yesterday

yesterday i recieved a call from manja, telling me to get to the terminal putra that very moment because all of us will be having a family dinner at klcc.

the rain was pouring like waterfalls from the sky..and my friends were hungry.nina, bless her.she sent me to the station,despite the heavy rain and traffic jam,she even gave me few minutes to change my clothes..since i was practically drenched in rainwater form top to toe.

it felt good.to be seeing my family.cousins.aunts.uncles.all of them.i miss mama.but,to have a two hour meal with your family at Dome(please dont go there,the food sux),i had to sacrifice two hours of my group discussion with my groupmates.

i rushed back home, leaving the dinner time at the peak of it, thinking i had somehow neglected my work, to find my group has done half of the powerpoint, and they were about to leave.when you had one of those moments that you feel like a total shithole.that was my moment.

and then it struck me.i had to give up one of em.family?or work?and when you think about it.no matter how hard you try to make the best of your work, they will still find a way to say "the whole thing is RUBBISH".so, why do you even bother?the whole thing is FUCKED UP.kaed is fucked up.i am fucked up.i hate this.all of this.

what is the meaning of this

have you ever had one of those moments when you suddenly had a what-is-the-meaning-of-this moment?when suddenly you stopped for 1 minute to think, away from your tedious,hectic schedules, and you start to wonder why you are where you are?get me?

suddenly i begin to think about the very reason why im actually where i am rite now.i had all the other choices in the world..but right now, i am where i am..why?

that is probably a question that i`ll leave it for you guys to answer it yourselves.

ROCK THE WORLD

I HAVE ONE MISSION...

TO ROCK THE WORLD..ROCK...is what i live for.

held at stadium merdeka, it was one of the best ive been so far..compared to last year..this year..i went into a mosh pit (!)...satu statement yg menyedihkan drpd seorang budak bernama syaza.

i guess i never thought i`d be in one..but it was blissful..and i met the 'love of my life' in it.green tee, and longish hair.i adore you..haha(im so pathetic)

it was cut short due to some unavoidable circumstances.i curse the ones who caused it.but anyway..bottomline?

i am made to ROCK THE WORLD!!

what i have to go through

i don`t know why i had to go through this 'ordeal', instead of someone else.why...me...of all the people..have to experience sleepless nights basking in tears because of something that is just messed up.its my fault.your fault.everbody`s fault.yeah..yeah..

i knew i did the right thing..yeah.. i did.so..why..am i hurting inside.i hate you.i hate what you did to me.i hate myself.i hate everything that has to do with this.i hate..i hate..i hate.thats all i can say now.

but i want you to know,i never faked anything.what you saw was the real me.my emotions..my feelings..my expressions..that was all me.although i doubt that you`ll read this.but..tally-ho and all..i`ll say it..i`ll miss you.

whoa

...uitm won the debate.they deserved it..i think.their debaters are good.not that iiu`s are not.but still..anyway..after the debate the iiu supporters stood and yelled 'ALLAHUAKBAR'.i almost stood up with them..haha..talk about loyalty.keron didnt waste any time to introduce me to half of the iiu students.they were like,"why are you sitting with the uitm people?".haha.

anyway,syaza the traitor followed the uitm-ers to celebrate and paint the town red.not like we succeeded,to paint the town red..by the time we reached the mines to catch the late-nite show, the cinema was already closed.hmm..went to hartamas.the place was packed like shit.imagine us,being in a big group suddenly crashed into the hartamas square.we took 15 minutes to settle down.after that they took me to lil` genting.melayan blues untuk seketika.

on the way back..i realized it was 5.30 AM.SHIT!!!!at 6 got a 'pleasant' call from my dad that somehow realized his daughter was still not home when he went to wake me up for subuh prayers.mati.

bla..bla..bla..the ending?got a major pembasuhan period.but its all good now.and..i am starting to like being a traitor.hehe.

uitm or iiu?

i went to watch my bestfriend debate at the royales.or is it spelled royals?anyway,you were suddenly surrounded by all this people who devote their life to debate.and they are actually cool.gone were the days where debates are only resrved to nerds and whizkids.here comes the wave of cool-intelligent fusion.

