Thursday, December 31, 2009

new year is inching near, and i feel old already. god. im going to be 24 :(

joe bought me a box of kurma from oman, and the minute i saw i the box, aww..its bateel la..that's so nice of him.

tonight puteri harbour is having a new year's eve party, which i think is kinda lame since we all have to got to work the next day (yes, johor tak cuti new year); but then, since u get to eat free food, why not right?

ive somehow ditched any plans of making resolutions because i believe it is a total crap. i 've never managed to fulfill all, and along the way, even forgot the list of the many resolutions. *yelah, tulis nak sampai berbelas2, lepas tu bodoh2 plak, lepas tu bende same je every year, since last year tak dapat accomplish, carry forward to the next year.

resolutions are for suckers. u dont need resolutions to change your life. you need YOU to change it.

happy new year people. dont party too hard, sebab nanti i jealous. boo johor.

Monday, December 28, 2009

a piece of advise from me to you.

do not let tv rule your life.

"malas la nak keluar, malam ni ade csi"; "i bole keluar lepas pukul 1.30 je, sebab melodi pukul 1"; oh god, please, get me an ubat sakit kepala pronto man.

sekarang ni penyakit dah berjangkit dkt aku plak; joe and kak yan invited me out for dinner, and im actually contemplating because at 8.30 tonight ade citer korea boys over flowers. wtf la syaza.

i mean seriously guys, we have let our lives to revolve around the television a wee bit too much. yeah i get it that if you miss the show you'll miss it forever, but oi, ade re-runs kan? maybe not as soon as you might want it to be, maybe 3 months later or something, but hey, the point is here, we really should not hinder our social lives to be what it is now, when we actually had the opportunity to have fun, meet new people and interact just because we're afraid to leave that one episode. so please do not give me that crap that you're single lah, takde bf lah, gelabah nak kawen tapi takde calon-lah because you're not doing anything about it! the damn tv is not going to introduce you to a new set of friends! you have to do it yourself man.

life is just too short to wait for the tv show to end. get out there and enjoy life while you're still at it! and dont give us the sad excuse there's no one out there. that is just plain lazy and lame.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

induction program

yesterday we had an induction program for trainees, and for the first time, no, actually, the second time, i get to meet the other trainees in UEM Land. this is not an easy feat you see, because Puteri Harbour is located at the very tip of Nusajaya, therefore all contacts with others staffs of UEML is minimal. which results to me, and zarina, having little contacts with the other trainees. and by the time we went for the induction course, which was 2 months after our appointment, the others have already formed their own cliques and circles. *sad case betul la. somehow it felt like going back to school all over again, like you're sitting in a class, while a lecturer talks in the front, but i never managed to kick off the habit of sleeping in the class, because i slept during the induction too! hahahaha.. which resulted to my arms being bruised due to ima's pinching in an attempt to wake me up :p

but nevertheless, the induction program was somehow an eye opening experience for me. now im beginning to take things seriously, because i realize that i am blessed to be given the opportunity to work here. even though the gaji is shitty la kan~ its the experience that counts right?rightttttt

so came to the office and found this on my table, given by my boss, li ann, who is on leave today because of christmas eve.

im going back today, somehow the excitement has worn off a bit. *sigh* merry christmas everyone

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

dah ready ke belum

an old schoolmate just got married. pondering on how life has been lately, cant help feeling a bit old. hahaha..god, im only 23 for god's sake. well, 24 this coming new year. :)

im thinking of whether im ready to get married, therefore i've devised a checklist to see if im ready to get married:

1. cooking - so far i've only done fryings, does that count? i can fry onion rings, nuggets, eggs, etc. owh, and i once cooked a veggie dish (although i dont eat them, nina taught me how, in case my future husband wants to eat veggies, which i assume he would because any normal people except for myself eats veggies) > check

2. taking care of kids - i've been an okay aunt to my nephews and nieces, only that i get really disgusted by their poo > check

3. having a stable job - okay, im only a trainee right now, so..i'll have to pass off this one

4. able to shop, even after you've bought things for your kids (which is very expensive because a maclaren buggy costs RM 1k)- DEFINITELY NO! i cant even afford to shop that much for myself! with this ounce of money im making right now!

5. savings of 30k and above for the wedding reception - unfortunately for us, malays, we like to have a very lavish wedding reception and invite thousands of guests we didnt even know; because, that is just the custom. (okay, im exaggerating, our parents like to invite ALL OF OUR RELATIVES, and people we've never met before, but they have) > *sigh, savings sendiri pun tak cukup lagi

only 2 out of far..ill include more later so that ill have the majority win.hahaha..

Monday, December 21, 2009

avatar. great movie. no doubt about it.

i watched avatar twice in a span of two days. it's a great movie, though with a very cliched storyline, it kept you glued to the screen for 3 hours straight. at the end of the movie, i left the theater totally smitten by the guy called jake sully, wheelchairs,blue skinned, naked body and all.

the storyline though, posed a lot of questions to me, particularly how it publicly mocks consumers today, which it depicts how we couldn't care less for the environment as long as we get that damn unobtanium at any cost. unobtanium = our needs, a.k.a petrol, or energy, or anything that is detrimental to the environment.

another thing is the 'white man's guilt' storyline, like this one viewer said. the typical white man oppresion over indigenous group of people and how they destroy everything in their way in order to gain wealth, and alas, one of their own people (the white man) betrayed his own race and became the hero of this group of the oppressed. it shows how much they wish to rule and conquer from the inside as opposed to conquering the group as an outsider. the resemblance of the music and culture of the na'vis to indeginous africans is also just 'purely' a coincidence right?

sometimes a movie isnt just a movie. it is the mirror of what the world is. sometimes it is so true that you wished you wouldnt have thought so hard about the damn meaning and just enjoy the movie.

Sunday, December 20, 2009


ive been here for 3 days now. UTM. the first thing that comes into the picture was the size of this place. its twice as big as IIUM. it seems like the sort-of-university you've always dreamed about, they've got greens, a park, and even a stable of horses for their equestrian club.

students here are basically fitness freaks who jogs every evening, and plays sports. they dont have curfews and they can wear whatever the hell they want. hahaha..i sound like a jealous bitch. but then when you were a student of IIUM, it makes you envious of the liberal rules of other universities. IIUM kannn..naik motor dengan lelaki pun kene saman. islamic la katakan. tapi bile orang ofis tak efisien, tak buat keje betul2, tak de kene ape2 plak. tu bukan tak islamic ke tu?buat keje sambil lewa?..dah la..malas nak bukak balik pekung di dada (cewahhh..ah pandai gune bm punye proverbs)


anyways, my utm vacations was a fun one :)

the picture was taken when ika took me to the observatory tower in utm (they've an observatory tower for god's sakes!)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

a slow number today

a slow day after a tiring day yesterday. missing the student's life i once had. reminiscing the past could sometimes make me feel sad, friends, and love, both lost and found, and the ones that remains, will always have their place in my heart. :)

cuti awal muharram saya buat ape.

yesterday, ika took me to places that i should visit in johor in order to eradicate my depression about being stuck in here, particularly gelang patah.

okay, we didnt go jalan2 in gelang patah, nak tgk ape kat gelang patah. takde ape2 okayyy... we went shoppinggggggg!! and haha..i didnt know that johor is haven for cheap but really cool items :D and i had the chance to see the new ciqp which was linked to the city square mall, it almost looks like kl sentral, only smaller. but hopefully the plan to link malaysia and singapore with the MRT / Komunter / what-have-you will be completed soon, because i WANT TO GO TO SINGAPORE!..kesian kan tak pegi2 lagi?

we wanted to watch avatar, but alas, we found out that the cinema was closed in respect of awal muharram (johor ni islamic jugak, new year pun tak cuti okayy). and it will only be opened at 6.30. so imagine the crowd that was assembling in front of the cinema at 6. it was massive! it almost turned into a stampede when the cinema doors were opened. but luckily, due to ika's quick action of selit2 (i was already sandwiched by giant guys all around), we managed to get the first show of avatar of the day :) and i have to tell you, the movie was worth the sandwiching between sweaty,smelly guys. :)

Later that night we went for dinner at this place they call atas pokok, because of its concept a'la dining in a tree house. and got pick up buy a guy. :D ahahaha. the day ended with a stroll along the fun fair at the danga bay, and we went on the huge carousel taking stupid pictures and laughed till our stomach hurts. the place felt like it needs a bit tweaking here and there, but poses great potential to be a really fun place. shame about the poor maintenance and lack of exuberance though.

thank you ika. it gave me GREAT COMFORT in knowing that johor is not that bad after all.

