when i pack, i pack like there's no tomorrow

im not a good light packer. ok. fine. in simpler terms, im NOT A LIGHT PACKER. meaning, i carry everything under the sun. which was why im the worst person to go travelling during winter. in addition to the heavy and bulky winter coats, i will have THREE pants with me; A TRAVELLING PHARMACY COUNTER (ko nak ape, lotion for EXTRA EXTRA dry skin, ade; panadol; plaster;KOOLFEVER*i dont know why i had koolfever the last time i went to korea, takut demam kot*; ubat sakit perut; ubat diorrhea*did i spelled it right?fuck habis lupe*; minyak angin *OF COURSE!*; minyak buah pala *ok. enuf about embarassing yourself syaza, stop it*); loads and loads of tops, which in the end tak pakai pun;about two pairs of sneakers (sneakers dah la berat sial.); macam2 la.

malas nak citer panjang. which will make me stand out like a sore thumb amongst the group, because im small, and my luggage can actually fit me. (japan lagi la, aku bawak segala bende yg boleh dibawak, lepas tu time nak balik tk cukup tempat sebab beli barang banyak).

yesterday i went throught the annoying process of packing my clothes. and hmm..walaupun melbourne sekarang sedang menginjak kepada summer, baju aku still banyak. APEKAH. dulu maybe boleh terima sebab asyik travel time winter. NI SUMMER BAI! kenape baju sume macam nak duduk london satu bulan (yelah, london kan winter now :P ) nasib tak bawak dresscoat sekali, ko ingat ko duduk tempat sejuk ke?

and to make matters worse, ill be travelling alone :( kalau tak cukup tangan, sape leh tolong. nak pegi tandas, sape nak tgk kan beg :(

its ok. because ill be seeing kuhaz soon. OH! ITS TOMORROW!! YAY! and suddenly found myself with a LOOOONNGGGG shopping list and not to forget a long list of people i need to buy souveniers for. -_-" WTH. aku nak pegi melancong!!!! WEEE~

fat fat day

i cant fit into my skinny pants. whenever i look into the mirror, it occurs to me how similar my stomach is to a pregnant woman's.

is it just me, or it happens to EVERYONE. that whenever your P is around the corner, you'll be visited by your "hari menjadi gemuk sedunia" i.e. fat day.

and im going to melbourne this saturday, what the hell am i supposed to wear if i cant fit into my skinny pants!

serabut tahap cipan

God. there are so many things at the moment that is clogging my brain that i dont even have time to rest my head. yesterday i had a super duper important meeting at the HQ in KL that ended with a freaking splat that i began to wonder why on earth are all the people on the top are IDIOTS.

i havent even had time to apply for the new job in a few other companies based in KL (yes, i am still trying to find a way back to KL) let alone update my resume.

my trip to OZ is this saturday and i dont even have time to prepare. FUCK. what am i supposed to bring?? IM SO FREAKING NERVOUS AND EXCITED!!!AAAHHHHH

but at least, the good news is, i got called for a second interview by OSK. :) so hopefully my homecoming plans to KL is still on.

laughing therapy was just what i needed

tuesday was a really bad day for me. i was drowning in my work, got an anxiety attack due to the next day's IMPORTANT meeting, and i found out Faliq went to the Paramore concert after all (he was already on his way to the concert). after what he has promised, "u tak pegi i tak pegi jugak la". and it made the idea of staying in johor a complete pain in the ass at that moment of time.

and then coupled with the argument of him saying i was a selfish person who wouldnt let him have fun in KL just because im miserable in johor was too much to handle and i was glad i made the choice to leave the GODFORSAKEN office and went to emy's.

