the pathetic period

this morning i woke up with swollen eyes.i thought i was bitten by a bug, but actually it was because i was crying over you.i put on my clothes to prepare for class, hoping today you'd call.i hate the fact that im weak when it comes to you, and i kept checking my phone, cursing myself at the same time because i realized im falling to pieces. all because of you.

i am hating you and im hating myself for this. i dont want you. but i crumble without you. i hate you.but i love you.fuck.

tribute to hot guys

a tribute to hot guys that have made us all females swoon and heaved for fresh air....
this is a post dedicated to sebastian parada

days ive watched you from afar, scared to make my move.i could only manage a smile eveytime you walk pass by.you only said hello and gave me your gorgeous smile that made your cheek dimpled.

the night you performed, i was brimmed with excitement. you looked nonchalant with your traditional costume, nobody had ever looked so sexy.i was preatically swooning when you gestured to me to take your picture while you performed.i held your camera with pride as i snaped perfect images of you

as we danced i remembered ur scent so vividly that i jerked everytime i came across it now. i remembered being the happiest girl alive when you hold me close as we pumped through the music..your face red with enthusiasm and energy..mine?(well,i'll need a mirror for that)

the last day before we went our seperate ways, i managed to fulfill my dare, i mumbled "i think you're hot". you looked at me with pure confusion..and suddenly grabbed balen, one of your girlfriends over to us. ialmost choked to death because obviously she was YOUR GF!then suddenly balen said "what did you say to him?he cant understand english". shit..WHAT???

"i said i think he's hot"..i repeated as my face heatened.she translated breezely and i watched as your expression changed..you blushed furiously and clamped your face with both hands.you said something to balen, i wish to god you werent saying that im a pathetic idiot..suddenly balen said"he said he's feeling really shy because no one has called him cute before".

you said gracias almost a dozen times.you took pix with me and hugged me before we parted.i will hold dearly to the memory of when the cutest guy came up and danced with me.for 5 TIMES GIRLFRIENDS!!BEAT THAT!HAHA! btw..his birthday is the same as mine..GOD!haha

days in india

im writing a LOOOOONNNG entry about india..i think i'll release it *cewah..macam book launching plak* on the 2nd of november...haha..

biasela..budak jakun yang baru pertama kali ke luar negara..i was overly eager to see foreign scenes..and experience the atmosphere in a diffrent plae, for the first time, i missed home so badly that i wanted to cry if a car happens to knock me dead.i want to die in malaysia.i have finally decided.*cewah, macam boleh pilih je mane nak mati*

i missed ayah, ibu, adik. my friends.my boyfriend.i missed everything about malaysia.i was at uncle lim's with keron, nad and baz, and i ordered a nasi lemak with daging.that was the first time i was completely salivating over a nasi lemak.i swear i will never toss out my local dish.EVER.

india taught me one thing dorothy taught all of us before this, there is no place like home.*i clicked my heels thrice in delhi, it didnt work,wizard of oz lied*

airport klia

wah wah...

klia banyak menerima pelajar2 dari uia sejak kebelakangan ini...syaza yang ke india, kuhaz yang baru ke beijing, dan baru-baru ini, radhio yang akan ke kuching.naik business class pula tuh!!wow!semoga berpanjangan lah umur klia yang tersergam indah dan sangat lawa itu!

lebih lawa dari airport india..hehehe

anti tobacco is good

do you know that smoking can cause halithos?which is persistent badb breath?i didntk know that that condition was called halithos.it sounds so cool..

me being in an anti-tobacco organization might cause insurgency in my studio where 90% of the male population are active smokers.haha..

i may not be passionate about anti-smoking yet..but i know what its doing to the generation.maybe we'll ooze this atmosphere of coolness while smoking..how do you explain the yellowing teeth and bad skin?owh and you can get a really bad skin rash called psoriasis.

i sound like a kid that have just finished memorizing the amazing health encyclopedia or something..haha..but maybe i`ll sound better later. when i get more infos on smoking *oh no!syaza will flood her blog with anti-smoking entries and in 10 years time people will start to print my blog as a health reference for anti-tobacoo*

ayam kept on badgering me why i forbid him to smoke.i guess he felt missed out on something.first,he'll have that halithos thingy..second,yellow teeth and bad smell*major turn off!* and most importantly..its not good for my image as an anti-tobacco activist(well..beginner punye level lah)

well..im off now..i have much research on tobaccos that i have to do..im going to INDIA in 3 days time!yahoo!

im hating the pc rite now because i cant download the itinerary for the gym thingy.

i hate i hate i hate this pc

thinking with a clear mind,thats what they always say.im starting to doubt the root of this utmost philiosophy that everyone holds so dear.it is pretty obvious we're living in the age of irrationality and full of outrage emotions.

as i slammed the door i concocted a plan to get out of the house and live a life that 'everyone' seems to worship, which is life of total freedom and no barriers.what do i have to lose?i can be a totally independent person as i am already 20 years of age.

maybe ill get to see the hurt on my mother's face, knowing i couldnt stand living under the same roof as she is.maybe ill get their phone calls once a week to check if my life is okay, and wether i want to come home.maybe ill miss my sisters life, their bowling trips and their swimming classes.

