masalah.masalah

problems.problems.problems.you cant ran away from that huh?since the very first day you're memory starts functioning, problems have already settled comfortably in your mind. different people have different sets of problems.but im not going to talk about other people. im going to talk about myself since this is my damn blog.

ive got tonnes of problems that no one can imagine.my problems are sometimes so 'banyak', that i prefer sleeping than being awake.know why?because when you sleep, you get to dream, and when you dream, anything is possible.you want to be rich?beautiful?smart?powerful?easy, just pop a couple of sleeping pills and you're on.(although i dont need pills to sleep)

i have this self-issue that i have yet to solve.you see, i dont think i am THAT good.to anyone.not my family.my boyfriend.even my friends.sometimes i think im a waste of space.know why?because i think so.i tried too hard for anyone that i feel like kicking myself for beeing bloody stupid.why should i care when no one does right?why do I have to make all the moves?owh boo-hoo syaza.puh-lease.

but now,after analyzing myself, for these past few days.i have come to a decision which is to re-invent myself.no more sleeping to run away from problems.no more feeling sorry for myself.no more being clingy and dependent.i am wonderwoman.yeah.that might solve it.

lets see if ill be blogging again to whine about other things in the future

shoot

we trudged the road together for almost two years now.

but suddenly i realized that i need to get you out of the system.you're pulling me back.into something that seemed like a dream before, but now seems scarier when its upfront with reality.

i realized that i need to do this on my own.no one will be able to be there anymore.no one will have the time to care.im so sorry.you made me do this.you are responsible for this.maybe i have to thank you.i think that's appropriate.

im sorry that i feel this way

relationships are fuckers

im quite confused with the current state of my relationship right now. i dont know if i want to be in it anymore.

freeeezing....

im in a freezing lab.and my bladder is about to burst.but before i drown the whole lab with my pee, i have to wait for the update download to finnish.aiyoh.why must be so bloody slow!

and the fact that this lab is so cold is not helping me much in restraining myself.shit.

break..break..break!

i think i need a break.thank god raya is just around the corner

things you get when you turn 21

life has been quite exhausting these days.time is always short.so is your energy.is this some sort of a hint that you ARE getting old? :D

i have come to realize a few things, when i turn 21.

1)i do not care what people think about me anymore.im now a fully confident with myself, and i dont give a *toot* what they say about me. i know im gorgeous ;) *heehooo*
2)my dressing style has changed.im more attracted to baju orang tua.*i dont even know why, they're just appealing to me* (which was pointed out by ayam and joe when we went to Jalan TAR last week)
3)im more patient and diplomatic (not really a hot - headed yuppy nemore...not all the time anyways)

so it is different when you turn 21..haha..radhi..youve got to wait a little longer.. :)

my birthday

i had a great birthday.though the celebration part has toned down for a bit, but it is still memorable and fab as always :)

sue,ku and sarah came to the room with mismatched slices of cakes put together to make it into half a cake.but hey, call me corny or jiwang, but at that precise moment, i thought that was the most beautiful cake ive ever had. knowing that they had to go the xtra mile to get me a cake was great enough already.

friends i thought wont remember wished me many happy returns. and people (my close buds, family and the bf) i love have constantly reminded me that im never alone.

thank you :)

block giler

i wanted to write about a lot of things. i had so many things,ideas,stories that i wanted to share, yet i am now facing a writer's block.seriously.this is shit lah

i am not amused

i have gone to this saloon twice, and i have come out with the same result twice.

i still look like some jinjang - harakuju - alien like form.my hair i mean.

they found pleasure in thinning my hair to an almost nothingness.i dont know why.and this time i clocked an hour or more.terer jugak lah.

but i wont be amused anymore when ive washed my hair, and it loses the straightness and return back to its original position of being extra wavy.

thank god im wearing tudung.

pre -reg is here!

its so lawak to see almost all the kaedians looking tensed, as if waiting for battle.but in reality, we were about to flood the entire internet connection of uia (uia is reknowned for its slow - mo connection).

the pre - reg season has come again!yippe - ya - yay!we have about 11 minutes left.and all these will depend on how fast i can type.*oh tuhan, harap2 saya dapat register dgn cemerlang*

cuti nak habis dah!!!

even though this particular semester im not working like a maniac, i still welcomed the holidays as i need a time out from uia.

the day we started our holiday i was slapped with a summon from the college's fellow because my room was deemed as "tongkang pecah". which makes me wonder if we actually have any consumers' rights in this particular incident because since all of us are paying the college's fee, to hell with whatever i want to do with my room!

but holidays are a gifts from god :) after a string of shopping trips with my mum, and an abundance dose of spongebob, i am ready to face my demons in UIA

so people, be brave in facing the loopholes that are commonly occurring in uia.all u need is a dose of good ol' spongebob and you're ready to go for battle :)

reminiscent

ive realized how seldom i reflect back to my past.suddenly the old photgraphs just hurt.they're not a reminiscent of the sweet memories anymore, they're just a trigger that twist your heart in a such an astounding way, you cant even explain it.

i wish of many things, i wish i was back in subang.i wish i was back in my old room with the blue blinds, and the comfy bed.i wish my mum still has her garden and her spacious kithchen that she loved so much.i wish i still had a house.

but if i were to stay in subang, would i be able to hold what i have now?would i be able to get a taste of family values,friendship, and yes, love :)

i am where i am today for a reason.and God may not spell it out so profoundly, but its clear alright, i wouldnt have what i have today.though i might not have a solid structure called a house. im glad i still have a home :)

MERDEKA!!