p/s: all the pictures we took was deleted by a stupid virus on ika's memory stick. f***k

Thursday, December 17, 2009

nak spokang tapi tak terer

suddenly i came to a realization that i am becoming more and more 'bodoh english' by the day. words don't come out naturally as it should before, its getting more difficult to remember the correct words and terms associated with anything i had in mind at the moment, and i am not so conversant in english anymore. what the hell happened?

adoi..kalau nak speaking kat sini karang kene sepak ke ape, orang ingat, "eh, bajet habisss", newspaper pun sekarang susah nak dapat. maybe i shud just stick to reading books, but i really dont have any spare cash for books, and they're effing expensive! (eleh, for baju ade la plak spare cash kannn).

rase sedih pulak bile fikir pasal ni :'(

dulu bukan main lagi kutuk orang yg tak reti cakap english.sekarang, HAH! rasekan!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

berebut lelaki

watched a video of two girls in a brawl over a guy. OVER A GUY. apekah? takde keje lain ke ape? do you know who they should give their flying kicks to instead of to each other? to that particular GUY! gaduh sampai tergolek2 kat lantai mall, tak malu ke ape. lelaki setan tu pegi mane plak? takkan terus lari kot. nampak sgt memang tak boleh pakai.

girls, im not being a miss smarty pants here, all im saying is, its not worth the fight la. i once had a bf who cheated on me with a girl 4 years younger..when i found out, of course i felt like it was a slap in the face? was i showing signs of aging already? we were both 17 FOR GOD'S SAKE! but i did what i had to do. rid him off the system and just walk out. it wasnt easy, but i did it. and he couldnt accept the fact that i left, i think he was expecting a fight to ensue, but sorry..
hahaha..ive got an exam coming up (SPM la mase tu). bile dah ade toxic dalam diri, takkan nak simpan kan?

so, laydieess, please, dont stoop down to their level. you're better than this. there will always be someone out there for you. if it doesnt work out, then let us just leave it that way. is he someone worth fighting for? when he had the cheek to cheat on you, AND expect you to fight for HIM? BANYAK CANTEK DIE.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

empty bird nest tak pernah wujud

no matter how old you are, when you are in the company of your parenst, all your troubles just sort of sort itself out. they have this amazing ability to make you feel safe as soon as you step into the house, ade hutang keliling pinggang ke, sakit sampai tak boleh berjalan ke, kelaparan sebab takde duit ke, balik je rumah, mesti terus elok balik.

i went home unexpectedly due to an emergency case, and as soon as i boarded the bus, i was overcome with a sense of relief that 3 hours later i will meet my parents, and everything will be okay. i didnt feel so alone as i did an hour earlier.

tapi kadang2 diri ni manja sgt pun. sampai semua bende pun nak suruh ayah ibu buat. isi borang bank ayah buat, goreng makanan ibu buat, jahit button ayah buat, tak ke mengade tu? elok jugak i duduk kat gelang patah ni, belajar sikit macamane nak be independent. takdelah macam penyegan sgt (penyegan is a term for pemalas in northern accent).

but then again, i dont really get people who could go on for years without coming home once in awhile. yeah, i get that you're busy and all, but it wouldnt hurt to spare a weekend to go home every 4 months or so. ive got a few friends who could go on for months without coming home. although i find that pretty hebat, its actually quite sad too that you've disengaged yourself from home. *sigh, owh well, i am after all my parent's anak manja.

Monday, December 07, 2009


weekend was an utterly exhausting affair; shopping for groceries and a pair of platforms and a cardigan in between :)AND PEOPLE, PLEASE, AVOID J CARD DAY ANYTIME POSSIBLE, BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY CAN GET A BIT CRAAAZZZYYY.

i went to an Indian wedding yesterday night. well, i must say, indian weddings are a lavish event brimmed with colours and glitters everywhere. how everyone came and put on their best saris was a scene one wouldnt want to miss. and the music! oh god, it certainly lifts up and make u want to go on the dancefloor and dance some bhangra :D (forgive me of my limited knowledge of indian cultures and dances)

life in johor has finally caught up with me. just a while ago i was whining about missing home so much, and the weekend turned out to be quite likeable.

and this weekend im going for a paintball match with my colleagues.

Have a GREEN Christmas everyone :)

Thursday, December 03, 2009

im not going to kid myself anymore

who am i trying to kid? God? putting up pictures of forced smile with a backdrop of a gorgeous waterfront does not mean im a happy girl.

Im not happy. i miss my family, my other half and my friends terribly. at the same time, there are these dark, negative thoughts shrouding my already weak mind like a person given anaesthatic, telling me to go home. sometimes i cursed myself for being too weak. stupid. stupid. stupid.

missing dinners, dates, and get-togethers have somehow become a norm. this is not how i pictured this phase of my life to be. but then again, life always take you by surprise. and a hell-lot of a surprise it was.

the only silver lining i could think of was, the limited time spent became unforgettable moments. breathing in the familiarity, watching your family while they watch the tv, unable to wipe off the grin on your face as you come face to face with your love makes you appreciate the good things in your life more.

i think ive been in this stagnated position far too long. drowning in my own misery and wallowing in self-pity is not going to get me anywhere. it's time i take the wheels and push back all these emotions aside, for awhile as i fight for what i've always dreamed about. im not in high school or university anymore. this is REAL.

gambar di tempat keje dan semasa site visit

them. i miss

i miss my sisters. :(

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Jacob black saya punya

oh my god...i can't believe jacob can be soooo HOTTTTT...and his hot body is to DIE FOR...

did you think it was easy trying to look uninterested when a full-blown adonis is displayed on the large screen because faliq was looking really uncomfortable as i showed signs of swooning due to extreme hotness of jacob black.


Wednesday, November 25, 2009


walaupun gaji pangkat pencacai, but it's still my first paycheck!! (disregarding the paychecks i got from AJM :P )

Monday, November 23, 2009

Al Fatihah for izu's dad

condolences and al-fatihah for my dearest friend and one of the best roomates ive ever had, Izu; her father has just passed away this evening at 2pm.

right now i hate being here because i cant be there for her. i hope she will be okay.

a short trip that kept me sane :)

a walk by the beach will certainly loosen some of those tensed muscles of yours :)

this is the cardigan im dying to get but at the moment "no money" kicks in and i wished i couldve just shoplifted it....>.<

last weekend i followed my housemate back to her hometown in PD as a quick excuse to get away from Johor.

i know i workload hevent even piled up and yet im complaining..but hey, you're not the one stuck at the end of the peninsular with no form of entertainment execept for a few lousy singaporean channels.

so i'll say this, the trip did me good, and i came back to work energized and ready to boom it all out. im going to have to start finding a new hobby as so to keep
my emotional health in check.

p/s:we didnt get to take a dip in the laut because it rained, so the best we had was a walk by the beach. pictures will be uploaded later in facebook. :)

Friday, November 20, 2009

a fruitful day it was yesterday

me in the corporate uniform of UEM Land. rase macam pekerja kilang pun ade :P

God! Yesterday was an utterly exhausting day! But im quite excited now that my work pace has finally increased a little as compared to before. Before lunch, we had a signing ceremony between UEM Land Berhad and UM Land regarding the Sales & Purchase agreement for a commercial building here. And right after the ceremony there was a meeting between the consultants and the CEO of UEM Land regarding the CS4-1; a mixed use development that will implement green building technology. its a treasured experience I wouldn’t trade with anything else to be able to sit in a meeting with an international architecture firm (the name is HOK International, it’s one of the largest in the world I think); which takes the proposal slightly up the notch as compared to local architects along with the CEO of UEM Land. This is even confirmed by local architects themselves :) even though right now we’re only in the conceptual design stage, it is indeed a new learning experience for me to understand the built environment industry better.

p/s: I keep seeing the motivation that could drive me towards achieve my goal, but i have yet to know the way around to it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

stylish muslims

ive become increasingly fascinated with muslim fashion. actually this is not a new thing, ive started since i entered uia. well, if you must know, uia is the melting pot of various muslim fashion that looks great and modest. it might not look like what average malaysians would wear, but it does make a few heads turn. :)you see all these foreign students who are not afraid to wear whatever they like. outfits in various dazzling colours and styles, they even go for the layering look even though its 30 degrees celcius! but nevertheless, ive always admired their sense of style, some might oppose to it, saying they look plain ridiculous, but i think its all about confidence, and knowing you look good :)

recently i encountered this blog, it gave me great insights on how to look cool without compromising your religious requirements :) maybe i should work on fine tuning my dressing style..hahaha