old photos of me when i was i year old doesnt do me any justice.things are not so easy now, and situations in life is not sugar and spice, and everything nice.that picture is a TOTAL LIE.i am not a smiling,cute baby that has just learned to walk!i am a full grown up person that has the ability to hurt your feelings with me scathing remarks and i can walk out of your lives!

haha..behold the person that we all know as teenagers or, more importantly, the new me.

but somehow,after a night of tears and screams, i came to the realization that i can never do that to my parents.i dont want to see how much ive hurt them.i dont want them to know how much i hate them at times.my mother lookd so happy in 1987, my father was all smiles when he took me to the beach, me,trotting next to him.my grandfather panicked when my mother gave birth to me, resulting to his continous trips to the toilet, and him not being able to visit my mother.my aunt gave me a minnie mouse doll during my one year old birthday.

i must really be the most rotten-hearted person on earth.i cant walk out, and i dont want to.even if you hurt me countless of times, i know i made you cry when i gave you a letter saying i hated you.i didnt mean to.im sorry.i know youll never read this.but i want you too.maybe later.when im ready to show it to you.thank you for bringing me into this world.i love you.

my life

haha..i havent blogged for almost a month..byk giler perkara sudah terjadi and it feels like id get my fingers all cramped up if i typed each and everyone of it down.

uia?god..i wish ill never have to set my foot in the studio again.everybody is sick with everyone else.vacation is definitely the solution to this.

friends?i have to say some are good and some are not.a fallout with a friend is both painful and confusing.i guess this is what people say life has its unexpected twists and turns.meeting up with old friends are ...just the right thing you need after coming out of a bruised and battered state called university.

family?i have enough stories to produce a tv drama/soap opera. but raya was good.aby syam is getting married and my aunts are bursting with happiness to know their most eligible nephew are finally getting hitched.

relationship?ayam is great.im starting to panic if id end up with him somehow.shit~

me?im anxious as the day for me to leave for india draws near.im happy that i finally get the chance to go.gawd!taj mahal!here i come!!!!!!(me in the most obvious jakunness state ever)

so far-this is what we all call a synopsis to someone's life.i thank you all for your attention

my life..currently

wow..has it been a month?or two months?since the last time i blogged?giler lah..haha..ive been busy..somehow i find myself committing wholly to the one thing that actually robbed me off my social circles...KAED..

lets see...during the mid sem holidays...i went to this class trip in Penang...for an ASSIGNMENT..though penang was fabulous..but...its kinda pathetic to actually spend your hols working when you shoudve been in GSC watching the latest movie with your friends.

i havent seen the bangi people for almost two moonths..which shows that i havent been home for almost a month.i havent had the time to hang out with the subang people for..how long??and i still havent taken my licence yet...

so far..i think my life is perfect..thank you very much.

my laptop

yesterday was our anniversary.the fourth one.and thank god this time it went well..destroying my theory about the how everytime your anny is around the corner you'll 'indulge' in a big fight that makes you wish you should've cut the anny shorter.

we had wedges and went to carrefour for grocery shopping *i didnt get to buy my panda*..before getting a call from my dad to meet at low yat in an hour time.we rushed to low yat and from the way he was driving i could tell that he was nervous to meet my dad for the second time.

what happened?my dad and ayam worked hand in hand to give me a HUGE headache during our "laptop shopping hunt".the result?me getting a gorgeous white laptop,even if its not compaq, but still...its white man...owh and the functionless media player..

banyak bende

psa is over and im damn happy its over.theres too much bad shit in it..and i think i can have an emotional breakdown if i go through the details once again..all i can say is..now i know why i hate being involved in all this activities..because its BAD SHIT!!

im pissed...regarding psa..but other than that,im okay...im gr8 actually...just realized i have a lecturer from hell..and i cant believe that im going to segamat with her fat face sticking down my throat..i know im being a fucked up student here..but i cant stand rude people.

anyway...hmm..what else..ayam is going to cherating tomorrow :( he asked me what i want from cherqaqting..and all i can think about is hideous pareos and bikinis...so i sed tudung..but maybe ill regret it later if he happens to produce some makcik designed tudung after the trip

during leadership, we are to speak in public..(the next class) in a public speaking lesson...about what's happening in lebanon..considering that the last class i talked about howmuch i hate veggies..i think the possibility of me going far in public speaking is NIL..

anyway,i have studio tomorrow and i have yet to finish my work...so..if i am willing to be killed by that fat cow..i better take my leave now so good nite and take care people~

the first time in my life,i was actually screaming on the phone.the first time.without me realising it, i was crying as well.i dont even know why.all i could think of was "how could you do this to me".maybe to her it was no big deal, maybe it was a norm to her.to actually do that.maybe i was just acting like a big fat baby for not being strong enuf.i dont know.all i could think about was how much i hate her and i just couldnt believe that she was in my life.all these years i was there,it just never occur to her i was important too.

home,which the definiton is a comfortable sanctuary which you yearn to reach when times like this come.i wanted to go back home.but i dont have one.i have a rented dilapitated house, but now thats my home.my family lives there, with all their might in trying to find a silver lining in a dark cloud that never seems to go away.maybe i was being cynical before.on how much i hated my present life, my present house.but now i dont hate it anymore.i dont care if my dad does not earn 6000 like he used too.i dont care if i cant be able to afford all the good things in life that my friends have.i just dont care anymore.right now the home i went to that night was the one that made me stop crying and welcomed me with all its contents.i forgot how much i missed the sound of my sisters bathing in the morning,their shouts and groans.i miss my mum with her worn shoes and her pale face.i miss my dad.

