why i did it

when i said i wanted you out of my life.i hated myself for being so harsh.i didnt mean to push you out just like that after what we 'had'.shit..im so sorry.

the reason?im just tired of keeping it a secret..like a criminal or something.you cant even make me feel better of those countless times i felt like a bitch, a slut.you tried.but you never tried harder.i hate you.and i hated myself.

why i did it?you really want to know?because..you see..there are two choices here..wether i continue hating you and myself..or just stop hating me..by stopping altogether.i decided to choose me.i dont want to beat myself up anymore over something i could`ve stopped a long time ago.i didnt even cry..yeah.i should feel proud of myself..

i do it for us.i do it for everybody.i do it for me.you`ll hate me if i dont do it sooner or later.everybody will hate me if i dont do it sooner or later,or should i say when the skeleton is out of the closet?and i?i will hate myself more than i ever did if i dont do it sooner or later.

sorry is probably not the right word to use here.i don`t owe you an apology.i know i dont.you?well..somethings maybe..but..not really..f*** it.