duit yang tak pernah cukup

it occurs to me on how people will never be satisfied with what they have. like for example. the current state im in right now. i should be exuberently happy now that i have a car, mampos pi la kalau kete tu adalaha kereta lama saya yang sejak sekolah menengah pakai, sebab die adalah kereta saya, yang boleh saya panggil "my CAR". I named her kiki btw.such a cute name isnt it?

now that i have a car, suddenly im grumbling about money, and how i almost bought this realyl noce handbag at Vincci but afraid that if i fo, kiki will be getting water to drink instead of petrol fuel, so i really have to forget about it until it's the time to even think about SHOPPING.

first and foremost, i need to restructure my expenses, and i dont know why im always sengkek even though i dont spend that much pun on myself.

ok, the journey to a strict financial diet starts NOW!

saya sudah ada kereta di sini!!

what a great holiday it was. a bit too short for my liking. but great nonetheless. and ended with faliq accompanying me back to JB with the car and later took the bus back home to KL. *isnt he a sweetie for doing that?*

will be uploading pictures soon!  and wondermilk was NICE! except for the cupcakes, a bit too pricey for my liking *even tho it was really good*

week yg sgt caca marba

somehow im having mixed feelings about this week, because its sad, yet exciting. sad to see one of my closest friends here in Johor leave for KL, but happy and excited about the fact that ill be having my own car by this friday! YAY!


yesterday amir and i had a drinking session on what would be the last time i'll ever have with him at E&Y, which amir likes to call Ernst and Young. we had his farewell party the day before for both work and after work session. Maybe i dont feel that much of sadness as the others because i know ill be seeing him again in kl :)

tomorrow is a holiday and i've already got a few plans lined up, one of which is to support my boyfriend who will be taking part in the Youth 10 battle of the band. AFUNDI FALIQ y'all. hahah

and then ill be driving to Johor with my beat-up atos, sape kesah, asalkan ada 4 tayar and boleh bawak aku jalan2. so kawan2 yang nak datang johor, silalah. saya sudah ada kereta. :D

bilateral relationships are for suckers

so finally malaysia has sold its only piece if land in another country in what seems to be a fruitless deal.

baru je the other day we were laughing about how our country is the only country that has a parcel of land in another country, legally, and how malaysians can always jump into tanjung pagar if we lost our passports and not get caught by the immigration.

why fruitless? maybe because we sold off our land there only to co-develop THEIR infrastructure?

even if they agreed to co-develop a township in Iskandar, well, Iskandar has always meant for THEM. and THEIR conurbation. so it never really does benefit Malaysians in general.

Malaysia is selling off it's land little by little and before we know it, we've already lost half of the country to our foreign counterparts. i wont even go into how our subsidies and all are blatantly used by them. *forgive me if you find my opinions a bit disturbing, but how would you like it if the prices of goods in your country went up just because your "developed" neighbour could afford to buy them with a steeper price?*

i think we've been coddling them a little too long now eh?

susah bila berurusan dengan orang

when it comes to dealing with people, it always means you're taking a risk because you will never know whether they approve of your actions or otherwise.

but when it comes to people dealing with you. haha, that is when it gets even more complicated because you dont know if that person actually has any sense of sensitivity at all or is just plain ignorant. sometimes you'd wish you dont have to be such a "nice" person and tell them off, because well, you'd rather swallow a bitter pill than having to deal with people who will become bitchy once you tell them off.

or am i being the typical malay that would rather shut my mouth than choosing to confront that person and risk the idea of "nanti keadaan dah tak best,masam masam muka and bla bla".

it is tiring. dealing with people. really. tapi sorang2 pun tak best jugak kan? maybe i should really put that malay-ness aside and stick to my own guns. but would it be a good thing to do in my situation right now?

tibe2 teruja

had my performance review earlier today.phew. bende yang buat aku nervous sampai rase nak berak selalu sudah berakhir.