i dont care anymore.i just want to go home

fingers are numb

finally the letters are finished..the remaining letters that need to be sent out to the planning firms are FINITO~WOOHOO!!KAK NITA YOU ROX!!*the hod's secretary

anyway..yesterday nite, radhi and i painted our nails black..and i was thinking ~man!these are soo COOL!..then got a message from ayam saying die pening thinking about the fact that my nails have transformed into black..tak rock betul la orang tue ni..*hehe*

im looking forward to this sunday, the final match of the world cup..probably going to b.b for the party...bet my bf will be wearing his france t-shirt and gushing over the wonders of zidane.hmm..i wonder if he's g...damn!syaza!stop thinking bullshit!

anyway..the juniors have just filled in the mahallah..i pun tatau how to react to this..especially since they tend to call me kak everytime they talk to me..its aggravating...really..

so..i'll be off then..blog later..fingers are numb..can..not..type..any..more..must..go..out...

life is GREAT

enjoying every minute of my life at the moment..yep..yesterday i got lost in the mighty big kuala lumpur trying to find a JALAN KAMPUNG ATTAP..and EVERYONE knows that once you miss a turning,you'll never find the damn place.pudu,brickfields..AGH!!CONGESTION!!!* i feel like singing " conjunction conjuction, where's your function"* even though it has no relation what so ever to congestion, but it sounds the same..hehe

3 hours or so,after passing by kl sentral for like the fifth time,we finally found the turning we were SUPPOSED to take, as told by the newspaper vendor at old kl station..hmph..we shout in delight as we saw the sign jln kg. attap.finally, we're here!alamat yang tertera...no.19 jalan kampung attap...apasal nampak 18 je?aiyah!!sesat again ah!!**@@%$#@#@!@~~#$#$@

btw, i lost my matric card..*%@&

p/s:pengumuman:saya sudah mengambil keputusan untuk kembali bersama ayam..our irreconcillable diffrences telah bertukar menjadi reconcillable balik..dan saya ada boxers spongebob baru..haha

what is in my head

im freaking tired of finding sponsors.im tired of having to drop by the office and leave empty-handed (no letters of sponsorships completed) when ive just traveled all the way from bangi by public transportation for two damn hours just to put my butt in the kaed building.

just now i was this close to bursting out in front of my lecturer. but i know he meant well..even if his advice is a total BULL.i am tired of doing this alone, mizi included.i hate my job-period.

but,anyway,enuf of this boring shite aite?yesterday i watched the news,israeli forces are keeping the hamas leaders in captive.i hope they all go to hell.and take their bloody skullcaps with them.i am pissed by the fact that arab countries are all bloody rich, members of the opec, and yet they are not doing anything to help these palestinians.kids die because the these israelis are on the crusade of getting every palestinians killed.i am tired by the fact that they have kofi annan as the sec general, while he was obviously a dickhead and think they should put mahathir there.

so,as a conclusion,the world is a shithole to live in right now.i guess its not sugar and spice after all.

p/s:i oso dont know whats the connection between my job and the world news..but thats whats boggling in my head right now.

i promise

i cant change what u are to me.maybe i am weak after all.for still caring.funny,ive always pride myself for my ability to shut people out of my life.but not you.maybe its not that easy.maybe i need more time to prepare,to let you go completely.

but dont you worry about me.ill be fine.i always am.i know im stronger than i think i am.hey,youve been in a much more worse condition than this.so,ill be fine.

funny,u wont even read this.but ill be fine.thats a promise.so,if all ur seeing now is a big black cloud, ull see sunshine soon.i promise.

what i feel rite now

im having all this mixed up emotions..that i cant even describe anyone of it thats been bogling in my head..so:

-im feeling f***ing sad and down because i just broke(everbody feels that way,unless u memang nak tinggalkan that person seabad lalu)
-im pissed at the hod's secretary because i still havent gotten the rest of the sponsorship's letter
-kesian at the hod's secretary sebab i gave her a long list of addresses for the letters
-stressed out because everbody is breathing down my freaking neck asking about the damn sponsors
-pissed(for another reason) because my ex is being stupid
-scared if the sponsors arent really sponsoring
-pening kepale because my ex cakap keling(ini hanyalah perumpamaan)
-craving for chocolates
-craving for mochas
-scared i might grow fat because i tend to eat a LOT when im stressed out and rite now i AM STRESSED OUT
-malas nak balik naik public transport because i hate the public transport (which is evident in my blog entries)

so..those are some of the feelings i managed to pull out for a sec for this blog entry before it squeezes its way back in..have a nice day folks..coz im not =(

penat lah

aiyo...so penat la jadi budak planmic..ive been ulang-alik- ing to uia from bangi for the past 3 days...naik public transport ok!

so when other students were actually enjoying their HOLIDAY..i was dozing off in the lrt..waiting for it to reach terminal putra so i could get to kaed..by BUS..

why am i making such a big FUSS over taking the public transport??BECAUSE IT SUX!and i think im broke already..and im not even doing something FUN with my cash!

here's to the LRT company..enjoy my duit...next time..please do something to reduce the screeching sound of the train...i nak mati dengar the damn train sreeching against the rail..macam dengar garpu dok scratch kat pinggan over and over again...

soo's bday

mereka yang gila2 belaka


3rd of june was sue`s birthday. Yep, sue, the darling of everyone. Few days before, she told her why she always celebrate her birthday with her family, after a quite dreadful experience that has somehow proven that girls can be quite b****y. (no hard feelings eh?)….

