Thursday, May 24, 2007


ill be counting the days till i find out who you are.

you'll be sure that you're a dead man.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

saya pelupa

Forgetfulness may be something serious to be looked upon, medical-wise. Or, it could be a humorous journey to some. Im not saying when you’re actually on the verge of going senile, all you have to do is laugh because it’s funny, im saying the harmless stage where your mind isn’t on what you’re doing at the moment, thus, resulting to the burnt hole on your favourite pink shirt because you were actually thinking about your grocery list when you were supposed to be ironing.

Admit it. Not everyone is born with the talent of multi-tasking. We, normal HOMO SAPIENS- quoted from Magneto (X-men), are sadly, with many flaws which Includes short-term memory “loss”.

The other I was at the mall when I ran out of credit, luckily I found a DIGI centre nearby and bought the 10 ringgit top-up card. After I keyed in the serial number, I received an sms saying that the number I punched in was invalid. I was halfway back to the shop, furious because I felt cheated, only to realize that I am using HOTLINK.

How bout this? A studiomate recently when to Coffee Bean to redeem his card (you know, the ones where they give out and you have to get it all stamped and you’ll get a free drink after that). Sadly, his thirst for an ice blended went awry because the waiter told him to go to Starbucks to redeem the card.

Really, tell me, are those incidents obvious signs of going senile? Or merely you transforming into a real-life Dory (that blue fish in Finding Nemo)? The quest begins….

to you

I don’t know what actually triggered it, but it happened. The moment which would not have been possible 2 years ago happened. We boasted that time will never grow us apart, it actually did.

We’ve been in each other’s life for a long time, that I have to admit I still think of you sometimes. Though we thought we couldn’t manage it without each other, it was actually the opposite now.

Though I am not ready yet to fully belt out what’s in my heart now, maybe someday I will. But for now, I hope of the best for you, and I know you can do it.

I know you that well. Haha

all it takes

I was flipping through my phone book when I came across ham’s number. Its been 2 years since I last saw him. I sent him a message and thinking maybe he’d changed his number when I didn’t receive any reply 15 minutes later.

What I did get was a call. And we talked for 40 minutes before we decided to meet up for drinks. We talked for hours on everything in our lives. And we made a promise to meet again when he came back. And I was happy to finally meet the friend I was just thinking about the other day.

I stumbled upon ika’s number and gave her a message. She was one of m close friends in high school, and the last time I saw her was when I bumped into her in uia when her class came for a visit. This later leads to me accompanying her around bangi – kajang – and putrajaya on her expedition to find a job. Our last stop which was alamanda saw both of us having meals bought from Carrefour (because both of us are pokai, and Carrefour foods are cheaper, and taste nice too J) and talking about everything from boyfriends to funny stories on our respective campuses.

All these while when I thought maybe time showed that lives have to move on, all it take is just 5 minutes to put back what means a lot to us back in our lives.


Sometimes I’d wonder about the many people whizzing in and out of my life. Whatever has become of them, and how are they right now? it seems that they’ve moved on just fine without me as I am without them. There are times when I’ve felt regrets for not enjoying those certain moments to the fullest, for not appreciating that certain people when I should have, and for not grabbing those moments when the opportunities arose.

I wondered what could have happened if I actually love Iqbal back as much as he loved me, if I actually see that he was perfect for me at that moment of time, instead of hovering over some other guy. Would it make us stay together until now? I wondered what happened to Syaz, if I actually stayed in their group of friends instead of finding Khairun, would it mean that I would still be in touch with them until now. i wondered what could have happened if I stayed in Idayu’s group in Bangi, instead of becoming closer to Anne and Ika, would it mean I’d be a ‘skema’ student and would actually give a shit on my studies? Whatever would happen if I weren’t friends with Intan? Whatever happened to Ham and Rez, the two guys who had been my rock while I was in Bangi.

But if all those things actually happened, it would’ve meant that I would be missing out in a lot of other events happening in my life, I don’t think I’d meet ayam if I had Iqbal, I wouldn’t have met other great friends and learnt the meaning of friendship if I hadn’t been friends with khairun, I wouldn’t have learnt the bitter taste of growing up and overall life if I hadn’t been friends with Ika, and as for Anne, she has always been the one person I could count on if I needed someone, and intan has always been a sort of ‘protector’, from the Izat case, till the veggies, she has always wished for the best of me, and now I hope I won’t let her down. As for ham and rez, I wish them the best in their life, though sometimes I do miss my moments with them, I think we’d be okay for now. But I will never forget them.

