. Scooping ice cream is one of my major kelemahan, kak fauziah told me to practice scooping ice cream at home.
Ive managed to learn how to operate the cash register, whip up a milkshake, make almost all the different toppings they have, and how to fold a packet of napkins in a short time. Hordes of Chinese tourists who didn’t understand a single word of English is a pain in the ass and it adds salt to the wound when they kept on asking if they can use their currency. What are we, an ice cream booth cum money changer?
The staffs could stop complaining about how hot it is, because the air cond is not really working, on us, but the area okay je. It made matters worse when the food court management took away our fan with a promise of a cooler temperature in a while, but takde rase ape2 pun.
By the end of my shift, I realized my legs have nearly come off and my body has never felt so much pain before. I thought my whole body would patah2 and id just die. The fact that I was crammed in the car due to the stupid congestion in damansara on the way to send wanie off is not helping me ease my agonies.
2nd day
22nd April
Arrived early, took the back door and realized Kak Zarina, the other kakak, is not there yet. Kak zarina, or what the others called mukna, is not the warmest person on earth. Don’t know why, and don’t want to know. I’ve decided to just stick doing my job when I realized she hasn’t spoken a word to me, aside from telling me what I should do. And realized she might not like me that much when I asked if I should change the banana strawberry tub because it was too soft and it was difficult to scoop it, and she said nonchalantly, “saya buat boleh”, and I just nodded red – faced.
An hour later, realized that maybe she is not too bad, she taught me a lot of things, including how to scoop a soft ice cream, and maybe she is just slow in the warming up process. When siti came, kak zarina instantly lights up and suddenly she was very talkative, to siti lah. Aiya, nevermind lah, malas mau amik peduli, I just do my work and get my pay, ok dah.
By the end of the day, managed to scoop two ice creams at a time, and learned how to do the slushee mix. And my hands hurt like hell due to ice berg – like ice creams.
And they were still complaining about the panas temperature.
23rd April
3rd day of work
Arrived on time and get on with my job, kak zarina arrived about 15 minutes later. She took no time in putting me to labour with waffle – mixing!! The agony of yesterday wasn’t really healed and now I had to whip up the stupid waffle mix.
And when it was over, she taught me how to make the waffle cones, shich I have to say, something I really hate now. a number of failed attempts to roll the damn waffle into a cone, and finally I got the rhythm. But I am still weak in putting the lump of the waffle mix on the taster because mine kept getting puffy when it was masak, instead of flat and crunchy.
By the end of the day, I realized that I can’t really hate the Chinese tourists because they are our biggest customers, even if they are rude, impatient and yells at you. They are sometimes nice, and I realized that I don’t want to work in this type of job for the rest of my life. I am very much grateful to be in university. And I hate it when ayam said “ now you know how hard it is to earn money”, because its true.
amidst the faces
Amidst the faces
Amidst the many beautiful faces, you saw me.
Amidst the many beautiful people surrounding you, you saw me.
Amidst the many demure and soft personalities that are the favorites of many, you chose my robustness.
Amidst the many normal choices you could’ve made, you made a different one.
Amidst the many faces racing past my head, I saw you too.
Amidst the blurry thoughts spoken about you, I saw right through you.
Amidst the many obstacles faced, I stayed with you.
Amidst the many new faces approaching, I loved you.
And I still do, and growing more each day.
Amidst the many beautiful faces, you saw me.
Amidst the many beautiful people surrounding you, you saw me.
Amidst the many demure and soft personalities that are the favorites of many, you chose my robustness.
Amidst the many normal choices you could’ve made, you made a different one.
Amidst the many faces racing past my head, I saw you too.
Amidst the blurry thoughts spoken about you, I saw right through you.
Amidst the many obstacles faced, I stayed with you.
Amidst the many new faces approaching, I loved you.
And I still do, and growing more each day.
to naim
The other I found my old diary in which I wrote my heart out when I have just finished spm. I discovered a lot of things related to my life which was new, forgotten and very foreign. One of the significant entries was of my relationship with naim before it turned sour.
Though I told a lot of people we broke up because of his refusal to understand my newfound way of life when I took up built environment, it was actually becase I wasn’t really putting my head into the relationship, but he was the opposite.
The diary entries rattled on about how great he was, and actually, it was true. I can’t believe it took me 4 years to finally find out about it. I blame my ignorant self and my difficulties in deciphering the intentions and feelings of other people around me, and not to forget my never ending daydreaming.
He was actually the best I had before ayam came. He showed his loyalty to me despite me being in gombak, and him in bangi. He was patiently waiting for me to come home, which was quite rare because of my irregular period at that moment. (I was in gombak to khatam quran). And he made sure we see each other everyday whenever I came back, meaning he would drive illegally to take me out for breakfast, and made the plans to go out (which is the complete opposite in my current, and other relationships, where I have to make the plans).
He’d call every night from the public phone not far from his house when I’m in gombak, and he even woke up at 3 am to catch me before I push off to penang with my aunt and her family. He even came to mid valley just to meet me for 2 hours because my aunt had to run a few errands there. How he swat off the snide remarks and stories of my past relationship with izat with pride. He even missed his grandfather’s tahlil to meet up with me before I leave for matrix uia. He never made any moves to get physical and made sure that I knew that he didn’t care about my past.
Despite the shitty ending, especially when he was being an ass when he mintak balik the stuff he gave me, I guess I deserved it. If I’m not mistaken, it started when I chose to go to subang instead of hanging out with him during our anniversary. And I think that did it. I persuaded khairun to drive all the way to his college so I could meet him (but I didn’t in the end because his rumah sewa was actually in bdr. Tasik selatan, I didn’t know because I didn’t care enough to ask, I guess) it was actually pointless because the moment I drove him to edge where he finally saw that it wasn’t worth to stay in the relationship, he had finally closed the book of trying to make it work in the one man show relationship.
I never knew I could be so heartless to a guy who gave it all to me. Though I was heartbroken for a few days, and the first time I cried when I broke up, I recovered quickly and moved on like there was no yesterday. My theory was, i thought I loved him, but it was only just an infatuation. Now, after four years, finally I know how it was. I wished I knew back then. Naim, I hope you’ll forgive me.
Though I told a lot of people we broke up because of his refusal to understand my newfound way of life when I took up built environment, it was actually becase I wasn’t really putting my head into the relationship, but he was the opposite.
The diary entries rattled on about how great he was, and actually, it was true. I can’t believe it took me 4 years to finally find out about it. I blame my ignorant self and my difficulties in deciphering the intentions and feelings of other people around me, and not to forget my never ending daydreaming.
He was actually the best I had before ayam came. He showed his loyalty to me despite me being in gombak, and him in bangi. He was patiently waiting for me to come home, which was quite rare because of my irregular period at that moment. (I was in gombak to khatam quran). And he made sure we see each other everyday whenever I came back, meaning he would drive illegally to take me out for breakfast, and made the plans to go out (which is the complete opposite in my current, and other relationships, where I have to make the plans).
He’d call every night from the public phone not far from his house when I’m in gombak, and he even woke up at 3 am to catch me before I push off to penang with my aunt and her family. He even came to mid valley just to meet me for 2 hours because my aunt had to run a few errands there. How he swat off the snide remarks and stories of my past relationship with izat with pride. He even missed his grandfather’s tahlil to meet up with me before I leave for matrix uia. He never made any moves to get physical and made sure that I knew that he didn’t care about my past.
Despite the shitty ending, especially when he was being an ass when he mintak balik the stuff he gave me, I guess I deserved it. If I’m not mistaken, it started when I chose to go to subang instead of hanging out with him during our anniversary. And I think that did it. I persuaded khairun to drive all the way to his college so I could meet him (but I didn’t in the end because his rumah sewa was actually in bdr. Tasik selatan, I didn’t know because I didn’t care enough to ask, I guess) it was actually pointless because the moment I drove him to edge where he finally saw that it wasn’t worth to stay in the relationship, he had finally closed the book of trying to make it work in the one man show relationship.
I never knew I could be so heartless to a guy who gave it all to me. Though I was heartbroken for a few days, and the first time I cried when I broke up, I recovered quickly and moved on like there was no yesterday. My theory was, i thought I loved him, but it was only just an infatuation. Now, after four years, finally I know how it was. I wished I knew back then. Naim, I hope you’ll forgive me.
top5
top 5 wierdest request ever recieved:
1. banana split without the banana
2.banana without the split..or ice cream...or whatever u call it
3.ais kacang a.k.a abc
4.cornetto
5.100 plus yang kakak fauziah(a fulltimer) drank
1. banana split without the banana
2.banana without the split..or ice cream...or whatever u call it
3.ais kacang a.k.a abc
4.cornetto
5.100 plus yang kakak fauziah(a fulltimer) drank
Life of a Dairy King Ice Cream Parlor Worker:
1.proudest skill acquired: able to scoop two ice creams at once
2.weirdest order received : Banana Split without the banana
3.the reason why working at an ice cream parlor sux: u start having dreams of taking ice cream orders
4.most favored flavour to be scooped : mint chips because its just nice
5.most hated flavour to be scooped : the new chocolate flavored from berkley’s farm, because its as sticky as a starch and as hard as an ice, which results to hands becoming sore, and persistent sweating even if you are surrounded by freezers.
6.current favourite color : pink, because that’s the color of the uniform
7.current hated color: pink, because that’s the color of the uniform
8.most hated moment during working : the time when a group of senior aged Chinese tourist who do not understand a single word of English, and wanted to buy ice creams, but they were short of a few bux, but they claimed they gave 10 bux earlier, it lead to a war of words by using two different languages and the ladies speaking with an unusually high-pitched voices, and lasted for about 15 minutes, it drove away most of the other customers, and ended with me paying for one of the ice cream just to get rid of the ladies.
9.current favourite past time : folding napkins into two, with an average of two packets a day
10.future goal in life after quitting: if anyone ever asked me to scoop ice creams during any family functions I swear I’ll throw the scoop at that person’s face.
1.proudest skill acquired: able to scoop two ice creams at once
2.weirdest order received : Banana Split without the banana
3.the reason why working at an ice cream parlor sux: u start having dreams of taking ice cream orders
4.most favored flavour to be scooped : mint chips because its just nice
5.most hated flavour to be scooped : the new chocolate flavored from berkley’s farm, because its as sticky as a starch and as hard as an ice, which results to hands becoming sore, and persistent sweating even if you are surrounded by freezers.
6.current favourite color : pink, because that’s the color of the uniform
7.current hated color: pink, because that’s the color of the uniform
8.most hated moment during working : the time when a group of senior aged Chinese tourist who do not understand a single word of English, and wanted to buy ice creams, but they were short of a few bux, but they claimed they gave 10 bux earlier, it lead to a war of words by using two different languages and the ladies speaking with an unusually high-pitched voices, and lasted for about 15 minutes, it drove away most of the other customers, and ended with me paying for one of the ice cream just to get rid of the ladies.
9.current favourite past time : folding napkins into two, with an average of two packets a day
10.future goal in life after quitting: if anyone ever asked me to scoop ice creams during any family functions I swear I’ll throw the scoop at that person’s face.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
kuantan and many other things
kuantan and many other things....
kuantan,as we all know is our site during the second semester of 2nd year(ill be in 3rd year soon :O) going back there to sue's house brings back memories of me walking alone at the town center,ticking the number of public facilities found(which is a LOT), and surpressing myself not to show the 'jari' whenever a motorist passed by with 'hey awak',or 'but ape sorang2', or 'boleh berkenalan'.
sue's place is very very very nice,sue, can i call impiana so that they can feature your house in their mag?me like 100%
and we had TREMENDOUS fun there,just like a perfect holiday get away, only cozier.thanks sue for being the perfect hostess :)
promosi pakej percutian, rumah banglo di tepi pantai,disertakan dengan pelbagai aktiviti-aktiviti menarik untuk mengisi masa lapang, seperti menunggang kuda, bermain ps,menonton movie lotr, berenang di kolam renang, dan melepak di berjaya megamall.menu harian juga amat menarik.nasi,ayam goreng dan sambal belacan! :)
and i noticed one thing, my two friends are very much in love, and after reading their blogs,it is proven true,haha.and i am happy for them. :)
as for me?i am very much in love with the same person who made me turn into a walking zombie for a month.and though it is not perfect, but i am very much contented with the fact that i found someone who loves me.finally.and i am not hesitant to love him wholeheartedly.which is a blessing because i know it wont go to waste.this might sound corny, but it is a fact.before this i didnt see what he's done for me.now i do.and boy,am i glad i found him :)
kuantan,as we all know is our site during the second semester of 2nd year(ill be in 3rd year soon :O) going back there to sue's house brings back memories of me walking alone at the town center,ticking the number of public facilities found(which is a LOT), and surpressing myself not to show the 'jari' whenever a motorist passed by with 'hey awak',or 'but ape sorang2', or 'boleh berkenalan'.
sue's place is very very very nice,sue, can i call impiana so that they can feature your house in their mag?me like 100%
and we had TREMENDOUS fun there,just like a perfect holiday get away, only cozier.thanks sue for being the perfect hostess :)
promosi pakej percutian, rumah banglo di tepi pantai,disertakan dengan pelbagai aktiviti-aktiviti menarik untuk mengisi masa lapang, seperti menunggang kuda, bermain ps,menonton movie lotr, berenang di kolam renang, dan melepak di berjaya megamall.menu harian juga amat menarik.nasi,ayam goreng dan sambal belacan! :)
and i noticed one thing, my two friends are very much in love, and after reading their blogs,it is proven true,haha.and i am happy for them. :)
as for me?i am very much in love with the same person who made me turn into a walking zombie for a month.and though it is not perfect, but i am very much contented with the fact that i found someone who loves me.finally.and i am not hesitant to love him wholeheartedly.which is a blessing because i know it wont go to waste.this might sound corny, but it is a fact.before this i didnt see what he's done for me.now i do.and boy,am i glad i found him :)
myself
sometimes i dont even know i i have problems in venting out my frustration and anger.sometimes when i wnated to, rationality takes place and it actually works.but most of the times it clogged up my head until i start having dreams and it starts affecting the way i act towards people
it frustrates me even more knowing i didnt give the rightful treatment they deserve, but it makes me realize how lucky i am to have them by my side.
so,being friends with well-to-do people does have it drawbacks sometimes.for someone like me.material possesions are not everything, that's what people kept on telling me.sometimes its nice to have a comforting statement such as that.but most of the time it clouds my head so much that i hate myself for having such a weak control on my life.
i am capable of many great things, and yet i am moping on the unfairness of reality.my family is not well-of as many presumed,but we managed.i dont have many things that my friends do,sometimes i am so ashamed by that fact that i wish i can just dissapear. but having thoughts like that is insulting to myself,and i know it would hurt my family if they knew about this. my dad,amidst the condition that we are in now,is surprisingly a hopeless optimist.soemtimes it angers me that he doesnt wake up to the reality that we are facing now and deal with this logically.but this only makes me uglier for i am such a pessimist that someone ought to kill me straight away.