So we were quite energized to make it up to her, when she hinted that she might be going back to kuantan. Aiyah…manyak susah la ini macam. Anyway, after much harassment committed towards dear kuku, (since she’s sue’s roomie and all, to korek infos), we were quite happy that we found out that she’s not going back after all…yippie ya yay!

So, a tribute to sue’s birthday, and not to forget nina’s as well…but her mum came over to semenanjung, so..we were positive she had an excellent birthday celebration :)

Sue, we’re so sorry the petting zoo closed down (stupid website, never tell oso). Hope you cherish malar hijau’s house pix (even though you don’t “like” him anymore). We had fun eating your cake..haha..and we hope you’ll take care of bob esponja.

Nina, we’re sorry we didn’t put up a celebration for you (blame it on uia for having ungs exam). We would have loved to buy you a nice big cake, but you don’t eat cake…(but if you nak cake, cakap jet au..we’ll buy 1 for you :) ). Happy birthday princess!

yahoo!!

YAHOO!!!!
exam is OVER...shor sem is OVER..haha...sukanya hatiku!
so..rite now im just killing my time, where i had lunch at kaed cafe (after such a LONG time)..and listening to sara yakking (haha) about jelly beans's history and the fact that the best jelly beans are called jelly-bellies...weird...

so..i`ll be celebrating my freedom by having an appointment with my student advirsor, going to a planmic meeting (fucking boring), and watching cars with sara and my boyfriend.

p/s:im wearing my new indian slippers..~gorgeous piece of investment!
bye~

the story

soo....syaza got herself into a new glitch..
okay..maybe not a glitch la..more like a gaung..
see..during the first semester, she noticed a cute second year student whom she nicknamed daniel.

and everytime daniel walked past by, she froze and blushed.because she likes him you see.so..1st sem passed without as much as a hint of her knowing his real name.2nd sem, she knows through a friend that his name is syahir.

then came 3rd sem..well..syaza has already gotten herself a new boyfriend. and they share what people call a 'volatile' relationship. but they are smitten over each other.really.

suddenly, one of syaza's friend, sue, somehow managed to get to know this daniel.and to cut the story short, daniel somehow knew syaza existed and got her number.to cut the story shorter, now they're smsing each other, so frequently that syaza has to top up more frequent than her normal rate.

and one night, they went out together.and it was a blast.but it was somehow an un-blast to syaza's relationship.because syaza's bf somehow knew she went out with a guy.

the shortest cut?...syaza and daniel like each other.but they both are taken.syaza patched up her relationship.and syaza and daniel became friends, who know bets among each other for world cup matches.

~the end

hobi saya

i have a new hobby!and that is naik lrt!
oohh...i love the fast train, yang bukan sahaja berjasa kepada segala umat manusia di klang valley, malah, ia juga snagat menyeronokkan!

lrt train is good for people who enjoy watching other people.lrt trains are also a test, to show wether you're a corteous citizen, or you're just fucking selfish for your own good.not just that, it also menguji your endurance skills and keterer-an berdiri berjam-jam.and it also provides a lot of entertainment, especially for those who likes to watch orang, *there was this gila guy on the train, scary giler*

jadi, one day i spent most of my day cultivating this new-found hobby of mine!from terminal to kelana jaya(where keron picked me up and we went to ou), then from kj to wangsa maju (where ayam picked me up to go and celebrate our second anny!:) ), and then, from terminal to klcc (where we went to nandos and watched the fountains at the park), and then from klcc back to terminal (where i got into the car and almost dozed off,see!its so tirirng!this new-found hobby of mine!)

so, guys, if you want to try this new hobby, feel free to hesitate and squirm because it rips you off your cash and it makes you bloody irritated and sleepy.enjoy! ;)

pelupa

kita sudah banyak mendengar tentang kisah-kisah orang pelupa ini. mungkin kepada sesetengah orang, ia merupakan suatu keadaan serius yang perlu diampbil sepenuh perhatian dari segi perubatan dan sains, namun, untuk kebanyakkan orang awam malaysia yang normal, ia merupakan suatu peristiwa, keadaan atau kisah yang lawak.

*dubbing english plak*
the other i was at mid-valley when i ran out of credit. stopped by at a nearby digi center and bought myself a $10 top up card. i keyed in the serial code only to recieve a message stating the code i punched in was invalid. wild thoughts running through my head but the causal thing i had in my mind was, digi ripped me off my cash and i was cheated cleverly.i was halfway back to the shop that sold the useless top up and suddenly remembered that i was using hotlink.

a friend of mine wanted to redeem a free drink from Coffee Bean, using those cards they gave out, you know, the ones where you have to get it all stamped up and shit. so, he was practically salivating over the thought of drinking an ice blended when suddenly the coffee bean lady said, "ni kene pegi starbucks dik, baru boleh redeem".

