Wednesday, March 26, 2008

my boyfriend-the arsenal freak

My boyfriend is an Arsenal freak. He thinks it’s the greatest football club in the whole world, and the entire human population should actually acknowledge this fact. He even went the extra length of not talking to me for 5 minutes (which, mind you, is quite difficult for him) when I made fun of Arsene Wenger, as Arsene ‘Wanker’. (Pun intended). few nights back, arsenal lost to Chelsea by 1 goal. Owh, how devastated my boyfriend was. And when I told him it could be because of the jinx I cast upon the team because he ended our nightly conversation just to catch the game, he quickly put down the phone and refused to answer it again! Well, that took quite some skills to actually “pujuk” him. :) Despite his emotional outbursts over his football club, he is quite a levelheaded person when it’s not concerning football. Owh boys. What would we do without you?

you came

You came, at the time when I really needed you. You came and made me feel special all over again. You made me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. I know I should thank sue and kuhaz for ‘anyone else but you’, but this song is for you. We’ve been through a lot, I had the choice to end it, especially when you went away, but as nina told me, I chose to stay and suffer with you. I know I don’t love every moment of it, but these are one of those exceptional moments that made the wait worthwhile. :)

p/s: I love you

the room and my thoughts

There were many moments when I chose to shut myself from embracing reality and dream about the wildest imaginations full of hopeful wishes. The room, be it at my house, or the college, would become my sanctuary from everything. It is the only space where I feel at ease, where I felt welcomed. Without the judgmental stare, the need to smile even when you don’t feel like it. The room accepted me when I was unhappy, when I needed to cry.
There were moments of imagining being somewhere else, but the room will always follow me. I will always have that space to be who I really am. The weak syaza, the sloppy syaza, the dorky syaza, and whatever other me’s I can be. The room never judges. It is a bit sad to confine in a form of man-made structure rather than having a real being to be my sanctuary. I don’t think im like nina. I have difficulties in showing my true emotions. I don’t even know my emotions.

I wonder if my parents know who I really am. I wonder if faize knows who I really am. I wonder if my friends know who I am.

I've waited for my moment to grow out of this, grow out of the “shut -my- self- out-from-the-whole-world-and-daydream” phase. i need to embrace reality. I need to realize that the people around me are hurt by my doings.

The room will never understand what I am going through right now. It just sits there and listen. It does not comprehend why im crying because I feel useless.

People are hurt when I feel that way. I don’t even know why. I didn’t say that they’re useless. Im depressed because I FEEL USELESS. Not them. This is too weird to swallow in right now. I need to rest.

letting go of this

Letting go of the past is difficult. Letting go of what was a part of you is difficult. It’s similar to voluntarily cutting your own limb. but the past is what shapes us to be what we are now. being a human without a past is actually a sad thing. But to reminisce on my pasts would only make me even sadder, sad about things that are close to the heart. I’m egoistic. I do not like the idea of remembering when that person does not feel the need to remember me as well. And that has always been my drive to move on with life, as long as it takes me. You are my past. And I will let you go. Eventually.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


after 4 hours trying to decipher the overall depth of the Cost-Benefit Analysis...finally....ive finished it!!!thanks to the stupid IRR.which was no easy feat.

hopefully what i did is betul-la...hopefully the things i read in the net for reference are not hocus-pocus or something. will be the last day of hard the dinner....aiyoyoh..but at least now im rest assured that my grades wont be a big fat least there'd be something...hehe

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

this friday

i am currently at KAED...HAHA.can u believe it?im in kaed at 1.30 am! in the postgraduate lab right now.we had to stay up to finish our tourism report.which has to be submitted on wednesday.aiyeh...keje keje keje.

anyway..another big news is that the agd is still on this friday.we're going to be one hell of a team if we manage to pull it off this friday.with only 3 days to do the job...well...i think even donald trump would want to hire us if we manage to pull it off on by the 21st.and adding to the stress..this week is portfolio's week.shit...

good luck to us.and may god bless us all.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

the end is near...

last night i had dinner with sue.might be the last dinner ill have with her at nz.we were talking about what will happen once all of us go our different ways.

i was actually scared that we could come to the point where we dont really care what happens in each other's life, such as i dont really care if ur going to get married, and to whom.

that got me thinking about the fact that as much as i hate uia,im really going to miss it when ive finished.the oppressive atmosphere,the hustle and bustle of students late to cleass (me included). my room, which is my temporary sanctuary.haih.

life passes on pretty fast right not sure if everyone else notice it.but im actually scared that i wont be able to savour my memories before its gone.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

time to grow up yoh

kak bad.congratulations!dah kawin dah die.haha.

i think it's time for me to grow up.i need to face the reality instead of being ensonced in my own comfort world that i created and face my demons.

sometimes i feel like slapping myself for being such a spoilt wuss.i feel sorry for my parents for having a deranged,spoilt bitch as their eldest.

syaza,life is not a bed of roses anymore.dont wait around waiting for your desires to fal on your for it la!i bet god doesnt want to grant my wishes because he knows ill be even more spoilt than before.i think ive finally gotten my wake up call.shit....scary...

buang mase

ni i amik from radhi..