Monday, November 16, 2009

another day kat puteri harbour

today a big ship is parked at the marina. it belongs to TMJ. (Tunku Mahkota Johor). the name of the ship is Aminah, after one of his daughters. i think. and every once in a while the ship will blow its horn/bunyi honk yg kapal bunyik tuh, shocking the lives out of us here.

warna ship tu biru..macam a luxurious ship, unlike the other boats parked here. other boats paled in comparison to this particular ship.ship ni macam bukan jenis "orang travel the whole world with this ship" that depicts the hardships of having to go through the treacherous sea and bla bla, its more like a "im rich and im on a private cruise to majorca, and ade orang yg bawakkkan this ship".

so bile ship ni park kat sini, die macam out of place sikit. sebab harbour ni macam untuk orang yg jenis redah aje, tak main class2 ni..tapi takpelah..die ade kat sini macam style la jugak kan..

seronok dapat pulang sebentar

went back last weekend and it was awesome! i think it is true. that when you are away from the ones that you love, you will appreciate them more. like how i went back early after an outing with my besties just so i can spend some time with my family. *which i never did if i go out with my friends before i moved*

relishing all those moments, even if it is just for a short breakfast makes the 5-hours trip back home worthwhile :)

Friday, November 13, 2009


when i listen to......, it reminds me of......:

1. angus and julia stone (just a boy) - sue
2. chevelle songs - radhi
3. Bob Sinclair (World Hold On) - nina
5. Radiohead (No surprises) - Japan
6. Estelle (American Boy) - Faliq
7. Lady Gaga (Poker Face) - Mizi
8. Arctic Monkeys (Fluorescent Adolescent) - Kori
9. Batmobile (its the ringtone for my smses) - Kuhaz
10. Spongebob Squarepants theme song - my family, because i always watch spongebob when im at home :(
11. Coldplay (Amsterdam) - when i was doing my practical in Kelana Jaya

there..this will actually fill my time while i wait for the office hours to end and i can go home :D

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

homecoming plans will be put off for now

my sisters thought that i am on a road trip or a program. they didnt know i will be staying here for a long time. when they asked me when im coming home, i cried after putting down the phone. maybe because deep inside i realized i am in a state of denial. i kept thinking that this is only a temporary post. im out of here sooner or later.

having to rebuild my life from scratch, meeting new people, and having to get used to being alone most of the time can actually take a toll on your self-esteem. i need a booster. im really starting to get annoyed with the frequent mentions of my ex. but im going to have to suck it up for now. after all, im barely two weeks old here.

its funny how this has always been what i wanted, i.e. getting a job in a MNC, moving to a new place to acquire new experiences, and now that i've got it, the only thing on my mind is home.

what is cinta and love?

how can you define cinta in English? the greatest love maybe? if sayang has already encompass love, then cinta is a totally different level of love.

people dont go around saying "saya cinta awak" or "baby, i cintakan you"; well, except for maybe in malay dramas (because dah name drama pun, so overly dramatic is their niche)

people say,"i sayang you", or "saya sayang awak".

i guess cinta is reserved for the only one who deserves it. our greatest love of all. our Creator. "saya cintakan Allah", that's what people would say. because to sum up the feeling of love for Him is well, impossible.

Monday, November 09, 2009

cant wait for friday :)

facebook has been blocked by my company..whattttt...anyways, i am sooo looking forward to friday, because ika will pick me up and we'll have a sleepover at her room in UTM. and this weekend..FALIQ MIGHT BE COMING OVER, ALONG WITH NINA!

YAY! today i had such a big fat smile on my face that i didnt really care im actually stranded in a middle of nowhere called nusajaya. :D

but so far, working here is okay la. last saturday there was an event at the harbour, and i get to take pictures with Barney and Pingu :) owh, and not to forget, Yasmin Yusoff who was the emcee that day :) and later that night we had a live band performing and a bbq party along with the boaters and i had the chance to dance with them.

p/s:i bought tickets for raya haji already!hahaha..tak sabar giler nak balik, padahal lagi 3 minggu

Friday, November 06, 2009


these are two of my six housemates when i was in GEMS. i was exceptionally close to enard, the one with the cute bob, and nad. suddenly i miss them a lot; especially when i start to think about my current housemates. :( this picture was taken on the night when i was leaving GEMS. we cried till but still managed to put on a smile in front of the camera.

my housemates, ijat, tiqa, fara, zura, enard and nad; is an eccentric bunch of people, and i miss their eccentricities. :(

i wish them all the best. and hopefully they will acheive their goals and dreams.

my workplace

this is my cubicle. this is a usual view of it when it rains.
however, leaking roofs aside, my office is a really nice place to be at.the other two pictures are the sceneries of the office :)


When you left, you leave behind a trail of your so-called “legacy” and forgotten friends who still remember you. When I left, you made it sound to the whole world how cruel I was, without pointing the same finger to yourself.

All these while I was feeling guilty, waiting for the reckoning for whatever I did to you; well, it has finally subsided. I don’t need this anymore. Oh, and as for the job, I earned every right to be there, out of my own qualifications and effort. I certainly did not owe it to you. I am perfectly capable of achieving it on my own.
thank you very much

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

summary of life that moved too fast to savour

How can I sum up all the things that has happened in my life? I cant. Life moved as quick as a lightning with a burning desire to retain what I had, felt, or experienced; and yet I know the only way I can go now is forward.

My GEMS experience is one that I will never forget. I don’t regret joining the program because what I gained in return is much more rewarding than the prior desire to get the allowance allocated for us participants. I pushed myself to become more than I was before. I was more outgoing, expressive, and active. I participated in events I never knew I would, such as public speaking. I gained new knowledge and skills that will benefit me in the future, and last but not least, I gained good friends that I hope will last me a lifetime. The late-night mamak visits, karaoke, bowling during lunchtime, and even swimming with the four boys had given me memories that I will treasure for life.

And now im in Johor, under the YES trainee program for UEM Land. A big transition from the busy city life in KL to a new one in Johor, Gelang Patah to be exact. I have to admit that im not made of stone. I have only been here for 4 days, and I miss my home like crazy. The impending thought that I will remain here permanently almost exhaust my tears. But I know deep down is I have to do this for my family. For myself. To push myself to a new territory that I never know of before, to challenge myself. I can definitely do this.

Before I left, I was given the opportunity to enjoy the company of my friends. In GEMS, they held a small going-away party for bob and i. the geng larut malam even took me out for a last mamak visit for my favourite roti canai garing. I had the lala session with me ex-roomies and it was great catching up. And last but not least, my ring of friends that I will always treasure, mizi, nina and radhi, along with their respective partners, hahaha. The dinner at klcc was as casual as ever, as if it was not a goodbye, just a reassurance that things will always remain this way. Nothing will ever change. And the same goes to my relationship with faliq. Things will remain steadfast as ever.

On my first day, I received countless calls and sms-es from friends, families and the other haf asking how I was doing. Mizi, nina, shahir, zura, nad, ika, my parents, and my faliq. Thank you for your concerns. I love you guys.

p/s: two tutors (en. Ismail and Tuan Faiz) has told me that I will do well here in UEM. I should proof to them that they’re right, right?

Friday, October 23, 2009

my boyfriend the yakuza

this is faliq and i when we first started dating. notice how he looks clean and nice

this is faliq's look right now. mizi said he looks like a yakuza, seconded by sue.

public speaking is scary

yesterday was the preliminary round for public speaking. so..if you all must know, GEMS will be having their talent day competition this saturday. and guess what? i got to be one of three finalists for public speaking!!!!!!

omg, when i think of speaking in public, it gives me quivers that can cause me countless trips to the toilet. no need to elaborate on that, i think everyone knows what happened. it'd be an awful lie if i say that i was not happy. out of 11 very good speakers, i managed to become one the three enlisted to the finals :)

so thank you gems for boosting my self-confidence and improving my skill in speaking in the speaking in the public :) (macam promo ad je kan?)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

this is really good

khairun got me this when she went to australia last laughing at the irony of it

sad of leaving

after being here for 3 weeks, im starting to get attached to this place. GEMS i mean. i think its the people. its quite refreshing to meet new people, and finally doing something after being cooped up for so long watching nothing but spongebob.

during my first few weeks, my roomate, tika, and i played bowling almost everyday (yes, we have a bowling area here), and i got a spare and a strike! tak percaya?tgk la score board nanti..(we bowled in our baju kurungs)

and my groupmates are a hell of a bunch. they're loud and its not hard to get attached to them. :)

ill be sad when the time comes for me to leave this place. :'(

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


im scared. im shitless scared. of moving to johor. what if i had a late night craving of roti canai? whose going to teman me to the mamak restaurant? and ika told me the mamak over there are bloody expensive. how am i supposed to counter this???how how how?