All things happened for a reason, this I know, but sometimes im trying very hard to decipher the meaning of these events, and this is what I can come up with. I don’t know about you, but to me this is good enough.

my parents

When I look at my parents, ive always hoped that I would be able to have what they have when im married.

They are now only husband and wife, but best friends. They never hide anything from each other. They constantly talk about everything that’s bogging their mind, and sort it out together, with me secretly eavesdropping of course.

They have never shown their anger and resentment towards each other until I actually thought that they have never had those marriage fights, but everyone does, but they hid it pretty good, fooled me till now. they have always shown their love for each other with those moments when I see them holding hands while watching television. I wont go into details about their intimacy, that’s just gross.

They always find each other’s lame jokes funny, even though it’s not to me (such as the ayam jokes, which are quite rampant nowadays, for example calling ayam, kfc because it is deemed offensive when I referred to ayam’s father as bapak ayam, so they opt for kfc). They are contented with having each other even though the world around them is falling apart. They are blissfully happy being with each other even though friends and families walked in and out of their lives. They love their children they have together and wished for the best of them. They are willing to sacrifice almost anything for their children’s happiness because their children are the testimonial of their love. They have supported one another through thick and thin and have always shown that he is her biggest supporter and likewise, even if others are doubtful, including me. They are respectful towards one another though they constantly poke fun on one another. Another bonus is that they never give a shit when one of them farts in an offensively loud manner (hint: my male parent).

They have never shown their love for each other fading. And that is the most important.

from a sister

I’ve only found out that my sisters have Attention Deficit Disorder a few days ago. After 14 years being their big sister, I’ve just recently found out that my sisters have ADD. Maybe to some people, they would say they have ADD as a joke, but my sisters are diagnosed with ADD. This was why my sisters are still illiterate at the age of 14. I have never really given much thought of my sisters’ condition, until now. When I am in university, and I began to understand why ibu has always emphasized that my sisters will be my responsibilities in the future, when they’re gone. This is why I have to take my mother’s word literally.

Hundreds of visits to the hospital when we were kids have always been an agony to me. It meant I have to wake up early in the morning on a weekend just to avoid the catastrophic traffic of Kuala Lumpur, just to visit my sisters’ therapist at the HUKL. Although sometimes I looked forward to going to the HUKL’s cafĂ© for their delicious donuts, I never understood the purpose of why my sisters had to visit the lady with the spectacles inside the room filled with toys and colorful balls, and why my sister Syanaz had to wear a specially – ordered shoes, but my dad said because she had difficulties in walking. Syanaz has always been the slower one, when Syafinaz, the youngest, was able to walk, she was still crawling.

I never understood why my sisters had speech difficulties and sometimes their pronunciation was different than other people, such as toilet was pronounced as toyet. And I never could grasp the reality that my sisters were slow learners until when I realized that they still had difficulties in reading at the age 12. I have to admit that all these while I was so embarrassed with my sisters’ condition that I never really cared what they had to go through, bullied by the kids from the neighborhood, never had the opportunity to go out and play with the other kids, because they didn’t want to play with them, and not being able to have a spoiled and wonderful childhood like I had, because of many other reasons. I was a cold – hearted and ignorant bitch.

Despite me being a horrible sister, it was them who were eager to talk to me on the phone when my dad called, just to ask if I had eaten. It was them who were eager to accompany my parents to send me off to college every time I came back. And it was them who were worried for me when I cried during one of my horrible break – ups. Although I had wished that God would reward them with a normal life one fine day, which I have to admit, one of the stupidest wish I have ever made, I have finally accepted my sister as they are. And I thank God for bringing them into my life. Imagine what would be like if I was the only child, I don’t think life would be as blissful as now.

Although they might not have the childhood like I had, but I know that they will be okay being surrounded by people who love them, and I think that is enough and as long as they have each other. My dearest sisters, although I know I don’t show it, and I have not always been the greatest sister, but I promise you with my life that I will always be there, taking care and loving you always.

a job

20th April 2007

I just got my first job today. After a series of rejection at the oh-so-‘cool’ Alamanda shopping mall, an unexpected turn to the bulatan perdana landed me on my first job, a part – time crew at the Dairy King ice cream parlor. Yah yah yah yah!!! Take that alamanda!!