aiyoh..what is wrong with our youths now?are we suffering from an early stage of senile-ation?*is there such word?*

pengajaran:jangan makan maggie banyak banyak

I wonder

i can sort of see a pattern in the boys i choose to have affiliations with. first...their names will start with an A.

hmm..
Arif
Aisa
Iqbal (die lain sikit)
Azrul (doreng)
izat Arif
Arif
*Amirul
*Afnan
Faize @ AYAM

*the ones i never had the chance to have an OFFICIAL relationship with

im not saying guys with their names that start with an A are much more appealing to me.i dont even know why i keep on ending up with these people.takde lah hebat mane pun.haha

and i even notice something..
i like to eat naan and ayam tandoori

=afNAN and AYAM tandoori...
haha talk about the irony of the situation..

manual cars are fuckers

manual cars are fuckers

that was what i discovered when i my boyfriend`s car died after i drove it past the bump in campus. the car behind me honked like mad..and i was sweating like hell because i was wearing linen, and it was 3pm, and when its 3 pm in gombak..oohh man,u`d wish u were born in switzerland and stayed there for the rest of your life.

i was trying to get it over and done with, my saman, i got two!!from the mahallah, and the traffic.the latter refers to the incident when i got in half an hour late..(which got me more pissed when cipon told me that she got in at 1 am without any hitch from the fucking guards)..and the former is because...aiyer..so malas want to write it down...because of nina's radio.

so..anyway,managed to convince faize, to lend me his car..which he was pretty reluctant at first..but..yeah..hahaha..

boy..i wished i never would have asked him for the car.

later that evening he textd asking me to pick him up..which i replied..no freaking way am i ever going to drive manual cars AH-GAIN.*i think in order to be a great bf, you`ll need abundance of patience*

so he had to ask his friend to send him over to my college..when he reached the entrance, he told me to drive it to the front.

2minutes later-
i got into the car..and pushed the key to start..but it wont frekig start!!shit...faize is soooo going to kill me

5minutes later-
an annoyed faize in an orange shirt riding the motorcycle with syah reached the car(apparently they had to slow-talk with the gurads to let them in) d car had surprisingly come to life.

i hate MANUAL CARS!!!!!!!!!!!1

what happened between us was confusing enough before we can even have a beginning. the turmoil of emotinons im going through now is quite overwhelming, that i dont even know what im thinking, feeling right now.

you stood by the sidelines,waiting, even after everyhting that has happened.regardless of my shouts, screams, cries.i treated you like dirt sometimes...did u realize that??GOD!wake up!

but i dont want you to leave.i dont want you wrap everyhting up, and said.."okay, if its going to continue being like this..i guess this is my cue to leave". i want you to stay.knowing i have someone waiting at the sidelines.why cant it be like that?why cant you just stay that way?complacent being the person who will always have my back..but not much to expect from me?

god..i sound so evil.no...its not fair for you.its not fair for you to watch from the sidelines while i try my best to fraternize with another person who clearly has no emotional attachment on me..im stupid.when it comes to this..im stupid..im sorry.

will you just stop giving me goosebumps?will you just stop giving me all this emotions that keep on rushing in and out of my system like waterfall..you are not THE ONE..but..i..yeah..well..lets just leave it at that eh?

a new beginning

hahahaha...(laughing robustly)

i got myself a new phone two days back..dragged sarah,faize and syah to come along to pertama complex to help me `bargain` for the right one..

you shouldve seen the place!JAYZUS!!!booths loaded with phone everywhere...and its freaking CHEAP!but anyway...after got basuh with my dad about y carelessness...he gave me 300 and told me to main jauh-jauh..

jauh jugak aku pegi ni...browsing until the group got tired and decided to have a drink at the gerai outside..while i was too busy dealing with my phone dilemmas to even finish up my milo...(which was later given to syah)

in the end....TADA~a new (second-hand) flip phone...and my new number??hehehe...i`ll tell you people later...

yay!!!got myself a new phone!!!!woohoo!!!

i LOST my PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

*syaza is too distraught to blog..will be back with updates LATER*

series

morning till 8p.m

-finished autocad at 6.areque sent me a msg saying that madam has already collected the layouts an hour ago.and i havent even PRINT it yet..
-ei leen wants to meet up for islamic urbanism assignment
-keron called to say she wants to drop by*YIPPIE YA YAY!*
-and she wants to meet afnan....*SHIT*
-realized i havent mandi the whole day*though i dont stink at all*
-had to print at advanco which costs a BOMB,because we finished our layout lambat...so..no other shops are open

8.30 pm

-radhi is stressed because her layout is still having problems.yelled several curse words that makes me and nina afraid to approach her..or come close within her vicinity
-had to tinggalkan radhi.sori radhi.
-realized we`re supposed to meet ei leen now..*oh shit oh shit oh shit*
-afnan sent a msg saying he`s at home*bodo*

9 pm
-"oh, lets get it over and done with..", then realized half of my studiomates were crammed in the small plotting room of advanco..
-msged ei leen telling her we`re going to be late..only to recieve a not-so-nice msg..*damn*
-made a date with sue and kuku to have dinner at kubur

10pm
-keron called to tell me she`s there
-im still in the waiting line
-the printing computer is hanged*is that correct?*
-kak pah`s layout problem
-ei leen is pissed and went back to mahallah
-keron is pissed because she`s waited for half and hour

11pm
-had a small fight with keron, but she picked me up anyway
-had dinner, the only solid meal i had for the whole day