our trip to kuantan makes me wish that one day ill have a life like sue.coming back home, i wished i was back in subang, when everything was alright.and i didnt have to feel to embarassed with myself.such cowardly words should not be uttered by anyone, but i did.all the time.ayam kept one telling me this is the phase where god is testing me, to see if im strong and capable of going through this.but it has been 5 years.how much longer do i have to wait?he said one day everyhting will be okay.funny,that was what my dad said.
i dont think half of my friends know that this is who i am.i am so shallow that i think they'd refuse to be friends with me if they find out.but i find solace in talking things through with my boyfriend, but most of the time i feel like a faker for not coming clean with this.
i am sorry if you feel like you've been lied to. i didnt mean it.i am trying very hard to avert my thoughts from complaining about my unluckiness when i know there are many who are far worse than i am.soemtimes this is hard when you have friends with bux and cars,not that i hate them for being lucky in life.i like them for their personalities.not for their ipods and branded clothing.im sorry if you feel that i am friends with you just because of that.that wasnt what i intended at all.i love my five girlfriends.theyve been with me through thick and thin,and i'd like to think they're friends with me because of me.ive never had many chances to buy them lunch,because most of the time i couldn't afford to.but i wished someday i could.sue paid for me at pizza hut when i lost my wallet and i had no money.countless of times i borrowed sarah's money, and nina always pays for me.kuhaz,ida, theyve never asked for the mobney i borrowed,till i paid them back slowly.as for ayam, he was always there when i had no money left.i couldnt gather the courage to call my dad because i know he doesnt have enough back at home either.money is important.but so is friendship.i am not ashamed of my life anymore.i may be poor,but i know i am still okay.i have what i need here.and that is enough for now.
guys.thanks.im forever indebted to you.
it frustrates me even more knowing i didnt give the rightful treatment they deserve, but it makes me realize how lucky i am to have them by my side.
so,being friends with well-to-do people does have it drawbacks sometimes.for someone like me.material possesions are not everything, that's what people kept on telling me.sometimes its nice to have a comforting statement such as that.but most of the time it clouds my head so much that i hate myself for having such a weak control on my life.
i am capable of many great things, and yet i am moping on the unfairness of reality.my family is not well-of as many presumed,but we managed.i dont have many things that my friends do,sometimes i am so ashamed by that fact that i wish i can just dissapear. but having thoughts like that is insulting to myself,and i know it would hurt my family if they knew about this. my dad,amidst the condition that we are in now,is surprisingly a hopeless optimist.soemtimes it angers me that he doesnt wake up to the reality that we are facing now and deal with this logically.but this only makes me uglier for i am such a pessimist that someone ought to kill me straight away.
our trip to kuantan makes me wish that one day ill have a life like sue.coming back home, i wished i was back in subang, when everything was alright.and i didnt have to feel to embarassed with myself.such cowardly words should not be uttered by anyone, but i did.all the time.ayam kept one telling me this is the phase where god is testing me, to see if im strong and capable of going through this.but it has been 5 years.how much longer do i have to wait?he said one day everyhting will be okay.funny,that was what my dad said.
i dont think half of my friends know that this is who i am.i am so shallow that i think they'd refuse to be friends with me if they find out.but i find solace in talking things through with my boyfriend, but most of the time i feel like a faker for not coming clean with this.
i am sorry if you feel like you've been lied to. i didnt mean it.i am trying very hard to avert my thoughts from complaining about my unluckiness when i know there are many who are far worse than i am.soemtimes this is hard when you have friends with bux and cars,not that i hate them for being lucky in life.i like them for their personalities.not for their ipods and branded clothing.im sorry if you feel that i am friends with you just because of that.that wasnt what i intended at all.i love my five girlfriends.theyve been with me through thick and thin,and i'd like to think they're friends with me because of me.ive never had many chances to buy them lunch,because most of the time i couldn't afford to.but i wished someday i could.sue paid for me at pizza hut when i lost my wallet and i had no money.countless of times i borrowed sarah's money, and nina always pays for me.kuhaz,ida, theyve never asked for the mobney i borrowed,till i paid them back slowly.as for ayam, he was always there when i had no money left.i couldnt gather the courage to call my dad because i know he doesnt have enough back at home either.money is important.but so is friendship.i am not ashamed of my life anymore.i may be poor,but i know i am still okay.i have what i need here.and that is enough for now.
guys.thanks.im forever indebted to you.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
gratitude seabad lalu
ive had gone through a LOT of shitHOLES this sem.but this is the turning point in life where you will eventually know who to trust.and who you can call as friends.heidi.i really hope one day you akan sedar.and to my studiomates.thanx guys.for backing us up.
my studio stuf is slowing down..maybe due to the excessive drama ongoing. but i hope my grades are still okay.why did i even take up URP?god knows.
me and ayam are officially a year lebih now :) and i hope nobody gets any twisted relationship like i am now. :)
there are so many things id like to jot down but i cant.so..ill see you guys later yah.
my studio stuf is slowing down..maybe due to the excessive drama ongoing. but i hope my grades are still okay.why did i even take up URP?god knows.
me and ayam are officially a year lebih now :) and i hope nobody gets any twisted relationship like i am now. :)
there are so many things id like to jot down but i cant.so..ill see you guys later yah.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
the agd
this saturday will be the agd for planning students, with the theme, and must i say it is the most creative and coolest theme ever!, "IM FABULOUS".Oh wow..why didnt i think of that when i was organizing last year's dinner?!
the colour? black, blue and gold.im going in pink.fuck it.
the colour? black, blue and gold.im going in pink.fuck it.
after the futsal, ayam brought me to this tempat jual ikan, where there is this big, no, HUGE! kolam ikan with arapaima fishes. and the ikan..man..i tell you..bloody big man!
i wonder what happens to the fish, whom, according to ayam is as big as me, but (personally, i thought size is only as big as my legs, considering how fat my legs are)
is the owner going to eat them up, or does he have to provide the mega big fishes with the same large pool that the person-who-sells-those-fishes has, or would he eat the fish?beli besar2 pun buat ape..nak bagi makan dah susah..baik makan terus.but then ade ke lauk arapaima masak lemak and shit?
i wonder what happens to the fish, whom, according to ayam is as big as me, but (personally, i thought size is only as big as my legs, considering how fat my legs are)
is the owner going to eat them up, or does he have to provide the mega big fishes with the same large pool that the person-who-sells-those-fishes has, or would he eat the fish?beli besar2 pun buat ape..nak bagi makan dah susah..baik makan terus.but then ade ke lauk arapaima masak lemak and shit?
Thursday, January 25, 2007
thank you
another person's father died..and he is my classmate.i remembered how he used to smile everytime i greeted him with a nick i specially made for him.but after his dad passed away, i didnt see him for a week.i missed his quiet smile.i heard how much he was close to his dad.and i wanted to cry.i saw him at the studio last week.he is still himself.he still greets me with his quiet,lopsided smile.and i was proud of him.proud of how strong he is.
and i look at myself.and i remembered how fragile i am.how softhearted i actually am.how i crumbled each day.and how i felt empty.just because of one small loss.
ive forgotten how many times ive cried and fall to pieces each night.how many times sarah mumbled in frustration about how she hates the effect he has on me.how mizi often sits at the staircase listening to my cries and mumbles.how nina,sue,kuhaz,ida listens to me patiently about me wanting to move on but never did.how kuhaz gave me a nice big hug when i was scared of crying alone.
im sorry to my family for putting up with my silent withdrawal.how my mother get worked up about me having an eating disorder (which i dont think i have).how my dad always call to ask me when i'll be home.
and finally how he always affects me.but he never fails to show how much he cares.
im lucky to be surrounded by such woderful people.thank you for being there always.
and i look at myself.and i remembered how fragile i am.how softhearted i actually am.how i crumbled each day.and how i felt empty.just because of one small loss.
ive forgotten how many times ive cried and fall to pieces each night.how many times sarah mumbled in frustration about how she hates the effect he has on me.how mizi often sits at the staircase listening to my cries and mumbles.how nina,sue,kuhaz,ida listens to me patiently about me wanting to move on but never did.how kuhaz gave me a nice big hug when i was scared of crying alone.
im sorry to my family for putting up with my silent withdrawal.how my mother get worked up about me having an eating disorder (which i dont think i have).how my dad always call to ask me when i'll be home.
and finally how he always affects me.but he never fails to show how much he cares.
im lucky to be surrounded by such woderful people.thank you for being there always.
thank you
another person's father died..and he is my classmate.i remembered how he used to smile everytime i greeted him with a nick i specially made for him.but after his dad passed away, i didnt see him for a week.i missed his quiet smile.i heard how much he was close to his dad.and i wanted to cry.i saw him at the studio last week.he is still himself.he still greets me with his quiet,lopsided smile.and i was proud of him.proud of how strong he is.
and i look at myself.and i remembered how fragile i am.how softhearted i actually am.how i crumbled each day.and how i felt empty.just because of one small loss.
ive forgotten how many times ive cried and fall to pieces each night.how many times sarah mumbled in frustration about how she hates the effect he has on me.how mizi often sits at the staircase listening to my cries and mumbles.how nina,sue,kuhaz,ida listens to me patiently about me wanting to move on but never did.how kuhaz gave me a nice big hug when i was scared of crying alone.
im sorry to my family for putting up with my silent withdrawal.how my mother get worked up about me having an eating disorder (which i dont think i have).how my dad always call to ask me when i'll be home.
and finally how he always affects me.but he never fails to show how much he cares.
im lucky to be surrounded by such woderful people.thank you for being there always.
and i look at myself.and i remembered how fragile i am.how softhearted i actually am.how i crumbled each day.and how i felt empty.just because of one small loss.
ive forgotten how many times ive cried and fall to pieces each night.how many times sarah mumbled in frustration about how she hates the effect he has on me.how mizi often sits at the staircase listening to my cries and mumbles.how nina,sue,kuhaz,ida listens to me patiently about me wanting to move on but never did.how kuhaz gave me a nice big hug when i was scared of crying alone.
im sorry to my family for putting up with my silent withdrawal.how my mother get worked up about me having an eating disorder (which i dont think i have).how my dad always call to ask me when i'll be home.
and finally how he always affects me.but he never fails to show how much he cares.
im lucky to be surrounded by such woderful people.thank you for being there always.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
the pathetic period
this morning i woke up with swollen eyes.i thought i was bitten by a bug, but actually it was because i was crying over you.i put on my clothes to prepare for class, hoping today you'd call.i hate the fact that im weak when it comes to you, and i kept checking my phone, cursing myself at the same time because i realized im falling to pieces. all because of you.
i am hating you and im hating myself for this. i dont want you. but i crumble without you. i hate you.but i love you.fuck.
i am hating you and im hating myself for this. i dont want you. but i crumble without you. i hate you.but i love you.fuck.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
tribute to hot guys
a tribute to hot guys that have made us all females swoon and heaved for fresh air....
this is a post dedicated to sebastian parada
days ive watched you from afar, scared to make my move.i could only manage a smile eveytime you walk pass by.you only said hello and gave me your gorgeous smile that made your cheek dimpled.
the night you performed, i was brimmed with excitement. you looked nonchalant with your traditional costume, nobody had ever looked so sexy.i was preatically swooning when you gestured to me to take your picture while you performed.i held your camera with pride as i snaped perfect images of you
as we danced i remembered ur scent so vividly that i jerked everytime i came across it now. i remembered being the happiest girl alive when you hold me close as we pumped through the music..your face red with enthusiasm and energy..mine?(well,i'll need a mirror for that)
the last day before we went our seperate ways, i managed to fulfill my dare, i mumbled "i think you're hot". you looked at me with pure confusion..and suddenly grabbed balen, one of your girlfriends over to us. ialmost choked to death because obviously she was YOUR GF!then suddenly balen said "what did you say to him?he cant understand english". shit..WHAT???
"i said i think he's hot"..i repeated as my face heatened.she translated breezely and i watched as your expression changed..you blushed furiously and clamped your face with both hands.you said something to balen, i wish to god you werent saying that im a pathetic idiot..suddenly balen said"he said he's feeling really shy because no one has called him cute before".
you said gracias almost a dozen times.you took pix with me and hugged me before we parted.i will hold dearly to the memory of when the cutest guy came up and danced with me.for 5 TIMES GIRLFRIENDS!!BEAT THAT!HAHA! btw..his birthday is the same as mine..GOD!haha
days in india
im writing a LOOOOONNNG entry about india..i think i'll release it *cewah..macam book launching plak* on the 2nd of november...haha..
biasela..budak jakun yang baru pertama kali ke luar negara..i was overly eager to see foreign scenes..and experience the atmosphere in a diffrent plae, for the first time, i missed home so badly that i wanted to cry if a car happens to knock me dead.i want to die in malaysia.i have finally decided.*cewah, macam boleh pilih je mane nak mati*
i missed ayah, ibu, adik. my friends.my boyfriend.i missed everything about malaysia.i was at uncle lim's with keron, nad and baz, and i ordered a nasi lemak with daging.that was the first time i was completely salivating over a nasi lemak.i swear i will never toss out my local dish.EVER.
india taught me one thing dorothy taught all of us before this, there is no place like home.*i clicked my heels thrice in delhi, it didnt work,wizard of oz lied*
biasela..budak jakun yang baru pertama kali ke luar negara..i was overly eager to see foreign scenes..and experience the atmosphere in a diffrent plae, for the first time, i missed home so badly that i wanted to cry if a car happens to knock me dead.i want to die in malaysia.i have finally decided.*cewah, macam boleh pilih je mane nak mati*
i missed ayah, ibu, adik. my friends.my boyfriend.i missed everything about malaysia.i was at uncle lim's with keron, nad and baz, and i ordered a nasi lemak with daging.that was the first time i was completely salivating over a nasi lemak.i swear i will never toss out my local dish.EVER.
india taught me one thing dorothy taught all of us before this, there is no place like home.*i clicked my heels thrice in delhi, it didnt work,wizard of oz lied*
Sunday, November 26, 2006
airport klia
wah wah...
klia banyak menerima pelajar2 dari uia sejak kebelakangan ini...syaza yang ke india, kuhaz yang baru ke beijing, dan baru-baru ini, radhio yang akan ke kuching.naik business class pula tuh!!wow!semoga berpanjangan lah umur klia yang tersergam indah dan sangat lawa itu!
lebih lawa dari airport india..hehehe
klia banyak menerima pelajar2 dari uia sejak kebelakangan ini...syaza yang ke india, kuhaz yang baru ke beijing, dan baru-baru ini, radhio yang akan ke kuching.naik business class pula tuh!!wow!semoga berpanjangan lah umur klia yang tersergam indah dan sangat lawa itu!
lebih lawa dari airport india..hehehe
Thursday, November 09, 2006
anti tobacco is good
do you know that smoking can cause halithos?which is persistent badb breath?i didntk know that that condition was called halithos.it sounds so cool..
me being in an anti-tobacco organization might cause insurgency in my studio where 90% of the male population are active smokers.haha..
i may not be passionate about anti-smoking yet..but i know what its doing to the generation.maybe we'll ooze this atmosphere of coolness while smoking..how do you explain the yellowing teeth and bad skin?owh and you can get a really bad skin rash called psoriasis.
