Tuesday, July 27, 2010

withstanding time and distance

there are certain people in your life that will remain unchanged even by the factor of time and distance. whenever you see each other, there is this warmth that you can only find within that person, which is absent in others. for example, even after all these years, whenever im spending some girly time with khairun, im always at my most relaxed self, and time seems to rewind back to 10 years ago and we're both giggly teenagers cracking up over the slightest things we see.

it's sad that relationships grow apart just because of distance and time. memories i guess are not enough to keep it together.

kucing-kucing saya

amoi gave birth to 6 kittens. so now there are 10 cats in my house. my mum said we should consider opening a kilang makanan kucing for a living.

cant wait to see the new kiddies :B


yesterday, after a hectic day at work, bobo, ima and i joined our gossip monger marketing manager, the bad-man, or fondly known as Pakcik Sensasi and Kak Ikin at Senibong for a HUGE DINNER.

after that we decided to go for a game of bowling. and well, this is where Johor surprises me. it has a complex dedicated only for bowling. HOW COOL IS THAT? we were so in awe of the place called Daiman Bowling Centre that Bobo and i took photos in front of the place. * ye la, kat KL sume bowling alleys are located in a shopping mall. ni a complex by itself mannn*

malangnya gambar bersama ima, karena saya tak bawak phone yesterday. jadi. nantikan gambar saya bersama tempat boling terbesar johor. :D

Friday, July 23, 2010


do you know how your life would end up like 10 years down the road? when i was 14, i never thought this is what i'd become.

i didnt know i'd have to move from the place i grew up since i was 2 years old called SS19 subang jaya, to the unknown realm of bandar baru bangi.

i didnt know i was going to enter a public university, because all the while when i was growing up i kept passing by metropolitan college beside Sri KL in subang and thought that was the college i'd go to when i grow up.

i didnt know i was going to take urban planning because frankly i didnt even know there was a profession called urban planner. ye lah, time kecik dulu limited je cita-cita, orang lain nak jadi polis la, bomba la, cikgu la, so i went for the sophisticatedly-sound architect. cikgu pun terbeliak mata dengan kehebatan budak ni.sebab vocabulary tinggi.

i didnt know that my family will be going through a serious financial difficulty. if i'd known, i would've persuaded my dad to stay in maybank. :( but then,

somehow im thankful for the unknowns. because i wouldnt be where i am now.

i wouldnt have realized my family are the greatest treasure ive ever had.

i wouldnt have had the best learning experience in an internationally recognised public university

i woudlnt have gotten to know some of the best people ive ever known, the solid friends in Uni, bangi, and the person i fell in love with, faliq.

i wouldnt be able to have achived this position of being in a cool place called puteri harbour, and working in one of the largest companies in Malaysia.

im not bragging. im just telling you. its good that i didnt know my future.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

to the ones that loves me for who i am

i dont think i've ever thanked you enough for accepting me the way i am.

thanks :)

aku ugly ke?

dari kecik sampai sekarang asyik kene ejek dek muka tak perfect ni. come on man, kalau aku perfect and lawa, dah lama aku jadi model.

yeah, i know ive got jongang teeth. so what? it does not make it difficult for me to eat, even though i cant shut my mouth like any "normal" people do, but i dont think i look f***ing ugly.

ive been bullied because of this. do you know how it feels like to be bullied and jeered at? just because of the way you LOOK? wah lau wei. it affected me so much that till now im having some problems with being confident about myself.

i cant seem to feel good about myself without people looking at me like im some freakshow. ye lah, you can only take so much right? you're not a the prophet. you dont have that much forgiveness to give away like freebies.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

the boyfriend's mum

when its about time, i get shivers down my spine. or worse, ill be fussing furiously over what im wearing (which is usually okay, but when the time comes for THAT moment, i look bloody sakai) and i wonder if my pimples are making me 100% uglier.

yes, im talking about meeting the boyfriend's mum. even after two years she still has this effect on me.

the first time i met izat's (my ex) mum, it was actually quite pleasant. yes, given the fact that our mothers knew each other when they were teenagers, so the atmosphere was cool and collected. there was this one time she even peeled off the prawn's skin for me during dinner.

