Tolong saya hentikan perangai buruk ni

I bought a pair of new shoes, which have received mixed reviews from the others.i know it reminds you of what a clown would wear, but i cant help it. it's CUTE!

this is the problem with me. i can't stop from buying new shoes. i dont even know why. it gives me a sense of relief when i've bought a pair right after i got my pay *tu yg tak pernah dapat save, asyik beli kasut je*

haih..teruk betul la syaza ni.

sekejap. terpikir kejap.

you know, when you have this whole life ahead of you, it somehow swallows you as a whole and makes you feel drowned and a little lost.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be an actress. i wanted to be an interior decorater, i wanted to be an architect.

i got a scholarship from the star to pursue a diploma in architecture in Alif's academy (now called alfa). it was the most poignant moment of my life when i nailed the interview, and recieved praises on how well i could converse in english. they were surprised by the fact that a tudung-clad girl who wears a baju kurung to the interview could speak fluent english.

and then i turned it down when i received an offer from IIUM. and as you know now, i have a degree in urban and regional planning. not architecture. sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i did go on with the architecture gig at alfa's. do i actually have the balls for it? am i the architecture-isk material? do i want to do architecture in the first place? when i see my friends who are doing architecture, i am actually in awe of their commitment for the difficult course. i dont know if i have that strong drive to continue.

the only thing that sets me apart from the rest of the crowd when i was in uia was i could speak well. wtf. that is not even useful when you're working. yeah, it gets you noticed among your bosses, but does it take you far?

i really wished i'd taken a class in drama, or acting, or anything of that sort. i'd be different, maybe more outgoing than this. carefree and extremely loud (aren't all drama students loud?)

im 24 now. i dont see myself being in the urban planning scene at all right now. im not even doing planning *do i want to do planning?* i wish to further my studies in conservation, and im wondering where will this take me. ive always said i didnt want to be a lecturer, but now maybe i have to retract that statement. but one thing for sure is i definitely wont go near anything related to acting.

what is up with me?

i am feeling sorry for myself. i feel neglected, and somehow cant seem to shake off the feeling that people are merely amusing me because they had to.

that is sad. pathetic more like. saya rasa sangat kekurangan kasih sayang sekarang ni.

perempuans unite!

i have a problem with women lately. how they perceive themselves. how they are projecting themselves to the opposite sex. yes. i do have a problem with Mila's song (si minah af tuh) ape macamane lirik die? "jika kau ubah fikiran, aku kan setia menanti" basically talks about this guy who is not ready for any commitment, and here she is saying that if the guy changes his mind and suddenly goes "alah, aku nak la ade awek" pap, si minah tu kan ade.

tak ke easy sgt? i mean, come on woman, you're beautiful and you're better than having to be this guy's rnr or pit stop! are u so desperate for that guy's attention or nak di label sebagai gf die sampai kate, takpe lah..aku ade je kat sini AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. wtf.

give us women some credit la. sape yg buat lagu ni memang bodo seh. we women are not brainless chicks. majority of university graduates are female. ape kes nak ingat ktorang desperate sgt for a guy? dah la tak hensem. kalau hensem macam keanu reeves tu boleh la tahan gak.

kasut leper

i like wearing flats. ballet flats. i've got a few pairs, and i cant stop myself from buying them! they are just so damn comfortable! my current favourite shoes is my crocs, as advertised by nina and radhi many many years ago *i didnt have the money to buy them as they're bloody expensive, but now have been able to afford it with my own money* they are super comfy and looks cool too, despite the weird, rubberized shape.

it's not that i oppose to the usage of heels. i just dont have the thing for 'em. like some of my friends, they seemed like they were born to wear heels *pegi mamak pun pakai heels*

i think my fear of heels started when i wore this super high heels to prom, and couldnt walk properly for a week after that. but after i entered university, i started being influenced by the abundant ayu girls in UIA (they were MANY of them there) that somehow made heels looked like they were a pair of sneakers. they walked to classes wearing em and not once did they ever wince in pain. so i bought quite a few pairs and suffered blisters and many band-aid wearing sessions along the way.

when i realized that i will never be able to emulate any of those ayu-ness at all, i decided to ditch all of this stupid plans that might have made me look demure and ayu because, well, it's completely useless okay?? syaza and ayu does not go well together. and i might be suffering from hypertension for having to restrain myself from being a loud bitch that i am.

that also boils down to the fact that when i wear heels, i could never run, or jump * which i always do when im hyper <---- that is even more often than when im normal*
when i wanted to for fear of spraining my ankle. so off with the heels and HEL-LO flats!

it also made me realize that i should never change myself in order to fit in. because, come on, sampai bila boleh tahan and pretend to laugh politely when all you want to do is laugh your head off with a 100 desibel?

jgn bodoh sombong boleh tak?

i hate to say this. but i told you so. stupid fuck.