my bestfrend wasted no time in 'PROMOTING' me to the iiu debaters.not all though.some of them looked familiar.then i realized that they were the ones that adjudicated for us during kaed fest.wicked.they were all weirded out because i was sitting with the uitm group.Hmmm....

watching all this debates make me think twice about going in.its scary as hell.

tonight there will be the final debate between iiu and uitm..shit..where should i sit?with my newfound friends in uitm?or do i have to pledge my loyalty to my university..which i know NO ONE in the team..wahh.....so dramatic....i`ll probaby support both teams..which means that i`ll probably bang the table yelling `here here` throughout the debate.nuts la.

what happened

we were driving on the highway.with no absolute direction to where we were heading.suddenly the road that was trinkled with light turned dark.it was scary.period.the road stretched out for god-knows-how-long.the tank was almost full.thank god.

we reached a bridge.owh.it was a beautiful bridge.engineering genius i should say.we stopped to view the breathtaking scene.it was like one of those scenes from the malay drama, where you parked the car beside the road and talk/chat/whatever.it was corny, i know,but what the hell.you`ve got curfew extensions, the sparkling juice at the back seat.the world was yours.

somehow it went wrong.its not my right to say it.i know. but i was there.that should count too right?i was scared.we were all scared.i was scared and i felt helpless.the feeling of just sitting at the sidelines and watch a gruesome 'battle'...man..that was hard.

we drove quickly.back home.we stopped at 7-e, bought cans of coke and bags of chips.i bought ribena.we stopped at a playground at sat there.talking.trying to lighten up the mood.cracking jokes.but it never overshadows what happened.im sorry it happened.thats all.

rollerblading

i went rollerblading with keron today..weird huh?i mean..who rollerblades anymore?we did..haha..

huffed and puffed up the treacherous hills and rolling down with maximum speed..with me fearing id fall flat on my face if i trip over a pebble or sumthing..

while i was pretty sure i was burning calories, a satria pulled over and a guy said hi. at first glance he looked okay..but the second time he came..the third..man...i wished i could just blade straight down to the drain if i have to get rid of this annoying freaky guys..keron was already spooked out by the freaky bunch.

nevertheless...aside from the kekacauan...the feeling of being able to reach out to some of your growing up moments was incredible.it seemed like it was only yesterday adli puts on his old blades held together by strings of tali rafia..god knows he is bloody rich..but i dont even know why he insisted wearing the dilapitated object.keron and i made a pact to go professional blading after we finished pmr.we never did.if we did..i wouldnt be shaking and throbbing during the tortured periods of blading this evening.

well..adli is in russia now.and kerons blades are now full of rat`s poo.im still shaky when blading and the ramp adli and baz built are long gone.

but the memories of me carrying my blades to meatpackers(where we used to blade), the guys trying to jump over the rubbish bin, and keron and i blading every evening will always be fresh in my head.

girls nite out

had a what u call a GIRL`S NITE OUT...

went to hartamas..sab picked us up driving her rav 4.RAAAAAAAAAAAAV 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i thot id die on the spot.

the whole time was spent smoking shisha and gossiping..*thts wat we do best anyway*..haha.and hartamas is SUPPOSED to be THE place to hang out. i dont get it...u see these people dressing up like theyre on the way to the hottest club or sumthing, but all they actually do is just lazing around sipping teh ais.well,..you can say its a bit like a much more classier version of a mamak atmosphere..haha

well..it definitely a place to be SEEN..if u know what i mean..haha..guess who i ran into?
khairul!!sara`s ex...my GOD..he came with this girl who was wearing the skimpiest outfit i`ve ever seen...and when i was talking to him, she was dangling at his arm as if i`d snatch him right under her eyes..AS IF!!AS if i`d want to go out with a guy who wears sleeveless shirts and has this weird pelat thing...haha*im mean..i know*

but..above all that..im glad i went out tonite..its been a long time since i had the time to just enjoy the company of my closest friends.thanks guys.although i know u probably wont read this..but..thanks..