overall, my bosses are pretty happy with me. but it was amazing they could sense that my mind sometomes wander, and my heart is not here. its not like i dont want to work here, it's just that the family, home, friends and love is not here makes it pretty much a big deal to me.

but i know this is no plaything either. i really need to buck up and see this as a serious potential for me to grow. so i dont want to waste this golden opportunity. not when ill be expecting a salary increase and well, yeah, ill be taken more seriously this time around. they were eager to promote me as a permanent staff immediately and i think i have all of them to thank for wanting me here. :)

i need to do this for myself. as well as for my family. and my future. :) need to save up for masters and my marriage mah.

bon voyage koosh

oh shit oh shit oh shit.

today is my performance review, and im scared shitless. no. im f***ing nervous (i tak boleh curse sebab hari ni i puasa)

yesterday went to have a big dinner with amir, and i was thinking, im going to miss this guy when he quits uem and moves back to kl. sape lagi nak bawak aku jalan2 for no reason, take me out for ice cream/spaghetti when i suddenly have the craving for it and became my agony aunt when i feel like bitching about anyone.

amir ni nampak je garang, tapi perangai macam sengal pun ade. and the thing about him is, he is a nice guy, even though he doesnt seem like it. he is actually one of the nicest guys ive ever known.

Here's to the going of AA. my dearest friend in Nusajaya. may you have a great life ahead of you in KL. Bobo and i will definitely miss you.

thank you Allah

haha.what a weird thing to receive your exes' wedding invitation, on the same week that your boyfriend finally told you that he is ready to settle down eh?

on monday, faliq's birthday, we were lepak-ing at a kopitiam in bangi laughing about what a crazy day it was that day when he suddenly turned quiet.

"let's get married, let's plan this marriage after a year or two from now".

and out of nowhere my eyes suddenly turned into a gush of waterfall and i was crying.

"i'm sorry i made you wait, i just didnt know how my life would turn out, until today, when i sent my degree application".

"now i come to realize that i didnt want to make you wait, that i don't want you to have to choose to marry someone else just because i made you wait for a long time".

i thank Allah. for accepting my prayers. i thank Allah for sending me the most wonderful person i could ever ask for. for sending me a person i want to grow old with, a person who doesnt care if im the grossest person on the planet, accepts the ugly and bad side of me; who said he was a wreck when i left for korea even if it was just for a week; who was the most supportive and amazing person when I WAS A WRECK in johor. who in overall the perfect person for me, regardless of his ugly side (no one is 100% perfect, that is PURE BULL), regardless of what the zodiac said how taurus and libra is not compatible (FUCK HOROSCOPES).

my parents were delighted when i told them the news. when ibu asked if faliq was the one, within a heartbeat i said yes.

10 tahun sudah

last saturday as i was hanging out with khairun she suddenly said, "ey, this year is our 10th anniversary la kan".

marks the 10th year we've been friends. and oh boy, we've gone through the good,bad and ugly.

one of the few people who remained unchanged in my life, my bestfriend, Khairun Nisa.

thank you for being the constant factor of my life.

IMPORTANT DATES YANG BEST

had a great weekend. well, a self-declared holiday for the remaining monday and tuesday, because of ..owh well. do i need to explain why?the important dates in my life!

now im flat broke, but i dont care! :D

sedikit sedih.

yesterday i had a meeting at UKM, Bangi. yes. one would've thought i'd be happy to go since my house is only 5 minutes drive from the university.

but no, didnt have the time, because right after the meeting had to drive back to JB, and i was quite sebak when i called home.

takpe. hari ni saya balik rumah. HAHA!

adik2 saya.

owh, and it's going to be my dearest twin sisters' birthday!!!

hutang birthday gift dulu k?syaza tak confirmed lagi, nanti syaza dah confirm ill take both of you shopping k?

