Thursday, January 28, 2010

Johor has a certain smell

Johor has this certain peculiar smell, a strong smell that reminds me of the time when i was strolling at near the motel we stayed in India. Ika said its the smell of cinnamon and some other god knows what tree.

funny how it has become the smell im accustomed to when im away from home.

twitter account baru bukak :)

i have a twitter account! finally..

i still dont see what's the hype all about, but it's still too early to tell.

so please, add me and banyakkan followers i, haha..cewah..and i boleh add you jugakkkk :)

syazazubir tauuuuuu

Monday, January 25, 2010

ungrateful much?

i heard on the radio that there are almost 900,000 unemployed people out there..

am i being ungrateful?? (shut up, i can see you nodding your head..)

well, the safest excuse i can give you is that life is never easy for anyone.. *smirks

if it will make you feel better, i am starting to accept my life here..(YAY..A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR SYAZA!) rasa macam baru je admit i was a smoker in smokers anonymous.

i was not in denial. i was just a little drama on the side doesnt hurt does it?


so, ive managed to somehow get a second opinion regarding my plans to further my studies, and all im getting is "GO FOR IT!!" with two thumbs up from each persons.

ive finally found the course that somehow seemed to look like it's tailor-made for me, CEWAAAHHH.. its MASTERS IN SCIENCE CONSERVATION AND HERITAGE MANAGEMENT... haha because it complements my degree and points me to the right direction of being involved in the conservation field (YES!)

nak tau kat mane it's offered? UiTM! yayyyy!!! sebab it's in shah alam, and god knows i've had enough being a orang di perantauan.

but when i called to ask about the application and such, adoiiii.. it turns out the course is only offered once a year, and the next intake would be in December...NOOOOOO..But if there is any consolation in that, i think im still eligible to apply for the mini bajet for masters, because it says that orang yg nak apply kene belajat year 2009 and 2010. so kalau december 2010 pun, still december kannn..

tapi..ape ape pun, this means i actually have to spend a YEAR in Gelang Patah.. :( least when i leave, ill have a one year work experience, and maybe i'll be able to save up a little (quite impossible given the pathetic salary im earning right now, but what the hell la kan).

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

calamari hanyalah sotong tepung goreng

betul tak ape claim di atas?

im doing the reimbursable claims of one of the consultants in Puteri Harbour when i came across a receipt of their meal, they ate a plate of calamari that costs a bomb, so i figured it must be a swanky restaurant. alah..pegi pendas dapat less than RM 10 for one plate, lagi murah, banyak plak tu.

yesterday as i was battling with self-doubt over my future, Li ann, my second boss came over. it was like kismet, there i was wallowing in depression over working here, and suddenly she came over for a chat. after the motivational talk about how working here is not so bad, and you'll get the hang of it in time, she said "remember, project management is not rocket science, it's common sense". so im wondering i must be quite a senseless person for finding it tedious and hard. but it is tedious; well, its not the work that's bothering me boss...i left out the people factor.

however, right after the chat, i was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of optimism; i find that it is not that difficult, and when i was actually enjoying doing my job, i was in quite a good mood, never mind the bitchiness of other people. it just failed to spoil my mood that day.

oh god. the wonders of a small pep talk from a superior to her young 'uns.

so today, i am actually okay, and im not even moping,..yet.haha, which is quite the improvement from yesterday. :)

Monday, January 18, 2010

torn and completely unhappy :(

i am fearing for my mental health, because as i woke up this morning, i realized that i was talking to myself in the mirror and im pretty sure my reflection replied me back.

this deteriorating state of my mental health is the contribution of prolonged stress due to lack of social life and job satisfaction which i am currently facing. so i woke up this morning, aside from dreading to go to work (which is a normal routine) i also realized what i want to do.

i am going to take my what? wait for it..wait for it...MASTERS IN ARTS MAJORING IN CIVILISATIONAL STUDIES!!! how cool is that???

i mean, ive always loved history. if i had astro, my favourite channels would be the history channel, national geographic and discovery channel. *yes, im a geek..i just dont see the appeal of watching mtv and channel v 24/7. please dont get me wrong, remember, i told you, im a geek. i even knew about the history of nasi kandar dammit.

im not really sure of the career prosepect though because i am a hardcore daydreamer and dreamed of becoming an activist in conservation of some sort. most likely working with UNESCO. haih..but we all know that masters basically means that u'll be a lecturer, with a charity gig at the side.but i have yet to know if there is any

but the only thing that is bugging me is my responsibility to my parents. earning a decent living so that i can repay them back. in any way i can, make them comfortable, taking them to umrahs and hajjs, providing the best special education for my sisters, and many more, which i am thinking right now can only be achieved if i am here, in this shitty corporate state of mine.

im torn. that's what i am. my dad said i should go for it, do not let my dreams get away, but i cried when i think about the epf money we have to spend if i do continue, it was meant for the purchasing of our own house dammit. i searched the internet for the said budget for postgrad studies but that was in bajet mini 2009. im not so sure of bajet 2010. :(

any suggestions or advice that might help me out of this glitch perhaps?this could be a ticket out of my misery here in Puteri Harbour! :D

