Sunday, February 26, 2006

work it baby

workloads are like a blackhole..sort sucks out all the joy in the

thank god the grad dinner is OVER...i could at least rest in peace for a while..for a got my head cramped with workloads that is making me wish i have a time machine so that i can travel to the future during my semester break and have endless time of sleep..

my laptop is being a bitch again,forcing me to come all the way to kaed to do my autocad.shit.anyway...enough of my rantings..the conclusion is...uni life is not as cool as i thought it is.. ~BLEKH!!!~ :P


yeah yeah!!

kemaman was a blast...we were all quite relieved to be able to have a time out from bursting our heads over the s***hole layout drawings and bla bla..

goodbye uia..kemaman was kinda nice to see everybody in a relaxed mood for a frsutrated cries..nada..haha..everybody was just happy playing by the beach and having a blast shopping at cukai...can you believe that there`s a place named cukai?(tax, in english)..apparently the name derived from something..something tax lah..haha..tak tau la..anyway!take a look at the piX!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

why i did it

when i said i wanted you out of my life.i hated myself for being so harsh.i didnt mean to push you out just like that after what we 'had' so sorry.

the reason?im just tired of keeping it a a criminal or cant even make me feel better of those countless times i felt like a bitch, a tried.but you never tried harder.i hate you.and i hated myself.

why i did it?you really want to know? see..there are two choices here..wether i continue hating you and myself..or just stop hating stopping altogether.i decided to choose me.i dont want to beat myself up anymore over something i could`ve stopped a long time ago.i didnt even cry..yeah.i should feel proud of myself..

i do it for us.i do it for everybody.i do it for`ll hate me if i dont do it sooner or later.everybody will hate me if i dont do it sooner or later,or should i say when the skeleton is out of the closet?and i?i will hate myself more than i ever did if i dont do it sooner or later.

sorry is probably not the right word to use here.i don`t owe you an apology.i know i maybe..but..not really..f*** it.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

the irony it equivalent to being funny?in a wierd way?

how bout this?i`ll tell this story..gossip..whatever...then you tell me if if it`s funny...i know it`s it funny?in a weird way?

last sunday i went grocery shopping with my in varsity is a torture unless you have extravagant supply of food in the room (!).so anyway, there i was in the shoe store, browsing through cool looking sneakers with my mum, when suddenly this small lady came up to us and practically made us shock..

well..well..guess who it was?none other than izat`s mum!YAY!wow..what a surprise eh?to meet your ex`s mum at the hypermarket?as she is my mum`s old friend, she was chatting amiably with my mother, while i managed an embarassed smile to izat`s dad, who looks just the same as he was before.converse sneakers and a cool swatch.sorry bout the hair though.

and then she turned to me and said,"have you kept in touch with izat?". if a recent messages exchanges that happened a week a go counted as keeping in touch...i nodded and said yeah.AS IF!anyway, she was going on and on about me should be keeping in touch with izat and yada yada yad...i should kacau him over the weekends..or me going home with him since he has a CAR now..bla bla bla..and i was thinking,like i would want this deplorable, horrible creature in my life ever again..

the next thing i know..i smiled to aunt fadzilla and said,"insya allah..".

p/s:im not that stupid..dont worry.owh..btw, the other day my mum went to Iqbal`s brother`s wedding..haha!that`s the IRONY!!you mum`s encounter with the important people in my exes` lives..GOD!owh, and Iqbal was afraid to talk to my mum..chicken

Sunday, February 05, 2006


yesterday nite rose called me up for a drink.the two of us head to the usual mapley and got into this conversation on why there was only the two of us there.its weird how during schooltime you're surrounded by this big group of friends.`re in uni, and its weird with the little number of friends you`re left with.there was even this period of time where my hang-out group in bangi consists of people from other schools and none from my school.