i sound like a kid that have just finished memorizing the amazing health encyclopedia or something..haha..but maybe i`ll sound better later. when i get more infos on smoking *oh no!syaza will flood her blog with anti-smoking entries and in 10 years time people will start to print my blog as a health reference for anti-tobacoo*
ayam kept on badgering me why i forbid him to smoke.i guess he felt missed out on something.first,he'll have that halithos thingy..second,yellow teeth and bad smell*major turn off!* and most importantly..its not good for my image as an anti-tobacco activist(well..beginner punye level lah)
well..im off now..i have much research on tobaccos that i have to do..im going to INDIA in 3 days time!yahoo!
me being in an anti-tobacco organization might cause insurgency in my studio where 90% of the male population are active smokers.haha..
i may not be passionate about anti-smoking yet..but i know what its doing to the generation.maybe we'll ooze this atmosphere of coolness while smoking..how do you explain the yellowing teeth and bad skin?owh and you can get a really bad skin rash called psoriasis.
i sound like a kid that have just finished memorizing the amazing health encyclopedia or something..haha..but maybe i`ll sound better later. when i get more infos on smoking *oh no!syaza will flood her blog with anti-smoking entries and in 10 years time people will start to print my blog as a health reference for anti-tobacoo*
ayam kept on badgering me why i forbid him to smoke.i guess he felt missed out on something.first,he'll have that halithos thingy..second,yellow teeth and bad smell*major turn off!* and most importantly..its not good for my image as an anti-tobacco activist(well..beginner punye level lah)
well..im off now..i have much research on tobaccos that i have to do..im going to INDIA in 3 days time!yahoo!
im hating the pc rite now because i cant download the itinerary for the gym thingy.
i hate i hate i hate this pc
i hate i hate i hate this pc
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
thinking with a clear mind,thats what they always say.im starting to doubt the root of this utmost philiosophy that everyone holds so dear.it is pretty obvious we're living in the age of irrationality and full of outrage emotions.
as i slammed the door i concocted a plan to get out of the house and live a life that 'everyone' seems to worship, which is life of total freedom and no barriers.what do i have to lose?i can be a totally independent person as i am already 20 years of age.
maybe ill get to see the hurt on my mother's face, knowing i couldnt stand living under the same roof as she is.maybe ill get their phone calls once a week to check if my life is okay, and wether i want to come home.maybe ill miss my sisters life, their bowling trips and their swimming classes.
old photos of me when i was i year old doesnt do me any justice.things are not so easy now, and situations in life is not sugar and spice, and everything nice.that picture is a TOTAL LIE.i am not a smiling,cute baby that has just learned to walk!i am a full grown up person that has the ability to hurt your feelings with me scathing remarks and i can walk out of your lives!
haha..behold the person that we all know as teenagers or, more importantly, the new me.
but somehow,after a night of tears and screams, i came to the realization that i can never do that to my parents.i dont want to see how much ive hurt them.i dont want them to know how much i hate them at times.my mother lookd so happy in 1987, my father was all smiles when he took me to the beach, me,trotting next to him.my grandfather panicked when my mother gave birth to me, resulting to his continous trips to the toilet, and him not being able to visit my mother.my aunt gave me a minnie mouse doll during my one year old birthday.
i must really be the most rotten-hearted person on earth.i cant walk out, and i dont want to.even if you hurt me countless of times, i know i made you cry when i gave you a letter saying i hated you.i didnt mean to.im sorry.i know youll never read this.but i want you too.maybe later.when im ready to show it to you.thank you for bringing me into this world.i love you.
as i slammed the door i concocted a plan to get out of the house and live a life that 'everyone' seems to worship, which is life of total freedom and no barriers.what do i have to lose?i can be a totally independent person as i am already 20 years of age.
maybe ill get to see the hurt on my mother's face, knowing i couldnt stand living under the same roof as she is.maybe ill get their phone calls once a week to check if my life is okay, and wether i want to come home.maybe ill miss my sisters life, their bowling trips and their swimming classes.
old photos of me when i was i year old doesnt do me any justice.things are not so easy now, and situations in life is not sugar and spice, and everything nice.that picture is a TOTAL LIE.i am not a smiling,cute baby that has just learned to walk!i am a full grown up person that has the ability to hurt your feelings with me scathing remarks and i can walk out of your lives!
haha..behold the person that we all know as teenagers or, more importantly, the new me.
but somehow,after a night of tears and screams, i came to the realization that i can never do that to my parents.i dont want to see how much ive hurt them.i dont want them to know how much i hate them at times.my mother lookd so happy in 1987, my father was all smiles when he took me to the beach, me,trotting next to him.my grandfather panicked when my mother gave birth to me, resulting to his continous trips to the toilet, and him not being able to visit my mother.my aunt gave me a minnie mouse doll during my one year old birthday.
i must really be the most rotten-hearted person on earth.i cant walk out, and i dont want to.even if you hurt me countless of times, i know i made you cry when i gave you a letter saying i hated you.i didnt mean to.im sorry.i know youll never read this.but i want you too.maybe later.when im ready to show it to you.thank you for bringing me into this world.i love you.
my life
haha..i havent blogged for almost a month..byk giler perkara sudah terjadi and it feels like id get my fingers all cramped up if i typed each and everyone of it down.
uia?god..i wish ill never have to set my foot in the studio again.everybody is sick with everyone else.vacation is definitely the solution to this.
friends?i have to say some are good and some are not.a fallout with a friend is both painful and confusing.i guess this is what people say life has its unexpected twists and turns.meeting up with old friends are ...just the right thing you need after coming out of a bruised and battered state called university.
family?i have enough stories to produce a tv drama/soap opera. but raya was good.aby syam is getting married and my aunts are bursting with happiness to know their most eligible nephew are finally getting hitched.
relationship?ayam is great.im starting to panic if id end up with him somehow.shit~
me?im anxious as the day for me to leave for india draws near.im happy that i finally get the chance to go.gawd!taj mahal!here i come!!!!!!(me in the most obvious jakunness state ever)
so far-this is what we all call a synopsis to someone's life.i thank you all for your attention
uia?god..i wish ill never have to set my foot in the studio again.everybody is sick with everyone else.vacation is definitely the solution to this.
friends?i have to say some are good and some are not.a fallout with a friend is both painful and confusing.i guess this is what people say life has its unexpected twists and turns.meeting up with old friends are ...just the right thing you need after coming out of a bruised and battered state called university.
family?i have enough stories to produce a tv drama/soap opera. but raya was good.aby syam is getting married and my aunts are bursting with happiness to know their most eligible nephew are finally getting hitched.
relationship?ayam is great.im starting to panic if id end up with him somehow.shit~
me?im anxious as the day for me to leave for india draws near.im happy that i finally get the chance to go.gawd!taj mahal!here i come!!!!!!(me in the most obvious jakunness state ever)
so far-this is what we all call a synopsis to someone's life.i thank you all for your attention
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
my life..currently
wow..has it been a month?or two months?since the last time i blogged?giler lah..haha..ive been busy..somehow i find myself committing wholly to the one thing that actually robbed me off my social circles...KAED..
lets see...during the mid sem holidays...i went to this class trip in Penang...for an ASSIGNMENT..though penang was fabulous..but...its kinda pathetic to actually spend your hols working when you shoudve been in GSC watching the latest movie with your friends.
i havent seen the bangi people for almost two moonths..which shows that i havent been home for almost a month.i havent had the time to hang out with the subang people for..how long??and i still havent taken my licence yet...
so far..i think my life is perfect..thank you very much.
lets see...during the mid sem holidays...i went to this class trip in Penang...for an ASSIGNMENT..though penang was fabulous..but...its kinda pathetic to actually spend your hols working when you shoudve been in GSC watching the latest movie with your friends.
i havent seen the bangi people for almost two moonths..which shows that i havent been home for almost a month.i havent had the time to hang out with the subang people for..how long??and i still havent taken my licence yet...
so far..i think my life is perfect..thank you very much.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
my laptop
yesterday was our anniversary.the fourth one.and thank god this time it went well..destroying my theory about the how everytime your anny is around the corner you'll 'indulge' in a big fight that makes you wish you should've cut the anny shorter.
we had wedges and went to carrefour for grocery shopping *i didnt get to buy my panda*..before getting a call from my dad to meet at low yat in an hour time.we rushed to low yat and from the way he was driving i could tell that he was nervous to meet my dad for the second time.
what happened?my dad and ayam worked hand in hand to give me a HUGE headache during our "laptop shopping hunt".the result?me getting a gorgeous white laptop,even if its not compaq, but still...its white man...owh and the functionless media player..
we had wedges and went to carrefour for grocery shopping *i didnt get to buy my panda*..before getting a call from my dad to meet at low yat in an hour time.we rushed to low yat and from the way he was driving i could tell that he was nervous to meet my dad for the second time.
what happened?my dad and ayam worked hand in hand to give me a HUGE headache during our "laptop shopping hunt".the result?me getting a gorgeous white laptop,even if its not compaq, but still...its white man...owh and the functionless media player..
Friday, July 28, 2006
banyak bende
psa is over and im damn happy its over.theres too much bad shit in it..and i think i can have an emotional breakdown if i go through the details once again..all i can say is..now i know why i hate being involved in all this activities..because its BAD SHIT!!
im pissed...regarding psa..but other than that,im okay...im gr8 actually...just realized i have a lecturer from hell..and i cant believe that im going to segamat with her fat face sticking down my throat..i know im being a fucked up student here..but i cant stand rude people.
anyway...hmm..what else..ayam is going to cherating tomorrow :( he asked me what i want from cherqaqting..and all i can think about is hideous pareos and bikinis...so i sed tudung..but maybe ill regret it later if he happens to produce some makcik designed tudung after the trip
during leadership, we are to speak in public..(the next class) in a public speaking lesson...about what's happening in lebanon..considering that the last class i talked about howmuch i hate veggies..i think the possibility of me going far in public speaking is NIL..
anyway,i have studio tomorrow and i have yet to finish my work...so..if i am willing to be killed by that fat cow..i better take my leave now so good nite and take care people~
im pissed...regarding psa..but other than that,im okay...im gr8 actually...just realized i have a lecturer from hell..and i cant believe that im going to segamat with her fat face sticking down my throat..i know im being a fucked up student here..but i cant stand rude people.
anyway...hmm..what else..ayam is going to cherating tomorrow :( he asked me what i want from cherqaqting..and all i can think about is hideous pareos and bikinis...so i sed tudung..but maybe ill regret it later if he happens to produce some makcik designed tudung after the trip
during leadership, we are to speak in public..(the next class) in a public speaking lesson...about what's happening in lebanon..considering that the last class i talked about howmuch i hate veggies..i think the possibility of me going far in public speaking is NIL..
anyway,i have studio tomorrow and i have yet to finish my work...so..if i am willing to be killed by that fat cow..i better take my leave now so good nite and take care people~
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
the first time in my life,i was actually screaming on the phone.the first time.without me realising it, i was crying as well.i dont even know why.all i could think of was "how could you do this to me".maybe to her it was no big deal, maybe it was a norm to her.to actually do that.maybe i was just acting like a big fat baby for not being strong enuf.i dont know.all i could think about was how much i hate her and i just couldnt believe that she was in my life.all these years i was there,it just never occur to her i was important too.
home,which the definiton is a comfortable sanctuary which you yearn to reach when times like this come.i wanted to go back home.but i dont have one.i have a rented dilapitated house, but now thats my home.my family lives there, with all their might in trying to find a silver lining in a dark cloud that never seems to go away.maybe i was being cynical before.on how much i hated my present life, my present house.but now i dont hate it anymore.i dont care if my dad does not earn 6000 like he used too.i dont care if i cant be able to afford all the good things in life that my friends have.i just dont care anymore.right now the home i went to that night was the one that made me stop crying and welcomed me with all its contents.i forgot how much i missed the sound of my sisters bathing in the morning,their shouts and groans.i miss my mum with her worn shoes and her pale face.i miss my dad.
i dont care anymore.i just want to go home
home,which the definiton is a comfortable sanctuary which you yearn to reach when times like this come.i wanted to go back home.but i dont have one.i have a rented dilapitated house, but now thats my home.my family lives there, with all their might in trying to find a silver lining in a dark cloud that never seems to go away.maybe i was being cynical before.on how much i hated my present life, my present house.but now i dont hate it anymore.i dont care if my dad does not earn 6000 like he used too.i dont care if i cant be able to afford all the good things in life that my friends have.i just dont care anymore.right now the home i went to that night was the one that made me stop crying and welcomed me with all its contents.i forgot how much i missed the sound of my sisters bathing in the morning,their shouts and groans.i miss my mum with her worn shoes and her pale face.i miss my dad.
i dont care anymore.i just want to go home
Saturday, July 08, 2006
fingers are numb
finally the letters are finished..the remaining letters that need to be sent out to the planning firms are FINITO~WOOHOO!!KAK NITA YOU ROX!!*the hod's secretary
anyway..yesterday nite, radhi and i painted our nails black..and i was thinking ~man!these are soo COOL!..then got a message from ayam saying die pening thinking about the fact that my nails have transformed into black..tak rock betul la orang tue ni..*hehe*
im looking forward to this sunday, the final match of the world cup..probably going to b.b for the party...bet my bf will be wearing his france t-shirt and gushing over the wonders of zidane.hmm..i wonder if he's g...damn!syaza!stop thinking bullshit!
anyway..the juniors have just filled in the mahallah..i pun tatau how to react to this..especially since they tend to call me kak everytime they talk to me..its aggravating...really..
so..i'll be off then..blog later..fingers are numb..can..not..type..any..more..must..go..out...
anyway..yesterday nite, radhi and i painted our nails black..and i was thinking ~man!these are soo COOL!..then got a message from ayam saying die pening thinking about the fact that my nails have transformed into black..tak rock betul la orang tue ni..*hehe*
im looking forward to this sunday, the final match of the world cup..probably going to b.b for the party...bet my bf will be wearing his france t-shirt and gushing over the wonders of zidane.hmm..i wonder if he's g...damn!syaza!stop thinking bullshit!
anyway..the juniors have just filled in the mahallah..i pun tatau how to react to this..especially since they tend to call me kak everytime they talk to me..its aggravating...really..
so..i'll be off then..blog later..fingers are numb..can..not..type..any..more..must..go..out...