12pm
-went back, got fined instead.because i got in at 12.30.fuck you uia guards.biased bastards
-i think ive scared afnan off with my horrible mood
-keron got lost on her way out of my campus..and i think she`s pissed at me..

so,thats the overall series of unfortunate events that happened yesterday nite.now..im going to die as a zombie which ive transformed into because of the uncivilized load of work my course hads plunged me into.

ole~

ole~

haha!!!qsb mid-term is OWH-VERH!!!now....back to autocad

BLEKH!!!!~

YUCK..YUCK..

im hoping that when i get this over and done with i can have a blissful life where i wouldnt have to see the word autocad/or autodesk/ or anything that has anything that has the word auto..and then someone add that with cad,or cat(that somehow has the same pronounciation) or desk.

my WORK is my LOVERH~ *im sooo pathetic..this is sad*

oh god...the humiliation

i sent a message to you.i told you how i felt.i was shaking when i wanted to press the "send" button. nina finally did it for me. i couldnt sleep well.i hate you

the next morning you told me your heart skipped a beat when i told you.and then you told me you like me too. but in a way that made me doubt your answer if it is genuine or the other way around.

i want to wallow myself into any gaung i`ll find by the highway..and stay there untill its the year 2020.

i dont want to see you anymore. i dont want to msg you.i dont want to have anything to do with you anymore..

im so emotional...

as i watched you speak, you showed a glint of hurt from the past.i observed your beautiful feature, and your beautiful self, i wondered how can a person misjudged this person who was sitting in front of me as someone cold, when all about him is wonderful?

i stopped the growing itch to yell out my feelings.what i have bottled up inside since the first day i saw you.the first time i was fascinated by how easy it was to be around you.how comfortable i felt when i watched you drive me home.how right everything seemed to be when it comes to you.

but you dont see that dont you?you dont seem to realize that everytime i see you my heart beats a hundred times faster than usual.you dont see me, as the person who is waiting here, in front of you, waiting for you.waiting for you to finally open your eyes and see that i am right here along. waiting for you.

of course not.why would you see that?i am just another friend you acquired.a friend..yup..we`re just friends...perfect..well..i stopped myself from telling you how i feel, because i wouldnt want to lose you, period.i wish you well afnan.i envy the girl who broke your heart.you love her enough to make her actions scar your feelings.i envy her, for having you.for still having your feelings for her.another loser anthem is bursting out of me.

"ive been watching your world from afar
ive been trying to be where you are
and ive been secretly falling apart
to me, you`re strange and you`re beautiful
you`d be so perfect with me but you just cant see
you turn every head but you dont see me"- aqualung, i`ll put a spell on you

p/s: guys, correct me if im wrong yah?the lyrics i mean...and its not an uncool song..its just that its a song from a loser`s perspective lah...like me.. :'(

hmm..you again

hmm...you again...

i wonder why i even picked up the phone...oh wait...yes...because you see...i DELETED your number so i could refrain myself from calling, or messaging you....but hey!haha..you found me..AGAIN.

i cant go on another period of my life hating myself. ive already hated myself enough...i dont another extra baggage to make me feel like a SLUT.

i cant make myself to tell you to go away because i was relieved you called.i know what a BLOODY BUGGERING PATHETIC loser i am, but that was what i felt.i was relieved you actually cared enough to call me. asking me for a another chance...haha..things are already complicated as it is..dont make it anymore worse than this.i thought about you often nowadays..i dont even know why.

you made me cry...bloody hell...i didnt even cry when my dad slapped me..FUCK YOU.stop the bullshit apologies.you`re just feeling guilty because a gullible loser is crying over you.you do have a magical touch with words eh?im not buying it anymore.thanks..but no thanks..go try it on someone else..and wreak havoc in their lives.

i dnt know if i can stand this long enough..DONT YOU GET IT???im taking the exit here...BYE?see you later?umm...i dont think so...

work it baby

workloads are like a blackhole..sort of..it sucks out all the joy in the world.oh.my.god.

thank god the grad dinner is OVER...i could at least rest in peace for a while..for a while....hehe...anyway...now...ive got my head cramped with workloads that is making me wish i have a time machine so that i can travel to the future during my semester break and have endless time of sleep..

my laptop is being a bitch again,forcing me to come all the way to kaed to do my autocad.shit.anyway...enough of my rantings..the conclusion is...uni life is not as cool as i thought it is.. ~BLEKH!!!~ :P

kemaman

yeah yeah!!

kemaman was a blast...we were all quite relieved to be able to have a time out from bursting our heads over the s***hole layout drawings and bla bla..

goodbye uia..kemaman HEL-LO.it was kinda nice to see everybody in a relaxed mood for a change..no frowns..no frsutrated cries..nada..haha..everybody was just happy playing by the beach and having a blast shopping at cukai...can you believe that there`s a place named cukai?(tax, in english)..apparently the name derived from something..something tax lah..haha..tak tau la..anyway!take a look at the piX!

why i did it

when i said i wanted you out of my life.i hated myself for being so harsh.i didnt mean to push you out just like that after what we 'had'.shit..im so sorry.

the reason?im just tired of keeping it a secret..like a criminal or something.you cant even make me feel better of those countless times i felt like a bitch, a slut.you tried.but you never tried harder.i hate you.and i hated myself.