Friday, January 15, 2010

lesson number one: people are not like how they seem

im a people person. i like mingling and making friends. but when i am faced with a situation that belies me from making friends, it actually took a strip of happiness away from me. i drew my strength from my close circle of friends and faliq. now that they are away, i feel a little lost.

reading friends catching up with each other makes me envious of the time and distance that betrays my needs. i am facing one of the most tumultous period of my life. it reminds me of the time when i moved to bangi from subang. lost and completely confused. but it was heavily cushioned by fact that i have my family with me. now i dont.

im feeling a little jealous and hurt. being shut out so soon is actually a painful feeling. just because of make-up stories, gossip and things that might make me a little different than you doesnt mean im a bad person. im hurt that you deem me unworthy to be a part of your "circle of friends". i didnt even do anything to you.

i came here because of the sole purpose of gaining experience in one of the largest companies in Malaysia. i didnt come here to make enemies. which is not even from my doing! (a cafe worker got pissed because she mistaken me for my friend who she thought was rude to her, and boom! the story was all about NUSAJAYA how "rude" i was , when it wasnt even me who asked for the bloody spoon from her)

yeah, it is actually pretty stupid. people judge you because of a spoon, but then, that is how people are. they judge. they make remarks that hurts you, they treat you like crap because they think you're not good enough to be a part of the crowd.

thanks nusajaya. you just made my day.

stick and stones might break my bones, but it will never break my spirit.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

boat ride

went on a boat trip a few weeks back. but unable to publish anything for fear it mught cause some ripple in the working place. *dont ask, this is office politics for you

but then realized that this is my blog, and i can damn well put anything i want, as long as i dont put anything provocatice enough to make me being put unde ISA or the seditions act stuff.

the boat ride was a pleasant one, followed by lunch at a fisherman's village. the food was good, but im actually tired of eating seafood and steamboat every other week; yes yes, because joe likes to belanja me seafood almost twice a month. hahah..not that im complaining, free food man, but then, sometimes you just need a change of scenery, but you just do not have the heart to tell him so; because he is joe, one of the nicest guy ive ever known :)

but the pictures are not of me and joe and kak yan, but it is of me and ima (my housemate) and several others which were not in the pictures :)

nak kete jugakkkkk

woke up late today but managed to get ready within 15 minutes before my housemate leaves for work. *groaning because i have yet to have a car; but am actually looking forward to the end of the month so that i'll get my third month's payslip and can process the loan for my carrrrrr


somehow i've focused my entire energy into the "getting-the-car-soon" mood that im afraid ive made it into the solution to all my problems and unhappiness, which is not 100% true. i mean, yeah, im miserable because im still immobile; but then, i shouldnt wallow in too much of this negative attitude because i think im beginning to see the effect on my health as well as my life.

yeah maybe when i will get my car eventually, i will be able to solve 50% of my problems, but new ones will definitely crop up in no time. hee haa.. petrol lagi, tol nak balik kl, nak service and maintenance cost. ingat murah ke??

tapi, bile dah ade kete, okay la sikit. definitely maybe :) anyways, when i do have my car, please do come and visit me in johor so i can take you places :) and faliq will be able to come down too :D

p/s: tapi kene sewa bilik hotel la, maklumlah, bilik i kecik macam tahap storage punye tempat, nak himpit ramai2 memang tak muat. hahaha...budget hotels are aplenty here, so no worries, and then we can go to singapore!!!!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

toilet drama

i hate sharing toilets. meaning, if i am in the toilet, a public toilet, mind you, i would prefer it very much to be alone. i know, i know, defeat the purpose of why they even call it a public toilet when other people are refrained from using the rest of the free cubicles, but i really dont like it when they're there while im doing my business. get me?

now i know why japan invented toilets with music at the toilet stool. such a revolutionary invention is direly needed here. :(

Friday, January 01, 2010

ade jugak resolution

encounters with people who are beyond rude and incredibly narrow-minded puts you off the mood of celebrating new year. however, it leads to a new revelation in which i have finally decided to go on with having a resolution for 2010.


1.I will not let people who are the scums of the planet (in my opinion, orang macam ni memang pangkat lagi bawah dari kampung, ntah2 orang kampung pun lagi BAGUS dari diorang) ruin my day / my mood. simply because they are not worth the grief and anger at all.

2. i will be grateful with EVERYTHING i have and not be so pessimistic about EVERYTHING because that is just toxic, especially when im in the position where im supposed to adapt, mind you, adapt, not change according to their ways (which is very much menyampah and degratory like i mentioned before)

3. i will be the best worker UEM Land has ever seen, and not be too consumed with facebook or any other websites; as well as not let the fact that being stuck in a place like this bring me down; simply because the working experience is extremely important, moreover with the most famous upcoming waterfront development in Malaysia.

4. I will not forget who i am, what my values are, and what i hold on to and belief even when i mingle with a set if new people

5. start having a life, and do whatever i want. e.g. dancing class ke, sign language class ke, marathon sampai singapore ke, wth. just go for it and tak payah tunggu orang lain

there, ive said it. lega sikit rase. macam major unloading took place. anyways, yeah, the resolution was more about finding myself, and staying true to myself. refusing to let people treat me as they like, its hard to earn respect, but before you do that, you have to respect yourself. i will not let myself sallowing into depression just because some cafe worker is constantly rude to me, because they are just not worth the anger.

so, have a break, have a godiva :)