"biar kawan gemuk u ni hiburkan hati u", yep that was exactly what i needed, and we decide to watch The Other Guys. BEST WEH. KELAKAR NAK MAMPOS. i was laughing my head off throughout the movie, and came out with a BIG GRIN on my face. just the laughing therapy i needed. :)

and yesterday, after the IMPORTANT meeting was over, i was in a complete wreck; and decided to go out for a girl's pouring-hearts-out session with ima; and it struck me that she is one of the only people in the world i can talk to without having to "control ke, simpan rahsia ke,ape2 la sewaktu dgn die".

suddenly, living in johor doesnt seem bad at all. i've got friends that i can count on, that was what i realized, i've found friends who would be there for me whenever i needed them. friends who tolerated my bad behaviours, friends who do not judge, friends whom i am comfortable being myself. and most importantly, friends with whom i can just be myself, comfortable in my own skin.

thank you :)

SPECIES PELIK LELAKI #1

yes. i've got tons of work piling on my desk. but, it's friday! and im in no mood to work. HAHA. adik-adik, sila jangan contohi saya. saya orang paling tak efisien time jumaat :P

today's topic will be about boys. yes, the mysterious form of life that we women seemed to drool over, but never could actually fathom the mechanism on how their brain actually works.

Since there are so many questions about the mysterious creature, we'll downsize to one issue at a time, and this time is, "WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN BLOODY HARD TO MOVE ON FROM EXES WHO HAVE DITCHED THEM AND NOTICE THE WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN THERE FOR THEM ALL ALONG DEPAN MATA".

even though im now happily in a relationship with a not so mysterious being, a.k.a faliq, because i just know the way his brains works; i feel for you girls out there. because ive been in this situation before, and it taught me something, if he's not ready to move on, you should start thinking of moving on from him.

i've got friends caught in this situation, and i just dont really know what to say. these guys, yeah, i do have to admit, they are amazing, better than the normal lot we usually meet. these "special" guys, they're more attentive to us girls and our feelings, they dont take advantage of us damsel in distresses (you should see some "normal" guys, ade je peluang, nak masuk lineeeeee jeeee), they are open-minded, well-mannered, educated, berfikiran jauh, and THEY ARE NICE.

so it's not so easy moving on from these sort of guys when you know you've got quite an amazing catch here, but what do you do when he cant stop talking about his ex? worse still, the girl is already hooked up with another guy, and worst case ever, if she kept pulling him around in a string. OH, MEMANG RASE NAK TAMPAR JE MINAH TU. bagi la chance kat orang lain jugak nak bahagia dgn mamat ko dah buang tu. NO?

my experience with a guy named a**** during my first year taught me this, if he's not ready to move on, why force him? yeah he's nice, but in the end, it's you who will be suffering, pining for him, waiting for him to wake up and ralize he's in love with you all along. oh well. that is for girls with a LOT of patience, well me? I decided to move on after he showed signs he wasnt ready to embark in another relationship. and you know what? he didnt even miss me and i heard, a few months after, he was back with his ex.see. if i did wait around for him, who knows what will ever happen to me.

to my friends (in this case, my particular friend), just be strong. i think it's best if you just take the hike and leave. it's his loss for not noticing what an amazing person you are, and pining for someone who doesn't even deserve his attention. TRUE OR NOT.

PLACES IN JAYBEE

in another "exciting" chapter of my life, i was completely depressed and frustrated with work (this is not even a year yet! what is wrong with me!!) and decides to go watch Charlie St. Cloud alone yesterday night. Kak Yan took pity of me and told me she'd teman me if there's no one to accompany me. but i knew she'd rather stay home and watch Glee so i asked bobo instead.

Bobo was feeling rather frustrated with work as well, so this two depressed people set off to Johor Bahru. although the initial plan was to watch a movie, i dont really feel like watching a chick flick with bobo, and then i'd be even more depressed over the lack of GFs i have here so we opted to go for a minum2 session at the JB town centre.

we went to this place called Roost Bar, which is a quaint shophouse under the Iskandar Heritage Restoration plan, located at Jalan Dhoby. i knew right away this is the best place to take faliq to the next time he comes over, their deco is filled with vintage junks, they play awesome music, and well. it's just a really cool place to hang out. i realized that i have yet to full "teroka" johor to it's might, and it's quite fun to stumble across cool places such as this that makes ur life here in JAYBEE not as bad as you think it is. another place worth mentioning is the Hutan Bandar, where you can eat chicken chop for RM5 with the backdrop of a forest reserve in the middle of the urban centre. COOL EH.

Back to roost. i didnt bring my camera with me, but i managed to snap a few pictures with my handphone.

they serve the drinks in mini plastic buckets! COMEL!