im scared because im uncertain. but at the same time, im excited. to proof myself. to proof that i am capable of anything. i am excited because this is one step to a dream ive always had.

but i there are a lot of things i'll miss. persons. and routines. and the familiarity. its scary how easily people are able to move on and get on with their lives.

last saturday, the night before my graduation, i spent the day with faliq. i cried as i think of the uncertainties ahead of me, it scares me that finally, i will be on my own.

last sunday was my graduation day. it signalled the end of my relationship with IIUM. the past few days was filled with a whirlwind of events that i didnt have time to reflect upon my life, especially on one of the biggest days of my life.

as i returned the robe yesterday, i couldnt help being overwhelmed with emotions, and held back my tears as i drove out of the university. it was somehow my sanctuary for 4 years, through thick and thin, it was one of the only unchanged force in my life. and here i was, feeling as if i was forced to evict this comfort zone of mine.

i saw how proud my parents were, their eldest daughter, finally finishing a phase of her life and about to embark on a new journey elsewhere. they went through the trouble to get me the perfect bouquet and bear. they made sure they had saved enough so that the whole family could take pictures together at the studio.

it wasnt just an ordinary day for me. it was a day i could finally put an end note to a chapter of my life, a day i made my dear parents proud, a day i became stronger.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

dah jadi graduan betul2!!

I have officially graduated from IIUM!!! pictures will be uploaded later :)

Sunday, October 04, 2009

tak payah cover2- cakap je la

when i was a kid, i used to think that jalan mati was a road where ada orang pernah mati. i remember being overly spooked when my two adult cousins took a wrong turning,and faced with a dead end. "eh, jalan mati", they said as they took a minute to reverse the car. the headlight was pointing towards a playground, and it was at night. i kept imagining someone getting shot at the very end of the road, and how did my cousins knew it was this particular road was completely amazing.

kids, they are so blunt, straighforward, and naive that even when you were being sarcastic, or probably have a different meaning than whatever you just said, ill give you a 100 bucks that they wont notice it.

maybe these are one of things we should learn from kids.

hendak pergi

the prospect of moving to johor is quite BESAR at the moment. suddenly i panicked, saddened and a whole lot of different feelings, mixed together that makes your stomach hurl and causes you to cry.

my mum was against the idea of me relocating, even though deep in her heart she knows that she cannot win this one, if so my rezeki is in johor, then so be it. but i will miss the life i will leave behind, but i will definitely look forward to a new one :)

Thursday, October 01, 2009

the interview with UEM

well, what can i say? PUTERI HARBOUR WAS GORGEOUS! despite the almost non-exitent human presence in Nusajaya (alah, tempat tak habis develop lagi kan..) i have a feeling that it will turn out to be a beautiful place :)

singapore is only 400m away from puteri harbour, and it is their military exercise zone. okay..hopefully there will be no stray bombs coming our way..

i had to apply for a 3days leave from GEMS..(pumps fist in the air) seronok betul dapat cuti ni..hahahaha...

anyhoo, this interview will provide me with the biggest opportunity working with UEM.. >.< *sigh..

im 23!!!!!!

the day the registration for the GEMS programme, was my birthday. it felt like any other day, only this time it has a little bit of zest and cheer to it because you feel special.

i wished my camera didnt conked out, or i would've taken the picture of the cake my mum baked for me, complete a "happy birthday" icing. recieved calls and smses from friends and cousins, and not to mention the facebook wishes, that i could only access to 2 days after my birthday.

the day was completely filled with activities and by the end of the day, i couldnt even enjoy the limitless calls to other maxis number. :( but nevertheless, it was a great birthday, because people remembered :)thank you guys :D

Monday, September 28, 2009

today is not my day, definitely

Arrived in uia, at 11.30, hoping to get all this clearance shit out of my way before i collect my robe this coming saturday. ooohhhh...walking to Mahallah Asiah is a challenging task. it takes 15 minutes to walk to asiah from the bus stop opposite the engineering faculty (i didnt know how i did it back then).

how was i to know that this university is soooo GENEROUS in giving extra holidays to their "hard-working" staffs. imagine my surprise when i arrived at the office, only to be entertained by one single staff, who didnt have any authority to clear my status! APPARENTLY, the WHOLE office was on EMERGENCY LEAVE. what is this? this is not the first time this happens! imagine some students who are already working and having to take leave just to do their clearance and be faced with this RIDICULOUS situation. "adik datang la esok eh"..amboi2..senang nye nak suruh aku datang esok..esok aku dah start training la kak, kat rawang plak tu, khamis nak kene pegi johor.. sabtu aku dah kene amik robe..habis bile tahun aku nak clear sume bende ni???!!!dah dapat seminggu cuti pun tak cukup ke??oh my god.i really am speechless...

so..with the bad luck of not being able to clear my status at the mahallah, automatically i cant clear my status at security, hence, i will not be able to get my transcript as i expected. * seriously loss for words. only god knows how i feel right now

okay sekarang, 1. UIA patut, buat clearance tu kat satu tempat je.biar senang settle sume bende
2. tak pun, kalau nak cuti pun, bagi la staff2 lain yang ade authority tu jgn cuti, at least biarkan seorang ade, macam finance tu, sentiasa ade orang boleh buat clearance, kan ke efficient tu..tak professional lansung. and thoroughly selfish.
3. clearance ni tak payah buat lansung. berape hutang, bayar je kat finance, habis cerita. tak payah nak tergedik2 pegi ke setiap tempat nak mintak signature.

kalau ade orang uia baca, please take note of my wonderful suggestions. this is definitely a constructive criticism, because you have to admit, your service sucks. so if you want to ban me for voicing out my displeasure, please admit that you are at fault too.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

lantern kid

when i was a kid, i had a lantern shaped of a fish made of polythene foil. i practically had to beg my parents to buy it during the chinese lantern festival. i didnt have anyone to play with at the time, my being growing up in kj, i had little friends back home.

so there i was. running around in my small yard with my gold-fish lantern, and i was the happiest kid alive.

i wished i could be satisfied with just a lit lantern now. oh how life was so simple back then. you had little needs, and the smallest things in life makes you the happiest person on earth.

Friday, September 25, 2009

keje keje..lalalala

dah dua kali sign in kat blog, but is left with a blank head, and later signing off without posting anything.

this year's raya is a bit lukewarm as compared to last year. a lot of things happened that might leave us, family, a bit reluctant to celebrate. however, a lot of blessings from Allah have been on our doorsteps that i am every bit thankful as well.

i will be starting my GEMS (Govt. Employability Management Scheme) training soon, on the 29th to be exact, which will be on my birthday *groans. and on the 1st of october, i will be heading to johor for an interview with UEM. *wish me luck!!

hopefully by next raya, i will be able to give duit raya instead of receiving it ;)

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Indah khabar dari rupa

I guess ive always had insecurity issues that can sometimes go beyond help. it wasnt just with the current boyfriend..but all of my previous bfs encountered a series of insecurity issues which was not very helpful to the relationship and to my self-confidence.

the current relationship has seen my insecurities go out of the window and slapping me in the face thousands of times. well, a lot had to do with the people around my bf who expected him to date another model-like person, only to be surprised by a selekeh dwarf-like figure by the name of NUR SYAZA!

however, past experiences has taught me that physical appearances does not count (okay, it does a bit la..) but its the heart that really matters. and if you dont love yourself, how can others?righttttt????

betul la jugak ape orang kate.cliche banyak mane pun, its actually true. ive seen my self suffer the worst case of insecurities only to see my own self being compromised and moulded into someone i was not.

jadi kawan2..just do whatever the hell that u please.kalau anda nak pakai tudung, pakai lah..walaupun orang disekeliling bilang anda lagi lawa tak pakai tudung..yang penting, anda yang nak pakai :)

Saturday, September 12, 2009

dads and their rules

i came back at 1.36 am last night. and just as i expected, my dad was still downstairs watching the television, when in actual fact, he wasnt really watching the tv, he was actually waiting for me to come back home.

we've had numerous arguments about my curfew, which im guessing is quietly being moved earlier by the day. the weirdest thing was when i was in my high school, or during my uni days, he doesnt mind if i come home later than midnight. i thought it should be the other way around. as u grow older, your parents' clutches on you loosens, right?

but all in all, im actually touched that he still cares about my whereabouts. he calls when im still not home, he makes sure im safely at home before going to bed, and never fails to let me know that he is worried about me (although it can be a tad annoyng when he goes on talking about me getting robbed and raped by mat rempits).