Berikut merupakan deskripsi pekerjaan baru saya:
I’ll be working from 8.30 a.m until 3 p.m., so to all of you who wish to contact me, please do so after 3.
I’ll be working for 6.5 hours.
The wage is not much, though it is kept as a secret for fear of possible extortion by any anonymous blog reader (not that anyone reads my bog..haha)
My first pay will be spent on getting my fixed mp4 yang dah berbulan terceruk at the kedai.

I couldn’t help but grin throughout the entire journey back home. After a week of job hunting, finally someone wants me! Aww….at first I thought that i don’t think I can ever show my face at alamanda again. Ill bet the whole community of alamanda can recognize my face as the girl who couldn’t get a job. But now, who gives a shit coz I got a FRIGGIN’ JOB!!!

21st April

First day at work

Arrived at 8.10 a.m. and realized the front door is not open yet. Wandered around aimlessly at the playground in the front and wondered how the pak guards and makcik cleaners managed to get themselves in. then saw two kids who I think are also part – timers and they were snickering when they saw me with my futile efforts to get in, when the glass door won’t open, not because the sensor was rosak, but the damn sensor wasn’t switched on yet. 15 minutes later asked a pakcik how to get in, and followed him to the back door. Realized that now I can’t use the front door if I want to get my butt on time, but have to settle for the back door, where the others used.

Kak fauziah arrived 15 minutes late. But she taught me almost everything I need to know to handle the whole booth. She’s a good teacher, a patient and very soft – spoken person, and lets just say I am a fast learner..hahaha. and by 10, ive got the gist on how to manage the booth.

At 11, another girl, Siti, came, who was a year younger and a part timer also. She’s been working there for 4 months now, just finished her STPM. A soft – spoken kelantanese and a very nice person. And I noticed that she is very cekap with scooping ice cream, even with two scoops at a time. Scooping ice cream is one of my major kelemahan, kak fauziah told me to practice scooping ice cream at home.

Ive managed to learn how to operate the cash register, whip up a milkshake, make almost all the different toppings they have, and how to fold a packet of napkins in a short time. Hordes of Chinese tourists who didn’t understand a single word of English is a pain in the ass and it adds salt to the wound when they kept on asking if they can use their currency. What are we, an ice cream booth cum money changer?

The staffs could stop complaining about how hot it is, because the air cond is not really working, on us, but the area okay je. It made matters worse when the food court management took away our fan with a promise of a cooler temperature in a while, but takde rase ape2 pun.

By the end of my shift, I realized my legs have nearly come off and my body has never felt so much pain before. I thought my whole body would patah2 and id just die. The fact that I was crammed in the car due to the stupid congestion in damansara on the way to send wanie off is not helping me ease my agonies.

2nd day
22nd April

Arrived early, took the back door and realized Kak Zarina, the other kakak, is not there yet. Kak zarina, or what the others called mukna, is not the warmest person on earth. Don’t know why, and don’t want to know. I’ve decided to just stick doing my job when I realized she hasn’t spoken a word to me, aside from telling me what I should do. And realized she might not like me that much when I asked if I should change the banana strawberry tub because it was too soft and it was difficult to scoop it, and she said nonchalantly, “saya buat boleh”, and I just nodded red – faced.

An hour later, realized that maybe she is not too bad, she taught me a lot of things, including how to scoop a soft ice cream, and maybe she is just slow in the warming up process. When siti came, kak zarina instantly lights up and suddenly she was very talkative, to siti lah. Aiya, nevermind lah, malas mau amik peduli, I just do my work and get my pay, ok dah.

By the end of the day, managed to scoop two ice creams at a time, and learned how to do the slushee mix. And my hands hurt like hell due to ice berg – like ice creams.

And they were still complaining about the panas temperature.

23rd April
3rd day of work

Arrived on time and get on with my job, kak zarina arrived about 15 minutes later. She took no time in putting me to labour with waffle – mixing!! The agony of yesterday wasn’t really healed and now I had to whip up the stupid waffle mix.

And when it was over, she taught me how to make the waffle cones, shich I have to say, something I really hate now. a number of failed attempts to roll the damn waffle into a cone, and finally I got the rhythm. But I am still weak in putting the lump of the waffle mix on the taster because mine kept getting puffy when it was masak, instead of flat and crunchy.

By the end of the day, I realized that I can’t really hate the Chinese tourists because they are our biggest customers, even if they are rude, impatient and yells at you. They are sometimes nice, and I realized that I don’t want to work in this type of job for the rest of my life. I am very much grateful to be in university. And I hate it when ayam said “ now you know how hard it is to earn money”, because its true.

amidst the faces

Amidst the faces

Amidst the many beautiful faces, you saw me.