Thursday, July 06, 2006
life is GREAT
enjoying every minute of my life at the moment..yep..yesterday i got lost in the mighty big kuala lumpur trying to find a JALAN KAMPUNG ATTAP..and EVERYONE knows that once you miss a turning,you'll never find the damn place.pudu,brickfields..AGH!!CONGESTION!!!* i feel like singing " conjunction conjuction, where's your function"* even though it has no relation what so ever to congestion, but it sounds the same..hehe
3 hours or so,after passing by kl sentral for like the fifth time,we finally found the turning we were SUPPOSED to take, as told by the newspaper vendor at old kl station..hmph..we shout in delight as we saw the sign jln kg. attap.finally, we're here!alamat yang tertera...no.19 jalan kampung attap...apasal nampak 18 je?aiyah!!sesat again ah!!**@@%$#@#@!@~~#$#$@
btw, i lost my matric card..*%@&
p/s:pengumuman:saya sudah mengambil keputusan untuk kembali bersama ayam..our irreconcillable diffrences telah bertukar menjadi reconcillable balik..dan saya ada boxers spongebob baru..haha
3 hours or so,after passing by kl sentral for like the fifth time,we finally found the turning we were SUPPOSED to take, as told by the newspaper vendor at old kl station..hmph..we shout in delight as we saw the sign jln kg. attap.finally, we're here!alamat yang tertera...no.19 jalan kampung attap...apasal nampak 18 je?aiyah!!sesat again ah!!**@@%$#@#@!@~~#$#$@
btw, i lost my matric card..*%@&
p/s:pengumuman:saya sudah mengambil keputusan untuk kembali bersama ayam..our irreconcillable diffrences telah bertukar menjadi reconcillable balik..dan saya ada boxers spongebob baru..haha
Saturday, July 01, 2006
what is in my head
im freaking tired of finding sponsors.im tired of having to drop by the office and leave empty-handed (no letters of sponsorships completed) when ive just traveled all the way from bangi by public transportation for two damn hours just to put my butt in the kaed building.
just now i was this close to bursting out in front of my lecturer. but i know he meant well..even if his advice is a total BULL.i am tired of doing this alone, mizi included.i hate my job-period.
but,anyway,enuf of this boring shite aite?yesterday i watched the news,israeli forces are keeping the hamas leaders in captive.i hope they all go to hell.and take their bloody skullcaps with them.i am pissed by the fact that arab countries are all bloody rich, members of the opec, and yet they are not doing anything to help these palestinians.kids die because the these israelis are on the crusade of getting every palestinians killed.i am tired by the fact that they have kofi annan as the sec general, while he was obviously a dickhead and think they should put mahathir there.
so,as a conclusion,the world is a shithole to live in right now.i guess its not sugar and spice after all.
p/s:i oso dont know whats the connection between my job and the world news..but thats whats boggling in my head right now.
just now i was this close to bursting out in front of my lecturer. but i know he meant well..even if his advice is a total BULL.i am tired of doing this alone, mizi included.i hate my job-period.
but,anyway,enuf of this boring shite aite?yesterday i watched the news,israeli forces are keeping the hamas leaders in captive.i hope they all go to hell.and take their bloody skullcaps with them.i am pissed by the fact that arab countries are all bloody rich, members of the opec, and yet they are not doing anything to help these palestinians.kids die because the these israelis are on the crusade of getting every palestinians killed.i am tired by the fact that they have kofi annan as the sec general, while he was obviously a dickhead and think they should put mahathir there.
so,as a conclusion,the world is a shithole to live in right now.i guess its not sugar and spice after all.
p/s:i oso dont know whats the connection between my job and the world news..but thats whats boggling in my head right now.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
i promise
i cant change what u are to me.maybe i am weak after all.for still caring.funny,ive always pride myself for my ability to shut people out of my life.but not you.maybe its not that easy.maybe i need more time to prepare,to let you go completely.
but dont you worry about me.ill be fine.i always am.i know im stronger than i think i am.hey,youve been in a much more worse condition than this.so,ill be fine.
funny,u wont even read this.but ill be fine.thats a promise.so,if all ur seeing now is a big black cloud, ull see sunshine soon.i promise.
but dont you worry about me.ill be fine.i always am.i know im stronger than i think i am.hey,youve been in a much more worse condition than this.so,ill be fine.
funny,u wont even read this.but ill be fine.thats a promise.so,if all ur seeing now is a big black cloud, ull see sunshine soon.i promise.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
what i feel rite now
im having all this mixed up emotions..that i cant even describe anyone of it thats been bogling in my head..so:
-im feeling f***ing sad and down because i just broke(everbody feels that way,unless u memang nak tinggalkan that person seabad lalu)
-im pissed at the hod's secretary because i still havent gotten the rest of the sponsorship's letter
-kesian at the hod's secretary sebab i gave her a long list of addresses for the letters
-stressed out because everbody is breathing down my freaking neck asking about the damn sponsors
-pissed(for another reason) because my ex is being stupid
-scared if the sponsors arent really sponsoring
-pening kepale because my ex cakap keling(ini hanyalah perumpamaan)
-craving for chocolates
-craving for mochas
-scared i might grow fat because i tend to eat a LOT when im stressed out and rite now i AM STRESSED OUT
-malas nak balik naik public transport because i hate the public transport (which is evident in my blog entries)
so..those are some of the feelings i managed to pull out for a sec for this blog entry before it squeezes its way back in..have a nice day folks..coz im not =(
-im feeling f***ing sad and down because i just broke(everbody feels that way,unless u memang nak tinggalkan that person seabad lalu)
-im pissed at the hod's secretary because i still havent gotten the rest of the sponsorship's letter
-kesian at the hod's secretary sebab i gave her a long list of addresses for the letters
-stressed out because everbody is breathing down my freaking neck asking about the damn sponsors
-pissed(for another reason) because my ex is being stupid
-scared if the sponsors arent really sponsoring
-pening kepale because my ex cakap keling(ini hanyalah perumpamaan)
-craving for chocolates
-craving for mochas
-scared i might grow fat because i tend to eat a LOT when im stressed out and rite now i AM STRESSED OUT
-malas nak balik naik public transport because i hate the public transport (which is evident in my blog entries)
so..those are some of the feelings i managed to pull out for a sec for this blog entry before it squeezes its way back in..have a nice day folks..coz im not =(
Saturday, June 24, 2006
penat lah
aiyo...so penat la jadi budak planmic..ive been ulang-alik- ing to uia from bangi for the past 3 days...naik public transport ok!
so when other students were actually enjoying their HOLIDAY..i was dozing off in the lrt..waiting for it to reach terminal putra so i could get to kaed..by BUS..
why am i making such a big FUSS over taking the public transport??BECAUSE IT SUX!and i think im broke already..and im not even doing something FUN with my cash!
here's to the LRT company..enjoy my duit...next time..please do something to reduce the screeching sound of the train...i nak mati dengar the damn train sreeching against the rail..macam dengar garpu dok scratch kat pinggan over and over again...
so when other students were actually enjoying their HOLIDAY..i was dozing off in the lrt..waiting for it to reach terminal putra so i could get to kaed..by BUS..
why am i making such a big FUSS over taking the public transport??BECAUSE IT SUX!and i think im broke already..and im not even doing something FUN with my cash!
here's to the LRT company..enjoy my duit...next time..please do something to reduce the screeching sound of the train...i nak mati dengar the damn train sreeching against the rail..macam dengar garpu dok scratch kat pinggan over and over again...
Monday, June 19, 2006
soo's bday
mereka yang gila2 belaka3rd of june was sue`s birthday. Yep, sue, the darling of everyone. Few days before, she told her why she always celebrate her birthday with her family, after a quite dreadful experience that has somehow proven that girls can be quite b****y. (no hard feelings eh?)….
So we were quite energized to make it up to her, when she hinted that she might be going back to kuantan. Aiyah…manyak susah la ini macam. Anyway, after much harassment committed towards dear kuku, (since she’s sue’s roomie and all, to korek infos), we were quite happy that we found out that she’s not going back after all…yippie ya yay!
So, a tribute to sue’s birthday, and not to forget nina’s as well…but her mum came over to semenanjung, so..we were positive she had an excellent birthday celebration :)
Sue, we’re so sorry the petting zoo closed down (stupid website, never tell oso). Hope you cherish malar hijau’s house pix (even though you don’t “like” him anymore). We had fun eating your cake..haha..and we hope you’ll take care of bob esponja.
Nina, we’re sorry we didn’t put up a celebration for you (blame it on uia for having ungs exam). We would have loved to buy you a nice big cake, but you don’t eat cake…(but if you nak cake, cakap jet au..we’ll buy 1 for you :) ). Happy birthday princess!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
yahoo!!
YAHOO!!!!
exam is OVER...shor sem is OVER..haha...sukanya hatiku!
so..rite now im just killing my time, where i had lunch at kaed cafe (after such a LONG time)..and listening to sara yakking (haha) about jelly beans's history and the fact that the best jelly beans are called jelly-bellies...weird...
so..i`ll be celebrating my freedom by having an appointment with my student advirsor, going to a planmic meeting (fucking boring), and watching cars with sara and my boyfriend.
p/s:im wearing my new indian slippers..~gorgeous piece of investment!
bye~
exam is OVER...shor sem is OVER..haha...sukanya hatiku!
so..rite now im just killing my time, where i had lunch at kaed cafe (after such a LONG time)..and listening to sara yakking (haha) about jelly beans's history and the fact that the best jelly beans are called jelly-bellies...weird...
so..i`ll be celebrating my freedom by having an appointment with my student advirsor, going to a planmic meeting (fucking boring), and watching cars with sara and my boyfriend.
p/s:im wearing my new indian slippers..~gorgeous piece of investment!
bye~
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
the story
soo....syaza got herself into a new glitch..
okay..maybe not a glitch la..more like a gaung..
see..during the first semester, she noticed a cute second year student whom she nicknamed daniel.
and everytime daniel walked past by, she froze and blushed.because she likes him you see.so..1st sem passed without as much as a hint of her knowing his real name.2nd sem, she knows through a friend that his name is syahir.
then came 3rd sem..well..syaza has already gotten herself a new boyfriend. and they share what people call a 'volatile' relationship. but they are smitten over each other.really.
suddenly, one of syaza's friend, sue, somehow managed to get to know this daniel.and to cut the story short, daniel somehow knew syaza existed and got her number.to cut the story shorter, now they're smsing each other, so frequently that syaza has to top up more frequent than her normal rate.
and one night, they went out together.and it was a blast.but it was somehow an un-blast to syaza's relationship.because syaza's bf somehow knew she went out with a guy.
the shortest cut?...syaza and daniel like each other.but they both are taken.syaza patched up her relationship.and syaza and daniel became friends, who know bets among each other for world cup matches.
~the end
okay..maybe not a glitch la..more like a gaung..
see..during the first semester, she noticed a cute second year student whom she nicknamed daniel.
and everytime daniel walked past by, she froze and blushed.because she likes him you see.so..1st sem passed without as much as a hint of her knowing his real name.2nd sem, she knows through a friend that his name is syahir.
then came 3rd sem..well..syaza has already gotten herself a new boyfriend. and they share what people call a 'volatile' relationship. but they are smitten over each other.really.
suddenly, one of syaza's friend, sue, somehow managed to get to know this daniel.and to cut the story short, daniel somehow knew syaza existed and got her number.to cut the story shorter, now they're smsing each other, so frequently that syaza has to top up more frequent than her normal rate.
and one night, they went out together.and it was a blast.but it was somehow an un-blast to syaza's relationship.because syaza's bf somehow knew she went out with a guy.
the shortest cut?...syaza and daniel like each other.but they both are taken.syaza patched up her relationship.and syaza and daniel became friends, who know bets among each other for world cup matches.
~the end
Friday, June 02, 2006
hobi saya
i have a new hobby!and that is naik lrt!
oohh...i love the fast train, yang bukan sahaja berjasa kepada segala umat manusia di klang valley, malah, ia juga snagat menyeronokkan!
lrt train is good for people who enjoy watching other people.lrt trains are also a test, to show wether you're a corteous citizen, or you're just fucking selfish for your own good.not just that, it also menguji your endurance skills and keterer-an berdiri berjam-jam.and it also provides a lot of entertainment, especially for those who likes to watch orang, *there was this gila guy on the train, scary giler*
jadi, one day i spent most of my day cultivating this new-found hobby of mine!from terminal to kelana jaya(where keron picked me up and we went to ou), then from kj to wangsa maju (where ayam picked me up to go and celebrate our second anny!:) ), and then, from terminal to klcc (where we went to nandos and watched the fountains at the park), and then from klcc back to terminal (where i got into the car and almost dozed off,see!its so tirirng!this new-found hobby of mine!)
so, guys, if you want to try this new hobby, feel free to hesitate and squirm because it rips you off your cash and it makes you bloody irritated and sleepy.enjoy! ;)
oohh...i love the fast train, yang bukan sahaja berjasa kepada segala umat manusia di klang valley, malah, ia juga snagat menyeronokkan!
lrt train is good for people who enjoy watching other people.lrt trains are also a test, to show wether you're a corteous citizen, or you're just fucking selfish for your own good.not just that, it also menguji your endurance skills and keterer-an berdiri berjam-jam.and it also provides a lot of entertainment, especially for those who likes to watch orang, *there was this gila guy on the train, scary giler*
jadi, one day i spent most of my day cultivating this new-found hobby of mine!from terminal to kelana jaya(where keron picked me up and we went to ou), then from kj to wangsa maju (where ayam picked me up to go and celebrate our second anny!:) ), and then, from terminal to klcc (where we went to nandos and watched the fountains at the park), and then from klcc back to terminal (where i got into the car and almost dozed off,see!its so tirirng!this new-found hobby of mine!)
so, guys, if you want to try this new hobby, feel free to hesitate and squirm because it rips you off your cash and it makes you bloody irritated and sleepy.enjoy! ;)
pelupa
kita sudah banyak mendengar tentang kisah-kisah orang pelupa ini. mungkin kepada sesetengah orang, ia merupakan suatu keadaan serius yang perlu diampbil sepenuh perhatian dari segi perubatan dan sains, namun, untuk kebanyakkan orang awam malaysia yang normal, ia merupakan suatu peristiwa, keadaan atau kisah yang lawak.
*dubbing english plak*
the other i was at mid-valley when i ran out of credit. stopped by at a nearby digi center and bought myself a $10 top up card. i keyed in the serial code only to recieve a message stating the code i punched in was invalid. wild thoughts running through my head but the causal thing i had in my mind was, digi ripped me off my cash and i was cheated cleverly.i was halfway back to the shop that sold the useless top up and suddenly remembered that i was using hotlink.
a friend of mine wanted to redeem a free drink from Coffee Bean, using those cards they gave out, you know, the ones where you have to get it all stamped up and shit. so, he was practically salivating over the thought of drinking an ice blended when suddenly the coffee bean lady said, "ni kene pegi starbucks dik, baru boleh redeem".
aiyoh..what is wrong with our youths now?are we suffering from an early stage of senile-ation?*is there such word?*
pengajaran:jangan makan maggie banyak banyak
*dubbing english plak*
the other i was at mid-valley when i ran out of credit. stopped by at a nearby digi center and bought myself a $10 top up card. i keyed in the serial code only to recieve a message stating the code i punched in was invalid. wild thoughts running through my head but the causal thing i had in my mind was, digi ripped me off my cash and i was cheated cleverly.i was halfway back to the shop that sold the useless top up and suddenly remembered that i was using hotlink.
a friend of mine wanted to redeem a free drink from Coffee Bean, using those cards they gave out, you know, the ones where you have to get it all stamped up and shit. so, he was practically salivating over the thought of drinking an ice blended when suddenly the coffee bean lady said, "ni kene pegi starbucks dik, baru boleh redeem".
aiyoh..what is wrong with our youths now?are we suffering from an early stage of senile-ation?*is there such word?*
pengajaran:jangan makan maggie banyak banyak
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
I wonder
i can sort of see a pattern in the boys i choose to have affiliations with. first...their names will start with an A.
hmm..