he wont even let me stay on my own if i do get a job later in the near future (hopefully :p ) until i get married. *sigh* dads and their overprotective rules on their daughters eyh?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

nak senyum kat strangers ke tak

how is it that people are able to find each other and know one another? how do they know that this stranger in front of them isnt their soulmate.

i find it amazing that some people are so friendly and at ease at talking to strangers. i have encountered several occasions where a complete stranger came up to me and strike a conversation and left such a deep impact in my life.

i cant even manage a smile at strangers. let alone talking. i saw this ad about a toothless guy who didnt want to smile to anyone. because..well..he's missing quite a few in the front..if you know what i mean..

but how would you know that random guy who spoke to you a while back is not a psychotic killer or rapists?

aiyoh..people these days are so bogged down by misconceptions and suspicions it destroys the very thread of making new friends.

maybe i should really start smiling. senyumlah..budaya tu menunjukkan bangsa kan..

how to not feel sorry for yourself..

when faced with people who has a habit of putting you down, intentionally or unintentionally, it is normal to feel a bit downtrodden, or worse, feeling sorry for yourself. i learnt a useful tip to counter this feeling, without having to buat dosa by cursing the person, or harbour any hasad dengki;

firstly, create a list of your own accomplishments, or what you like about yourself that you think others do not (of course this is easy, because you are special in your own unique way);

for e.g., this is my list of accomplishments (i just stick to 5, you can list more if you want to):

1. I managed to complete my project paper within the duration of 8 weeks only without having to extend to a full semester
2. I did a project paper based on a topic that i wanted, not because it is easier, or i can just get it over and done with..and didnt give up when faced with challenges such as when a particular lecturer refused to be my supervisor and even bumped me to another one because he hated my topic.
3. and still managed to get an A- even though intially i faced challenges of lecturers refusing to be my supervisor because of my not-so-conventional topic.
4. I managed to mantain my grades at 3.0 and above even though i failed a subject once.
5. The dean invited me to present my project paper for an upcoming Universal Design seminar that will be held this December

yes, i agree that so far, my accomplishments are purely academical, and i am confident i will achieve more once i start working. anyway, back to the topic, read the list each time you feel down, or start to feel sorry for yourself, keep a small note in your bag if it will help. and read it before you go to sleep.

trust me, you will stop feeling sorry for yourself, and will definitely have a new zeal in each of your step :)

Monday, September 07, 2009

refound faith

spending my days reading the quran and literatures on islam has somehow made me found my faith that were slowly diminishing over the years. ramadahan is indeed a special month. reflecting on my past actions and how i felt, reacted to situations thrust upon me, has made me realized how far i have gone astray in just 5 years time. the irony of this is it happened while i was a student at reknowned islamic university.

i am calmer, mature and more susceptible to change these days. i learnt that although i might be less fortunate than my peers, there are others out there who are in a much dire situation than i am in.

God is Great indeed. it (faith) was there all along. only i didnt realize it.

Monday, August 31, 2009

ni dah tahap takde keje giler dah ni

i would usually spend my nights being awake until sahur. thus, the routine of surfing through the channels while waiting for the clock to strike 4 begins. since i do not have astro (yes, i am one of 1% malaysia's population which do not have astro, thank you very much), the choices of the channels goes down to only two channels which airs 24 hours tv programme, TV1 & TV2. you must be thinking, "poor syaza, it must be hard to watch these government channels that airs complete bollocks". but u are wrong indeed (although the prospect of having astro, which has 5-7 educational channels such as discovery channel, nat.geo, travel and living, etc. u get the idea, is very tempting indeed).

it has taught me that despite ridiculous scripts, and completely horrible acting, there is substance in the dramas aired on tv2 (i usually stick to tv2 because tv1 airs terawih session in Mekah, anda pun akan berbuat begitu jika berada di tempat saya). like the "The Love Circle", it shows how friendship and acceptance is beyond race, because it doesnt matter anymore, now that we are all 1Malaysia. In "Fatimah Najwa", the lesson is, dont be a psychotic stalker, your suitor will find you creepy and annoying until he has to take a detour around the neighbourhood just to avoid you.

but i strongly recommend the drama "Paz Ah-Bahrn (After the rain, in Iranian)". yes! you guessed it right!its an Iranian drama! the casts are all talented and good looking, the plot is great, and its nice to listen to a foreign language for a change.

ayam berkokok kembali

how do you react when a friend told you that ur ex is getting married?

a. mata terbeliak and mulut ternganga
b. menangis uncontrollably because u still miss him and wish he'll come back to you, because no one can ever be good enough for him except for you (ni bapak pompous giler)
c. berkata "wow"
d. tidak terkata apa2 sambil menahan senyum fake

saya pilih c. much as it surprises me, im happy for him, a little stunned, because i can never imagine him getting married so soon, but happy for him. its due time anyway. :)

hey, orang tua, semoga anda berbahgia hingga ke anak cucu ;)


In conjunction with Merdeka, I think it will only be fitting for me to write something about Merdeka. I’m quite a loyal follower of a Chinese drama, “The Love Circle”, in which one of the casts is an Indian speaking fluent Chinese, with a number of Malays playing their colleagues at the office. Although the story can go a tad haywire and a bit nonsensical, I find it refreshing to watch a drama that shows what Malaysia is all about. Different races and cultures merging to become one identity is a recipe many countries have tried to adopt, yet fail miserably. We, as Malaysians should be proud that we are all housed under one roof without your neighbour of different race trying to torch your house, or commit discriminatory acts that violates your right to have a peaceful and normal life.

Don’t just blindly promote 1 Malaysia just because the PM says so, do it because you believe in it (This goes to RTM, which suddenly goes on a blind rampage of having all programmes with lame “keharmonian bangsa” theme that was never aired before this). Race should never have become an issue, especially in a country like Malaysia. We are where we are now because of this strong unity. Let us not give in to dirty, unscrupulous political tactics adopt by wannabe politicians out to have a miniscule moment in the limelight. Let’s just be Malaysians who enjoys nasi lemak, char kuey teow and roti canai that we have always been.

p/s: shame on those who politicized religion and race for their own personal gains, have they no common sense at all?? ever heard of compromise and tolerance? look it up in the dictionary stupid

Saturday, August 22, 2009

berbuka sama2

the nice thing about ramadhan is it gives you an excuse to meet old friends you havent met for the longest time to catch up again for "berbuka".

Nina, i havent seen you in awhile, and i miss you! make sure we berbuka sama2 during merdeka tau like you mentioned! we'll round up the gang (sape je pun kan, radhi and mizi) and catch up k?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Ramadhan nak dekat dah

Ramadhan is inching near..and i have yet to finish my ganti puasa.. (hari-hari kene marah oleh ibu sebab suka put it off till the very last minute)..and sangat tak sabar nak puasa because ramadhan is awesome! I'll get my dose of Jejak Rasul, bazaar ramadhan yang banyak makanan (ooohhhh...terliur nye) and last but not least, no hantu!!yay!!!

im going for an interview for the Government Employment Scheme tommorrow morning, which will see that if i do become successful, i will stand a chance to work with government - linked companies such as UEM, Khazanah, and etc.

i am beyond nervous, but it feels good to be remembered that you've sent an application and actually recieve a reply in return..hahaha..(sarcastic nak mampos)..

last sunday Faliq came to my relative's kenduri, and i was bombarded with the usual, annoying, and utterly pointless question, "Bila nak kahwin?"..aiyoh....penat la...

I saw sparks

Whenever i look at my old pictures, it makes me feel old. Looking at my once youthful, bright face leaves me feeling jaded, and somewhat regrettable of mistakes i could have undo, or mend things over. But i am every bit glad of how my life has turned out so far. I have amazing friends, friends whom you are so thankful to be able to call them the ‘f’ word in your entire mundane life. I might not have that many friends, but i know i have great handful of friends whom i could count on. Friends who don’t judge, friends who makes you feel at home, friends who do not impose their set of values upon you, but lets you know the other side of the story nonetheless, friends who is behind you 100% even when you chose a less popular choice in life. For now I am with this amazing guy, who might not be as perfect as I wanted him to be, but I know in each and every action that he makes, he loves me dearly, and so do i; I don’t regret taking that leap to find him, because to me, to gain something that is valuable, will come with some costs, and consequences. I have a family that I will forever be in love with. My parents might not be the most liberal parents there are, but they have been my biggest supporter and rock. They had assured me that I will forever be loved, even if I become a bum and decide to not work for the rest of my life. I have two great sisters, who might be learning disabled, but is never short of love. They never judge and have never made me feel so stupid that I wish others could see how beautiful they are.

not a gig-virgin anymore

I realized that it takes a whole two minutes for my laptop to fully load itself.