i like big bikes

faliq likes to take me on a ride with his big bike. at first i was a bit apprehensive, because im not used to riding motorcycles. but when he managed to send me to pudu in just 10 minutes, i have suddenly start on rooting for the bike :)

one of the things i used to 'kutuk' about minah rempits was how their top would 'terselak' and reveal their body/butt to the whole world, but then when i was suddenly in their shoes, i find that those things happened 'accidentally', so to avoid such incidences again, i tucked my top into my jeans, even though i look like a complete moron.

riding the bike is definitely somewhat refreshing, that is if you plan on touring KL, with all the traffic jam and all, it is definitely worth the back ache as you manage to evade these traffic jams, and even stupid car drivers that hog the road.

aside from the fact that it doesnt burn a hole in your pocket when you want to isi minyak, it makes you feel extremely cool. hahaha *please do not mind me, as i have always been a geek, so this is my only cool moment in life*

just satu je tak best, muka rase berhabuk and lepas naik mesti nak basuh muka dengan facial cleanser. nasib bawak dalam beg :)

a great trip back home

little things that makes me feel normal again. little things that made me miss home even more. like going out for drinks with your former schoolmates, drink sessions with your closebuds, walking by the park with the boyfriend, attending your niece's first birthday party. it made me feel like a normal person. it made me feel whole. haha..the once void space in me has been filled temporarily; and it has once again subsided, filled again with this emptiness while i yearn for another trip back :)

there wasnt enough time *there was never enough time* and i didnt get to see some of the people dearest to me. i am truly sorry of the time constraints and the gepgraphical issue that is hovering over me.

sorry to friends yg i tak sempat jumpe. :( but i definitely miss you guys :)

nak balik dah tak sabar ni

BALIK KAMPUNGGGG

WO WO WO

BALIK KAMPUNGGGG

WO WO WO

BALIK KAMPUNGGG

HATI GIRANGGGGG

futsal drama

and so, off i went to the futsal court brimming with energy.

well, i did what i did the prior week, warming up and all. and poof, 15 minutes in the court i was struck with insufferable muscle cramp that i had to spend the remaining time watching my friends play instead :( ni nak balik rumah ni nak pegi jalan2 macamane..aiyoh. menyusahkan betul.

lesson learned. warm up and stretching betul2. nanti nak jalan pun susah.

in remembrance of the past

i can still remember vividly of my house in subang. how my room looked like, felt like. i remember the spacious kitchen. i remember the living room. i remember the view i'd see out of the window from my room. i remember how it feels like when you sit outside the patio for tea.

it feels like home.

i remember my room when i was studying in university. i remember how the halls at the kulliyah looks like, every nooks and corner of kaed. i remember the feeling of having friends just by yourside. i remember the giddiness of making plans with friends to go out after class. i remember packing for study trips and having a blast working on-site. i remember presenting during final presentation and getting praises for it.

it feels like anything is possible. it feels like the world is in your hands.

what do i do with all these feelings that i yearn to feel again. life that waits for no one. it moves without warning and leaves you dumbfounded over what-ifs and would be possibilities that you were just to cowardly to take.

i am not sorry of where my course of life has gotten me. but i am sorry that i can never feel those moments again.

the void sense of belonging

sometimes it saddens me. not having a sense of belonging anywhere. its not the issue of places. it concerns with the internal conflicts in which i have to battle within myself.

i always have this sense of detachment. like i dont belong anywhere. i try to become someone people will remember, but by the end of the day, i am only someone who has made an impression but never really leaves a mark. that is sad. people will say, "yeah, i know syaza", but do they really consider me as their friend?

it's sad, that even the most grounded thing you think is yours will never really be yours. because by the end of the day, it will leave you.

energizer bunny i am, she says

my boss referred to me as an atomic molecule that could not sit still.

well, she is right.

i do have a hard time sitting still. when taking pictures, as you wait for the camera to load, i could not sit still hence why some pictures are blurry because i would be moving, or shaking my legs (therefore, if you want to take pictures with me, better make sure your camera cepat tangkap gambar.hahaha)

it was worse when i was hooked on coffee back when i was in 3rd year. everytime before BAHASA MALAYSIA LANJUTAN class, i would buy a cup of mocha blended because the subject was damn dreary, it was slotted at 2.30, and it was the perfect class for you to fall asleep, except i could not because my seat is right in front of the lecturer. hence the need for mocha, it did keep me awake throughout the class, but i stopped as soon as i realized i couldnt stop shaking my legs as i sat in the lrt, months after taking it on a daily basis.

i would probably be the worse person to be in a meeting because i get bored easily, and sitting for long hours just itches me to walk about and move around. which is why i annoy the person next to me because i would be clicking my pen, moving my chair, shaking my legs and doing every imaginable thing i could to keep moving and not sit still.

i am always amazed by the fact that some people have the discipline to sit still for hours. they can even fall asleep while they're sitting upright. its probably one of the things that tops the list of things that amazes me, just like how people can actually enjoy eating vegetable.

so i would really appreciate some suggestions that can make me be an effective employee during long, dry and dreary meetings. hahaha

lost and will never be found again

walking away from something you've hold on to for so long is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.

worse..walking away from someone.