i dont know why the lack of communication..or the lack of effort.the only time i see my classmates is when ika has her annual open house, she`ll never fail to invite me.the rest?i only see them..when i see them..the other day intan called me up inviting me to hang with them (a group of classmates) at alamanda.but i was already on the way to kelana jaya.maybe its my fault too.maybe im the one not making any effort.i dont know why.

maybe its the trying to better myself and potray this image of a cooler version of syaza..all cleaned up with new specs and "cool" style.last raye, at ika`s open house, they gushed over how much ive changed, how different i look.."wow, you`re very pretty now!i like your new specs!i loove your tudung!".."oh my god..izat and naim wouldve kicked themselves now if they see how much youve changed"..right..maybe that was what i wanted to not the same syaza anymore.

maybe my memories in school(bangi) wasnt all sugar and spice.i mean...most of it wasnt.maybe that was why i was so reluctant to keep in touch with full of maybes because i dont even know if what im writing down is true..all of it is hypothetical.but, tally ho and all, im glad i still have a small group of friends i can hold on too.anne is coming back in june, nini and rose?god i see them almost every weekend night.intan?havent had the chance to meet up after the tahlil..but i will see what i can do..kame?she`s beyond reach already..i havent seen her since last june.

as a conclusion?maybe im choosy of the my choice of friends.maybe im the one who determines which friends i want to keep in touch with.yep..maybe.but i know im never wrong with my goes..

Saturday, February 04, 2006


okay..there was a reason why i was skipping down the corridor.was it because of mr af***? so just happy.because he asked me to have lunch with him...was it because none of his friends were around??hmm...aiyah..i should stop being so pessimistic.

im going back today..baru dua hari je kelas,dah nak balik.haha..but who going back anyway.and when im home.i have work and assignments to is blissful.

yesterday i hung out and nina's room till 3.30.the three of us (me,nina and radhi)were just sitting around, gossiping,talking nonsense..and singing songs with words that rhymes with mr af***'s name.pelik tapi benar.

made me realized how lucky i am to have lucky i am to have the chance to hang out, laugh and joke around with people who i know enjoy my company as well.thank you god.

the classes started yesterday,sucked.but felt great too.because at least my brain was functioning towards the right path.and it was cool because i had my shot of mocha freeze.(did you know im addicted to coffee now?every tuesday and thursday?)

im speaking yiddish (thats just the term everyone is using, i dont know how to speak yiddish..but i`d love to learn how)..i should stop rambling now..and talk about much ,ore intelligent things..ooh!!i im adding danish products to my boycott list..y?because of the insulting image they made of our`ll go to hell cookie maker!God will make you!!!just you wait!!

maybe they all think its a joke.i think what sj said is right..malaysians are being complacent about it. wake up my fellow brothers and sisters!!!they`re insulting us!!anyway..i dont know how to influence the ones around me to stop eating mcd as well..maybe mcd is too drastic..i should try burger king...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

my holidays

true to my 'predictions', my last days of the holidays are the ones worth remembering. the first four days?burn it baby.i spent the days in bed with a temperature that could fry an egg and coughs that annoy your eardrums.

yesterday aida sent me short period in subang, was usual.recuperate what was lost between old friends.and best friend.keron asked if there were some other people watching us from afar, would they be jealous of our friendship?i said they would.its not easy to have a relationship where you can pick up things where you`ve left off and be fine with it.thats how i am with keron.doesnt matter if we didnt see each other for a month, i know that when i get there, i`ll still be able to gush out the juiciest details of my life with her.

and you mr. af***.i dont know what the hell you`re playing with here.sekejap msg.kjp tak.tak paham like me or not?(okay,maybe that was a bit too direct lah), but at wit's end because of you..nevermind.i`ll pretend nothing ever happens between us.aiya..i pening kepale la...whatever...

mat dan...thanks for being my friend.i dont have many guy friends that im close too.not anymore.thanks for being you.ahaha.i know i can count on you.

okes i`ll stop now.because i dont know what else to is mama's bday...happpy bbbdddaaaayyyyy mama!!!!