I had my first experience of going to a gig last Wednesday, which was a charity gig at KLIUC. Now, from my very own understanding, please feel free to correct me if im wrong, a gig is a mini concert held in a small, enclosed area; whilst a concert is a HUGE musical performance held at a HUGE, WIDE, OPEN SPACE. So, yeah, last Wednesday was my first experience of going to a gig because the Hoobastank concert and the two Rock-The- World concerts i went to was definitely not a gig.

Anyway, back to my gig-going experience, i would say it was very much a tame, controlled and passive experience. There was no jumping, mosh-pit involvements, tolak2 with sweaty people; because, firstly, i spent the first couple of hours sitting on the floor at the back of the hall with my friends, as well as standing outside the hall as faliq and iqram had a few puffs. And the rest of the evening were spent sitting at the vip seat because we knew the PC (which was Amin who is Azreen’s boyfriend and Azreen happens to be Renee’s cousin a schoolmate of mine when i was schooling in Subang), and knew one of the performers (Syahrul from the band Love Me Butch who is a friend of Faliq and the rest of his Studio gang whose wedding in Terengganu i went to) which added to the advantage of being able to get a seat at the VIP section, away from the crowd (when all i really wanted was to be with the crowd, feeling the hype and jumping around like crazy jumping beans).

The bands who performed that night was great, especially the more popular ones like Love Me Butch and Bunkface, and Caprice (haha, who would’ve thought Caprice has a huge fan base at KLIUC?) as they really connect with the crowd. Another band worth mentioning was The Otherside Orchestra, the vocalist was a mind-blowing singer (i fell in love with her because im half-lesbian takdelah joking lawak bodoh je, and her songs instantly).
So, all in all, it was a great night, so much for fretting over what i should wear huh? When it happened to be such a mellow affair after all (haha sue, sia-sia je i poyo piker nak pakai ape,pakai slipper pun takpe sebenarnya). But i don’t think i lost to those gig-going-girls-who-oozes-the-i’ve-been-to-gigs-millions-of-times-aura because i think they just look plain ridiculous. i mean come on, who goes to gigs wearing a barely there skirt and killer platform heels? (Them obviously, those girls yang name panjang sgt nak sebut) (owh and sue, nasib tak pakai baju checkered sebab berlambak giler minah pakai). I went back at 3.30 am with a sore throat, a great memory of a first gig, and a major repercussion from ayah the next day for coming home so late.

p/s: syahrul cakap tengok gaya macam bukan first time je pegi gig. I think maybe it’s because of the way I hollered and got overly excited at times (especially when sam the vocalist of bunkface got down from the stage and walked towards the crowd).

Friday, August 07, 2009

gara-gara ah1n1

my eyes grew watery and my body temperature was 38.8 celsius. they made me wait for 3 and a half hours just so they could take my blood samples and check if i was free of AH1N1. as i lolled in and out of conciousness, i asked the nurse when my would be my turn only to be harped back rudely saying i needed to wait for an hour to get the results of my blood samples, when two persons who took their blood samples had already went in and out of the clinic less than 10 minutes.

maybe these nurses needs to learn some manners and general courtesy, but i was too sick to even make a fuss. my head felt like it was about to burst anytime and all i wanted was to get home immediately.

at least i took some comfort in the fact that my doctor was a really nice guy. cheers to these medical practitioners who didnt beat a sweat even when facing with hordes of angry, sick patients.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

To Kill a Mockingbird

Ive read the book for probably the hundredth time, yet it still makes me laugh. Books like these are becoming extinct by the day, they teach you values that are almost foreign in this 21st century. i really do not want to delve in some chick flick that bores the daylight out of me.

ive got a few books i have in mind (yg nanti bile tibe2 strike gold ada duit nak beli semua kat kinokuniya sebab tempat die best), sape2 nak suggest buku2 yg best silakan:
1. Life of Pi
2. The Alchemist
3. The Kite Runner
4. The Graveyard book
5. Caucasia
6. Politicians say the Darnest Things (saje2 sebagai hiburan)

Batuk sucks

i am really frustrated with this annoying cold/batuk/whatever. not only it makes me look like some ah1n1 carrier in the komuter and lrt, it also disrupts my social activities!

Ashaari smsed asking if i would like to be a volunteer for this MERCY program they're having in johor over the weekend. ecstatically i said yes, with only a shorlive joy, because my parents forbids me from going...*WHYYYYYYY

"you've got ths terrible batuk oso nak pegi, nanti bebudak tu kene jangkit jugak macamane", ibu told me for the umpteenth time.. :(


Sunday, July 26, 2009

the test,the lunch,ulu yam and loads of bitching and fun

okay..actually the bitching was just a strategy to spicen things up.. ;p

the test...well...what can i say?i get a major headache whenever my mind drifted to the event that took place in KLCC Petronas Tower 1, Level 63. i had to do two tests, which were math and english test. the math test was HORRIBLE. faliq said i may be exaggerating a little bit, like the last time i took the apt test at IBM and passed. but this time im not playing. it really was HORRIBLE. the english was okay though. so i took some comfort in that.

the lunchdate with Kak Aya turned out to be a bog girly lunch with her girlfriends, seeing twelve of us squeezing in a table for 8 at the apartment. although the service was REALLY SLOW, the company was great. her friends were really nice and FUNNY! kak aya said this will be good for my networking when i work in petronas..WTFISH??i am not even sure if im going to pass the test *groanssss

The trip to Ulu Yam turned out to be GREAT. although i couldnt take a dip in the river and resort to being the photographer, it was great to go out, meet new people and just laugh urself silly. *benci betul dengan this stupid cold*

mizi insisted on sending me back home due to my condition, it almost made me hug him real tight; he even called a few times before i took the train to gombak to make sure i was okay *awwww . so off we go, with hilman and charme keeping mizi company for the journey back to uia, and had our supper at the mamak near my house. these are one of the moments where im so grateful im blessed with great friends. :')

p/s: saw a woman who i presumed to be a corporate lady having o'briens sandwich as a takeaway meal. it somehow became a form of motivation for me..(its deeper than that actually)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

cepat habiskan kerja prof mansor

i really should finish up prof mansor's work. but im too lazy, and the cold is not helping either. this week is far from boring, and i dont know where i got this sudden zest in life.

tomorrow will be having my aptitude test at tower 1, Petronas Twin Towers. followed by a lunch date with my cousin, Kak Aya, which hopefully will include us two girls ogling at handsome corporate workers with their business suits.

saturday will be spent with mizi and his gang of misfits at Ulu Yam, the theme is Beachy Bitch. I have no idea how a beach and a river has in common, nevertheless, i know this picnic outing will be far than boring, given the "gila-ness" of the crowd is at the maximum level.

sunday, i will have to face my deepest fear of having to actually finish the job. *groan.. but hey! the sooner i finish it, the sooner i'll get my pay :)

cant wait to shop with those "hard-earned" money

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Updates on my weekend

a lot happened during the weekend.

first of all is the passing of my uncle, Pak Cik wan, the father of my cousins, Arin, Kak Aya, Aida and R.S. I was not around when my mum told me they were on their way to Pahang, and recieved a message the next morning that he has passed away. I am proud to have brave cousins like them. they even managed to crack jokes and laughed when i came over on sunday night. Al-fatihah to Pak Cik Wan.