LOVE YOU TWO. :)

ni adik2 saya

nak balik nak balik nak balik

OMGOMGOMGOMG

tak sabar plak nak balik. dgn tiba-tiba.

haha. i've got the days planned out, and i can't wait :D

faliq hakim, i know you can't read this post because your office blocked blogspot HAHA. so, im going to say this to the others who will read this, we're all (kawan dah taulan; what does taulan means anyway?)going to celebrate your birthday with much love!!

wait for itttttt.. wait for ittttt

PAPER BERHANTU

yesterday i completed my third paper, which happens to be my second management paper. needless to say, i am very much relieved and HAPPY its OVER!! *for now that is, until my boss comes back from kl and i probably have to bear the wrath of producing an awful paperwork if it doesnt get approved*

far from it being true, i was never free from the paper because it came to haunt me in my dreams! and messed up my sleep with how the paper might be incomplete and i left a few details here and there. WTFISH..paper pun berhantu ke.

Reminds me of the time i actually got high fever while studying before PMR because i kept dreaming about maths.

pathetic siot. haha. but my supervisor and another senior exec applauded me, saying "welcome to the real working life". gee, thanks. i really don't know if i want to be haunted by paperworks but wth la kan. this comes in the package of getting confirmed. :P

rambut baru??hmmm

untuk tatapan kawan2. inilah rambut baru saya yang tak macam baru pun.

steps of getting absorbed.

my supervisor suruh i draft a memo to send to the HR to absorb me. HAHA. its a bit funny and somewhat ironic to be drafting a memo to promote yourself to be taken in as a permanent.

so here's what im going to write about myself:

1. syaza ni suke chocolate, so die unik sebab die suke coklat; and orang suke pau coklat die
2. die tak suke makan sayur mule2, so bile dah sakit ade high cholesterol, baru makan, so boleh nampak perkembangan yang ke arah kebaikan, kite boleh contohi niii
3. die hyper giler, so menceriakan keadaan dengan berlari macam orang kene sawan keliling ofis.
4. die blur, so selalu kene tiaw dengan boss kami, hence menceriakan keadaan dan menyelamatkan kami sume dari terkena dengan boss (scapegoat la kire)
5. die selalu pakai baju macam apakah, takde gaya pegi ofis pun, so menjadi fashion ikon puteri harbour kerana berani pakai baju yg lain dari yang lain.

kalau macam ni, mesti kene absorb punye.

rambut baru. orang baru tak?? TAKKKK

yesterday bobo took me to get a new haircut. FINALLY. rambut dah macam dawai besi dah.

it was nice of him to buat amal jariah bawak kawan die yg loser ni keluar. HAHA. thanks bobo.

so yeah, finally got a new haircut that makes me look like how i looked a year ago. geddit? i look the same!

the chinese guy kept commenting on how "banyak" my hair is, and even asked me if i was interested in modelling for hairstylists (wtfish?)

i kicked myself for not having the guts to take up his offer and potong rambut boycut. HMMMM..

*yelah..kalau boycut,macamane nak ade bonjol macam camel punye hump bile pakai tudung. betul takkk

im a loser. i know

im here. at the office. doing my work.

and quite frankly. i enjoyed it. im such a loser. i know. but i dont have any plans after work, and i seriously think im turning into a complete bore now.

i am a loser. and i dont care. haha. just finished two papers, one is a management paper, and the other is a letter of award.. i know im working like a siput, but im quite proud i finished the paper. :')

actually got one more paper, but my boss was too tired waiting around for me so she gave me a deadline until monday. HAHA.

blessed mood

sometimes when i talk about how i've "found" love, it sounds almost juvenile, because, come on, who am i to talk about love?

but then again, i know ive written posts about love before. countless of times. but i like it. love. its something i find i cant live without. call me weak, but its the only thing that keeps me sane while im here. alone. it makes me feel human.

each day i send a message to my parents about my work, each day i will talk to faliq via googletalk, and everyday i connect with my girls via tweeter; and it almost feels like they're only close by (although two of them are far far away in australia), i dont really have to worry about anything. 

it feels like my life is close to complete. i know some people are not as lucky as i am. but being human, i tend to overlook these things.

but this is the time where im very much grateful to be blessed with people that loves me; i dont really need all 711 people i know in facebook to make me happy, im just happy having the small group of people who makes me smile just by thinking about them.