Amidst the many beautiful people surrounding you, you saw me.

Amidst the many demure and soft personalities that are the favorites of many, you chose my robustness.

Amidst the many normal choices you could’ve made, you made a different one.

Amidst the many faces racing past my head, I saw you too.

Amidst the blurry thoughts spoken about you, I saw right through you.

Amidst the many obstacles faced, I stayed with you.

Amidst the many new faces approaching, I loved you.

And I still do, and growing more each day.

to naim

The other I found my old diary in which I wrote my heart out when I have just finished spm. I discovered a lot of things related to my life which was new, forgotten and very foreign. One of the significant entries was of my relationship with naim before it turned sour.

Though I told a lot of people we broke up because of his refusal to understand my newfound way of life when I took up built environment, it was actually becase I wasn’t really putting my head into the relationship, but he was the opposite.

The diary entries rattled on about how great he was, and actually, it was true. I can’t believe it took me 4 years to finally find out about it. I blame my ignorant self and my difficulties in deciphering the intentions and feelings of other people around me, and not to forget my never ending daydreaming.

He was actually the best I had before ayam came. He showed his loyalty to me despite me being in gombak, and him in bangi. He was patiently waiting for me to come home, which was quite rare because of my irregular period at that moment. (I was in gombak to khatam quran). And he made sure we see each other everyday whenever I came back, meaning he would drive illegally to take me out for breakfast, and made the plans to go out (which is the complete opposite in my current, and other relationships, where I have to make the plans).

He’d call every night from the public phone not far from his house when I’m in gombak, and he even woke up at 3 am to catch me before I push off to penang with my aunt and her family. He even came to mid valley just to meet me for 2 hours because my aunt had to run a few errands there. How he swat off the snide remarks and stories of my past relationship with izat with pride. He even missed his grandfather’s tahlil to meet up with me before I leave for matrix uia. He never made any moves to get physical and made sure that I knew that he didn’t care about my past.

Despite the shitty ending, especially when he was being an ass when he mintak balik the stuff he gave me, I guess I deserved it. If I’m not mistaken, it started when I chose to go to subang instead of hanging out with him during our anniversary. And I think that did it. I persuaded khairun to drive all the way to his college so I could meet him (but I didn’t in the end because his rumah sewa was actually in bdr. Tasik selatan, I didn’t know because I didn’t care enough to ask, I guess) it was actually pointless because the moment I drove him to edge where he finally saw that it wasn’t worth to stay in the relationship, he had finally closed the book of trying to make it work in the one man show relationship.

I never knew I could be so heartless to a guy who gave it all to me. Though I was heartbroken for a few days, and the first time I cried when I broke up, I recovered quickly and moved on like there was no yesterday. My theory was, i thought I loved him, but it was only just an infatuation. Now, after four years, finally I know how it was. I wished I knew back then. Naim, I hope you’ll forgive me.


top 5 wierdest request ever recieved:
1. banana split without the banana
2.banana without the split..or ice cream...or whatever u call it
3.ais kacang a.k.a abc
5.100 plus yang kakak fauziah(a fulltimer) drank
Life of a Dairy King Ice Cream Parlor Worker:
1.proudest skill acquired: able to scoop two ice creams at once
2.weirdest order received : Banana Split without the banana
3.the reason why working at an ice cream parlor sux: u start having dreams of taking ice cream orders
4.most favored flavour to be scooped : mint chips because its just nice
5.most hated flavour to be scooped : the new chocolate flavored from berkley’s farm, because its as sticky as a starch and as hard as an ice, which results to hands becoming sore, and persistent sweating even if you are surrounded by freezers.
6.current favourite color : pink, because that’s the color of the uniform
7.current hated color: pink, because that’s the color of the uniform
8.most hated moment during working : the time when a group of senior aged Chinese tourist who do not understand a single word of English, and wanted to buy ice creams, but they were short of a few bux, but they claimed they gave 10 bux earlier, it lead to a war of words by using two different languages and the ladies speaking with an unusually high-pitched voices, and lasted for about 15 minutes, it drove away most of the other customers, and ended with me paying for one of the ice cream just to get rid of the ladies.
9.current favourite past time : folding napkins into two, with an average of two packets a day
10.future goal in life after quitting: if anyone ever asked me to scoop ice creams during any family functions I swear I’ll throw the scoop at that person’s face.