Secondly, i got into Marcus Evans' training, but turned it down at the last minute when i recieved an email from Petronas inviting to go for an aptitude test this friday. *EEEKKK* my parents are ecstatic, and i am hoping that my dream will come true.. Insya Allah...

thirdly, met up with sue last sunday, at ikano, and it was nice spending time with her. it felt like she had never left, and the conversations seemed so normal, unlike certain friends that when they have left, getting back together will somehow seem awkward because both of you have grown distant throughout the period.

fourthly, i went out with faliq using the public transport. it was quite hilarious to see my boyfriend in a state of dumbfoundedness when we actually had to walk to the stations, and having to keep up with his many complaints on how much hassle it is taking the public. he ven thought he had gone darker after a 10 minutes walk (yes, a good smacking would have been appropriate), and later bought tickets to watch HP at 12.40. in the end, we went with his whole family (his mum and his sister), and came back at 4, completely drained and exhausted.

so, there you go, the updates of my life, not that im saying it was superbly interesting, but hey, its MY life, i wouldnt trade it with anyone else :)

Thursday, July 09, 2009

trying to secure a job is HARD

so far i've been rejected by two companies, Shell and AJC, and IBM has yet to call me back regarding my interview. i think i'll just take that as another no. oh god. please give me strength to go through this.

okay..maybe i was being a towards the unemployed fresh grads when they were unable to secure a job, and now that it has happened to just speechless over this thing that is playing in my mind..WHY WONT THEY TAKE ME?? haiyoh..i can be a valuable asset to the company :(

at least i have Kumon to keep me company for a while :')

Wednesday, July 08, 2009


An egyptian lady, pregnant with her second child migrated to Germany following her husband who was on a research fellowship. she was a muslim, like i am, and you are (if the person reading this is a muslim) followed the teachings of God and wore the headscarf. little did she know that her neighbour, a russian of german descent was a spiteful racist, and accused her of being a terrorist.

owh, with the new age of civilization, such appaling accusation will never go unpunished, and so she testified against her neighbour who had even tried to take off her scarf on one occasion. little did she know that this deranged xenophobic man was a heartless lunatic. as he stabbed her 18 times in front of her two-year old son, her husban rushed to her aid, only to be shot "accidentally" by the security guard because the guards thought that "as long as he wasnt blond, he must be the attacker".

what is this? i am so appalled by this that all i can think of is the rage of what her family members must have felt like over this incident.

Oh God, i cant even write anymore.. <---- if you would like to read more of this madness

Monday, July 06, 2009

di kala bulan mengambang

when i was 14, i went to this "summer camp" (alah..kem ibadah tu boleh kira summer camp la jugakk), and the anticipated "women's talk" finally arrived on the last day of the camp. so here is this ustazah trying to break the evil-schemivel horrors of making out to a large group of tweens, who i think might even hyperventilate if a boy hold their hand. "sape yang belum dapat P*****?", she asked out loud. at the shot of lightning i raised my hand, only to realize that i was the only one who hasnt seen the moon. With flushed cheeks i retracted my hand, but the damage was done, EVERYONE knew i wasnt fully a grown-women (or a wanita sejati) according to the ustazah, and succumbed to DEEP humiliation as they laughed at my expense (budak kan, mane reti nak jaga hati orang and be sensitive).

The ustazah proceeded to telling us that when we've seen the "moon", we would somehow "rembeskan" a certain amount of aura that will attract the opposite sex, and this is where we, ladies (excluding me :< ) must be careful. guys want nothing more than to get it on girls. " that's why no guys have ever liked me", i wondered, blaming on my late physical-internal-system. two days later, i recieved a surprise after waking up. i was finally a WANITA SEJATI! owh how i wished i was still at the camp and reversed whatever happened that day. excitedly i went to school, to see if whatever the ustazah said was true, to see if guys are falling head over heels for the new me..HAH! there was none, nada, zilch. tipu je ustazah ni.

p/s: padahal tak sedar diri sendiri dorky giler (kids dont dig personalities when they're 14, they look at physical attributes la weh)

this picture was taken when i was picking up my sisters to school. dont be fooled by the grin, its just an act to cover my true expression (hot and bothered) because the air-cond broke down :(

Sunday, July 05, 2009

How to practice a DIY Laughter Therapy

kenape kita nak marah2..

apakata kita meng-happy-kan diri and enjoy! (macam lagu amy mastura tuh)

and tontonilah channel ntv7, ur feel good channel

better yet, enrol in a laughing therapy group. its scientifically proven to be good for your health :) i mean, here is a group of people who would get together, say, once a week, and just laugh their heads off.

laughter therapy is proven to:
1. strengthen your immune system
2. increases your intellectual performance
3. boost information retention

ini adalah contoh bagaimana anda boleh participate in a DIY laughter therapy:

1. cube mengawal emosi kemarahan dan jangan meletup lagi

2. buat posing bodoh (seperti gambar contoh ini, dimana saya berposing sebagai wanita ayu macam nak kene baling selipar)

3. Resultnya: anda akan tergelak dengan ke-ridiculous-an anda sendiri, thus practicing in a DIY laughter therapy

craving blamed on books

i had a really BIG craving for cake. i dont know what type of cake. but a cake. i blame 'When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit' for this, when the part Anna visited her great aunt, and she served a great deal of cake with chocolate and whipped cream for tea, and also the part where she ate this cake with hazelnut puree with her mum..FISH. and also the book entitled 'Bookends' where Cath ate a whole danish pastry with marzippan filling...apakah..mengapa ia berbunyi sungguh enak sekali???

until today i didnt manage to get a hold on a slice of cake. even when i went to Pyramid with faliq and his colleague, aziq, for dinner. all i got was a chocolate dipped pretzel..but i think that's enough to satisfy my craving for now..and to add to that, i ate a humongous piece of toast dipped in susu pekat (i forgot what it's called in Bahasa).

there's always secret recipe in front of Billion if my craving spiral out of control ;)

the chocolate-dipped pretzel *sangat menggiurkan

cube untuk stuffkan semue roti ke dalam mulut hamba yang kecil ini

roti bakar besar gabak nak mampos.

kerja jual pizza

i forgot to upload some pictures i took when i was working as a pizza stall attendant. this was when i was in the process of finishing my project paper, and the ministry of agriculture was having this agro fair. one of my sisters' teacher is a pizza pah stockist, so she needed someone to man the stall during the weekdays, sape lagi..------>ME!

i met quite a lot of bizarre people, such as this two boys selling bahulus,and one of them had long, unruly hair. i dont even know why he wouldnt tie his hair up and actually look presentable, because hey, ur baking something! you wouldnt want to buy bahulu with bits of hair jutting out would you? but you know what?these government officers dont give a rat's ass if he has some unkepmt hair, the bahulu was selling like hot cakes! i was also disturbed by the fact that even though the clock showed that it was 10 am, there were still a huge number of workers were lounging at the macamane nak jadi pekerja yang efektif??

working as a salesperson has thought me a lot of lessons in life, most importantly, humility. not to be too arrogant when a customer approach, always have a smile on your face, even when you're in a battle mode with your boyfriend. and last but not least, always be courteous.

p/s:semasa jual pizza terserempak dgn shafiq saa'don and imran who dropped by to have lunch. imran still calls me pizza girl (-.-")

pizza pah actually tastes nice, if you're looking for a simple snack/meal

the ministry of agriculture yang tempatnya sangat cantik,

putrajaya ni memang takde rupe macam tempat government building lansung.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

uia oh uia

here i am. in gombak. at my aunt's house. tonight we're having a bbq dinner. we were outside, sitting at the front, eating sejambak rambutan, throwing the biji down the hill because we believe it will somehow degrade itself, since its natural stuff anyway.. when i realised how close i am to uia. i could see the mosque's minarets, that's how close my aunt's house to the campus.

somehow i miss uia..even though i hate it at the same time. sedih la pulak

dream job

my dream job:

1. work as a traveller in the travel & living channel

2. open up a chocolate store (factory is just too stressful) as an advocate planner (planning for minorities, and the disadvantaged) an actress

anyone interested in employing me, or have any contacts regarding any of the mentioned job, please do not hesitate to call me :)

Thursday, July 02, 2009

baru perasan yg diri ini penganggur

hari-hari aku duduk rumah.tunggu panggilan dari ibm.cuak jugak.macam detik hatiku mengatakan yang aku mungkin tidak berjaya. the 2 weeks are almost up, and i still have yet to hear from them.

hari-hari hantar adik pergi dan balik sekolah.sampai satu ketika tu, baru perasan yang tangan sebelah kanan lagi gelap dari sebelah kiri. rasa macam nak nangis ade, nak potong tangan letak artificial limb ada, nak scrub exfoliate dan segala bende untuk pulihkan balik pun ade, tapi lebih baik endah kan je la

hari-hari dok tatap kerja editing prof mansor. sampai naik bosan dah. bila lah nak siap and get it over and done i can get my money in the end..*ka-ching

hari-hari tgk tv pukul 3.30, lalola and then tunggu sampai pukul 5 for spongebob. rasa macam takde life giler..

hari-hari terasa macam nak melarikan diri ke satu tempat secluded and jauh dari orang ramai.

i think post-graduation has just kicked in. penganggur symptom has kicked in and it is not fun.

life is a sebakul sayur

like is like a box of chocolates. that's what everybody says. i dont even get it. why is it a box of chocolates? does it mean that once the chocolate runs out, life is as miserable as hell?or does it mean that life depends on what chocolate you have? if its some rm2 zip bar, its not as good as a an rm20 godiva bar. kannn???

i tak faham la quote ni...