what if he is my kismet? what if he is meant for me after all, despite all the crappy things that ensue.

what if i will never find someone like him?

am i putting myself as an easy target by professing my fears and sadness out in the open like this? am i considered as a loser for pining for someone/something that i know will not work out?

what if this is the only chance i get to experience love.

peristiwa memalukan di kluang

i've got many embarassing moments that i do not wish to erase, because looking back, it was bloody funny and made my life a little bit colourful. of course, after the account of the incident, you'll have to endure weeks of being the subject of the joke, but then again, it really made the moment, or trip, something you remember till the end.

now. this one particular moment is one of those excrutiatingly embarassing moment that i'll just keep quiet for now and relive it years later.



now tell me, what does this picture tells you?
a) mak guard nak saya rekomen barang mekap ape saya pakai sampai nak selongkar beg sebab muka saya jelita sgt?
b) die nak tgk perfume ape saya pakai sebab beg wangi sangat, sebab baru tadi perfume tumpah kat beg
c) beg digeledah sebab disyaki mencuri barang sebab ketika melangkah keluar detector berbunyi dan amat memalukan sampai semua pandang ingat aku ni pencuri yg sgt hina

haha..itulah die. kawan2 yg lain hanya mampu pandang helplessly semasa beg digeledah kerana muke mereka pun terkejut campur nak gelak sampai golek2.

well, turns out the clear mascara i bought at WATSON, KLCC still had it's tag on, and the detector at KLUANG PARADE detected it. so, although had to endure the embarassment of going to the counter to take out the tag, it somehow managed to make me the joke of the century. all it took was 10 minutes. 10 damn minutes to make the joke of the office for about 5 months or more.

haha. wished i was actually a shoplifter. NOW THAT WOULD MAKE IT EVEN MORE INTERESTING. dari muke pucat dan gelabah macam kene kantoi. :)

KLUANG TOAST AND KOPI AIS IS THE BEST!

the weekend trip to Kluang was a great trip. with the sole purpose of going to the original kluang station kopitiam for breakfast, the 8 of us woke up extra early (earlier than we normally would kalau nak pegi keje).

sampai sanggup tak makan ape2 semata2 nak makan breakfast kat situ. and i have to tell you, it was worth the wait. :)

i somehow felt like being in a schooltrip to kluang, because most of us were suddenly all kids again, excited to take the train, wearing backpacks and taking pictures non-stop.

tunggu train tangkap gambar, nak naik train tangkap gambar, atas train tangkap gambar, train berenti kat kulai and kempas tangkap gambar, abg ktm check tiket tangkap gambar, turun train tangkap gambar, nak pegi kopitiam tangkap gambar, eh..semua la tangkap gambar.

the breakfast was definitely worth the trip. the toast was to-die-for. the kopi ais was heavenly (no wonder almarhum sultan johor loved the coffee here), reminds me of Hai Peng in Terengganu *now that's another must-visit place for coffe lovers.. and the price was enough to make us swoon with happiness (nasi lemak 70 sen mane nak dapat kat kl?).

pictures will be available on facebook. for now, enjoy snippets of the trip from my humble handphone camera :)


ni sape nak pegi, sila-lah tgk die punye opening hours :)


the famouse kluang station kopitiam! *pernah masuk tv3 ni


seorang budak sekolah sesat di kluang ditinggalkan cikgu yg sebok amik gambar kat train stesen



the famous kopi ais, nasi lemak 70 sen, roti bakar yg sedap sampai boleh dapat heart attack sebab sedap sgt

updates. of my not-so-cool life.

oh god. what a week. a sudden change in the organization chart and my whole world turns upside down.

updates:
1. celebrated Joe's birthday at TGIF with kak yan kat johor (yay! the one and only friday's here); and i was introduced to the delicious snicker's treat.

as it was still during the mourning period of the demise of Sultan Johor, i thought the rule of wearing white tudung was only applicable during office hours; when much to my horror, i entered the restaurant with almost all occupants staring at me for wearing a bright blue tudung instead.

2.Ida and sobho got married. Finally.

it coincides with the date of the CPTDT (Can Plan This Damn Trip, for those who might not be familiar with this term, it's an annual thing me and my girlfriends do each year when kuhaz and sue got back from oz, last year we went to melaka)

since cptdt did not agree with everyone's schedule, we planned to have it a one day; well, though it didn't turn out the way we wanted it, i was very much glad to be given one day to spend it with my friends.

3. a sudden wave of workloads has seen me spending nights at the office. only this time it wasn't as much fun as AJM before. dah la memang takde life, tambah lagi keje sekarang duduk kat ofis. memang bertambah jadi loser la aku ni.

4. due to my lacking in social relationships with other people, i've decided to join the office's weekly futsal game. maybe i could at least get to know other people aside from my office mates.

5. my officemates have planned a trip to kluang, which the plan was to take a train to the kluang station from JB, have breakfast at the famous original kluang station kopitiam, and then take a train ride back to JB. *serious takde keje giler, memandangkan trip sehala adalah 2 jam*