what happened between us was confusing enough before we can even have a beginning. the turmoil of emotinons im going through now is quite overwhelming, that i dont even know what im thinking, feeling right now.

you stood by the sidelines,waiting, even after everyhting that has happened.regardless of my shouts, screams, cries.i treated you like dirt sometimes...did u realize that??GOD!wake up!

but i dont want you to leave.i dont want you wrap everyhting up, and said.."okay, if its going to continue being like this..i guess this is my cue to leave". i want you to stay.knowing i have someone waiting at the sidelines.why cant it be like that?why cant you just stay that way?complacent being the person who will always have my back..but not much to expect from me?

god..i sound so evil.no...its not fair for you.its not fair for you to watch from the sidelines while i try my best to fraternize with another person who clearly has no emotional attachment on me..im stupid.when it comes to this..im stupid..im sorry.

will you just stop giving me goosebumps?will you just stop giving me all this emotions that keep on rushing in and out of my system like waterfall..you are not THE ONE..but..i..yeah..well..lets just leave it at that eh?

a new beginning

hahahaha...(laughing robustly)

i got myself a new phone two days back..dragged sarah,faize and syah to come along to pertama complex to help me `bargain` for the right one..

you shouldve seen the place!JAYZUS!!!booths loaded with phone everywhere...and its freaking CHEAP!but anyway...after got basuh with my dad about y carelessness...he gave me 300 and told me to main jauh-jauh..

jauh jugak aku pegi ni...browsing until the group got tired and decided to have a drink at the gerai outside..while i was too busy dealing with my phone dilemmas to even finish up my milo...(which was later given to syah)

in the end....TADA~a new (second-hand) flip phone...and my new number??hehehe...i`ll tell you people later...

yay!!!got myself a new phone!!!!woohoo!!!

i LOST my PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

*syaza is too distraught to blog..will be back with updates LATER*

series

morning till 8p.m

-finished autocad at 6.areque sent me a msg saying that madam has already collected the layouts an hour ago.and i havent even PRINT it yet..
-ei leen wants to meet up for islamic urbanism assignment
-keron called to say she wants to drop by*YIPPIE YA YAY!*
-and she wants to meet afnan....*SHIT*
-realized i havent mandi the whole day*though i dont stink at all*
-had to print at advanco which costs a BOMB,because we finished our layout lambat...so..no other shops are open

8.30 pm

-radhi is stressed because her layout is still having problems.yelled several curse words that makes me and nina afraid to approach her..or come close within her vicinity
-had to tinggalkan radhi.sori radhi.
-realized we`re supposed to meet ei leen now..*oh shit oh shit oh shit*
-afnan sent a msg saying he`s at home*bodo*

9 pm
-"oh, lets get it over and done with..", then realized half of my studiomates were crammed in the small plotting room of advanco..
-msged ei leen telling her we`re going to be late..only to recieve a not-so-nice msg..*damn*
-made a date with sue and kuku to have dinner at kubur

10pm
-keron called to tell me she`s there
-im still in the waiting line
-the printing computer is hanged*is that correct?*
-kak pah`s layout problem
-ei leen is pissed and went back to mahallah
-keron is pissed because she`s waited for half and hour

11pm
-had a small fight with keron, but she picked me up anyway
-had dinner, the only solid meal i had for the whole day

12pm
-went back, got fined instead.because i got in at 12.30.fuck you uia guards.biased bastards
-i think ive scared afnan off with my horrible mood
-keron got lost on her way out of my campus..and i think she`s pissed at me..

so,thats the overall series of unfortunate events that happened yesterday nite.now..im going to die as a zombie which ive transformed into because of the uncivilized load of work my course hads plunged me into.

ole~

ole~

haha!!!qsb mid-term is OWH-VERH!!!now....back to autocad

BLEKH!!!!~

YUCK..YUCK..

im hoping that when i get this over and done with i can have a blissful life where i wouldnt have to see the word autocad/or autodesk/ or anything that has anything that has the word auto..and then someone add that with cad,or cat(that somehow has the same pronounciation) or desk.

my WORK is my LOVERH~ *im sooo pathetic..this is sad*

oh god...the humiliation

i sent a message to you.i told you how i felt.i was shaking when i wanted to press the "send" button. nina finally did it for me. i couldnt sleep well.i hate you

the next morning you told me your heart skipped a beat when i told you.and then you told me you like me too. but in a way that made me doubt your answer if it is genuine or the other way around.

i want to wallow myself into any gaung i`ll find by the highway..and stay there untill its the year 2020.

i dont want to see you anymore. i dont want to msg you.i dont want to have anything to do with you anymore..

im so emotional...

as i watched you speak, you showed a glint of hurt from the past.i observed your beautiful feature, and your beautiful self, i wondered how can a person misjudged this person who was sitting in front of me as someone cold, when all about him is wonderful?

i stopped the growing itch to yell out my feelings.what i have bottled up inside since the first day i saw you.the first time i was fascinated by how easy it was to be around you.how comfortable i felt when i watched you drive me home.how right everything seemed to be when it comes to you.

but you dont see that dont you?you dont seem to realize that everytime i see you my heart beats a hundred times faster than usual.you dont see me, as the person who is waiting here, in front of you, waiting for you.waiting for you to finally open your eyes and see that i am right here along. waiting for you.

of course not.why would you see that?i am just another friend you acquired.a friend..yup..we`re just friends...perfect..well..i stopped myself from telling you how i feel, because i wouldnt want to lose you, period.i wish you well afnan.i envy the girl who broke your heart.you love her enough to make her actions scar your feelings.i envy her, for having you.for still having your feelings for her.another loser anthem is bursting out of me.

"ive been watching your world from afar
ive been trying to be where you are
and ive been secretly falling apart
to me, you`re strange and you`re beautiful
you`d be so perfect with me but you just cant see
you turn every head but you dont see me"- aqualung, i`ll put a spell on you

p/s: guys, correct me if im wrong yah?the lyrics i mean...and its not an uncool song..its just that its a song from a loser`s perspective lah...like me.. :'(

hmm..you again

hmm...you again...

i wonder why i even picked up the phone...oh wait...yes...because you see...i DELETED your number so i could refrain myself from calling, or messaging you....but hey!haha..you found me..AGAIN.

i cant go on another period of my life hating myself. ive already hated myself enough...i dont another extra baggage to make me feel like a SLUT.

i cant make myself to tell you to go away because i was relieved you called.i know what a BLOODY BUGGERING PATHETIC loser i am, but that was what i felt.i was relieved you actually cared enough to call me. asking me for a another chance...haha..things are already complicated as it is..dont make it anymore worse than this.i thought about you often nowadays..i dont even know why.

you made me cry...bloody hell...i didnt even cry when my dad slapped me..FUCK YOU.stop the bullshit apologies.you`re just feeling guilty because a gullible loser is crying over you.you do have a magical touch with words eh?im not buying it anymore.thanks..but no thanks..go try it on someone else..and wreak havoc in their lives.

i dnt know if i can stand this long enough..DONT YOU GET IT???im taking the exit here...BYE?see you later?umm...i dont think so...