Arif
Aisa
Iqbal (die lain sikit)
Azrul (doreng)
izat Arif
Arif
*Amirul
*Afnan
Faize @ AYAM
*the ones i never had the chance to have an OFFICIAL relationship with
im not saying guys with their names that start with an A are much more appealing to me.i dont even know why i keep on ending up with these people.takde lah hebat mane pun.haha
and i even notice something..
i like to eat naan and ayam tandoori
=afNAN and AYAM tandoori...
haha talk about the irony of the situation..
hmm..
Arif
Aisa
Iqbal (die lain sikit)
Azrul (doreng)
izat Arif
Arif
*Amirul
*Afnan
Faize @ AYAM
*the ones i never had the chance to have an OFFICIAL relationship with
im not saying guys with their names that start with an A are much more appealing to me.i dont even know why i keep on ending up with these people.takde lah hebat mane pun.haha
and i even notice something..
i like to eat naan and ayam tandoori
=afNAN and AYAM tandoori...
haha talk about the irony of the situation..
Friday, April 07, 2006
manual cars are fuckers
manual cars are fuckers
that was what i discovered when i my boyfriend`s car died after i drove it past the bump in campus. the car behind me honked like mad..and i was sweating like hell because i was wearing linen, and it was 3pm, and when its 3 pm in gombak..oohh man,u`d wish u were born in switzerland and stayed there for the rest of your life.
i was trying to get it over and done with, my saman, i got two!!from the mahallah, and the traffic.the latter refers to the incident when i got in half an hour late..(which got me more pissed when cipon told me that she got in at 1 am without any hitch from the fucking guards)..and the former is because...aiyer..so malas want to write it down...because of nina's radio.
so..anyway,managed to convince faize, to lend me his car..which he was pretty reluctant at first..but..yeah..hahaha..
boy..i wished i never would have asked him for the car.
later that evening he textd asking me to pick him up..which i replied..no freaking way am i ever going to drive manual cars AH-GAIN.*i think in order to be a great bf, you`ll need abundance of patience*
so he had to ask his friend to send him over to my college..when he reached the entrance, he told me to drive it to the front.
2minutes later-
i got into the car..and pushed the key to start..but it wont frekig start!!shit...faize is soooo going to kill me
5minutes later-
an annoyed faize in an orange shirt riding the motorcycle with syah reached the car(apparently they had to slow-talk with the gurads to let them in) d car had surprisingly come to life.
i hate MANUAL CARS!!!!!!!!!!!1
that was what i discovered when i my boyfriend`s car died after i drove it past the bump in campus. the car behind me honked like mad..and i was sweating like hell because i was wearing linen, and it was 3pm, and when its 3 pm in gombak..oohh man,u`d wish u were born in switzerland and stayed there for the rest of your life.
i was trying to get it over and done with, my saman, i got two!!from the mahallah, and the traffic.the latter refers to the incident when i got in half an hour late..(which got me more pissed when cipon told me that she got in at 1 am without any hitch from the fucking guards)..and the former is because...aiyer..so malas want to write it down...because of nina's radio.
so..anyway,managed to convince faize, to lend me his car..which he was pretty reluctant at first..but..yeah..hahaha..
boy..i wished i never would have asked him for the car.
later that evening he textd asking me to pick him up..which i replied..no freaking way am i ever going to drive manual cars AH-GAIN.*i think in order to be a great bf, you`ll need abundance of patience*
so he had to ask his friend to send him over to my college..when he reached the entrance, he told me to drive it to the front.
2minutes later-
i got into the car..and pushed the key to start..but it wont frekig start!!shit...faize is soooo going to kill me
5minutes later-
an annoyed faize in an orange shirt riding the motorcycle with syah reached the car(apparently they had to slow-talk with the gurads to let them in) d car had surprisingly come to life.
i hate MANUAL CARS!!!!!!!!!!!1
Saturday, March 18, 2006
what happened between us was confusing enough before we can even have a beginning. the turmoil of emotinons im going through now is quite overwhelming, that i dont even know what im thinking, feeling right now.
you stood by the sidelines,waiting, even after everyhting that has happened.regardless of my shouts, screams, cries.i treated you like dirt sometimes...did u realize that??GOD!wake up!
but i dont want you to leave.i dont want you wrap everyhting up, and said.."okay, if its going to continue being like this..i guess this is my cue to leave". i want you to stay.knowing i have someone waiting at the sidelines.why cant it be like that?why cant you just stay that way?complacent being the person who will always have my back..but not much to expect from me?
god..i sound so evil.no...its not fair for you.its not fair for you to watch from the sidelines while i try my best to fraternize with another person who clearly has no emotional attachment on me..im stupid.when it comes to this..im stupid..im sorry.
will you just stop giving me goosebumps?will you just stop giving me all this emotions that keep on rushing in and out of my system like waterfall..you are not THE ONE..but..i..yeah..well..lets just leave it at that eh?
you stood by the sidelines,waiting, even after everyhting that has happened.regardless of my shouts, screams, cries.i treated you like dirt sometimes...did u realize that??GOD!wake up!
but i dont want you to leave.i dont want you wrap everyhting up, and said.."okay, if its going to continue being like this..i guess this is my cue to leave". i want you to stay.knowing i have someone waiting at the sidelines.why cant it be like that?why cant you just stay that way?complacent being the person who will always have my back..but not much to expect from me?
god..i sound so evil.no...its not fair for you.its not fair for you to watch from the sidelines while i try my best to fraternize with another person who clearly has no emotional attachment on me..im stupid.when it comes to this..im stupid..im sorry.
will you just stop giving me goosebumps?will you just stop giving me all this emotions that keep on rushing in and out of my system like waterfall..you are not THE ONE..but..i..yeah..well..lets just leave it at that eh?
a new beginning
hahahaha...(laughing robustly)
i got myself a new phone two days back..dragged sarah,faize and syah to come along to pertama complex to help me `bargain` for the right one..
you shouldve seen the place!JAYZUS!!!booths loaded with phone everywhere...and its freaking CHEAP!but anyway...after got basuh with my dad about y carelessness...he gave me 300 and told me to main jauh-jauh..
jauh jugak aku pegi ni...browsing until the group got tired and decided to have a drink at the gerai outside..while i was too busy dealing with my phone dilemmas to even finish up my milo...(which was later given to syah)
in the end....TADA~a new (second-hand) flip phone...and my new number??hehehe...i`ll tell you people later...
i got myself a new phone two days back..dragged sarah,faize and syah to come along to pertama complex to help me `bargain` for the right one..
you shouldve seen the place!JAYZUS!!!booths loaded with phone everywhere...and its freaking CHEAP!but anyway...after got basuh with my dad about y carelessness...he gave me 300 and told me to main jauh-jauh..
jauh jugak aku pegi ni...browsing until the group got tired and decided to have a drink at the gerai outside..while i was too busy dealing with my phone dilemmas to even finish up my milo...(which was later given to syah)
in the end....TADA~a new (second-hand) flip phone...and my new number??hehehe...i`ll tell you people later...
Friday, March 17, 2006
Thursday, March 09, 2006
i LOST my PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!
*syaza is too distraught to blog..will be back with updates LATER*
*syaza is too distraught to blog..will be back with updates LATER*
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
series
morning till 8p.m
-finished autocad at 6.areque sent me a msg saying that madam has already collected the layouts an hour ago.and i havent even PRINT it yet..
-ei leen wants to meet up for islamic urbanism assignment
-keron called to say she wants to drop by*YIPPIE YA YAY!*
-and she wants to meet afnan....*SHIT*
-realized i havent mandi the whole day*though i dont stink at all*
-had to print at advanco which costs a BOMB,because we finished our layout lambat...so..no other shops are open
8.30 pm
-radhi is stressed because her layout is still having problems.yelled several curse words that makes me and nina afraid to approach her..or come close within her vicinity
-had to tinggalkan radhi.sori radhi.
-realized we`re supposed to meet ei leen now..*oh shit oh shit oh shit*
-afnan sent a msg saying he`s at home*bodo*
9 pm
-"oh, lets get it over and done with..", then realized half of my studiomates were crammed in the small plotting room of advanco..
-msged ei leen telling her we`re going to be late..only to recieve a not-so-nice msg..*damn*
-made a date with sue and kuku to have dinner at kubur
10pm
-keron called to tell me she`s there
-im still in the waiting line
-the printing computer is hanged*is that correct?*
-kak pah`s layout problem
-ei leen is pissed and went back to mahallah
-keron is pissed because she`s waited for half and hour
11pm
-had a small fight with keron, but she picked me up anyway
-had dinner, the only solid meal i had for the whole day
12pm
-went back, got fined instead.because i got in at 12.30.fuck you uia guards.biased bastards
-i think ive scared afnan off with my horrible mood
-keron got lost on her way out of my campus..and i think she`s pissed at me..
so,thats the overall series of unfortunate events that happened yesterday nite.now..im going to die as a zombie which ive transformed into because of the uncivilized load of work my course hads plunged me into.
-finished autocad at 6.areque sent me a msg saying that madam has already collected the layouts an hour ago.and i havent even PRINT it yet..
-ei leen wants to meet up for islamic urbanism assignment
-keron called to say she wants to drop by*YIPPIE YA YAY!*
-and she wants to meet afnan....*SHIT*
-realized i havent mandi the whole day*though i dont stink at all*
-had to print at advanco which costs a BOMB,because we finished our layout lambat...so..no other shops are open
8.30 pm
-radhi is stressed because her layout is still having problems.yelled several curse words that makes me and nina afraid to approach her..or come close within her vicinity
-had to tinggalkan radhi.sori radhi.
-realized we`re supposed to meet ei leen now..*oh shit oh shit oh shit*
-afnan sent a msg saying he`s at home*bodo*
9 pm
-"oh, lets get it over and done with..", then realized half of my studiomates were crammed in the small plotting room of advanco..
-msged ei leen telling her we`re going to be late..only to recieve a not-so-nice msg..*damn*
-made a date with sue and kuku to have dinner at kubur
10pm
-keron called to tell me she`s there
-im still in the waiting line
-the printing computer is hanged*is that correct?*
-kak pah`s layout problem
-ei leen is pissed and went back to mahallah
-keron is pissed because she`s waited for half and hour
11pm
-had a small fight with keron, but she picked me up anyway
-had dinner, the only solid meal i had for the whole day
12pm
-went back, got fined instead.because i got in at 12.30.fuck you uia guards.biased bastards
-i think ive scared afnan off with my horrible mood
-keron got lost on her way out of my campus..and i think she`s pissed at me..
so,thats the overall series of unfortunate events that happened yesterday nite.now..im going to die as a zombie which ive transformed into because of the uncivilized load of work my course hads plunged me into.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
ole~
ole~
haha!!!qsb mid-term is OWH-VERH!!!now....back to autocad
BLEKH!!!!~
YUCK..YUCK..
im hoping that when i get this over and done with i can have a blissful life where i wouldnt have to see the word autocad/or autodesk/ or anything that has anything that has the word auto..and then someone add that with cad,or cat(that somehow has the same pronounciation) or desk.
my WORK is my LOVERH~ *im sooo pathetic..this is sad*
haha!!!qsb mid-term is OWH-VERH!!!now....back to autocad
BLEKH!!!!~
YUCK..YUCK..
im hoping that when i get this over and done with i can have a blissful life where i wouldnt have to see the word autocad/or autodesk/ or anything that has anything that has the word auto..and then someone add that with cad,or cat(that somehow has the same pronounciation) or desk.
my WORK is my LOVERH~ *im sooo pathetic..this is sad*
oh god...the humiliation
i sent a message to you.i told you how i felt.i was shaking when i wanted to press the "send" button. nina finally did it for me. i couldnt sleep well.i hate you
the next morning you told me your heart skipped a beat when i told you.and then you told me you like me too. but in a way that made me doubt your answer if it is genuine or the other way around.
i want to wallow myself into any gaung i`ll find by the highway..and stay there untill its the year 2020.
i dont want to see you anymore. i dont want to msg you.i dont want to have anything to do with you anymore..
im so emotional...
the next morning you told me your heart skipped a beat when i told you.and then you told me you like me too. but in a way that made me doubt your answer if it is genuine or the other way around.
i want to wallow myself into any gaung i`ll find by the highway..and stay there untill its the year 2020.
i dont want to see you anymore. i dont want to msg you.i dont want to have anything to do with you anymore..
im so emotional...
Friday, March 03, 2006
as i watched you speak, you showed a glint of hurt from the past.i observed your beautiful feature, and your beautiful self, i wondered how can a person misjudged this person who was sitting in front of me as someone cold, when all about him is wonderful?
i stopped the growing itch to yell out my feelings.what i have bottled up inside since the first day i saw you.the first time i was fascinated by how easy it was to be around you.how comfortable i felt when i watched you drive me home.how right everything seemed to be when it comes to you.
but you dont see that dont you?you dont seem to realize that everytime i see you my heart beats a hundred times faster than usual.you dont see me, as the person who is waiting here, in front of you, waiting for you.waiting for you to finally open your eyes and see that i am right here along. waiting for you.
of course not.why would you see that?i am just another friend you acquired.a friend..yup..we`re just friends...perfect..well..i stopped myself from telling you how i feel, because i wouldnt want to lose you, period.i wish you well afnan.i envy the girl who broke your heart.you love her enough to make her actions scar your feelings.i envy her, for having you.for still having your feelings for her.another loser anthem is bursting out of me.
"ive been watching your world from afar
ive been trying to be where you are
and ive been secretly falling apart
to me, you`re strange and you`re beautiful
you`d be so perfect with me but you just cant see
you turn every head but you dont see me"- aqualung, i`ll put a spell on you
p/s: guys, correct me if im wrong yah?the lyrics i mean...and its not an uncool song..its just that its a song from a loser`s perspective lah...like me.. :'(
i stopped the growing itch to yell out my feelings.what i have bottled up inside since the first day i saw you.the first time i was fascinated by how easy it was to be around you.how comfortable i felt when i watched you drive me home.how right everything seemed to be when it comes to you.
but you dont see that dont you?you dont seem to realize that everytime i see you my heart beats a hundred times faster than usual.you dont see me, as the person who is waiting here, in front of you, waiting for you.waiting for you to finally open your eyes and see that i am right here along. waiting for you.
of course not.why would you see that?i am just another friend you acquired.a friend..yup..we`re just friends...perfect..well..i stopped myself from telling you how i feel, because i wouldnt want to lose you, period.i wish you well afnan.i envy the girl who broke your heart.you love her enough to make her actions scar your feelings.i envy her, for having you.for still having your feelings for her.another loser anthem is bursting out of me.