First Name - Nur Syaza bt. Mohd Zubir
Nickname -zazu, chaja (only my aunt calls me that)
Name you wish you had - ive never had a problem with my name :)
What do people normally mistake your name as -im always annoyed when people spell my name as Shaza.
Birthday - 29 september 1986
Birthplace - hospital pantai, kuala lumpur
Time of Birth - ntahla
Single or taken - taken
Zodiac sign - libra

Your Appearance
How tall are you - 5′ i think..
Wish you were taller - owh yeah.definitely
Eye color - brown
Eye color you want - green
Natural Hair color - jet black
Current Hair color - jet black
Short or long hair - hair looks horrible when its cut short
Curly, Straight, Wavy - wavy.aih..
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair - last year.when the chinese lady potong my hair making me look like some damn harajuku melayu
Do you wear make-up - yes
Ever had hair extensions - aiyah..where to put??on top of my tudung isit?
Paint your nails - no.

In the opposite gender
What color eyes - dark brown
What color hair - black
Shy or Outgoing - outgoing.yes.definitely.
Looks or personality - both.haha.(cant help being a bit shallow can you?)
Sexy or Cute - ahaha..macam pelik je nak jawab...
Serious or Fun - both.i need a rock and the sunshine.
Older or Younger than you -older
A turn on - wah...private and confidential ;)
A turn off - lack of general knowledge, close-minded, stupid, shallow (a whole lot shallower than i am, i mean), and many many more.

This or that
Flowers or Chocolate - both! but chocolates are a MUST!
Pepsi or Coke - dont really drink them as much as radhi does.but coke i guess.
Relationship or One night stand - realtionship.duh.
School or Work - i hate both.can i just be a slacker and travel the world?
Love or Money - both!
Movies or Music - aih..this is a tough one...
Country or City - both!
Sunny or Rainy days - both!
Friends or Family - both
*sume both, baik takyah letak je this section*

Have you ever
Wish you were a prince/princess - no.ive always wanted to be a superhero with superpowers.i wanted to be a ninja
Liked someone who was taken - dont think so.
Shaved your head - wahaha...i wish!
Been in love - yep.
Used chopsticks - yes. but tu pun nak makan lala, atas tunjuk ajar ayam
Sang in the mirror to yourself - hell really good with that. (siap buat macam style video clip)

Flower - roses.any colour would do :)
Candy - marshmallow!
Song - stay away-the honorary title
Color - blue
Movie - banyak sgt.bowfinger is one of 'em
Singer - ni pun banyak
Word - babi.shit.aiyoh
Junk food - chocolates....
Website -*poyo habis
Lotion - mane2 pun.currently using st.ives intensive healing
Animal - cats.though i wished i could bela a tupai or a koala bear
Ever cried over someone - yes
Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself - yes.
Do you think you’re attractive - haha..thats a trick question rite?
If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose - none?owh!maybe hansel and gretel.they get to eat the candy house :)
Do you play any sports - i swim.once a month.does that count?

III The rules:- Link to your tagger and post these rules.List (8) random facts about yourself and tag (8) people.

1)i talk to myself
2)i like the smell of petrol
3)i daydream a lot to the extent that sometimes i almost believe in it
4)i like watching nat.geo,history,and discovery channel, much to the chagrin of my other family members yang nak tgk ria,sports and etc.
5)i play make believe and barbie dolls until i was fourteen
6)i like eating nestum on its own, i.e. without milk
7)i hate orang2 yang pentingkan darjat and not an ass kisser
8)im a penakut.but im actually brave in certain things. *like radhi told me once, im always game for anything

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

the weekend

with the work assigned to me safely in areque`s laptop, i was off to meet you.god..its been 3 weeks now eh?almost a month..

we watched the movies.we ate at old town.we walked around window shopping (or i did..hahaha).and we took the train.

it felt like the old times.i wish this will never grow old with you.i hope we can always do this everytime you come back home.hoepfully ill be able to offer much more memorable moments the next time you come back.lala perhaps?i hope that indian dude hasnt forgotten us.

p/s:riding the bus,snuggling to you and eventually falling asleep while those two nepalese guys yakking like the whole bus understood nepalese was worth the 3 weeks wait. :)

summary of everything

well...i passed my jpj test!!yippee!!!hahaha

anyways..this week is really a shitty one.just had my quiz.and i think im not really nailing it.aiyah..but the weekend before was worth it :) even if i had to face a load of shitty work..but yeah... :)

thank you for coming.its been awhile since i feel this way.i miss the you.