kalau chocolate tak mahal, but still sedap macamane?still okay kan?kenape nak a box of chocolate?kenape tak sebakul sayur?its something that u have to stuff it in, no matter how bitter and icky it tastes..that makes sense kan?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

takpelah..takde hal pun kan?

things don't always go the way you want to. but when it's constantly going the opposite direction of what you're expecting, i think it's fine when you get tired once in awhile.

i can be so broken if i want to, but i chose not to.

i needed you, but you weren't there. maybe you just don't understand. it would be really nice if im actually someone important to you, but i guess i was wrong.

have a nice weekend yah?take care

Saturday, June 20, 2009

benci dan kepenatan

i had the most exhausting week of my life. i dont think i like having my own car anymore >.<

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

hello johor-pt 2

suddenly, the revelation of having to move to the southern part of the peninsular doesnt scare me as much as it did before.

im almost looking forward to it (almost..)

i fell in love with this

im right this freezing small room, overlooking the roof of one utama, and a few guys playing tennis on the rooftop of one hotel

wouldnt it be nice if i get the job

i get to work here, at this nice place, using the nice(super-duper nice) toilet, and oh god.. this place is just so ****ing perfect! it is just like how i pictured working life is supposed to be like!

oh god. now im getting anxiety attacks...what if i dont get in??ill be so ****ing heartbroken and die of depression (i macam tak leh blah dgn drama diri sendiri)

Monday, June 08, 2009

viva la vida ---> OVER


ive finished my viva, and only received minor corrections!

the compliments were quite a rewarding factor after having to deal with this monster/baby for only 8 weeks :D

hooray to me!!

mereka baik sebenarnya, walaupun suka buat lawak bodoh

while i was crying, he held me till i fall asleep

while i was crying, he patted my shoulder as a sign of assurance

while i was crying, he cracked stupid jokes that wouldve made me kill him, but i know he meant well

while i was crying, he told me to let it all out and listened as i cried on the phone

while i was crying, he smiled assuringly at me as he got out of the car

i gained precious friends during trying times like this.thank you guys.

hello johor -pt1

my dad left for johor yesterday. my sisters were really quiet after he left, which was almost weird because they were never as quiet as this.

i cried from evening until midnight. somehow i miss my ayah, even though he'll back this coming weekend, but deep inside, all of us know it wont be the same again. instead of having him around all the time, we only get to see him occasionally.

now whose going to sew my buttons if it fell off?whose going to buy the juiciest fruits and potong it for us? and whose going to nag me if i come back home late?

i am a daddy's little girl after all :')

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

a blessing

6.30 pm: received a call from ibu

ibu:we need a copy of ur ic and ur licence, can u send it to auntie ana's house?

me:what for?

ibu:we're getting a new car

me:*hyperventilating* did ayah get the job?

ibu:yes, and he needs it in johor

me:what car?

ibu:a cayenne

me*this is too fucking good to be true* ibu, please be serious..what kind of car lah?

ibu:*laughing* a kia spectra lah

me:that means ayah will be moving to johor soon. i.e. we are all moving to johor *maksudnya, memang menjadi kenyataan lah yang ura-ura nak pindah johor ni*

ibu:yes, and we need to talk to you about it, because you're going to have to drive adik to school until the end of this year.

me:*apa2 lah, asalkan kita dah okay. even if it means ill get lost in putrajaya hundreds of time* okay..fine (groaning)

alhamdulillah things are starting to turn itself around. i have no one else but to thank God for this. Thank you God. and good bye bangi. ill miss you :')

Monday, June 01, 2009

you should ride it when its empty, which is never

the guy in front of me winced and closed his eyes as his face came into direct contact with a another man's armpit. i decided to hug myself and keep my body as balanced as i could, because i dont think reaching out for the pole is a good idea because that would mean id be touching this lady who is behind me's breast. a nurse smiled at me as she too had nowhere to hold on to.

i was on the train, at the wrong hour. it was 7pm, and the working population of kl is congesting every available public transport there is in the klang valley.

i dont know what the hell are those ktm guys doing, even after the prime minister paid a surprise visit to the serdang station last year (when pak lah was still the pm), but the rakyat obviously rules out boycotting the transport, because hey, how else can you get to kl from bangi with only rm 4.60 right?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Terima kasih boyfriend :)

ini adalah salah satu daripada peristiwa dalam hidup yg akan saya ingat sampai bila-bila. dapat minum godiva milk chocolate decadence ice blended bersama dome's huge choc chip cookie yg rase macam plastik. but the ice blended was HEAVENLY. but be sure to be near to the washroom after you've finished the drink, as they use pure chocolate bars for this, if you know what i mean...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

life is a sum of your choices

An old schoolmate of mine has finally made a mark in the music industry when she got into muzik-muzik recently. To me, when you’ve made into muzik-muzik, that’s something big in Malaysia. I remembered her participating in our school’s talentime contests, and trying to penetrate into the indie scene for quite some time, and now, when she has finally made it, i was actually happy for her. Before this, it would be envy and many other ill feelings (lets not go back to the old schooldays tales, shall we?), but now, since i’ll be turning 23 this year, i figured it would best that i have to grow up and actually pick up some grown-up set of thinking. In other words, be mature.

“life is a sum of your choices”-alburt camus. I had a postcard of this saying on my desks as long as i could remember, and now only did i understand its true meaning. I shouldn’t wait for life to be better, i should actually start making my life better. Waiting for a miracle is like 1 in a million chances it will actually occur, and honey, i don’t think life is that cushy. Life is a sum of my choices. I should stop blaming the elements occurring in my life for making it so miserable, because i was the one who let it happened. I chose it to be this way, one way or another.

What am i doing? What am i doing to actually make my life better? Im not doing anything! That was my saddest realization. So what if my family’s financial situation took a major dip? That doesn’t mean that i have to sit back and wait for life to turn things around, i have to turn things around for life to be better, not the other way around right? What happened to me trying to achieve my dreams and goals? What made me become so broody, unproductive, and envious and so many other destructive mindset, is because of the lack of maturity.

Like my schoolmate, she didn’t wait for things to turn its way around for her to become a singer, she made it happened herself. Life is indeed a sum of your choices. And now im taking the steps in making it happen, first by finishing my project paper with a big fat A. :)

Saturday, May 09, 2009

queue jumpers

One of things that actually appeals to my curiosity is what is going on in the mind of queue jumpers. This has almost become synonymous with Malaysian culture is one the things im pretty much embarrassed about when they brazenly execute their queue jumping skills in front of foreign tourists who have been queuing like mad for past half hour.

This morning i was having my breakfast with my parents at a food court somewhere in Putrajaya, and decided to try the nasi lemak which my mum claims to be one of the tastiest in town. “quick, go and queue up before the crowd gets here”, which explains why the nasi lemak is so popular. As i got into the line, waiting for my turn, a young couple in their 30’s joined in the queue. Well, should i say, half of the couple, because as the husband decides to do the honourable, and equally ethical deed of queuing up, the wife coolly cuts in the front queue and asked for a plate of nasi lemak. “The queue is here-lah”, the husband called. “It’s okay”, she shrugged off, as she veers around with the plate of meal in her hand, selecting her choice of lauk. I was quite surprised no one in the queue had the urge to tell her off, and what was more surprising was that even the stall owner tended to her.

What has become of the basic social values of our society? Well, i know some might just say, ”pfft, why are you even making a big fuss out of a small spark”, but hey, doesn’t it irk you when you’ve been queuing for the komuter for almost 20 minutes, and when the ultra-slow vehicle arrives, there will be a group of people who have been sitting while you were standing up shamelessly walk to the front and claim their “right-of-way” into the train?

When i went to Japan, I found out that you have to queue for almost everything. That includes boarding the escalator in the mall. As compared to us Malaysians, as long as we can push and shove our way to the preferred destination, no problem. The erosion of the society’s ethical values are quite troubling, as more people think that they have the right-of-way to everything, disregarding what other’s feel, as well as other people’s right-of-way.

There is only one explanation for this disease, selfishness.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

continution of my krispy kreme obsession

ni mase kat tokyo, mase mule2 jakun melihat krispy kreme, dan free samplenye yg sgt lazat (they gave 1 whole doughnut as a sample, malaysian business should take note of this, but then, if they do that here, people would just come for the sample and leave, knowing malaysians..hahaha)

ni lepas beli kat times square, walaupun bagi donut yg dah tak berape fresh, saya masih menyukainya..

malangnya, gambar kat depan krispy kreme kat south korea ada kat sarah, dan bukan dalam laptop saya. tapi tak mengapa, saya akan jadikan habit menangkap gambar depan krispy kreme di merata2 tempat di dunia sebagai hobi terbaru :)