"ive been watching your world from afar
ive been trying to be where you are
and ive been secretly falling apart
to me, you`re strange and you`re beautiful
you`d be so perfect with me but you just cant see
you turn every head but you dont see me"- aqualung, i`ll put a spell on you
p/s: guys, correct me if im wrong yah?the lyrics i mean...and its not an uncool song..its just that its a song from a loser`s perspective lah...like me.. :'(
hmm..you again
hmm...you again...
i wonder why i even picked up the phone...oh wait...yes...because you see...i DELETED your number so i could refrain myself from calling, or messaging you....but hey!haha..you found me..AGAIN.
i cant go on another period of my life hating myself. ive already hated myself enough...i dont another extra baggage to make me feel like a SLUT.
i cant make myself to tell you to go away because i was relieved you called.i know what a BLOODY BUGGERING PATHETIC loser i am, but that was what i felt.i was relieved you actually cared enough to call me. asking me for a another chance...haha..things are already complicated as it is..dont make it anymore worse than this.i thought about you often nowadays..i dont even know why.
you made me cry...bloody hell...i didnt even cry when my dad slapped me..FUCK YOU.stop the bullshit apologies.you`re just feeling guilty because a gullible loser is crying over you.you do have a magical touch with words eh?im not buying it anymore.thanks..but no thanks..go try it on someone else..and wreak havoc in their lives.
i dnt know if i can stand this long enough..DONT YOU GET IT???im taking the exit here...BYE?see you later?umm...i dont think so...
i wonder why i even picked up the phone...oh wait...yes...because you see...i DELETED your number so i could refrain myself from calling, or messaging you....but hey!haha..you found me..AGAIN.
i cant go on another period of my life hating myself. ive already hated myself enough...i dont another extra baggage to make me feel like a SLUT.
i cant make myself to tell you to go away because i was relieved you called.i know what a BLOODY BUGGERING PATHETIC loser i am, but that was what i felt.i was relieved you actually cared enough to call me. asking me for a another chance...haha..things are already complicated as it is..dont make it anymore worse than this.i thought about you often nowadays..i dont even know why.
you made me cry...bloody hell...i didnt even cry when my dad slapped me..FUCK YOU.stop the bullshit apologies.you`re just feeling guilty because a gullible loser is crying over you.you do have a magical touch with words eh?im not buying it anymore.thanks..but no thanks..go try it on someone else..and wreak havoc in their lives.
i dnt know if i can stand this long enough..DONT YOU GET IT???im taking the exit here...BYE?see you later?umm...i dont think so...
Sunday, February 26, 2006
work it baby
workloads are like a blackhole..sort of..it sucks out all the joy in the world.oh.my.god.
thank god the grad dinner is OVER...i could at least rest in peace for a while..for a while....hehe...anyway...now...ive got my head cramped with workloads that is making me wish i have a time machine so that i can travel to the future during my semester break and have endless time of sleep..
my laptop is being a bitch again,forcing me to come all the way to kaed to do my autocad.shit.anyway...enough of my rantings..the conclusion is...uni life is not as cool as i thought it is.. ~BLEKH!!!~ :P
thank god the grad dinner is OVER...i could at least rest in peace for a while..for a while....hehe...anyway...now...ive got my head cramped with workloads that is making me wish i have a time machine so that i can travel to the future during my semester break and have endless time of sleep..
my laptop is being a bitch again,forcing me to come all the way to kaed to do my autocad.shit.anyway...enough of my rantings..the conclusion is...uni life is not as cool as i thought it is.. ~BLEKH!!!~ :P
kemaman
yeah yeah!!
kemaman was a blast...we were all quite relieved to be able to have a time out from bursting our heads over the s***hole layout drawings and bla bla..
goodbye uia..kemaman HEL-LO.it was kinda nice to see everybody in a relaxed mood for a change..no frowns..no frsutrated cries..nada..haha..everybody was just happy playing by the beach and having a blast shopping at cukai...can you believe that there`s a place named cukai?(tax, in english)..apparently the name derived from something..something tax lah..haha..tak tau la..anyway!take a look at the piX!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
why i did it
when i said i wanted you out of my life.i hated myself for being so harsh.i didnt mean to push you out just like that after what we 'had'.shit..im so sorry.
the reason?im just tired of keeping it a secret..like a criminal or something.you cant even make me feel better of those countless times i felt like a bitch, a slut.you tried.but you never tried harder.i hate you.and i hated myself.
why i did it?you really want to know?because..you see..there are two choices here..wether i continue hating you and myself..or just stop hating me..by stopping altogether.i decided to choose me.i dont want to beat myself up anymore over something i could`ve stopped a long time ago.i didnt even cry..yeah.i should feel proud of myself..
i do it for us.i do it for everybody.i do it for me.you`ll hate me if i dont do it sooner or later.everybody will hate me if i dont do it sooner or later,or should i say when the skeleton is out of the closet?and i?i will hate myself more than i ever did if i dont do it sooner or later.
sorry is probably not the right word to use here.i don`t owe you an apology.i know i dont.you?well..somethings maybe..but..not really..f*** it.
the reason?im just tired of keeping it a secret..like a criminal or something.you cant even make me feel better of those countless times i felt like a bitch, a slut.you tried.but you never tried harder.i hate you.and i hated myself.
why i did it?you really want to know?because..you see..there are two choices here..wether i continue hating you and myself..or just stop hating me..by stopping altogether.i decided to choose me.i dont want to beat myself up anymore over something i could`ve stopped a long time ago.i didnt even cry..yeah.i should feel proud of myself..
i do it for us.i do it for everybody.i do it for me.you`ll hate me if i dont do it sooner or later.everybody will hate me if i dont do it sooner or later,or should i say when the skeleton is out of the closet?and i?i will hate myself more than i ever did if i dont do it sooner or later.
sorry is probably not the right word to use here.i don`t owe you an apology.i know i dont.you?well..somethings maybe..but..not really..f*** it.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
the irony
irony...is it equivalent to being funny?in a wierd way?
how bout this?i`ll tell this story..gossip..whatever...then you tell me if if it`s funny...i know it`s ironic..but..is it funny?in a weird way?
last sunday i went grocery shopping with my parents.life in varsity is a torture unless you have extravagant supply of food in the room (!).so anyway, there i was in the shoe store, browsing through cool looking sneakers with my mum, when suddenly this small lady came up to us and practically made us jump..in shock..
well..well..guess who it was?none other than izat`s mum!YAY!wow..what a surprise eh?to meet your ex`s mum at the hypermarket?as she is my mum`s old friend, she was chatting amiably with my mother, while i managed an embarassed smile to izat`s dad, who looks just the same as he was before.converse sneakers and a cool swatch.sorry bout the hair though.
and then she turned to me and said,"have you kept in touch with izat?". if a recent messages exchanges that happened a week a go counted as keeping in touch...i nodded and said yeah.AS IF!anyway, she was going on and on about me should be keeping in touch with izat and yada yada yad...i should kacau him over the weekends..or me going home with him since he has a CAR now..bla bla bla..and i was thinking,like i would want this deplorable, horrible creature in my life ever again..
the next thing i know..i smiled to aunt fadzilla and said,"insya allah..".
p/s:im not that stupid..dont worry.owh..btw, the other day my mum went to Iqbal`s brother`s wedding..haha!that`s the IRONY!!you see..my mum`s encounter with the important people in my exes` lives..GOD!owh, and Iqbal was afraid to talk to my mum..chicken
how bout this?i`ll tell this story..gossip..whatever...then you tell me if if it`s funny...i know it`s ironic..but..is it funny?in a weird way?
last sunday i went grocery shopping with my parents.life in varsity is a torture unless you have extravagant supply of food in the room (!).so anyway, there i was in the shoe store, browsing through cool looking sneakers with my mum, when suddenly this small lady came up to us and practically made us jump..in shock..
well..well..guess who it was?none other than izat`s mum!YAY!wow..what a surprise eh?to meet your ex`s mum at the hypermarket?as she is my mum`s old friend, she was chatting amiably with my mother, while i managed an embarassed smile to izat`s dad, who looks just the same as he was before.converse sneakers and a cool swatch.sorry bout the hair though.
and then she turned to me and said,"have you kept in touch with izat?". if a recent messages exchanges that happened a week a go counted as keeping in touch...i nodded and said yeah.AS IF!anyway, she was going on and on about me should be keeping in touch with izat and yada yada yad...i should kacau him over the weekends..or me going home with him since he has a CAR now..bla bla bla..and i was thinking,like i would want this deplorable, horrible creature in my life ever again..
the next thing i know..i smiled to aunt fadzilla and said,"insya allah..".
p/s:im not that stupid..dont worry.owh..btw, the other day my mum went to Iqbal`s brother`s wedding..haha!that`s the IRONY!!you see..my mum`s encounter with the important people in my exes` lives..GOD!owh, and Iqbal was afraid to talk to my mum..chicken
Sunday, February 05, 2006
please
yesterday nite rose called me up for a drink.the two of us head to the usual mapley and got into this conversation on why there was only the two of us there.its weird how during schooltime you're surrounded by this big group of friends.
now..you`re in uni, and its weird with the little number of friends you`re left with.there was even this period of time where my hang-out group in bangi consists of people from other schools and none from my school.
i dont know why the lack of communication..or the lack of effort.the only time i see my classmates is when ika has her annual open house, she`ll never fail to invite me.the rest?i only see them..when i see them..the other day intan called me up inviting me to hang with them (a group of classmates) at alamanda.but i was already on the way to kelana jaya.maybe its my fault too.maybe im the one not making any effort.i dont know why.
maybe its the ego..me trying to better myself and potray this image of a cooler version of syaza..all cleaned up with new specs and "cool" style.last raye, at ika`s open house, they gushed over how much ive changed, how different i look.."wow, you`re very pretty now!i like your new specs!i loove your tudung!".."oh my god..izat and naim wouldve kicked themselves now if they see how much youve changed"..right..maybe that was what i wanted to hear.im not the same syaza anymore.
maybe my memories in school(bangi) wasnt all sugar and spice.i mean...most of it wasnt.maybe that was why i was so reluctant to keep in touch with them..yep.im full of maybes because i dont even know if what im writing down is true..all of it is hypothetical.but, tally ho and all, im glad i still have a small group of friends i can hold on too.anne is coming back in june, nini and rose?god i see them almost every weekend night.intan?havent had the chance to meet up after the tahlil..but i will see what i can do..kame?she`s beyond reach already..i havent seen her since last june.
as a conclusion?maybe im choosy of the my choice of friends.maybe im the one who determines which friends i want to keep in touch with.yep..maybe.but i know im never wrong with my choices..so..there goes..
now..you`re in uni, and its weird with the little number of friends you`re left with.there was even this period of time where my hang-out group in bangi consists of people from other schools and none from my school.
i dont know why the lack of communication..or the lack of effort.the only time i see my classmates is when ika has her annual open house, she`ll never fail to invite me.the rest?i only see them..when i see them..the other day intan called me up inviting me to hang with them (a group of classmates) at alamanda.but i was already on the way to kelana jaya.maybe its my fault too.maybe im the one not making any effort.i dont know why.
maybe its the ego..me trying to better myself and potray this image of a cooler version of syaza..all cleaned up with new specs and "cool" style.last raye, at ika`s open house, they gushed over how much ive changed, how different i look.."wow, you`re very pretty now!i like your new specs!i loove your tudung!".."oh my god..izat and naim wouldve kicked themselves now if they see how much youve changed"..right..maybe that was what i wanted to hear.im not the same syaza anymore.
maybe my memories in school(bangi) wasnt all sugar and spice.i mean...most of it wasnt.maybe that was why i was so reluctant to keep in touch with them..yep.im full of maybes because i dont even know if what im writing down is true..all of it is hypothetical.but, tally ho and all, im glad i still have a small group of friends i can hold on too.anne is coming back in june, nini and rose?god i see them almost every weekend night.intan?havent had the chance to meet up after the tahlil..but i will see what i can do..kame?she`s beyond reach already..i havent seen her since last june.
as a conclusion?maybe im choosy of the my choice of friends.maybe im the one who determines which friends i want to keep in touch with.yep..maybe.but i know im never wrong with my choices..so..there goes..
Saturday, February 04, 2006
woooooo
okay..there was a reason why i was skipping down the corridor.was it because of mr af***?maybe..hahaha...ye lah..ye lah..god.im so transparent.im just happy.because he asked me to have lunch with him...was it because none of his friends were around??hmm...aiyah..i should stop being so pessimistic.
im going back today..baru dua hari je kelas,dah nak balik.haha..but who cares.im going back anyway.and when im home.i have work and assignments to finish..ahh..life is blissful.
yesterday i hung out and nina's room till 3.30.the three of us (me,nina and radhi)were just sitting around, gossiping,talking nonsense..and singing songs with words that rhymes with mr af***'s name.pelik tapi benar.
made me realized how lucky i am to have friends.how lucky i am to have the chance to hang out, laugh and joke around with people who i know enjoy my company as well.thank you god.
the classes started yesterday,sucked.but felt great too.because at least my brain was functioning towards the right path.and it was cool because i had my shot of mocha freeze.(did you know im addicted to coffee now?every tuesday and thursday?)
im speaking yiddish (thats just the term everyone is using, i dont know how to speak yiddish..but i`d love to learn how)..i should stop rambling now..and talk about much ,ore intelligent things..ooh!!i know..now im adding danish products to my boycott list..y?because of the insulting image they made of our Prophet..you`ll go to hell you...you..danish cookie maker!God will make you!!!just you wait!!
maybe they all think its a joke.i think what sj said is right..malaysians are being complacent about it. wake up my fellow brothers and sisters!!!they`re insulting us!!anyway..i dont know how to influence the ones around me to stop eating mcd as well..maybe mcd is too drastic..i should try burger king...
im going back today..baru dua hari je kelas,dah nak balik.haha..but who cares.im going back anyway.and when im home.i have work and assignments to finish..ahh..life is blissful.
yesterday i hung out and nina's room till 3.30.the three of us (me,nina and radhi)were just sitting around, gossiping,talking nonsense..and singing songs with words that rhymes with mr af***'s name.pelik tapi benar.
made me realized how lucky i am to have friends.how lucky i am to have the chance to hang out, laugh and joke around with people who i know enjoy my company as well.thank you god.
the classes started yesterday,sucked.but felt great too.because at least my brain was functioning towards the right path.and it was cool because i had my shot of mocha freeze.(did you know im addicted to coffee now?every tuesday and thursday?)
im speaking yiddish (thats just the term everyone is using, i dont know how to speak yiddish..but i`d love to learn how)..i should stop rambling now..and talk about much ,ore intelligent things..ooh!!i know..now im adding danish products to my boycott list..y?because of the insulting image they made of our Prophet..you`ll go to hell you...you..danish cookie maker!God will make you!!!just you wait!!
maybe they all think its a joke.i think what sj said is right..malaysians are being complacent about it. wake up my fellow brothers and sisters!!!they`re insulting us!!anyway..i dont know how to influence the ones around me to stop eating mcd as well..maybe mcd is too drastic..i should try burger king...