before the horrifying period of my life

watched emily rose last monday, on sara`s bday..there was a couple of those cinema workers checking the ids..before radi freaked out as usual..(haha..dnt hate me,..but thats what you always do..)she remembered that she has already turned 18, and boasted about showing her mykad which also have those touch`n go thingy to prve she is 18.ahaha..

i cant get those disturbing scenes out of my head. ive been sleeping with the lights on for almost a week now, and im still scared.shit.especially when it was this part.."one.two.three.four.five.six" get it???that psychotic emily was counting with her voice all weird and rough.*bulu roma meremang*....get it??6 demons in there.."we are the ones who dwell within". aiyoh..MENAKUTKAN.

maybe i shouldn`t have watched it. i know im a scaredy cat.aiyoh..now i cant sleep peacefully for about what?2 weex?one thing i have to say to meself. padan muka.

to mama

to:mama

you`ll be going to the blessed place for a while..maybe you`ll find what you`ve always looked for in life. maybe you`re absence will make him appreciate you more. maybe everybody will.i know i will.

i`ll miss you.and your cengkodok. ;)

from:jaja

raye!!!!

ookkkaayy...the summary of raye..

one word...BLISSFUL

maybe its because i havent been on vacation for god knows how long.so, a bit jakun when suddenly you were going shopping for raye clothes(dah lame tak shop,pathetic eyh?) and you were suddenly hauled to the north of malaysia..and you got butt cramps for being in the car too long.

its great to see all my family members in a celebrative mode for a sec. and there i was, wearing my jubah with my sneakers, while my couz standing beside me looking totally vogue and all with her platforms when it suddenly struck me that she is 6 years younger!AAGHH!!!syaza just realized she`s getting old and she is still wearing SNEAKERS!!my god..i need to get some air please....

the thing is..

so,..i have another paper to go through before will be granted certified freedom for one whole month!woo!!!can`t wait actually..

raye is just around the corner.my dad said maybe we`d go to penang for our second raye..YEEHHAA!!its been a while since ive been there..kinda miss it..

paid my saman just now.had to circulate almost the whole uia to actually get the thing settled..geez..dah la puase..hehe..not me lah..kesian sara..haha..went to the studio after that to finish some work..only to find the damn room is locked.and now..here i am,ranting online because i dont know what else to do with my free time.so yeah...till later..bye!

damn you

when u lack of certain things that is important in life, you start to question where did you go wrong.what did u do to make god this angry to punish you. you start to compare yourself to the others around you and 'realized' that.."yeah, there is something wrong with my life"..and you start to weep and get mad at god..or maybe anybody that you think might be the cause of your state.

but then you pretended to be okay with it for a while. you keep it cool..for..lets say..2 weeks?maybe more..i dont know..wallowing everything in.to you its 'ACCEPTANCE' you have to make in life.and suddenly one small fracture, and you snap like a hot fuse. the whole room turned upside down because you needed someways to vent out your anger, the whole room filled with noises of your locker being kicked, stuffs thrown out.the whole ordeal was horrible.and when you got tired of being physically angry, you crouched down and cry,until you drifted to sleep.

you wake up, and go on the same routine again.you keep everything inside.you think no one would give a shit that you`re eating yourself up inside.you start to hate the ones around you because they seemed so happy and have absolutely no worries in life.hell!you even hate their laughs.

one day,you wake up.and saw the sunshine.you actually looked at your tackboard,and saw the photos of your loved ones.how could you go on living, and hating them when all they did was to love you?despite your appalling attitude,your horrible self,they still accept and love you the way you are.they still welcome you with open arms and a big smile.and they still try to be what you want them to be, to provide what you greedily want.and you cursed yourself because you didnt see THAT before.damn you for being what you were to them.and now, you just breathe and enjoy the life they have offered.

my bday

ANNOUNCEMENT:

SYAZA HAS THE COOLEST GROUP OF FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.AND THEREFORE..SHE IS COOL TOO..HAHAHA

yeap, i do have the coolest friends.my god..what did i do to deserve a surprise bday party for two consecutive years??hehe thanks y`all..this is just the prologue..i`ll post the pix later..muax!!happy belated bday to me!!