why i did it?you really want to know?because..you see..there are two choices here..wether i continue hating you and myself..or just stop hating me..by stopping altogether.i decided to choose me.i dont want to beat myself up anymore over something i could`ve stopped a long time ago.i didnt even cry..yeah.i should feel proud of myself..

i do it for us.i do it for everybody.i do it for me.you`ll hate me if i dont do it sooner or later.everybody will hate me if i dont do it sooner or later,or should i say when the skeleton is out of the closet?and i?i will hate myself more than i ever did if i dont do it sooner or later.

sorry is probably not the right word to use here.i don`t owe you an apology.i know i dont.you?well..somethings maybe..but..not really..f*** it.

the irony

irony...is it equivalent to being funny?in a wierd way?

how bout this?i`ll tell this story..gossip..whatever...then you tell me if if it`s funny...i know it`s ironic..but..is it funny?in a weird way?

last sunday i went grocery shopping with my parents.life in varsity is a torture unless you have extravagant supply of food in the room (!).so anyway, there i was in the shoe store, browsing through cool looking sneakers with my mum, when suddenly this small lady came up to us and practically made us jump..in shock..

well..well..guess who it was?none other than izat`s mum!YAY!wow..what a surprise eh?to meet your ex`s mum at the hypermarket?as she is my mum`s old friend, she was chatting amiably with my mother, while i managed an embarassed smile to izat`s dad, who looks just the same as he was before.converse sneakers and a cool swatch.sorry bout the hair though.

and then she turned to me and said,"have you kept in touch with izat?". if a recent messages exchanges that happened a week a go counted as keeping in touch...i nodded and said yeah.AS IF!anyway, she was going on and on about me should be keeping in touch with izat and yada yada yad...i should kacau him over the weekends..or me going home with him since he has a CAR now..bla bla bla..and i was thinking,like i would want this deplorable, horrible creature in my life ever again..

the next thing i know..i smiled to aunt fadzilla and said,"insya allah..".

p/s:im not that stupid..dont worry.owh..btw, the other day my mum went to Iqbal`s brother`s wedding..haha!that`s the IRONY!!you see..my mum`s encounter with the important people in my exes` lives..GOD!owh, and Iqbal was afraid to talk to my mum..chicken

please

yesterday nite rose called me up for a drink.the two of us head to the usual mapley and got into this conversation on why there was only the two of us there.its weird how during schooltime you're surrounded by this big group of friends.

now..you`re in uni, and its weird with the little number of friends you`re left with.there was even this period of time where my hang-out group in bangi consists of people from other schools and none from my school.

i dont know why the lack of communication..or the lack of effort.the only time i see my classmates is when ika has her annual open house, she`ll never fail to invite me.the rest?i only see them..when i see them..the other day intan called me up inviting me to hang with them (a group of classmates) at alamanda.but i was already on the way to kelana jaya.maybe its my fault too.maybe im the one not making any effort.i dont know why.

maybe its the ego..me trying to better myself and potray this image of a cooler version of syaza..all cleaned up with new specs and "cool" style.last raye, at ika`s open house, they gushed over how much ive changed, how different i look.."wow, you`re very pretty now!i like your new specs!i loove your tudung!".."oh my god..izat and naim wouldve kicked themselves now if they see how much youve changed"..right..maybe that was what i wanted to hear.im not the same syaza anymore.

maybe my memories in school(bangi) wasnt all sugar and spice.i mean...most of it wasnt.maybe that was why i was so reluctant to keep in touch with them..yep.im full of maybes because i dont even know if what im writing down is true..all of it is hypothetical.but, tally ho and all, im glad i still have a small group of friends i can hold on too.anne is coming back in june, nini and rose?god i see them almost every weekend night.intan?havent had the chance to meet up after the tahlil..but i will see what i can do..kame?she`s beyond reach already..i havent seen her since last june.

as a conclusion?maybe im choosy of the my choice of friends.maybe im the one who determines which friends i want to keep in touch with.yep..maybe.but i know im never wrong with my choices..so..there goes..

woooooo

okay..there was a reason why i was skipping down the corridor.was it because of mr af***?maybe..hahaha...ye lah..ye lah..god.im so transparent.im just happy.because he asked me to have lunch with him...was it because none of his friends were around??hmm...aiyah..i should stop being so pessimistic.

im going back today..baru dua hari je kelas,dah nak balik.haha..but who cares.im going back anyway.and when im home.i have work and assignments to finish..ahh..life is blissful.

yesterday i hung out and nina's room till 3.30.the three of us (me,nina and radhi)were just sitting around, gossiping,talking nonsense..and singing songs with words that rhymes with mr af***'s name.pelik tapi benar.

made me realized how lucky i am to have friends.how lucky i am to have the chance to hang out, laugh and joke around with people who i know enjoy my company as well.thank you god.

the classes started yesterday,sucked.but felt great too.because at least my brain was functioning towards the right path.and it was cool because i had my shot of mocha freeze.(did you know im addicted to coffee now?every tuesday and thursday?)

im speaking yiddish (thats just the term everyone is using, i dont know how to speak yiddish..but i`d love to learn how)..i should stop rambling now..and talk about much ,ore intelligent things..ooh!!i know..now im adding danish products to my boycott list..y?because of the insulting image they made of our Prophet..you`ll go to hell you...you..danish cookie maker!God will make you!!!just you wait!!

