you are one special guy

thank you for being here. and for making the effort to get to know my friends.i love you.

today's class

my class with che din have just ended, and i could safely say that this week's class went pretty well. at least i wasnt his favourite bull's eye for any cynical remarks or whatever that he has in mind today.

and to add to my vocab, as i am not aware that my collection in the usage of words are not as extensive as the others around me, i have come across a new word or a phrase if you may put it, its magnum opus, which is in latin, meaning being perfect.

HEBAT kan?

*i really think ive become obssessed with my classes with che din, and the need to widen my vocabulary*

im not a friendly blogger

i blog about personal things. i blog about things that only close friends of mine could decipher what i was raving about. i realized that im not a very "friendly" blogger.

*this is after i read afiq deen's blog.his blog is like WOW.*

words...phfft...

its amazing how my friends seem to have a larger-than-life vocab.

and the only word that i can think of that sounds complicated enough is espetada. i dont even know if its in the dictionary..

hold..im checking my trusty collins..

nope..i just realized that espetada is a meal from nandos.

fasting yang tak jadi

i was supposed to fast today, but i batal already. why?because kaed cafe's smell of ayam goreng is just too tempting..yes..i gave in to temptation (which was one is supposed to overcome when fasting) and to know that i gave in to kaed's food is even more pathetic (lain lah kalau depan mata i ade cinnabon ke, j.co ke)

so now i have to re-fast balik (if there is such a word) tomorrow. and to think that i have a class with che din and prof mansor tomorrow will definitely test my patience and my ability to stop cursing. we'll see.

home sweet home

"Malaysia is full of big dreams yang memang takkan sampai instead of being practical and rational"- Nina

i could actually agree with her on that. we see mega projects that will only be feasible in a 5 year period but will later on be a white elephant, we see big bucks spent on making Malaysia look good for now (the "save Sufiah campaign" which still made me wonder why the hell do we have to be busybodies when she's not even a Malaysian citizen), but disregarding the later part of the years, where it will later on be an eye sore and a freaking waste of money (such as the sports village that was built for commonwealth).

why Malaysia why? why do you have to ignore us, the Malaysians who have been your true supporters all these while, but are not getting the love we deserve from you. if this is your way of increasing the Malaysian spirit by making all this flashy projects just so we could be proud of you, I'd think you're being a bit too transparent and shallow on this aren't you?

LOSER

i woke up early today.thats a miracle even for me.i did my laundry (3 weeks worth of it!) and i was actually hoping i could eat my cereals..but tak sempat.aiyeh....

omg..why am i blogging about this??(im becoming quite a loser lah)

where is the lecturer??

im in the lab...and ive been here for half an hour waiting for the lecturer (che din, the cause of my misery last week).

everyone came early only to wait for half an hour doing nothing.even the guys came early.(wajdi in particular..he never does..)

so,..im bidding my time before i can actually get out of here.

just so you know

I read about how the Palestinians are driven out of their homes. Just to make way for jewish settlers that came in hordes into their own soil. I read about how they are marginalized in their very own country, discriminated even if they pay the taxes, deprived from their rights to have the basic necessities in life, because of the judaization of Jerusalem. I should be thankful that I live peacefully in my own country, away from bullets ripping through the wall when im asleep. I am thankful I was given the chance to study and choose my own course of life, instead of being shut out from getting the chance to be educated. I am grateful I am who I am.

The Jews are not only driving out Muslims, but Christians as well. They claimed that they have the right to the land, because David built it for them. For only what? 77 years? The muslims have ruled the land for 4 centuries! And so did the Christians for almost 1 century! Where did you get it in your head that this is YOUR land? Are you stupid? Cant you do maths? You’re not even really jewish! You’re of EUROPEAN descent! You’re not of david’s or moses’s bloodline! What in the world are you talking about? The caananites or should I say, the lawful descent of the philistines and caananites, which are the Palestinians are the RIGHTFUL people to stay. You know, karma does not apply to Buddhist teachings only, its actually common sense in all religion. God is watching, and he is only bidding His time. Just so you know.

at this point of time

At this point of time, when you’ve come to the intersection in the choices you make in life, you are often left to wonder if the choices you make will scar you for life. the answer? Yes it will. but there is one thing that I hold on to. Don’t look back. Never look back and regret the choices you made. In this way, it will never scar you.

I don’t think I will ever be 100% happy. That is the fact that I have to live with. I’m so good with building walls around myself that I managed to kick everyone out of my life. The only ones who stayed are of course, my family. Because that is what family do. They stick with you even if you’re a nutcase. And that left me wondering to myself, why couldn’t I stick by my father? Instead of throwing my arms up in defeat and blaming him for fucking up the whole family, why couldn’t I just hold my breath and say,” its okay ayah, we’ll get through this”. I don’t know if ill ever reach that level of maturity. Everyday I pray to God for something that I will never own, and that has often left me with a feeling of resentment and resulted to my diminishing faith in God. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I hate who I’ve become. I am not brought up to be this ugly.

I am 22 for God’s sake. It’s about time I grow up.

kaed, i love you.

i have this itch of running around kaed while screaming at the top of my lungs.i had this itch yesterday while i was in che din's class.amazing how a concrete building can exhume so much pressure and automatically produce whatever hormones that causes depression to the students in it.

i think im even more depressed by the fact that now im eating lunch alone because nina and radhi is not in my classes, ku and sue are graduating this august, and ida is far far away from kaed.

yeah, it is amazing how one stooopid building can be the cause of your grief for today.

im happy but i hope you are too

i think this is the time for me to heave a sigh of relief as a sign of being contented with life. i have almost everything i wanted in life.im blessed with good fortunes and i praise God for bestowing me with happiness.

but i still miss you.this is normal isn't it?i won't look back.but i do think about you.i hope you are well.

my eating experience

yesterday i ate a kfc chicken chop meal in 5 minutes. and i literally finished eveything (because i was late for a movie)

the other day when my dad sent me to uia, i have already eaten my lunch when i was suddenly overcome by a sudden craving for chocolate sundae (i blame mcd for having hundreds of cawangan and the hot weather). so when my dad stopped by at the melati mcd, they just HAD to tell me that the sundae machine rosak..and what was i supposed to do?you cant go out of mcd empt handed right?you just HAVE to buy something!so i did.i bought french fries..even if it was only 20 minutes before i had my lunch.

today,i ate my usual nasi+ayam goreng+sambal belacan.okay..i was already back to my normal digestion pattern..when "suddenly", ida just HAD to take us to mancongkam..and what the hell was i supposed to do?i couldnt just sit there and do nothing!nobody goes to mancongkam and do nothing!i had to eat!..so yeah..to put it easier,i have finished 2 plates of rice with chicken in no less than an hour apart from each meal.

i dont know what the hell is wrong with my stomach these days.but im not really keen on seeing the syaza who gained 20 kgs.f**************

i dont know why i did it..but i did

i may not have the exact answer everyone was expecting. but i do know that i am happy.yes..i dreamt about him once in a while, and soemtimes the void i felt for him would resurface after being deleted from my body system.it happens.memories cannot be erased..unless you have alzheimer of something.

i dont know if it matters to anyone that i am happy now.i am eating well (even taking some kailan once in a while) and i am healthy.

im glad i have friends who wish the best for me.the ones who stick by me whatever my decision is.thank you.