you

ive never actually told you to your face how much i love you.how much your world means to me.now i know how selfish i was.how inconsiderate i was to put you in this position.thank you for everything.thank you for putting up with my bitchiness.thank you for letting me know im still your dearest even after i fucked up everything.thank you and thank you.

my lips keep on uttering im sorry.even if you`d never hear me.im sorry.i cried because of you.i cried because i knew how i wronged you.how unacceptable it was for me to treat you that way.i promise i wont dissapoint you anymore.i wont hurt your feelings anymore.

im learning to breath
im learning to crawl
im finding that you
and you alone
could break my fall

i love you more than i love myself.it has always been that way.hope you know that.

picz from bentong

jz thot id post a few picz from bentong.one word about the trip,...AWESOME!!another word for the project...SUXX!!!im quite surprised i haven`t experience any nervous breakdown rite now..at least can get mc..haha


the butt show

grinning session despite the various 'smells'

hot and sweaty after we arrived at kaed from bentong

SLACKING

i have about 3 assignments still untouched.the autocad assignment needs to be submitted this monday and i havent finish it...good good..syaza akan menjadi pelajar terbaik uia

im so lazy to do my work because im sick of it.yes.im sick of my course which consist of 90% projects and the rest 10 % site visit.sick sick sick...i want my life back..

so anyway..today went to watch an old skoolmate`s gig at planet.had a marvellous time.no thanx to mat dan and the gang though..(sorry lif!haha)they were the most unresponsive crowd ive ever met.just sitting around at the table and look like kayu..aiyo so bosan man.in the end i went to the front and boogie by myself..sad..

im ignoring the huge workloads waiting for ..sheeze..last thursday i went to the islamic arts museum with my family(the place was gorgeous!)and i refused to go back to the s2dio like they told me too.some irresponsible idiot didnt finish her/his work and expect us to cover it for her..puh-lease.

okay..ill stop ranting now because im tired.and im at keron`s house..so i think i shud at least spend some time with her instead of talking shit on the blog.im in a bad mood..so yeah...later

merdeka!!

on the eve of merdeka, i didnt know why i was being overly patriotic, that i actually brought the lyrics to `Jalur Gemilang` along. i persuaded my dad to go to the Dataran, to get the taste of the REAL merdeka celebration..

however...by the time my dad picked me up it was already 10 something, and man!!kl was flooded with people..it took us 1 hour to get into the city itself..so..it was already 11.30 when we found a parking space...walked towards the dataran,when suddenly my dad made a detour to a gerai to get 3 burgers for him and my sisters..i was nagging them to hurry up as it was already 11.40.

we continued walking again,quite far la jugak from the parking spot...my dad and my sisters stopped...again...to eat the food..WHAT??my mum burst(not actually burst lah...but quite pissed)we were few metres away from the dataran crowd.."hurry up lah!"(thats my mum)."we`ll celebrate merdeka here je lah"(my dad)."TANAK!!!!"(me)

my dad finished his food less than 5 minutes, (no surprise there)..but syafinaz was procrastinating with her burger..i gave her the evil look and suddenly she said to my dad she lost her appetite..HAHA

we waded into the crowd..it was soo lively!2 minutes before merdeka we heard fireworks from klcc..E`ELEH..poyo..awal2 plak...

1 minute, and nobody counted the countdown, we realized that we were too far from the dataran,so,..yeah..sort of put off by this small fact..anyway, when OUR fireworks punye turn plak, my god, amazing...much better than klcc`s.HEH!it went on for 15 minutes..and i just couldnt tear myself from looking at dropping stars..and sang jalur gemilang softly.

when we got back to the car, my dad said,"yeah, all this for a 15 minutes fureworks show".and i plunged him into an argument about how unpatriotic he is.and later he admitted his defeat and treated all of us for a roti canai and teh tarik at 2 in the morning.we laughed at how the mamaks are so kecoh and i guess thats where they got the malay phrase,"bile keling nak karam".go look it up in the dict.happy merdeka people.