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
my holidays
true to my 'predictions', my last days of the holidays are the ones worth remembering. the first four days?burn it baby.i spent the days in bed with a temperature that could fry an egg and coughs that annoy your eardrums.
yesterday aida sent me home.my short period in subang, was great.as usual.recuperate what was lost between old friends.and best friend.keron asked if there were some other people watching us from afar, would they be jealous of our friendship?i said they would.its not easy to have a relationship where you can pick up things where you`ve left off and be fine with it.thats how i am with keron.doesnt matter if we didnt see each other for a month, i know that when i get there, i`ll still be able to gush out the juiciest details of my life with her.
and you mr. af***.i dont know what the hell you`re playing with here.sekejap msg.kjp tak.tak paham lah.you like me or not?(okay,maybe that was a bit too direct lah), but hey..im at wit's end because of you..nevermind.i`ll pretend nothing ever happens between us.aiya..i pening kepale la...whatever...
mat dan...thanks for being my friend.i dont have many guy friends that im close too.not anymore.thanks for being you.ahaha.i know i can count on you.
okes i`ll stop now.because i dont know what else to write..owh..btw.today is mama's bday...happpy bbbdddaaaayyyyy mama!!!!
yesterday aida sent me home.my short period in subang, was great.as usual.recuperate what was lost between old friends.and best friend.keron asked if there were some other people watching us from afar, would they be jealous of our friendship?i said they would.its not easy to have a relationship where you can pick up things where you`ve left off and be fine with it.thats how i am with keron.doesnt matter if we didnt see each other for a month, i know that when i get there, i`ll still be able to gush out the juiciest details of my life with her.
and you mr. af***.i dont know what the hell you`re playing with here.sekejap msg.kjp tak.tak paham lah.you like me or not?(okay,maybe that was a bit too direct lah), but hey..im at wit's end because of you..nevermind.i`ll pretend nothing ever happens between us.aiya..i pening kepale la...whatever...
mat dan...thanks for being my friend.i dont have many guy friends that im close too.not anymore.thanks for being you.ahaha.i know i can count on you.
okes i`ll stop now.because i dont know what else to write..owh..btw.today is mama's bday...happpy bbbdddaaaayyyyy mama!!!!
Friday, January 27, 2006
just my luck
last wednesday i went to the botanical garden in putrajaya, trying to get a head start for my assignment with my group.it was great.we rented bikes,halfway through we`ve already completed the requirements..(5 species of palms and all those bullshit).
riding back,it was sloping downhill.everybody was screaming in joy, exuberent because of the speed and wind.jeez..we felt free.the next thing i know, my bike skidded.i tumbled head on.and my face was dragged across the pavement.
lets see...the result?my hijab was torn, my spex..beyond repair(it was spanking NEW!!), my right side of the face was badly 'calar', my nose swollen, my right side of the body covered in bruises..and the worst thing is..i chipped off my TOOTH!!!AAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!
riding back,it was sloping downhill.everybody was screaming in joy, exuberent because of the speed and wind.jeez..we felt free.the next thing i know, my bike skidded.i tumbled head on.and my face was dragged across the pavement.
lets see...the result?my hijab was torn, my spex..beyond repair(it was spanking NEW!!), my right side of the face was badly 'calar', my nose swollen, my right side of the body covered in bruises..and the worst thing is..i chipped off my TOOTH!!!AAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
oh god...
oh god...tell me this whole week is actually a really bad nightmare that i dont want to be in again..jeez!!!
i think im not going to be a good wife.id probably be a workaholic..so, in order to complement my life, i`ll need to find a workaholic husband as well..and my kids??well..um...lets not think about that now shall we?
im working my ass off here..and i think this is what people say, you work till you`re at the brink of madness.im probably going to drop out and die.that way..i dont have to work anymore!!haha
anyway,thanks a****.for coming to my studioo..thanks for the teh ais.if you read this..let me know..so i can kill myself due to extreme embarassment.haha.
okay..now is not the time for me to mess up my head with all this guy stuf!stoopid....syaza..get a life!!!!!!!!!!!i have work *yippe ya yay*,and i have more work this coming week...another yippe ya yay.so...boys?im sorry.you`re all losers.
i think im not going to be a good wife.id probably be a workaholic..so, in order to complement my life, i`ll need to find a workaholic husband as well..and my kids??well..um...lets not think about that now shall we?
im working my ass off here..and i think this is what people say, you work till you`re at the brink of madness.im probably going to drop out and die.that way..i dont have to work anymore!!haha
anyway,thanks a****.for coming to my studioo..thanks for the teh ais.if you read this..let me know..so i can kill myself due to extreme embarassment.haha.
okay..now is not the time for me to mess up my head with all this guy stuf!stoopid....syaza..get a life!!!!!!!!!!!i have work *yippe ya yay*,and i have more work this coming week...another yippe ya yay.so...boys?im sorry.you`re all losers.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
wow
okay...
im smitten..totally...over a guy who has somehow ticked off all things in my dream-guy checklist.
who?how?when?why?where?
1)his name is A****.(i aint telling you).
2)when i realized how cute he was when talks while driving.and talking non-stop.have you ever met a guy who happens to be a chatterbox?you`ll love him.
3)during intan`s dad`s tahlil.(i know..not the perfect time to scrooge for guys..bt,i happens tibe2!!)
4)im sick of sticky,messy,scandalous situations.and he just appeared at the perfect time.and im jz glad he`s without any controversies.
5)at intan`s dad`s tahlil.
you`ll never read this.bt i adore you.everything about you.though i dnt know everythng.bt im pretty sure i will after i found out about it.
i will try not to keep my hopes up too high.you looked perfect that night i drove over to your house.i love your smile.and i like your `jokes`.your..engine jokes.haha.
god..i have to stop.before i make a fool out of myself. :P
im smitten..totally...over a guy who has somehow ticked off all things in my dream-guy checklist.
who?how?when?why?where?
1)his name is A****.(i aint telling you).
2)when i realized how cute he was when talks while driving.and talking non-stop.have you ever met a guy who happens to be a chatterbox?you`ll love him.
3)during intan`s dad`s tahlil.(i know..not the perfect time to scrooge for guys..bt,i happens tibe2!!)
4)im sick of sticky,messy,scandalous situations.and he just appeared at the perfect time.and im jz glad he`s without any controversies.
5)at intan`s dad`s tahlil.
you`ll never read this.bt i adore you.everything about you.though i dnt know everythng.bt im pretty sure i will after i found out about it.
i will try not to keep my hopes up too high.you looked perfect that night i drove over to your house.i love your smile.and i like your `jokes`.your..engine jokes.haha.
god..i have to stop.before i make a fool out of myself. :P
ANOTHER BAD NEWS
speaking of bad news...i am about to drop another of those `bad-news` bombs.
stad is being a total asshole.to atomic jaya,that is.WHY?WHY?WHY?why cant you just give us the damn approval and get it over with?what is wrong with you people?
what is your sole purpose of refraining us getting a sponsorship using the approval letter that YOU granted to us?what sort of idiotic **************(censored) bunch of people are you??????
bottomline..you aint getting me down.we`ll make it through!u wait and see you STAD PEOPLE!!i`ll be the most amazing dr.mira anyone has ever seen!!kak sue, shap, we`ll do this in your honour.
stad is being a total asshole.to atomic jaya,that is.WHY?WHY?WHY?why cant you just give us the damn approval and get it over with?what is wrong with you people?
what is your sole purpose of refraining us getting a sponsorship using the approval letter that YOU granted to us?what sort of idiotic **************(censored) bunch of people are you??????
bottomline..you aint getting me down.we`ll make it through!u wait and see you STAD PEOPLE!!i`ll be the most amazing dr.mira anyone has ever seen!!kak sue, shap, we`ll do this in your honour.
you be strong k?
a bad news that was delievered with a nonchalant nature didnt seem like bad news at all. but it was really..a bad news.
you were there when izat fucked up my life.i`ll never forget that.i remembered everytime you tried to shove a piece of veggie into my mouth, and called me zazi instead of zazu.
you`re a great person.dont forget that.sometimes, bad things happened to great people.thats just the way the world work i guess.its harsh.i know.i hate the fact that you are the one who had to go through all this.im so sorry.thats all i can say.
you looked tired.that night.i wished i could be there all the time.im glad i came.but i hated seeing you like that.whatever it is.i admire you.being strong and all.that was one of your qualities that i remember so vividly now.here`s a tribute to one of the greatest friends i`ve ever had.i love you.
you were there when izat fucked up my life.i`ll never forget that.i remembered everytime you tried to shove a piece of veggie into my mouth, and called me zazi instead of zazu.
you`re a great person.dont forget that.sometimes, bad things happened to great people.thats just the way the world work i guess.its harsh.i know.i hate the fact that you are the one who had to go through all this.im so sorry.thats all i can say.
you looked tired.that night.i wished i could be there all the time.im glad i came.but i hated seeing you like that.whatever it is.i admire you.being strong and all.that was one of your qualities that i remember so vividly now.here`s a tribute to one of the greatest friends i`ve ever had.i love you.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
yesterday
yesterday i recieved a call from manja, telling me to get to the terminal putra that very moment because all of us will be having a family dinner at klcc.
the rain was pouring like waterfalls from the sky..and my friends were hungry.nina, bless her.she sent me to the station,despite the heavy rain and traffic jam,she even gave me few minutes to change my clothes..since i was practically drenched in rainwater form top to toe.
it felt good.to be seeing my family.cousins.aunts.uncles.all of them.i miss mama.but,to have a two hour meal with your family at Dome(please dont go there,the food sux),i had to sacrifice two hours of my group discussion with my groupmates.
i rushed back home, leaving the dinner time at the peak of it, thinking i had somehow neglected my work, to find my group has done half of the powerpoint, and they were about to leave.when you had one of those moments that you feel like a total shithole.that was my moment.
and then it struck me.i had to give up one of em.family?or work?and when you think about it.no matter how hard you try to make the best of your work, they will still find a way to say "the whole thing is RUBBISH".so, why do you even bother?the whole thing is FUCKED UP.kaed is fucked up.i am fucked up.i hate this.all of this.
the rain was pouring like waterfalls from the sky..and my friends were hungry.nina, bless her.she sent me to the station,despite the heavy rain and traffic jam,she even gave me few minutes to change my clothes..since i was practically drenched in rainwater form top to toe.
it felt good.to be seeing my family.cousins.aunts.uncles.all of them.i miss mama.but,to have a two hour meal with your family at Dome(please dont go there,the food sux),i had to sacrifice two hours of my group discussion with my groupmates.
i rushed back home, leaving the dinner time at the peak of it, thinking i had somehow neglected my work, to find my group has done half of the powerpoint, and they were about to leave.when you had one of those moments that you feel like a total shithole.that was my moment.
and then it struck me.i had to give up one of em.family?or work?and when you think about it.no matter how hard you try to make the best of your work, they will still find a way to say "the whole thing is RUBBISH".so, why do you even bother?the whole thing is FUCKED UP.kaed is fucked up.i am fucked up.i hate this.all of this.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
what is the meaning of this
have you ever had one of those moments when you suddenly had a what-is-the-meaning-of-this moment?when suddenly you stopped for 1 minute to think, away from your tedious,hectic schedules, and you start to wonder why you are where you are?get me?
suddenly i begin to think about the very reason why im actually where i am rite now.i had all the other choices in the world..but right now, i am where i am..why?
that is probably a question that i`ll leave it for you guys to answer it yourselves.
suddenly i begin to think about the very reason why im actually where i am rite now.i had all the other choices in the world..but right now, i am where i am..why?
that is probably a question that i`ll leave it for you guys to answer it yourselves.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
ROCK THE WORLD
I HAVE ONE MISSION...
TO ROCK THE WORLD..ROCK...is what i live for.
held at stadium merdeka, it was one of the best ive been so far..compared to last year..this year..i went into a mosh pit (!)...satu statement yg menyedihkan drpd seorang budak bernama syaza.
i guess i never thought i`d be in one..but it was blissful..and i met the 'love of my life' in it.green tee, and longish hair.i adore you..haha(im so pathetic)
it was cut short due to some unavoidable circumstances.i curse the ones who caused it.but anyway..bottomline?
i am made to ROCK THE WORLD!!
TO ROCK THE WORLD..ROCK...is what i live for.
held at stadium merdeka, it was one of the best ive been so far..compared to last year..this year..i went into a mosh pit (!)...satu statement yg menyedihkan drpd seorang budak bernama syaza.
i guess i never thought i`d be in one..but it was blissful..and i met the 'love of my life' in it.green tee, and longish hair.i adore you..haha(im so pathetic)
it was cut short due to some unavoidable circumstances.i curse the ones who caused it.but anyway..bottomline?
i am made to ROCK THE WORLD!!
what i have to go through
i don`t know why i had to go through this 'ordeal', instead of someone else.why...me...of all the people..have to experience sleepless nights basking in tears because of something that is just messed up.its my fault.your fault.everbody`s fault.yeah..yeah..
i knew i did the right thing..yeah.. i did.so..why..am i hurting inside.i hate you.i hate what you did to me.i hate myself.i hate everything that has to do with this.i hate..i hate..i hate.thats all i can say now.
but i want you to know,i never faked anything.what you saw was the real me.my emotions..my feelings..my expressions..that was all me.although i doubt that you`ll read this.but..tally-ho and all..i`ll say it..i`ll miss you.
i knew i did the right thing..yeah.. i did.so..why..am i hurting inside.i hate you.i hate what you did to me.i hate myself.i hate everything that has to do with this.i hate..i hate..i hate.thats all i can say now.
but i want you to know,i never faked anything.what you saw was the real me.my emotions..my feelings..my expressions..that was all me.although i doubt that you`ll read this.but..tally-ho and all..i`ll say it..i`ll miss you.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
whoa
...uitm won the debate.they deserved it..i think.their debaters are good.not that iiu`s are not.but still..anyway..after the debate the iiu supporters stood and yelled 'ALLAHUAKBAR'.i almost stood up with them..haha..talk about loyalty.keron didnt waste any time to introduce me to half of the iiu students.they were like,"why are you sitting with the uitm people?".haha.
anyway,syaza the traitor followed the uitm-ers to celebrate and paint the town red.not like we succeeded,to paint the town red..by the time we reached the mines to catch the late-nite show, the cinema was already closed.hmm..went to hartamas.the place was packed like shit.imagine us,being in a big group suddenly crashed into the hartamas square.we took 15 minutes to settle down.after that they took me to lil` genting.melayan blues untuk seketika.
on the way back..i realized it was 5.30 AM.SHIT!!!!at 6 got a 'pleasant' call from my dad that somehow realized his daughter was still not home when he went to wake me up for subuh prayers.mati.
bla..bla..bla..the ending?got a major pembasuhan period.but its all good now.and..i am starting to like being a traitor.hehe.
anyway,syaza the traitor followed the uitm-ers to celebrate and paint the town red.not like we succeeded,to paint the town red..by the time we reached the mines to catch the late-nite show, the cinema was already closed.hmm..went to hartamas.the place was packed like shit.imagine us,being in a big group suddenly crashed into the hartamas square.we took 15 minutes to settle down.after that they took me to lil` genting.melayan blues untuk seketika.
on the way back..i realized it was 5.30 AM.SHIT!!!!at 6 got a 'pleasant' call from my dad that somehow realized his daughter was still not home when he went to wake me up for subuh prayers.mati.
