homecoming plans will be put off for now
my sisters thought that i am on a road trip or a program. they didnt know i will be staying here for a long time. when they asked me when im coming home, i cried after putting down the phone. maybe because deep inside i realized i am in a state of denial. i kept thinking that this is only a temporary post. im out of here sooner or later.
having to rebuild my life from scratch, meeting new people, and having to get used to being alone most of the time can actually take a toll on your self-esteem. i need a booster. im really starting to get annoyed with the frequent mentions of my ex. but im going to have to suck it up for now. after all, im barely two weeks old here.
its funny how this has always been what i wanted, i.e. getting a job in a MNC, moving to a new place to acquire new experiences, and now that i've got it, the only thing on my mind is home.
what is cinta and love?
how can you define cinta in English? the greatest love maybe? if sayang has already encompass love, then cinta is a totally different level of love.
people dont go around saying "saya cinta awak" or "baby, i cintakan you"; well, except for maybe in malay dramas (because dah name drama pun, so overly dramatic is their niche)
people say,"i sayang you", or "saya sayang awak".
i guess cinta is reserved for the only one who deserves it. our greatest love of all. our Creator. "saya cintakan Allah", that's what people would say. because to sum up the feeling of love for Him is well, impossible.
cant wait for friday :)
facebook has been blocked by my company..whattttt...anyways, i am sooo looking forward to friday, because ika will pick me up and we'll have a sleepover at her room in UTM. and this weekend..FALIQ MIGHT BE COMING OVER, ALONG WITH NINA!
YAY! today i had such a big fat smile on my face that i didnt really care im actually stranded in a middle of nowhere called nusajaya. :D
but so far, working here is okay la. last saturday there was an event at the harbour, and i get to take pictures with Barney and Pingu :) owh, and not to forget, Yasmin Yusoff who was the emcee that day :) and later that night we had a live band performing and a bbq party along with the boaters and i had the chance to dance with them.
p/s:i bought tickets for raya haji already!hahaha..tak sabar giler nak balik, padahal lagi 3 minggu
housemates
these are two of my six housemates when i was in GEMS. i was exceptionally close to enard, the one with the cute bob, and nad. suddenly i miss them a lot; especially when i start to think about my current housemates. :( this picture was taken on the night when i was leaving GEMS. we cried till but still managed to put on a smile in front of the camera.
my housemates, ijat, tiqa, fara, zura, enard and nad; is an eccentric bunch of people, and i miss their eccentricities. :(
i wish them all the best. and hopefully they will acheive their goals and dreams.
my workplace
this is my cubicle. this is a usual view of it when it rains.
however, leaking roofs aside, my office is a really nice place to be at.the other two pictures are the sceneries of the office :)
whatever
When you left, you leave behind a trail of your so-called “legacy” and forgotten friends who still remember you. When I left, you made it sound to the whole world how cruel I was, without pointing the same finger to yourself.
All these while I was feeling guilty, waiting for the reckoning for whatever I did to you; well, it has finally subsided. I don’t need this anymore. Oh, and as for the job, I earned every right to be there, out of my own qualifications and effort. I certainly did not owe it to you. I am perfectly capable of achieving it on my own.
thank you very much
summary of life that moved too fast to savour
How can I sum up all the things that has happened in my life? I cant. Life moved as quick as a lightning with a burning desire to retain what I had, felt, or experienced; and yet I know the only way I can go now is forward.
My GEMS experience is one that I will never forget. I don’t regret joining the program because what I gained in return is much more rewarding than the prior desire to get the allowance allocated for us participants. I pushed myself to become more than I was before. I was more outgoing, expressive, and active. I participated in events I never knew I would, such as public speaking. I gained new knowledge and skills that will benefit me in the future, and last but not least, I gained good friends that I hope will last me a lifetime. The late-night mamak visits, karaoke, bowling during lunchtime, and even swimming with the four boys had given me memories that I will treasure for life.