HO-LI-DAY!!!!

tomorrow will be the last we`ll be having classes..

that means...it`s gonna be a HOLIDAY the next day!!!WOOHOO!!!(cheers all around the kaed building)

even though it`s a 3 days holiday,but..WHO CARES??!!I SAID..WHO CARES??ITS STILL A FREAKING 3 DAYS HOLIDAY!!!now i regret writing my previous entry about how boring,and meaningless my holidays were..I`m so SORRY GOD!

holidays are a gift from God that ALL of us should cherish..therefore,as the conclusion, i apologise for the misled entry i posted.(chewah,menggunakan ayat essay plak).ENJOY YOUR HOLS PEOPLE!!!

that urp nite

PART I

yesterday nite there was a urp graduation dinner..and the whole urp batch had to attend this dinner..and i was wondering why in the hell would i want to attend someone`s graduation dinner??and then, i realized that there was only 12 graduating students..12!!!no wonder they wanted us to come..

the theme was ethnic, and i was living it up to theme..my jacket was very ethnic indeed..quite ott actually..almost froze in the middle of the hall before entering the gallery because everyone looked so SIMPLE!jeez!!!

i felt like shrinking in the chair and wait for the earth to swallow me..my studiomates were wearing normal clothes, some were quite glam actually..but not as `mencapap` as my jacket..then the guys arrived,mostly clad in baju melayu..they looked HOT.but sort of like a rombongan for someone`s akad nikah..haha..then mizi and shakir came..

i thought i`d just die in my seat..they look HOT HOT HOT.they were wearing punjab suits and man...i cant believe mizi could be a possible hot stuff..MIZI??!!and when i saw this senior wearing a bajau suit along with his tengkolok..i finally rest peacefully in my seat...

PART II

the guys performed an awful rendition of pop yeh-yeh and suddenly they were singing selamat pengantin baru for god-knows-what reason.

after the dinner we stayed back to take photos, and it was blissful to enjoy being in the company of my stoodiomates, all dressed up, jurock looking like a lost turkish, and areque looking JAPANESE..haha..baju AAD punye concert, kantoi...muti looked like lelaki melayu terakhir.mat shah looked heavenly, while zul..yeah..he looked like he was forced to wear those baju melayu..

the seniors were a bit irritating..they just couldnt wipe those awful expression off their face when they sat with us.its like they just ate lemons or something.but what the heck..we were there for the free food and to enjoy the awful performances..and we had both.dont blame those guys from your batch avoiding a closer relationship with YOU.HAHA

my mundane life

last saturday nite,my outing with keron was cut short due to a message recieved from radhi saying that zul,our project manager wants ALL of us to be at the studio by 9 AM..i was yelling BLOODY HELL..and a few other curse words knowing that it was quite impossible for me to find a transport to go back to gombak pagi-pagi..called up zul and we had a yelling session with keron making the background noise of cursing at zul too for ruining our weekend get-together.

the whole way back after sending zharif i had a headache and slept in the car thinking about the unfinished workload lying in the orange bag..right after i reached keron`s house, the computer is my baby and we worked till 7 am.

on sunday,mat dan agreed to send me back.i had a breakdown thinking he was tido mati due to unanswered phone calls i shot at him.luckily at 9.30 he called and told me to get ready..LOVE YOU ALIF!!!THANKS!!!!

so..on the way to gombak...i was anxious and nervous because i could`nt find a printing shop to print my review..shit..im so gonna get it from zul..called up nina and asked if i could borrow her printer..then she told me that the 9am perhimpunan was cancelled..WHAT THE F***???!!!i was suddenly being thrown into the fountain of guilt because i woke up alif..he said it`s okay and we went to have breakfast at tapah.

while at tapah,met my ustazah from fkm btq..jeez..with her whole siblings..including sis in-laws..uhh....and she thought alif was my boyfriend which i had to repeat 100 of times that he is NOT.