bla..bla..bla..the ending?got a major pembasuhan period.but its all good now.and..i am starting to like being a traitor.hehe.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
uitm or iiu?
i went to watch my bestfriend debate at the royales.or is it spelled royals?anyway,you were suddenly surrounded by all this people who devote their life to debate.and they are actually cool.gone were the days where debates are only resrved to nerds and whizkids.here comes the wave of cool-intelligent fusion.
my bestfrend wasted no time in 'PROMOTING' me to the iiu debaters.not all though.some of them looked familiar.then i realized that they were the ones that adjudicated for us during kaed fest.wicked.they were all weirded out because i was sitting with the uitm group.Hmmm....
watching all this debates make me think twice about going in.its scary as hell.
tonight there will be the final debate between iiu and uitm..shit..where should i sit?with my newfound friends in uitm?or do i have to pledge my loyalty to my university..which i know NO ONE in the team..wahh.....so dramatic....i`ll probaby support both teams..which means that i`ll probably bang the table yelling `here here` throughout the debate.nuts la.
my bestfrend wasted no time in 'PROMOTING' me to the iiu debaters.not all though.some of them looked familiar.then i realized that they were the ones that adjudicated for us during kaed fest.wicked.they were all weirded out because i was sitting with the uitm group.Hmmm....
watching all this debates make me think twice about going in.its scary as hell.
tonight there will be the final debate between iiu and uitm..shit..where should i sit?with my newfound friends in uitm?or do i have to pledge my loyalty to my university..which i know NO ONE in the team..wahh.....so dramatic....i`ll probaby support both teams..which means that i`ll probably bang the table yelling `here here` throughout the debate.nuts la.
what happened
we were driving on the highway.with no absolute direction to where we were heading.suddenly the road that was trinkled with light turned dark.it was scary.period.the road stretched out for god-knows-how-long.the tank was almost full.thank god.
we reached a bridge.owh.it was a beautiful bridge.engineering genius i should say.we stopped to view the breathtaking scene.it was like one of those scenes from the malay drama, where you parked the car beside the road and talk/chat/whatever.it was corny, i know,but what the hell.you`ve got curfew extensions, the sparkling juice at the back seat.the world was yours.
somehow it went wrong.its not my right to say it.i know. but i was there.that should count too right?i was scared.we were all scared.i was scared and i felt helpless.the feeling of just sitting at the sidelines and watch a gruesome 'battle'...man..that was hard.
we drove quickly.back home.we stopped at 7-e, bought cans of coke and bags of chips.i bought ribena.we stopped at a playground at sat there.talking.trying to lighten up the mood.cracking jokes.but it never overshadows what happened.im sorry it happened.thats all.
we reached a bridge.owh.it was a beautiful bridge.engineering genius i should say.we stopped to view the breathtaking scene.it was like one of those scenes from the malay drama, where you parked the car beside the road and talk/chat/whatever.it was corny, i know,but what the hell.you`ve got curfew extensions, the sparkling juice at the back seat.the world was yours.
somehow it went wrong.its not my right to say it.i know. but i was there.that should count too right?i was scared.we were all scared.i was scared and i felt helpless.the feeling of just sitting at the sidelines and watch a gruesome 'battle'...man..that was hard.
we drove quickly.back home.we stopped at 7-e, bought cans of coke and bags of chips.i bought ribena.we stopped at a playground at sat there.talking.trying to lighten up the mood.cracking jokes.but it never overshadows what happened.im sorry it happened.thats all.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
rollerblading
i went rollerblading with keron today..weird huh?i mean..who rollerblades anymore?we did..haha..
huffed and puffed up the treacherous hills and rolling down with maximum speed..with me fearing id fall flat on my face if i trip over a pebble or sumthing..
while i was pretty sure i was burning calories, a satria pulled over and a guy said hi. at first glance he looked okay..but the second time he came..the third..man...i wished i could just blade straight down to the drain if i have to get rid of this annoying freaky guys..keron was already spooked out by the freaky bunch.
nevertheless...aside from the kekacauan...the feeling of being able to reach out to some of your growing up moments was incredible.it seemed like it was only yesterday adli puts on his old blades held together by strings of tali rafia..god knows he is bloody rich..but i dont even know why he insisted wearing the dilapitated object.keron and i made a pact to go professional blading after we finished pmr.we never did.if we did..i wouldnt be shaking and throbbing during the tortured periods of blading this evening.
well..adli is in russia now.and kerons blades are now full of rat`s poo.im still shaky when blading and the ramp adli and baz built are long gone.
but the memories of me carrying my blades to meatpackers(where we used to blade), the guys trying to jump over the rubbish bin, and keron and i blading every evening will always be fresh in my head.
huffed and puffed up the treacherous hills and rolling down with maximum speed..with me fearing id fall flat on my face if i trip over a pebble or sumthing..
while i was pretty sure i was burning calories, a satria pulled over and a guy said hi. at first glance he looked okay..but the second time he came..the third..man...i wished i could just blade straight down to the drain if i have to get rid of this annoying freaky guys..keron was already spooked out by the freaky bunch.
nevertheless...aside from the kekacauan...the feeling of being able to reach out to some of your growing up moments was incredible.it seemed like it was only yesterday adli puts on his old blades held together by strings of tali rafia..god knows he is bloody rich..but i dont even know why he insisted wearing the dilapitated object.keron and i made a pact to go professional blading after we finished pmr.we never did.if we did..i wouldnt be shaking and throbbing during the tortured periods of blading this evening.
well..adli is in russia now.and kerons blades are now full of rat`s poo.im still shaky when blading and the ramp adli and baz built are long gone.
but the memories of me carrying my blades to meatpackers(where we used to blade), the guys trying to jump over the rubbish bin, and keron and i blading every evening will always be fresh in my head.
girls nite out
had a what u call a GIRL`S NITE OUT...
went to hartamas..sab picked us up driving her rav 4.RAAAAAAAAAAAAV 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i thot id die on the spot.
the whole time was spent smoking shisha and gossiping..*thts wat we do best anyway*..haha.and hartamas is SUPPOSED to be THE place to hang out. i dont get it...u see these people dressing up like theyre on the way to the hottest club or sumthing, but all they actually do is just lazing around sipping teh ais.well,..you can say its a bit like a much more classier version of a mamak atmosphere..haha
well..it definitely a place to be SEEN..if u know what i mean..haha..guess who i ran into?
khairul!!sara`s ex...my GOD..he came with this girl who was wearing the skimpiest outfit i`ve ever seen...and when i was talking to him, she was dangling at his arm as if i`d snatch him right under her eyes..AS IF!!AS if i`d want to go out with a guy who wears sleeveless shirts and has this weird pelat thing...haha*im mean..i know*
but..above all that..im glad i went out tonite..its been a long time since i had the time to just enjoy the company of my closest friends.thanks guys.although i know u probably wont read this..but..thanks..
went to hartamas..sab picked us up driving her rav 4.RAAAAAAAAAAAAV 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i thot id die on the spot.
the whole time was spent smoking shisha and gossiping..*thts wat we do best anyway*..haha.and hartamas is SUPPOSED to be THE place to hang out. i dont get it...u see these people dressing up like theyre on the way to the hottest club or sumthing, but all they actually do is just lazing around sipping teh ais.well,..you can say its a bit like a much more classier version of a mamak atmosphere..haha
well..it definitely a place to be SEEN..if u know what i mean..haha..guess who i ran into?
khairul!!sara`s ex...my GOD..he came with this girl who was wearing the skimpiest outfit i`ve ever seen...and when i was talking to him, she was dangling at his arm as if i`d snatch him right under her eyes..AS IF!!AS if i`d want to go out with a guy who wears sleeveless shirts and has this weird pelat thing...haha*im mean..i know*
but..above all that..im glad i went out tonite..its been a long time since i had the time to just enjoy the company of my closest friends.thanks guys.although i know u probably wont read this..but..thanks..
Saturday, November 19, 2005
before the horrifying period of my lifewatched emily rose last monday, on sara`s bday..there was a couple of those cinema workers checking the ids..before radi freaked out as usual..(haha..dnt hate me,..but thats what you always do..)she remembered that she has already turned 18, and boasted about showing her mykad which also have those touch`n go thingy to prve she is 18.ahaha..
i cant get those disturbing scenes out of my head. ive been sleeping with the lights on for almost a week now, and im still scared.shit.especially when it was this part.."one.two.three.four.five.six" get it???that psychotic emily was counting with her voice all weird and rough.*bulu roma meremang*....get it??6 demons in there.."we are the ones who dwell within". aiyoh..MENAKUTKAN.
maybe i shouldn`t have watched it. i know im a scaredy cat.aiyoh..now i cant sleep peacefully for about what?2 weex?one thing i have to say to meself. padan muka.
Friday, November 18, 2005
to mama
to:mama
you`ll be going to the blessed place for a while..maybe you`ll find what you`ve always looked for in life. maybe you`re absence will make him appreciate you more. maybe everybody will.i know i will.
i`ll miss you.and your cengkodok. ;)
from:jaja
you`ll be going to the blessed place for a while..maybe you`ll find what you`ve always looked for in life. maybe you`re absence will make him appreciate you more. maybe everybody will.i know i will.
i`ll miss you.and your cengkodok. ;)
from:jaja
raye!!!!
ookkkaayy...the summary of raye..
one word...BLISSFUL
maybe its because i havent been on vacation for god knows how long.so, a bit jakun when suddenly you were going shopping for raye clothes(dah lame tak shop,pathetic eyh?) and you were suddenly hauled to the north of malaysia..and you got butt cramps for being in the car too long.
its great to see all my family members in a celebrative mode for a sec. and there i was, wearing my jubah with my sneakers, while my couz standing beside me looking totally vogue and all with her platforms when it suddenly struck me that she is 6 years younger!AAGHH!!!syaza just realized she`s getting old and she is still wearing SNEAKERS!!my god..i need to get some air please....
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
the thing is..
so,..i have another paper to go through before will be granted certified freedom for one whole month!woo!!!can`t wait actually..
raye is just around the corner.my dad said maybe we`d go to penang for our second raye..YEEHHAA!!its been a while since ive been there..kinda miss it..
paid my saman just now.had to circulate almost the whole uia to actually get the thing settled..geez..dah la puase..hehe..not me lah..kesian sara..haha..went to the studio after that to finish some work..only to find the damn room is locked.and now..here i am,ranting online because i dont know what else to do with my free time.so yeah...till later..bye!
raye is just around the corner.my dad said maybe we`d go to penang for our second raye..YEEHHAA!!its been a while since ive been there..kinda miss it..
paid my saman just now.had to circulate almost the whole uia to actually get the thing settled..geez..dah la puase..hehe..not me lah..kesian sara..haha..went to the studio after that to finish some work..only to find the damn room is locked.and now..here i am,ranting online because i dont know what else to do with my free time.so yeah...till later..bye!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
damn you
when u lack of certain things that is important in life, you start to question where did you go wrong.what did u do to make god this angry to punish you. you start to compare yourself to the others around you and 'realized' that.."yeah, there is something wrong with my life"..and you start to weep and get mad at god..or maybe anybody that you think might be the cause of your state.
but then you pretended to be okay with it for a while. you keep it cool..for..lets say..2 weeks?maybe more..i dont know..wallowing everything in.to you its 'ACCEPTANCE' you have to make in life.and suddenly one small fracture, and you snap like a hot fuse. the whole room turned upside down because you needed someways to vent out your anger, the whole room filled with noises of your locker being kicked, stuffs thrown out.the whole ordeal was horrible.and when you got tired of being physically angry, you crouched down and cry,until you drifted to sleep.
you wake up, and go on the same routine again.you keep everything inside.you think no one would give a shit that you`re eating yourself up inside.you start to hate the ones around you because they seemed so happy and have absolutely no worries in life.hell!you even hate their laughs.
one day,you wake up.and saw the sunshine.you actually looked at your tackboard,and saw the photos of your loved ones.how could you go on living, and hating them when all they did was to love you?despite your appalling attitude,your horrible self,they still accept and love you the way you are.they still welcome you with open arms and a big smile.and they still try to be what you want them to be, to provide what you greedily want.and you cursed yourself because you didnt see THAT before.damn you for being what you were to them.and now, you just breathe and enjoy the life they have offered.
but then you pretended to be okay with it for a while. you keep it cool..for..lets say..2 weeks?maybe more..i dont know..wallowing everything in.to you its 'ACCEPTANCE' you have to make in life.and suddenly one small fracture, and you snap like a hot fuse. the whole room turned upside down because you needed someways to vent out your anger, the whole room filled with noises of your locker being kicked, stuffs thrown out.the whole ordeal was horrible.and when you got tired of being physically angry, you crouched down and cry,until you drifted to sleep.
you wake up, and go on the same routine again.you keep everything inside.you think no one would give a shit that you`re eating yourself up inside.you start to hate the ones around you because they seemed so happy and have absolutely no worries in life.hell!you even hate their laughs.
one day,you wake up.and saw the sunshine.you actually looked at your tackboard,and saw the photos of your loved ones.how could you go on living, and hating them when all they did was to love you?despite your appalling attitude,your horrible self,they still accept and love you the way you are.they still welcome you with open arms and a big smile.and they still try to be what you want them to be, to provide what you greedily want.and you cursed yourself because you didnt see THAT before.damn you for being what you were to them.and now, you just breathe and enjoy the life they have offered.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
my bday
ANNOUNCEMENT:
SYAZA HAS THE COOLEST GROUP OF FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.AND THEREFORE..SHE IS COOL TOO..HAHAHA
yeap, i do have the coolest friends.my god..what did i do to deserve a surprise bday party for two consecutive years??hehe thanks y`all..this is just the prologue..i`ll post the pix later..muax!!happy belated bday to me!!
SYAZA HAS THE COOLEST GROUP OF FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.AND THEREFORE..SHE IS COOL TOO..HAHAHA
yeap, i do have the coolest friends.my god..what did i do to deserve a surprise bday party for two consecutive years??hehe thanks y`all..this is just the prologue..i`ll post the pix later..muax!!happy belated bday to me!!
you
ive never actually told you to your face how much i love you.how much your world means to me.now i know how selfish i was.how inconsiderate i was to put you in this position.thank you for everything.thank you for putting up with my bitchiness.thank you for letting me know im still your dearest even after i fucked up everything.thank you and thank you.
my lips keep on uttering im sorry.even if you`d never hear me.im sorry.i cried because of you.i cried because i knew how i wronged you.how unacceptable it was for me to treat you that way.i promise i wont dissapoint you anymore.i wont hurt your feelings anymore.
im learning to breath
im learning to crawl
im finding that you
and you alone
could break my fall
i love you more than i love myself.it has always been that way.hope you know that.
my lips keep on uttering im sorry.even if you`d never hear me.im sorry.i cried because of you.i cried because i knew how i wronged you.how unacceptable it was for me to treat you that way.i promise i wont dissapoint you anymore.i wont hurt your feelings anymore.
im learning to breath
im learning to crawl
im finding that you
and you alone
could break my fall
i love you more than i love myself.it has always been that way.hope you know that.
