Saturday, March 28, 2009

to my tok wan

my grandfather was a gentle man, who dotes on his grand children. "eh, tgk, die je yg asyik dukung you", faliq remarked as we were going through my old pictures at mama's house.

i remembered his orchids (he loved growing orchids), how he saved me from being eaten by a vampire (a stupid game my cousins and i were playing which consists of us running around the house screaming from being eaten by the vampire *who was arin*), and he bought me a Ken doll, and told me not to strip him naked, although i did.

i couldnt really remember him as clearly as i wanted to, because he passed away when i was 5. i still remembered his funeral, he wasnt a famous man of the nation, no vip went to his funeral, but i was bawling my eyes out because my tok wan wouldnt wake up. i didnt even get to see him during his final days in the hospital because my mother said the hospital wouldnt let a noisy kid like me in.

i still miss him. he always had a smile on his face, in which he never fails to chuckle whenever his grandchildren were embrawled in mindless, kiddy games and later we would fall back unto his lap exhausted.

here's to my tok wan, who is deeply missed by all.

Friday, March 27, 2009


if only i could scream at a cliff somewhere, id have a sore throat by now.
im just ranting out some jumbled words mixed in my head that sometimes i dont even know what i said. sometimes i just write whatever that is on my head because my vision would be blurred by tears. like right now.
its sad that even when you are surrounded by people, you still feel alone.
what is even sadder is you have to mimicked a happy face when all you want to do is cry your heart out as loud as you can witholding nothing.
the saddest would be swallowing your shit and face it alone. like it or not, its right in front of you.
i do have to suck it up dont i?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

face the music

all these while i had an extra limb, and now i am forced to do it on my own. but this is something i have to go through sooner or later.

"sooner or later, you'll have to face the music alone", faliq told me.

he held my hand as he said,"i wont be able to help you with your project paper, that is your responsibility, but i will make a hot drink for you while you do it, take you to the library, accompany you when you're doing your survey, and be there for you the best way i can".

i think that's enough already. thanks faliq :)

Friday, March 13, 2009

crap is spelled with a 'p'

i malas nak layan boleh tak? boleh tak for once i tak payah nak senyum2 and cakap everything is fine even though ur treating me like crap?

kenape la aku ni bodo sgt pun tak tau.

the cynic

sometimes all it takes is just a small display of love. its not that difficult. but somehow people tend to disregard that one small fact that could actually make the other smile throughout the day.

what's stoping you?why must you put the egoistical barrier in front? it hurts knowing that after all these years, it still doesnt matter how much im trying here, you will never see completely exhausted.

hats off to you~

Monday, March 09, 2009

a completely exhausting trip

we arrived in terengganu around 3 am only to find out that the inn we earlier booked for was a complete nightmare, not only it resembles a horror-story-where-people-slash-you-in-the-middle-of-the-night-like, there was also no receptionist at the counter, nor was anyone picking up the phone,even the handphone, when we called.

So after 2 hours of driving aimlessly along the narrow kampung road, we finally found an inn that looked really nice and new :) which apot called the virgin inn (because the name is dara inn). as emilia and i groaned with pleasure when we sunk into the new beds, i was completely nervous for the next day because a) i dont know anyone there except for maybe 3 people whom are faliq, iqram and amelia; and b) this is a freaking royal wedding!!!

the wedding, although it was really hot, because it starts at 2pm, it was absolutely GORGEOUS. we arrived a bit later than the stated time, so we missed the "perarakan", but we managed to take pictures of the "santapan". in the evening, the newly wedded couple threw a bbq party at the same resort for their friends whom they weren't able to mingle with during the wedding, and the bride was so gorgeous! i just couldnt stop looking at her, knowing how gay i am, but yeah.

to sum it up, the trip was GREAT! and i was so glad i had an excuse to get away from the bustling KL, and managed to get myself a bit of sand here and there :)

Monday, March 02, 2009

private gifts

i came to a sudden realization that ive received panties as a form of a souvenier more than once.

my first gift was when i was still in high school, and my cousin, kak aya who was studying in uk back then gave me a small boxful of gifts, amongst the beautiful bangles were two g-strings with a "miss naughty" picture and another one a bubblegum character blowing bubbles. i dont even know why she gave me such alluring gifts when i didnt even fully understand the concept of being sexy, but then, having cartoon characters on the underwear was hardly sexy :)

second gift was a year ago when sue went to new york, and each of us girls recieved a victoria secret's panties. the name victoria secret alone was sexy, but then again the undergarment was hardly sexy, it was more of a naughty-kinky-ish type because of its vibrant colors..

and lastly. the same year sue went, ika went to indonesia and discovered a haven of shopping. and guess what she bought me?yes!lingerie!!calvin klein's bright red knickers!

maybe it is the current trend now, giving knickers as prezzies, but then again, these knickers have remained untouched for as far as i can remember because, i dont know?! i just dont feel like putting on some memorabillia my friend got me when she went over seas!