stupid heart

my heart is a treacherous form in my body. it does not follow what the brain and logic says; it prefers to be a soliditary component of its own with it's own "opinions" that it wants you to do.

it has made me cry out in rage, sadness, and happiness. this heart of mine is an entity of its own that i dont even know what it wants for me, whether it wants me to be happy; or it's fucking pissed at me that it wishes to destroy me with this thing called love.

yes. love is often terrible than what it seems like in the tv. theres more crying, shouting, pain and heartache than the lovey-dovey scenes where the couple runs happily in the meadow together holding hands.

who am i to talk about love? my knowledge of it seems small and insignificant as compared to say, my parents. sometimes i look at them with envy. how did they know that they are meant for one another? how did they know that this is person i will never grow tired of holding hands with even when im 50 years old, and im old, fat, and boring.

love is indeed amazing. but all im experiencing is the pain. where is the happiness?

maybe the heart wants me to be patient. but i dont know how much longer i have to be.