when izat and i broke up (it was a nasty break-up), she asked why i stopped coming over the house (owh,she was such a nice lady).

another experience is also iqbal's mum, but that didnt really count because our mothers were good friends (the subang circle was very small, all of our friends' mothers' knew each other).

now, with faliq, whom i think might be THE ONE. its a totally different experience. i think it was because we came from a totally different background, and i took for granted over the fact that all of my previous boyfriend's mothers knew me and my FAMILY. so this one. HAHA. LAIN SAMA SEKALI.

my first encounter two years ago was a totally scary experience which involves me sipping my drink *with as much ayu-ness as i can ooze out of my system* and not saying a word while she coolly rates me as she have her meal.

and then the relationship grew over the period of time. she is a designer by profession, therefore she places great importance on your image, and how you present yourself, while i am usually comfortable in my slouchy pants and slippers. she has commented my dressing sense, which i try very hard to abide by her comments each time i see her. but i can only go so far, because in the end, i have to stick by my guns, right? i know i dont wear foundation like she suggested but i try to be more presentable in manner. :) *especially when im meeting her. and the fact that i cant cook and completely useless in house chores, doesnt help either :P

it takes a lot of effort trying to win her heart. not that much actually; faliq kept reminding me to just be myself. and i did.

i dont know if i've succeeded, but i must say we're doing ok. *free designer tops do signal good relationships righttt???* and i hope she knows deep down inside that i love her son truly madly deeply.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

p.ramlee's messages

p.ramlee movies never fail to make me laugh, even when ive already watched it for maybe the umpteenth time.

but now that im older, (and probably wiser. ececeh, perasan rase macam nak sepak diri sendiri), only i realized the hidden messages behind his movies. how it reflects the malay dilemma (takde kene mengena dengan buku tun Mahathir); several instances:

1. in pendekar Bujang Lapuk, when Pendekar Mustar asked why sudin's job is so darn hard (kira bulu beruang ke ape ke), he said, "nak buat macamane, dah nasib badan.."; reflects how malays can be complacent that it sometimes affect the "pembangunan bangsa melayu".

2. this movie baru perasan kat this particular scene nampak sangat ape p.ramlee nak sampaikan, in seniman bujang lapuk; when the jaga (sikh guard) was grumbling how sudin was rude, P. Ramlee said, "bahasa kan menunjukkan bangsa kita",

3. and another part when a guy asked the sikh guard what the three bujang lapuks were up to, he said, "diorang mau cari kerja la", and then the guy laughed and said "muka macam tu pun ada hati nak jadi film star ke", and then the sikh said something that caught my attention, "sama-sama bangsa pun nak dengki, macamane lu punya bangsa mau maju, ini hari die punya rezeki, esok lusa lu punya rezeki, sama-sama makan la".

perghhh..gile la. kalau orang tak tangkap benda ni, aku pun tak tau nak kata ape la. memang terbukti melayu ni memang ada perangai macam tu, tak boleh nampak orang senang sikit dari die, mesti nak dengki, ape pasal pun aku tak tau. sampai ade yang nak guna ilmu hitam la ape la (tak leceh ke buat bende syirik mcam tu, dah la busuk,lepas tu kene laknat Allah plak tu).

faliq, i know we've debate about the malay issue before this, but we have to agree that malays do have a problem. i dont know exactly how to point to the core of this matter, but we have a problem. and i think the reason being why we are still doing okay is because we're given the crutches to stand on by the government (like what Tun Mahathir said).