went to uia and gave alif a tour around my faculty and campus..stopped by the studio and everyone thought he was my bf..jeezz...NO..HE`S NOT..i told everyone..zul thought i brought him to bash him up..haha...zul and i are okay now.

so..today...went to mppj to get the layout of section 17..and the guidelines..just got back..nothing interesting happened..but im completely drained..jeez..gotta go..at 5 the aad students are having this concert..later

whew!

so..yeah..in a few days i`ll be off to ulu bendol, to climb the mountain called gunung angsi..god knows where the hell is that..

yesterday went grocery shopping with my fellow camping members, created a havoc in the middle of the small giant supermarket, debating about which sardine cans are more nicer, with nina wanting ayam brand because it tastes nicer and muthi(who eventually managed to persuade us to take 4 cans of the yellow packaged cans) saying it costs 99 cents per can...money does have an effect on you...hehe..

did i tell you we won the debate competition against architecture students?yeah...we won..haha..and my crush came, even though he was half an hour late...he came..saying that he would...memang bersemangat giler la...only got to hold the pewter trophy for like...15 minutes before we had to return it back to the committee members..cheh..sungguh x ikhlas..

after that we had to go to the gala night for the award giving ceremony..expected to get back the pewter,,but in the end got a piece of plastic plague..cheh..haha..but the dinner didnt turn out to be a bore like i expected, thanks to the landscape arch debate team..and also to the fact that the senior i had a crush on is sitting directly opposite my seat..hehe...cantik pemandangan...

right after the gala nite we rushed to the studio to complete our project which we had to present the next morning...finished at 8 in the morning..and had ample time to get ready and return to the studio again for the presentation at nine...while presenting i could see my other classmates jetting off to london in their dreams due to x cukup tido...

yeah...hectic huh?anti ana commented on how cekung my face was, and i was struggling to shove some food into my mouth when all i really wanted was to sleep till the next week...actually..i did..haha..sort of..after studio went back to the room and bantai tido till 1 am..jeez...hutang tido terbayar la jugak...

so, tomorrow is my mother`s bday..happy bday ibu!!i`ve already bought u a prezzie!!!hope u`ll like it!!!love u!!muaxx!!!

woopp!!!

owhkay...where to start??its nice being in the age of civilization even though this will only last for what??15 minutes??hehe

im in uia,main campus and to make things short...everything is going great..GREAT..the place is gorgeous...i love my course...its tiring being a full-time student..but its fun..and the fact that this place is infested with HOT GUYS is just a bonus..hehe..and the dact that im smitten over my gorgeous classmate is a totally diffrent story..haha...

had a satisfying presentation of my first project last monday...thank god i had nina and hanif in the group..but the rest of my groupmates are okay...well..enuf of this boring stuf..i`ll tell you all the juicy details later k?gtg...work is calling..

ramblings...

anne bought me a mini shisha pot the other when she just got back from russia.i thought she had forgotten my `special` request, when she discovered how much i like it.so we (nini,anne and i)decided to give it a try,making our own shisha.

after a few hours,the bloody coals are nowhere on getting the shisha as good as it tasted at the mapleys.my head was getting dizzing not from inhaling the bloody thing,but from the smoke and the overwhelming smell of the tabak.i decided later that night that the beautiful pot is meant to be a `perhiasan` and nothing else.i lost my mood to shisha when it did actually work and let nini finished it by herself and went on dancing by the pool like a madman with anne.

last monday rez was suddenly in an extra good mood and let me drove his car to kl.but i didnt actually had the chance to drive on my own effort since his hand wont leave the steering wheel.heh.i was concentrating on the road too much till i didnt know where i was heading..before i know it..i noticed there was a Globe silk store by the side of the road.."eh!we`re at jalan TAR!".
from that short exclamation, i was rewarded with a punch on my arm from the big `ol rez for not paying enough attention to the street.heh.

i`ll be going into uni this sunday and i`m bloody scared.my friends seemed to be okay,and its actually a wonder how they managed to keep their cool checked.jeez..i`ll be in uni..no more enjoying the pleasures of life...my life will be filled with serious,hard works....this is probably what u call hell..