And now im in Johor, under the YES trainee program for UEM Land. A big transition from the busy city life in KL to a new one in Johor, Gelang Patah to be exact. I have to admit that im not made of stone. I have only been here for 4 days, and I miss my home like crazy. The impending thought that I will remain here permanently almost exhaust my tears. But I know deep down is I have to do this for my family. For myself. To push myself to a new territory that I never know of before, to challenge myself. I can definitely do this.
Before I left, I was given the opportunity to enjoy the company of my friends. In GEMS, they held a small going-away party for bob and i. the geng larut malam even took me out for a last mamak visit for my favourite roti canai garing. I had the lala session with me ex-roomies and it was great catching up. And last but not least, my ring of friends that I will always treasure, mizi, nina and radhi, along with their respective partners, hahaha. The dinner at klcc was as casual as ever, as if it was not a goodbye, just a reassurance that things will always remain this way. Nothing will ever change. And the same goes to my relationship with faliq. Things will remain steadfast as ever.
On my first day, I received countless calls and sms-es from friends, families and the other haf asking how I was doing. Mizi, nina, shahir, zura, nad, ika, my parents, and my faliq. Thank you for your concerns. I love you guys.
p/s: two tutors (en. Ismail and Tuan Faiz) has told me that I will do well here in UEM. I should proof to them that they’re right, right?
my boyfriend the yakuza
this is faliq and i when we first started dating. notice how he looks clean and nice
this is faliq's look right now. mizi said he looks like a yakuza, seconded by sue.
public speaking is scary
yesterday was the preliminary round for public speaking. so..if you all must know, GEMS will be having their talent day competition this saturday. and guess what? i got to be one of three finalists for public speaking!!!!!!
omg, when i think of speaking in public, it gives me quivers that can cause me countless trips to the toilet. no need to elaborate on that, i think everyone knows what happened. it'd be an awful lie if i say that i was not happy. out of 11 very good speakers, i managed to become one the three enlisted to the finals :)
so thank you gems for boosting my self-confidence and improving my skill in speaking in the speaking in the public :) (macam promo ad je kan?)
this is really good
khairun got me this when she went to australia last month..hahaha..im laughing at the irony of it
sad of leaving
after being here for 3 weeks, im starting to get attached to this place. GEMS i mean. i think its the people. its quite refreshing to meet new people, and finally doing something after being cooped up for so long watching nothing but spongebob.
during my first few weeks, my roomate, tika, and i played bowling almost everyday (yes, we have a bowling area here), and i got a spare and a strike! tak percaya?tgk la score board nanti..(we bowled in our baju kurungs)
and my groupmates are a hell of a bunch. they're loud and its not hard to get attached to them. :)
ill be sad when the time comes for me to leave this place. :'(
afraid
im scared. im shitless scared. of moving to johor. what if i had a late night craving of roti canai? whose going to teman me to the mamak restaurant? and ika told me the mamak over there are bloody expensive. how am i supposed to counter this???how how how?
im scared because im uncertain. but at the same time, im excited. to proof myself. to proof that i am capable of anything. i am excited because this is one step to a dream ive always had.
but i there are a lot of things i'll miss. persons. and routines. and the familiarity. its scary how easily people are able to move on and get on with their lives.
last saturday, the night before my graduation, i spent the day with faliq. i cried as i think of the uncertainties ahead of me, it scares me that finally,
i will be on my own.
last sunday was my graduation day. it signalled the end of my relationship with IIUM. the past few days was filled with a whirlwind of events that i didnt have time to reflect upon my life, especially on one of the biggest days of my life.
as i returned the robe yesterday, i couldnt help being overwhelmed with emotions, and held back my tears as i drove out of the university. it was somehow my sanctuary for 4 years, through thick and thin, it was one of the only unchanged force in my life. and here i was, feeling as if i was forced to evict this comfort zone of mine.
i saw how proud my parents were, their eldest daughter, finally finishing a phase of her life and about to embark on a new journey elsewhere. they went through the trouble to get me the perfect bouquet and bear. they made sure they had saved enough so that the whole family could take pictures together at the studio.
it wasnt just an ordinary day for me. it was a day i could finally put an end note to a chapter of my life, a day i made my dear parents proud, a day i became stronger.