Monday, July 19, 2010


the last homecoming has somehow made me feel a bit complacent about living in johor. being away has not been the best part of my life, but has helped me grow to become a better person. it makes me appreciate the people in my life, with little time i have to make use to the fullest when im back.

though i didnt get to attend Tee's birthday party organised by Nina, im hoping i get to see them (this includes radhi) when i come back end of this month. Nina, i hope you're reading this! and mizi too, its been awhile since i've seen him, and i miss his exuberence like crazy.

had lunch with amir, and he hasnt change one bit since i last saw him. well, that was only a few months back, but somehow i miss having him around. he's like a big brother that will tell me straight to my face if im acting stupid, but never quite practice what he preaches and in the end we're both miserable fools :D

spent most of the time with family and faliq and it never makes the parting easy. topped with a kenduri with the entire family (though not all) made this born and bred in KL girl to tears because she misses the family and could only be with them if she takes an extra day leave just to have more time with them.

the quiet saturday was spent with faliq.(we didnt lepak with anyone because NO MONEY! sorry nina n jaja). and it was just perfect with a homecooked fried rice (faliq yang masak!) and a good dose of tv before we dozed off like a couple of old fogie in front of the talking box.

when my aunt asked if id like to bring my boyfriend to the kenduri, and i said, "faliq? okay je"; and she seemed surprised "still together ah?". no wonder tak mention name sape2 when she asked me, for fear of me changing boyfriends macam dolu-dolu. alhamdulillah la. dah 2 tahun, in a long distance relationship some more, and still going strong. now i know what it feels like being in a REAL relationship. *ive always wondered how they do it, you know, friends who have partners abroad, or living in another state*.

LIFE IS A BITCH~sometimes

people dissapoint you without them even knowing about it. things dont always work out the way you've always planned.

and life is not as rosy as you would like it to be. think you've got the balls to go through it?


Tuesday, July 13, 2010


received my insurance card today. which means, i dont have to pay my medical claims and wait for the stupid HR to reimburse my claims. YAY!!

kalau ikutkan, dah berape ringgit hangus sebab HR ade je alasan tak nak bayar claims aku, tension pun ade gak. tapi malas nak layan, sengaja nak serabutkan otak orang.

the day for payday is inching near, and i cant barely keep myself from grinning, i will be getting my first pay as an executive and im going to rock this shit!

*let's just hope i dont spend it all like i did with my trainee paycheck. HAHA

Monday, July 12, 2010


the bank called. my loan is approved. i need to sign all the papers and ill get back kiki as soon as i know it :)

today ima hit a dog. the poor dog met it's death, and we were left with a cracked bumper and a leaking radiator by the roadside. i saw one by one of my colleagues passing by, not noticing us two by the roadside looking like lost muppets. i called bobo, and thankfully he was on his way to the office; so he'll pass by us. it costs ima RM 350 to fix her car and bobo reminded me a grim reminder about how having a car is never cheap. * i am reminded about the same thing amir told me before i had kiki. always have spare cash, or else you'll be in deep shit; like for instance today; it was fated for us to meet with a suicidal dog that appeared out of nowhere.

i will need to get leave on friday in order for me to sign the papers. somehow i cant wait to come back home :)

even though poket tgh kosong. ayah was baffled by the fact that im pokai already. he said, im really worried about you, what did you do with ur cash? well, i spent it of course. what else?

Friday, July 09, 2010

stupid heart

my heart is a treacherous form in my body. it does not follow what the brain and logic says; it prefers to be a soliditary component of its own with it's own "opinions" that it wants you to do.

it has made me cry out in rage, sadness, and happiness. this heart of mine is an entity of its own that i dont even know what it wants for me, whether it wants me to be happy; or it's fucking pissed at me that it wishes to destroy me with this thing called love.

yes. love is often terrible than what it seems like in the tv. theres more crying, shouting, pain and heartache than the lovey-dovey scenes where the couple runs happily in the meadow together holding hands.

who am i to talk about love? my knowledge of it seems small and insignificant as compared to say, my parents. sometimes i look at them with envy. how did they know that they are meant for one another? how did they know that this is person i will never grow tired of holding hands with even when im 50 years old, and im old, fat, and boring.

love is indeed amazing. but all im experiencing is the pain. where is the happiness?

maybe the heart wants me to be patient. but i dont know how much longer i have to be.

malam yang panjang

yesterday had a great all-expense paid dinner at soul thai, bukit indah; courtesy of en junaidi. he was nice enough to change the menu for a change after kak yan told him i was quite "muak" of seafood. HAHA. tak sempat nak amik gambar makanan sebab everyone wolfed it all down within seconds. ok tipu; tak la seconds, but cepat la jugak ayam tu habis.

