Tuesday, October 25, 2005

the thing is..

so,..i have another paper to go through before will be granted certified freedom for one whole month!woo!!!can`t wait actually..

raye is just around the corner.my dad said maybe we`d go to penang for our second raye..YEEHHAA!!its been a while since ive been there..kinda miss it..

paid my saman just now.had to circulate almost the whole uia to actually get the thing settled..geez..dah la puase..hehe..not me lah..kesian sara..haha..went to the studio after that to finish some work..only to find the damn room is locked.and now..here i am,ranting online because i dont know what else to do with my free time.so yeah...till later..bye!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

damn you

when u lack of certain things that is important in life, you start to question where did you go wrong.what did u do to make god this angry to punish you. you start to compare yourself to the others around you and 'realized' that.."yeah, there is something wrong with my life"..and you start to weep and get mad at god..or maybe anybody that you think might be the cause of your state.

but then you pretended to be okay with it for a while. you keep it cool..for..lets say..2 weeks?maybe more..i dont know..wallowing everything in.to you its 'ACCEPTANCE' you have to make in life.and suddenly one small fracture, and you snap like a hot fuse. the whole room turned upside down because you needed someways to vent out your anger, the whole room filled with noises of your locker being kicked, stuffs thrown out.the whole ordeal was horrible.and when you got tired of being physically angry, you crouched down and cry,until you drifted to sleep.

you wake up, and go on the same routine again.you keep everything inside.you think no one would give a shit that you`re eating yourself up inside.you start to hate the ones around you because they seemed so happy and have absolutely no worries in life.hell!you even hate their laughs.

one day,you wake up.and saw the sunshine.you actually looked at your tackboard,and saw the photos of your loved ones.how could you go on living, and hating them when all they did was to love you?despite your appalling attitude,your horrible self,they still accept and love you the way you are.they still welcome you with open arms and a big smile.and they still try to be what you want them to be, to provide what you greedily want.and you cursed yourself because you didnt see THAT before.damn you for being what you were to them.and now, you just breathe and enjoy the life they have offered.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

my bday



yeap, i do have the coolest friends.my god..what did i do to deserve a surprise bday party for two consecutive years??hehe thanks y`all..this is just the prologue..i`ll post the pix later..muax!!happy belated bday to me!!


ive never actually told you to your face how much i love you.how much your world means to me.now i know how selfish i was.how inconsiderate i was to put you in this position.thank you for everything.thank you for putting up with my bitchiness.thank you for letting me know im still your dearest even after i fucked up everything.thank you and thank you.

my lips keep on uttering im sorry.even if you`d never hear me.im sorry.i cried because of you.i cried because i knew how i wronged you.how unacceptable it was for me to treat you that way.i promise i wont dissapoint you anymore.i wont hurt your feelings anymore.

im learning to breath
im learning to crawl
im finding that you
and you alone
could break my fall

i love you more than i love myself.it has always been that way.hope you know that.