holidays

holidays are the only thing that puts a bloody big SMILE on any student`s face..yeah...

so..tell me why i`m feeling so anxious on starting my first year in uni??am i ABNORMAL??i cant bear this lifestyle of tido-makan-tido-makan anymore!!yeah..i know..im being hypocritical...i mean..while i was fighting the urge to dump the bloody mounting board that i was gluing to the perspex base..i dreamt of a heavenly lifestyle that consist nothing else but only tido-makan-tido-makan..

lets see...i have aabouutt.....3 weeks to go..yeah...uhuh..3 weeks..so...i guess i`ll continue my ever so `healthy` lifestyle of tido-makan-tido-makan while it last...as a `bekalan` for me when i get into uni...and then..when i have to pour my whole energy revising a thicker-than-life book..i`ll dream of the day i lead a life of tido-makan-tido-makan once upon a time...

music

yestedrday when i went to the kenduri,they were playing all this sappy love songs..and i was wondering whose favourite songs are these..the bride`s..or the groom`s?kopratasa and all these traditional musics with lyrics like.. `teruna tak ambil peduli` or something like that..

glanced around and actually saw a few old fogies singing along to it..and suddenly i had a major cringing phase because..the music is just horrible(sorry for being so un-malayish) and...yeah..the people who were lip-synching to the song..its..just...overwhelming..

got into the car and put on one of my fav cds..only to be told to lower the volume till the minimum desibel because my dad can`t stand my music.."all the screaming..this is not a song..this is org giler punye lagu"..and i unsuccessfully explain to him that alternative caters to the ones who are depressed and need to vent out their anger..so..ahah..reminded me of my ex who are soo like my father..couldnt stand my songs..and forced me to listen to his kris dayanti cd the whole way up to genting..jeez

the next night,i went to pyramid with my bestfriend..listened to hitz for a while before she suddenly popped this cassete into the radio..and..VOILA!out came 80`s hits..almost had a heart attack looking at my bestfriend singing along to pet-shop boys..(who in the sane mind listens to them??eheh..sorry keron)

finally..i accepted my defeat..my songs are only for my ears only and i shall listen to them when i am alone...later i found myself dancing along to `Go west` by pet-shop boys...heh...maybe later i`ll put on my songs during MY kenduri..HAH!see if anyone will say anything to THAT!

insanity streak

now i know where i got my insanity streak from...haha

i went to a kenduri just now,and when it ended, my sisters took a piece of bunga mangga each..it was bright pink..but the theme was green...hmm???

anyway..while waiting for my mother who went to the washroom with one of my sister...my dad grabbed my sister`s bunga magga and started a battle of bunga mangga saber..equivalent to light saber battle..with my other sis..imagine this memorable scene..a 50 year old guy wearing a batik shirt(thats what all the men wear if they go to kenduris..) swatting a bright pink bunga mangga with a 12 year old kid..

and then..unsatisfied with the lukewarm response my sis was giving him..he turned his attention towards his eldest daughter who was trying very hard to maintain her looks and act cool in front of this one cute guy she noticed at the lobby..

2 minutes...the bloody bunga mangga was starting to irritate my nostrils..cute guy or no..i grabbed another available bunga mangga and attacked my `vicious` father..and sent him running to the middle of the street..haha!!!victory is sweet!!!

i rejoiced my newfound victory for about 5 sec before realizing that i was wearing a baju kurung..and..yeah..that cute guy... ..so..i guess the term `gone with the wind` so commonly used could apply perfectly here..

my mother saw the whole thing and said.."tell me you`re not my husband??...rite??"and know wat my dad did??he swatted the pink thing at my MOM..so..yeah..guess where i got the insanity streak?

the funny thing

my eyes was swollen and red in colour.the first time i cried for wat?...3 hours?straight.i couldnt really grasp the concept of letting something that wasnt meant for you go.all i felt was pain.i cried for what i just lost..and i guess what brad pitt said in mr. and mrs. smith was right..`when you`re at the end of a realtionship,you started to think about the beginning of it`.