after the dinner, bobo called and asked if i want to hang out. so he picked me up from bukit indah and we went to SINGGAH SELALU (this place in johor which is equivalent to hartamas square). did i tell you we got a new marketing manager? bobo has gone around telling everyone "nasib aku dah terbela sekarang; now orang takleh buli aku dah"; so anyways, we decided to invite en.bad (the new manager) to singgah selalu; but he called and invited us to join him for a karaoke session. pulak. pegi la ke pelangi leisure mall, masuk red box (sebenarnye ini adalah 1st time masuk, best jugak, lagu english banyak seh; siap ada depeche mode lagi).

kalau ade surveillance camera kat dalam bilik tu mesti mamat guard tu dah tergelak sampai jatuh kerusi tgk 3 orang sakai terkinja-kinja menari sambil menyanyi lagu; padahal suara tak sedap mana pun. (okay, en bad punye voice was good; its just me and bobo -.-"). melalak sampai pukul 3 okay; its amazing that i managed to wake up this morning and arrived at the office 10 minutes early.

tapi ending malam itu disaksikan peristiwa bangang rasa nak tampar orang ni. ade la 3 orang chinese ladies ni nak bayar parking tiket. selalu tak sampai 5 minit dah habis bayar; ni mase nak bayar la baru thegeh-hegeh selongkar beg for small change. lepas tu; tak faham bahasa, dah kat tempat bank note tu merah, nak jugak force the note to masuk. bile en.bad told them that you have to wait, in chinese (he can speak fluent chinese); all they did was give him the look; lepas tu, masukkan note tak pass2; bile aku nak try tunjuk, tak bagi (weh, aku dah banyak practice kot masukkan note dalam machine ni; kaki naik lrt kot! hebat dah la); amik ko, orang bodoh sombong. buat orang lain menyumpah kau. padan muka.

ish.geram bile ade orang bodoh sombong lepas tu menyusahkan orang. totally kills the mood man.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

medical check up

woke up late today because of the stupid germany-spain game. nasib baik ade medical check up, so tak kesah terbangun lambat pun. ISH. and germany was playing poorly that i somehow regretted staying up for the game. TGK! DAH LAMBAT BANGUN

went for my medical check up; because it's required once you're confirmed as a permanent staff. we got lost in Johor Bahru going round kebun teh for god knows how many times, with the useless google map ima printed, and finally found the stupid clinic after being lost for almost half an hour. ape kes uem pakai clinic ni pun aku tak tau, dah la jauh, susah plak tu nak cari. ISH

the staffs were not what i call friendly and welcoming, and ima got scolded by the x-ray guy for not doing the posisi amik x-ray right. while i got scolded because i somehow forgot to mention i had high cholesterol. when the doctor asked me if id taken oats in the morning i said no. she asked why, and i said because they taste like horse shit (well, i didnt say THAT; i just said they dont taste so good); and again she scolded me for not taking oats. APAKAHHHH.. tak sedap laaaaa

when she was checking my stomach, it was growling fiercely as both of us had yet to eat anything for breakfast and the doctor somehow chuckled.

again she reminded me to take my oats before i leave. yeah. right.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

pep talk episode berape tah ni

consulted another colleague about my snake dream, she told me"kalau ular tu patuk awak, maksudnye ade orang nak datang meminang la tu; kalau tak, maksudnye ade musuh dekat dgn awak".

shittt....okay, the snake didnt bit me, but i got part of the venom when that stupid two-headed thing bit my cat. is that considered as being bitten? or maybe there is an enemy lurking somewhere.


yesterday, got this super-duper pep talk from by boss. i dont know what triggered her to give these sort of talks. it started with her complimenting my qualities, and in the middle of it, blasted my inefficiencies, and ended with her saying she wants me to make her proud, because i am by far the most dynamic employee (or so she says, she has a really good way with putting words together to make you feel bloody good about yourself).

i left with mixed-feelings because i was a bit stunned that she stated im lacking in spirit lately, but a bit happy that she said i have so much potential to be unleashed. which means, there's still hope!