maybe they all think its a joke.i think what sj said is right..malaysians are being complacent about it. wake up my fellow brothers and sisters!!!they`re insulting us!!anyway..i dont know how to influence the ones around me to stop eating mcd as well..maybe mcd is too drastic..i should try burger king...

my holidays

true to my 'predictions', my last days of the holidays are the ones worth remembering. the first four days?burn it baby.i spent the days in bed with a temperature that could fry an egg and coughs that annoy your eardrums.

yesterday aida sent me home.my short period in subang, was great.as usual.recuperate what was lost between old friends.and best friend.keron asked if there were some other people watching us from afar, would they be jealous of our friendship?i said they would.its not easy to have a relationship where you can pick up things where you`ve left off and be fine with it.thats how i am with keron.doesnt matter if we didnt see each other for a month, i know that when i get there, i`ll still be able to gush out the juiciest details of my life with her.

and you mr. af***.i dont know what the hell you`re playing with here.sekejap msg.kjp tak.tak paham lah.you like me or not?(okay,maybe that was a bit too direct lah), but hey..im at wit's end because of you..nevermind.i`ll pretend nothing ever happens between us.aiya..i pening kepale la...whatever...

mat dan...thanks for being my friend.i dont have many guy friends that im close too.not anymore.thanks for being you.ahaha.i know i can count on you.

okes i`ll stop now.because i dont know what else to write..owh..btw.today is mama's bday...happpy bbbdddaaaayyyyy mama!!!!

just my luck

last wednesday i went to the botanical garden in putrajaya, trying to get a head start for my assignment with my group.it was great.we rented bikes,halfway through we`ve already completed the requirements..(5 species of palms and all those bullshit).

riding back,it was sloping downhill.everybody was screaming in joy, exuberent because of the speed and wind.jeez..we felt free.the next thing i know, my bike skidded.i tumbled head on.and my face was dragged across the pavement.

lets see...the result?my hijab was torn, my spex..beyond repair(it was spanking NEW!!), my right side of the face was badly 'calar', my nose swollen, my right side of the body covered in bruises..and the worst thing is..i chipped off my TOOTH!!!AAAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!

oh god...

oh god...tell me this whole week is actually a really bad nightmare that i dont want to be in again..jeez!!!

i think im not going to be a good wife.id probably be a workaholic..so, in order to complement my life, i`ll need to find a workaholic husband as well..and my kids??well..um...lets not think about that now shall we?

im working my ass off here..and i think this is what people say, you work till you`re at the brink of madness.im probably going to drop out and die.that way..i dont have to work anymore!!haha

anyway,thanks a****.for coming to my studioo..thanks for the teh ais.if you read this..let me know..so i can kill myself due to extreme embarassment.haha.

okay..now is not the time for me to mess up my head with all this guy stuf!stoopid....syaza..get a life!!!!!!!!!!!i have work *yippe ya yay*,and i have more work this coming week...another yippe ya yay.so...boys?im sorry.you`re all losers.

wow

okay...

im smitten..totally...over a guy who has somehow ticked off all things in my dream-guy checklist.

who?how?when?why?where?

1)his name is A****.(i aint telling you).
2)when i realized how cute he was when talks while driving.and talking non-stop.have you ever met a guy who happens to be a chatterbox?you`ll love him.
3)during intan`s dad`s tahlil.(i know..not the perfect time to scrooge for guys..bt,i happens tibe2!!)
4)im sick of sticky,messy,scandalous situations.and he just appeared at the perfect time.and im jz glad he`s without any controversies.
5)at intan`s dad`s tahlil.

you`ll never read this.bt i adore you.everything about you.though i dnt know everythng.bt im pretty sure i will after i found out about it.

i will try not to keep my hopes up too high.you looked perfect that night i drove over to your house.i love your smile.and i like your `jokes`.your..engine jokes.haha.

god..i have to stop.before i make a fool out of myself. :P

ANOTHER BAD NEWS

speaking of bad news...i am about to drop another of those `bad-news` bombs.

stad is being a total asshole.to atomic jaya,that is.WHY?WHY?WHY?why cant you just give us the damn approval and get it over with?what is wrong with you people?

what is your sole purpose of refraining us getting a sponsorship using the approval letter that YOU granted to us?what sort of idiotic **************(censored) bunch of people are you??????

bottomline..you aint getting me down.we`ll make it through!u wait and see you STAD PEOPLE!!i`ll be the most amazing dr.mira anyone has ever seen!!kak sue, shap, we`ll do this in your honour.

you be strong k?

a bad news that was delievered with a nonchalant nature didnt seem like bad news at all. but it was really..a bad news.

you were there when izat fucked up my life.i`ll never forget that.i remembered everytime you tried to shove a piece of veggie into my mouth, and called me zazi instead of zazu.

you`re a great person.dont forget that.sometimes, bad things happened to great people.thats just the way the world work i guess.its harsh.i know.i hate the fact that you are the one who had to go through all this.im so sorry.thats all i can say.

you looked tired.that night.i wished i could be there all the time.im glad i came.but i hated seeing you like that.whatever it is.i admire you.being strong and all.that was one of your qualities that i remember so vividly now.here`s a tribute to one of the greatest friends i`ve ever had.i love you.