Thursday, December 29, 2005


yesterday i recieved a call from manja, telling me to get to the terminal putra that very moment because all of us will be having a family dinner at klcc.

the rain was pouring like waterfalls from the sky..and my friends were hungry.nina, bless her.she sent me to the station,despite the heavy rain and traffic jam,she even gave me few minutes to change my clothes..since i was practically drenched in rainwater form top to toe.

it felt be seeing my family.cousins.aunts.uncles.all of them.i miss mama.but,to have a two hour meal with your family at Dome(please dont go there,the food sux),i had to sacrifice two hours of my group discussion with my groupmates.

i rushed back home, leaving the dinner time at the peak of it, thinking i had somehow neglected my work, to find my group has done half of the powerpoint, and they were about to leave.when you had one of those moments that you feel like a total shithole.that was my moment.

and then it struck me.i had to give up one of work?and when you think about matter how hard you try to make the best of your work, they will still find a way to say "the whole thing is RUBBISH".so, why do you even bother?the whole thing is FUCKED UP.kaed is fucked up.i am fucked up.i hate this.all of this.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

what is the meaning of this

have you ever had one of those moments when you suddenly had a what-is-the-meaning-of-this moment?when suddenly you stopped for 1 minute to think, away from your tedious,hectic schedules, and you start to wonder why you are where you are?get me?

suddenly i begin to think about the very reason why im actually where i am rite now.i had all the other choices in the world..but right now, i am where i am..why?

that is probably a question that i`ll leave it for you guys to answer it yourselves.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005



TO ROCK THE what i live for.

held at stadium merdeka, it was one of the best ive been so far..compared to last year..this year..i went into a mosh pit (!)...satu statement yg menyedihkan drpd seorang budak bernama syaza.

i guess i never thought i`d be in one..but it was blissful..and i met the 'love of my life' in tee, and longish hair.i adore you..haha(im so pathetic)

it was cut short due to some unavoidable circumstances.i curse the ones who caused it.but anyway..bottomline?

i am made to ROCK THE WORLD!!

what i have to go through

i don`t know why i had to go through this 'ordeal', instead of someone all the people..have to experience sleepless nights basking in tears because of something that is just messed up.its my fault.your fault.everbody`s fault.yeah..yeah..

i knew i did the right thing..yeah.. i i hurting inside.i hate you.i hate what you did to me.i hate myself.i hate everything that has to do with this.i hate..i hate..i hate.thats all i can say now.

but i want you to know,i never faked anything.what you saw was the real expressions..that was all me.although i doubt that you`ll read this.but..tally-ho and all..i`ll say it..i`ll miss you.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


...uitm won the debate.they deserved it..i think.their debaters are good.not that iiu`s are not.but still..anyway..after the debate the iiu supporters stood and yelled 'ALLAHUAKBAR'.i almost stood up with about loyalty.keron didnt waste any time to introduce me to half of the iiu students.they were like,"why are you sitting with the uitm people?".haha.

anyway,syaza the traitor followed the uitm-ers to celebrate and paint the town red.not like we succeeded,to paint the town the time we reached the mines to catch the late-nite show, the cinema was already closed.hmm..went to hartamas.the place was packed like shit.imagine us,being in a big group suddenly crashed into the hartamas square.we took 15 minutes to settle down.after that they took me to lil` genting.melayan blues untuk seketika.

on the way back..i realized it was 5.30 AM.SHIT!!!!at 6 got a 'pleasant' call from my dad that somehow realized his daughter was still not home when he went to wake me up for subuh prayers.mati.

bla..bla..bla..the ending?got a major pembasuhan period.but its all good now.and..i am starting to like being a traitor.hehe.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

uitm or iiu?

i went to watch my bestfriend debate at the royales.or is it spelled royals?anyway,you were suddenly surrounded by all this people who devote their life to debate.and they are actually cool.gone were the days where debates are only resrved to nerds and comes the wave of cool-intelligent fusion.

my bestfrend wasted no time in 'PROMOTING' me to the iiu debaters.not all though.some of them looked familiar.then i realized that they were the ones that adjudicated for us during kaed fest.wicked.they were all weirded out because i was sitting with the uitm group.Hmmm....

watching all this debates make me think twice about going in.its scary as hell.

tonight there will be the final debate between iiu and uitm..shit..where should i sit?with my newfound friends in uitm?or do i have to pledge my loyalty to my university..which i know NO ONE in the dramatic....i`ll probaby support both teams..which means that i`ll probably bang the table yelling `here here` throughout the debate.nuts la.

what happened

we were driving on the highway.with no absolute direction to where we were heading.suddenly the road that was trinkled with light turned was scary.period.the road stretched out for god-knows-how-long.the tank was almost full.thank god.

we reached a was a beautiful genius i should say.we stopped to view the breathtaking was like one of those scenes from the malay drama, where you parked the car beside the road and talk/chat/ was corny, i know,but what the`ve got curfew extensions, the sparkling juice at the back seat.the world was yours.

somehow it went wrong.its not my right to say it.i know. but i was there.that should count too right?i was scared.we were all scared.i was scared and i felt helpless.the feeling of just sitting at the sidelines and watch a gruesome 'battle' was hard.

we drove quickly.back home.we stopped at 7-e, bought cans of coke and bags of chips.i bought ribena.we stopped at a playground at sat there.talking.trying to lighten up the mood.cracking jokes.but it never overshadows what sorry it happened.thats all.