working does that to you i guess. ive been through a series of pep talk with her, and each time im left feeling like ive just won a lottery, but my gains are about to be taken away by the govt over unpaid taxes. (faham tak niii)

nak plak, aku sorang je yang kene pep talk ni. that shows that there is something wrong with me! ho my goddddddd.

p/s:muke masuk web page company, menandakan kenaikan pangkat. muke macam haram buruk. siot betul

Tuesday, July 06, 2010


yesterday i dreamt of a two-headed cobra that later killed one of my cats. i woke up with a heart beating so fast it seemed like a train-wreck and i nearly cried. i told ima about my dreams and she said "wah. best la nak kawen dah".

i was dumbfounded because it was a shit-ass scary dream (my cat died for gods sakes!) and how the hell does this relates to one encroaching marriage life anytime soon from now?

when i asked her "betul ke", she nodded vigorously and said it is true. i bit my tongue from asking her to give me proof because it will seem useless and ive never been much of a malay mythical believer. (yeah, like that crap about going into the forest and mintak permission from the djinns; ape kes, Allah is the owner of all beings in the world, so i think He should be the rightful owner for us to seek permission from Him).

but i think in the case, im just going to rebuff this belief. *sorry ima :( i believe that our jodoh comes from Allah. and this is my fate so be it.

Monday, July 05, 2010

searching for your own personal legend

i have just finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. a great book with messages that has made me realized the purpose why im here in Puteri Harbour.

thanks mr. coelho.

this is for you

in pursuit of our own dreams, sometimes we tend to forget about the people who have made it happened in the first place.

okay. im feeling a bit melancholic here, suddenly a wave of an overwhelming sense of homesickness has made me doubt my decision of accepting the permanent post here.

i miss my parents.

its because of them that im here, on the road to achieve my dreams. and it's also them that has kept me going despite having to face such a shitty condition being far away from home.

im a baby. ill admit that.

but i think you dont know what it's like to have ur world falling apart and the only treasures that you have now is your family. i dont have a home, not even a room ill calll my own. but i have my family.the most unselfish persons ive ever known my whole life. and i really should be grateful for having great parents that has stood by me all these years.

i do this for them.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

pictures pictures and pictures

okay. thank god i managed to access my memory card. PHEW.

now. i present to you. the pictures.

tigger. the fattest among the three. she was bored, watching marmalade playing with a cockroach till it meets its death *padan muka, hate roaches* and looked up when ibu called her, aku panggil tak pandang plak. siot betul.

chocolate and books are one of my biggest liability



cupcake from bisou, KLCC. do not buy this. its dry, tasteless and a waste of my RM5. *OVERPRICEDSUMMORE!

A nice trip back home.

Whenever i come back home, it never fails to comfort me with the fact that im surrounded by people i care and love, and loves and cares for me.

faliq and i celebrated our second anniversary with a quiet date that ended with me eating my much loved and thoroughly missed indo mee goreng burger at hartamas. :)

the kittens were becoming even more manja now that amoi is pregnant again, so im guessing they are experiencing the "kurang kasih sayang" or lack of love syndrome now that they cant even get close to their mother without being growled at. so, to overcome this, they turn to my parents who was happily deceived by their cuteness; not knowing the underlying mischeviousness they possess. and we found out that marmalade is actually a boy. great.

spent the entire holidays catching up with friends, (yes i know, ramai lagi tak berjumpa. next homecoming trip ok?) and just spending the extra time i have with the family and faliq :) he was so happy having me around that he sees me everyday the whole time i was in kl. even for a brief meeting of 30 minutes at pavillion before i leave for johor. aww. thanks for the attention sayang :)

and another perk was finding three books for awesomely cheap price! 18 ringgit each, they had all these famous books, and i chose The Alchemist, The Catcher in the Rye and Faliq chose Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere. hopefully they have the same book fair next month and i can buy more books!

i miss kl. always will. pictures will be uploaded later because the phone is being a bitch.

confirmed to be your slave. FOR NOW.

i am a confirmed permanent staff in UEM Land. YIPPE YA YAY!

received the news on Tuesday after watching Toy Story 3 with my sisters and my mum.

thanks UEM.