Next stop, Lost Malaya along the Danga Bay Strip. :)

MARMALADE THE MENGADA

marmalade is the only male cat amongst the three kiddies. but he is the most manja and mengada, especially with my mum. he'd follow her everywhere; sleep with her when she's taking a nap on the couch, and he even has a guilty concious! (this is usually when he made my mum mad seperti mengacau makanan yang baru dimasak, and he'd come purring and sit on my mum's lap being all manja and mengada).

i became the subject of his mengada-ness last monday when i was on a short leave. my parents were out as they had to send my sisters to school so i was left alone at home, catching up on my sleep, enjoying every bit of having to wake up late on a monday morning when i saw he was on the dining table sneaking a peek at my sister's nugget leftovers this morning.

"MARMALADE! DONT!" I yelled, and went to grab him off the table. i gave a good "luku" and went back to the toto laid out at the living room to continue with my nap. he came "gesel-ing" and purring and finally slept beside me. which i think is his way of telling me he's sorry and he knows he's guilty! what was i supposed to do with this cute moppet.

ish! tau je mane nak kipas orang. benci betul. menggunakan his cute-ness to get away with things. and even though i know this fact, im always deceited. HMMM

see.how can i say no to this!

We may not come from a wealthy/prominent family, but at least we're uni-educated and we speak good english

last weekend i went back to KL (yes, again) because my aunt, auntie ani, was having a kenduri before leaving for hajj on the 16th. being among your family members are the best feeling in the world. there is no need to pretend (control macho or ayu) and there will difinitely be good food (synonymous with utara-nians, we LIVE TO EAT).

my cousins brought their partners, and faliq was supposed to come (but he woke up late -_-" the thing starts at 10). and it made me realize how the family will soon branch out and become bigger with new additions. Arin's gf was really sweet, and she even remembered my name :)

the thing about being a part of my family is that, you just have to be yourself. there is no pressure on having the best high-paying job or coming from a wealthy family, because we ourselves are so lepak (laidback), we dont even give a shit if our cousin is a millionaire because he too will sit down with the rest of us, eating the best home made karipap in the world, and sharing old stories that make you laugh till you shed tears.

so if there is anyone interested in becoming a part of our family, leave the superficialness at home, (or just completely erase it from your database) we just need a humble, well-mannered person that does not give a hoot on eating home-cooked food instead of catered food (weh, some people dont know what planet they come from, think catered food is better than home-cooked food. gila apa)

to the soon to be new additions of the family. WE (the rahman clan) WELCOME YOU. and to those who did not make it, sorry, your loss a**hole (ade particular insiden dimana ade sorang ni dating dgn kazen aku, kononnya family die orang kaya, mau jaga kelas, bagi macam2 syarat tak munasabah sebelum kazen aku kawin sama anak dia, spt, jgn selalu balik rumah berjumpa family,i.e. kami orang la, kerana nak jaga standard punya pasal, last2 kazen aku tinggalkan anak die, dah kawin dah pun dgn mamat yg lagi BETTER in terms of looks, manners, and WORK-WISE. ko ingat anak ko brad pitt? BANYAK CANTIK).

KAMPUNG SAYA

taken from http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/balik-kampung.html

each raya, i remembered about kampung trips back to my paternal family in penang, seberang perai (sape cakap aku takde kampung huh). but my kampung was not the normal kampung-styled houses sat amidst the green paddy fields and made of wooden, its situated in a low-cost housing area, facing the paddy fields. HAHA. and its made of bricks.

the lanes were so small it can only fit one car (which means you cannot park your car in front of the house, or by the road because then others cannot use the lane, so you'd have to park it in a playground area, a few minutes away from the row of houses).

we dont really go back that often when my late tok was still alive, but when we do, it'd make me excited and giddy all over because:

1. we'll be going to Penang (the island); naik fery woh!