Nuclear Schmuclear

you might find me tweeting more often than being on facebook because, well, facebook has been blocked by my office. YES. THANKS UEM LAND.

anyways. at least it keeps me more focused on my work. CEWAH.

recently US has been approaching a much more transparent way by revealing how many Nuke arsenals they have. righttt...thanks for the info. so we know berape banyak kali ko boleh bedil dunia ni la? 5 thousand something if im not mistaken.

owh, and not to forget their stance on prohibiting Iran from developing their nuclear facilities. habis kenape Israel boleh ade nuclear? Sekarang ni Singapore pun nak develop nuclear power jugak, because yeah, they have almost zilch resources (which is a bit kesian).

what about malaysia?dengar ura-ura mengatakan nak develop, tapi US tak bagi. ape kes tak bagi, biar la, tak kesian ke submarine kite pakai diesel?bapak sedih kot. and LAWAK.

Nuclear is pretty much a dangerous source of energy, but then again, if you dont have it right now, it makes u pretty much vulnerable. sekarang nak tgk sape hebat, kene tgk weapon sape paling gempak kan?given that the person who invented nuclear was a Jew, could it be because he has some destructive hidden agenda?hmmm...

PUTERI HARBOUR YANG BESAR

yesterday i fucked up my job. and my boss made me walk the whole berape 688 acres of Puteri Harbour.

nevertheless, it was a lesson to be learned.

i learned that i should really start taking my job seriously.

i learned that my boss is crazy.

i learned that i am completely unfit. high cholesterol, hel-lo?? dua orang makcik, well my supervisor who's nearly 30 and my late 30's boss is even more fit than i am

i also learned that Puteri Harbour is bloody walkable.

now that i know how many seating benches there are on the sidewalks. 14 to be exact. i dont think i want to fuck it up anymore.

all plans on a halt at the moment.

ok. here goes. as of now, my life has gone completely haywire. had the "talk" with my boss earlier today, and she told me that if i want to stay, she's more than happy to absorb, but somehow she feels like im always "not here". get what i mean? physically im here, but my mind is elsewhere.

i talked to my parents and they are all in for me to stay here and pursue my career even further. ho boy. so what happens to my masters programme plan? i'm afraid i might need to put it on hold just for a moment because seriously, i dont even know if i'll ever get this chance again. working in a waterfront development, with an okay environment, ignore the fact that johor sucks big time at times, especially when ur friends make dates and u cant be there, ur family has a gathering and u cant be there, ur favourite bands come over for a concert and u cant be there (damn you stereophonics and placebo); there has to be sacrifices.

falique and i have had numerous talks on this, yes, long distance relationship is hard, but johor is not london either. so. yeah.

btw, i checked utm, just to see if they have conservation, and they dont. F***. so, uitm, wait for me aite?right now i need to sort my life out at the moment. and this job is far more important. at least i can take care of my family with this one. :) (insurance for the whole family, stable job, can help my parents pay for the house, bla bla)

tak best bile dah fikir nak jadi tua ni

i feel like i'd rather be in space than here. at least i dont have to think about sagging boobs or wrinkles later on due to the gravitational force.

wtf am i blabbing about. im only 24 this year. i dont need to worry about getting old. right? WRONG.

got a call from mother at 8 am on sunday morning to lecture me about my volatile relationship with faliq. "it's time u start to think about your future"- ibu, no doubt i love you without a limit, but at this moment of time, i really do not want to think about my current state of relationship. :S

i have a lot more to think about, and that is how to kickstart my stagnant career path. *sigh