YIPPEE YA YAY!!kite sudah pun 50 tahun merdeka..

malaysians.be proud.and bersyukur. :)

shopping galore

ooh..i love shoes. i love bags..i love clothes!!!

i am indeed a true blue shopping freak.

i love the sights of new shoes paraded on the shelves of the store.i love the smell of new clothes fresh from the store.i love bags!lots and lots of 'em!

so it shouldnt be a surprise when two freaks are left on the loose with cash bruning in their hands and came back with only 10 bux in hand, together with bundles of bags. regardless of the location, a true blue shopper will always find a great deal wherever die dicampakkan (yes, even warta) *the freak is referring to my mother and me

that reminds me of the time my mother, my aunt and i were left unsupervised wandering in langkawi, with my dad safely in alor setar (my dad must've been nuts at that particualr time), when it was time to get back, we were detained at the custom counter because we only had 30 ringgit left, whilst our purchases have obviously exceed a 30 ringgit tax. thank god the officer let us off, but that memory still tickles and true blue shopping freak never learns from their 'mistakes' ;)

im not a plastic bag..drama

anya hindmarch must have heard the pleas of many women who werent able to afford designer togs when she came up with the bag "saya bukan beg plastik".

at the selling price of rm59, of course the bag was sold out by the second week of its intro in kl.and hey! i thot i must have been a lucky bitch when i stumbled across the "ciplak" version during a shopping stroll in georgetown, thinking "maybe tak ramai lagi yang tau pasal beg ni kot".

so, i wore it with pride to uia, with everyone gasping and loving my bag.then the dreaded day came when i was actually carrying the bag, and WHAM! there it was sold publicily at one of the booths at convest. nina tanye, "you beli beg tu kat sini ke?"...oh malunya aku TUHAN

takpe..my bag still resembles the original version whilst the others totally look like rip offs yang terang2..so i continued wearing it when i went out with ayam during merdeka.while waiting for the komuter, "eh b!beg you lah!" ayam pointing excitedly to the lady standing opposite.SHIT!MALU LAGI SKALI!

mengapelah dunia ini begitu kejam sekali?sehingga aku dimalukan dua kali???ini semua gara2 beg yang tidak mahu menjadi plastik...

idle

prof. che musa suddenly quizzes me about transportation, while my friends were able to answer it smoothly, the first thing that came to my mind was a blank paper, and maybe a question mark bulb on my head.

i have come to the conclusion that i am in fact very teruk.im completely unknowledgaeable in anything related to planning, and im scared that im actually in a wrong course.too late to turn back the boat now that we've been on it for 3 years already eh?

shit.im in a deep rut.

i am tired of the this skin

i need to change my skin. but i havent found the one i like yet.aiye.so bosan la like this.

the zoo and the taman

last sunday, 14 urp students (with the exception of amir of course), alighting 4 cars headed to the zoo. in full - knowing that my classmates are not the ones you would call quiet and very polite, the zoo recieved a bunch of loud, noisy and a bit screwed up in the head uni students.

when we arrived just in time to watch the elephant show, we confidently chose the second front row, dismissing the sign that says "you might get wet during the show". when i saw the elephant suddenly standing in front of us, i slowly hid behind the makcik in front of me and crept out of my seat as my other mates were flushed with the foul-smelling water. :D

we then watched the other animal show near the aquarium, we chose the thrid row (after learning the lesson the hard way), and i fell instantly in love with dobby and wished that my house actually has an aqaurium so that i can kidnap it back home. (dobby is a seal by the way)

later, we went to taman tasik perdana just to whisk away time, and actually had fun doing nothing at all. syakir and i aboarded this pedalling boat thingy and pedalled throughout the lake, until our boat got stuck in the middle of the lake. syakir and i actually thought that we had to swim back to the jetty, before a nice malay couple helped us out of our rut. sorry to disturb your romantic moments guys! :)

at the end of the day, i had a headache due to the smelly lifejacket, and because i had been under the sun too long. but nevertheless, i was happy i had the chance to enjoy the company of my classmates, and take stoopid pix, and being completeley carefree without having to worry of submissions of any projects, because we know later in the future we will never arrive at this chance again. :)

im in a freezing lab

im in the postgraduate lab, and the lab is f***ing cold. right now we're learning the hands-on visual realization of traffic.its so cool.its like playing the sims.only that, you u build roads, and you get to drive on it.but the pc is so lembab that by the time i reach my bridge, the day has already turned into nightime.

my tunnels are lompong that it seems like the contarctor has a recurrence of financial disabilities because my tunnels just doesnt seem to be in perfectly straight and fully covered form. :)

im having a really hard time with accepting myself right now. i dont know that you still can have identity crisis or what so ever hardships you go through during early puberscent age at the of 21. aiyoh.

the fight

my boyfriend got beaten up by three of my collegemates.i dont really know what the real deal was, but all i could think of right now is, boys will always be boys. when people say that boys are smarter than girls, please people. i beg to differ. and i dont understand how a brawl can suddenly sound like hysteria when the guard came, expecting the latter, but actually had to deal with the former. i guess the guy who called the guards thought i yang kene hysteria (judging by the way i was screaming and flapping around).

i thought of backing off from being the emcee knwoing that id bump into those jaguh kampong that strangled my boyfriend, but then, come to think of it, why should i give them the pleasure? if they want a pice of me too, ill make sure i make them pekak first with my super-power voice that people thought i histeria.ayam said i was gelabah, but hebat that night. i couldnt agree more :)