2.MAKANNNNNN (who can dispute the fact that penang is the centre of malaysian cuisine)

3.MAKANNNNNNNNNNNNN (panjang lagi bunyinya kerana dapat makan authentic utara kuihs made by my late tok and her sister - in - law whom we called Tok Wa)

whenever we do go back, they would fuss over how big we've grown, and then plied us with more food, which i greedily gorged into my small mouth. my sisters would be so consumed with happiness over seeing there so much space to play with, they even rode their bicylce straight into the bendag (paddy field) because they mistook it for a "big open green space". -_-" sedey jugak budak-budak subang ni.

night time would see us spreading the toto (comforter) across the living room and us all cousins would sleep together, with me being awake but pretending to be asleep for fear kene kacau dgn hantu raya jiran sebelah rumah.

over the years, tok moved in with us, and there was no more penang trips to come, until many-many years after Tok has passed away. we all grew up and resumed life celebrating it in our own homes (me in kl, and other cousins in Melaka, Kelantan, Perak, etc.) and raya wasnt as meriah as it used to be. could be that as you grow up, you tend to be less excited over things that once made you burst with happiness when you're 6 years old. but hey, at least we had that memory of spending rayas with a grandparent who spoiled you with great food (especially her delicious rendang daging and ketupat palas).

p/s:an entry to say good-bye to syawal

marriage dilemma #1

u know, weddings were never a nuisance for me before. BEFORE, I.E when i was still in school. i was never pestered with the annoying "eh, ni bile nak kawin ni" questions.

suddenly now i am burdened with having to put on an awkward smile and say to those busy-body makciks, "lame lagi kot, keje pun tak betul lagi". true, i may be an employee of one of the biggest companies in malaysia, but asking for PA MA financial assistance by end of the month doesnt constitute me as a financially stable person.

whenever i broach the marriage subject with faliq, he gets all sweaty and nervous, (not because he doesnt want to marry me, for proof, please read here) haha, siap letak proof. tak tahan. because of the state we're both into at the moment. he's working a job that only gets him a day leave of all 7 days a week. im working with a measly wage i cant even support myself. let alone a child when we do have one. and lets not talk about both of our parents' conditions. they cant even afford to hold a kenduri (knowing how expensive it is nowadays for catering, booking a venue, wedding gowns, photographers, OH THE DRAMA!)

Sometimes i wish faliq and i could just escape some place private and hold a small ceremony, with just our family and close friends. Without the frills, without having to invite people i dont even know (parents! they want to invite EVERYONE!) and we dont have to think about having to fork out so much money :(

sometimes i feel like taking faliq to the wedding registrar, register as a married couple, and later, maybe, a year later only then we'll celebrate the wedding, with all the blings blings. (because by then miraculously got money dee).

sometimes i feel like i dont want to get married at all, enjoy life as an unmarried couple, have a couple of bastards, and living life like westerners, and people wouldnt be so busy body to campur my urusan (that is of course paling radical la. i think my mum will skin me alive for doing this)

you see, our culture has made marriage a difficult thing to accomplish, especially for a yuppy like me, who does not have a tan sri as my father and an anak dato' as my boyfriend.

i've always been in awe of people my age who are married. (well, most have older husbands, please let's not mention about my 5 years older ex and start going "look, kalau tak break dah lame ko kawin" because that is just insensitive. ko kawin bukan just for the sake of getting married, but because you want to spend the rest of your life with the man you know will love you for who you are, and likewise)

penat jugak membebel pasal bende ni, when you know you've got your whole life ahead of you. career, getting where you want to be, etc. Even my mum was taken aback by my plan on getting married in two years time, and told me she'd prefer me to wait a bit longer (like what she did) and hopefully mature over the years before i decide to get married. UMM...trueeeee.....but... nak tunggu saya mature tu macam tunggu buah durian time bukan musim die la kannn

sigh. i wish i was still 5. this is sooooo tiring.

small entry only

there are too many things happening at the moment. i dont even know how im going to cope with this, but i think i'll be just fine. :)

george dan si naga

just some pictures taken during my surprise party at the office. even my bosses were in the cahoots with these people!

this is what i got (!)

later that night, en. Bad, bernard, bobo and i had dinner at George & Dragon, this english restaurant with a medieval theme. the food was great, although the much proclaimed fish and chips were a major letdown, the rest of the dishes were great! owh, and im not an oyster virgin anymore! HAHAH. en bad made me eat one oyster, at least it was cushioned by the taste of tomato, or not i would've vomit over the taste :P

they even have a real armour!

this year's bday was great. teamed with my pre-bday celeb, it cant get any better than this. quite thankful to be given the chance to experience a great one as this :) thank you everyone for making my day.