radhi called,she lstned quietly as i cried my heart out on the phone and spent about what...20 bux of credit just to listen to me crying.words spread and soon phone calls started pouring in,and radhi gladly put down the phone before reassuring that i was in a manageable state.it was supposed to be rez`s birthday..he was supposed to have the time of his life at the beach with his friends..and i recieved a call from him,sighing as he listened to me crying..with the waves crushing to the shores in the background..my mother had a booger stain on her t-shirt as i cried on her shoulder.yeap...you bet...loads..and loads of crying...to much crying till i felt thirsty and exhausted..i guess i got dehydrated..just because of crying...wahlahwey

ibu told me to go and pray,..you know...to calm myself down...so...dragging myself to the toilet with all the boogers and shit,only to find that there was no water...so i sed..`how am i supposed to pray if theres no water for me to perform ablution?`..so rez said..why dont you collect all the tears you`ve cried..maybe it`ll be more than enuf..haha..

and then ida said why do i always break up during the holidays..making it hard for my friends to be there for me personally..so i said..luckily i did it now..at the time when everybody has credit so they could call me up just to listen to me crying..haha(no lah guys..thnks for your concern..and support)my mother then came into the room and gave me this short lecture bout how there are many other fishes in the sea...and later added that maybe keanu is waiting for me...haha..

yeah..lots of funny events happened that night..so...stop crying your heart out..owh..i wanna thank all my friends and my family for being there for me.thank you for accompanying me while i cry..i didnt want to cry alone.thank you keron,radhi,rez,ida,zharif,and byk lagi lah!!owh and thanks ibu for assuring me that there`s still someone who loves me..

the price of staying in college

im anxious bout the fact that i`ll be out of here in a week..forever...(if i dont fail my arab lah)..my god.. the thought of leaving this place which has somehow blend in my mundane life left me with a mixture of emotions that i couldnt really describe..

even though the rules sux like max...whats with wearing sox to pasar malam??(which suddenly transformed kuhaz,radhi and i into secret ninjas) and LEADTRAIN??and a lot of other encounters with the srad people and the college`s guards that are somehow on a mission to make the lives of the students unbearable...i`ll miss the `memories` ive gained along with my other pyschotic friends.

the price of:

the guard giving you a hefty lecture bout running around the college ground like a wacko:
embarassment,and resentment towards the college and the guard herself

the stad people waiting at the entrance for girls who weren`t wearing socks and are happy to saman you:
rm 2 for the sox,lots of cursing, and possible blisters on your feet for walking like a nutcase in a pair of slippery slippers covered by stoopid black stockings

the ustazah who somehow seemed to come from h*ll:
a LOT of cursing,and missing classes intentionally..without fear of getting barred because you`ve already recieved the exam slip

the nextdoor seniors knocking on your door because you were too noisy:
a possible girlfight and a lot of bitching

the time when ida and i accompanied nina out of the college so she could park her car:
a row with the bloody guards,rm something saman for wearing unappropriate clothes(which were jeans!!),and a lot of cursing

but the price of:

you and your mates dancing at the corridor with the stereo blaring at the maximum desibel with some african tribe song on,
you walking around the college with ice creams gossiping,
you and your mates throwing slippers to see who threw the furthest and gained some weird looks by other students,
you battling with the sleepiness trying to get the project done in time,
you missing your bath just to get to the studio on time,
you and your mates dancing in the studio at 3 in the morning because you`re too stressed to continue your work and later was surprised to see seniors looking at you from the outside,
you and your mates running aroud fraser`s ..`drunk` during new years` eve,
you and your roomie staying up all night just talking about nothing,
you and your roomies making a `chevelle` videoclip using t-squares,scale rulers,and uhu glue,

=priceless

wahlahwey

wahlahwey!!!

im so excited i have a blog now!!woohoo!!!

okaay...back to the original motive on why i actually bothered to open a blog account..heh..

last sunday ive finally went through my khatam..whew~jeez...my father said the preparation was almost like preparing for a bl**dy wedding..and when i told him im still too young to get married..he let out a BIG relieved sigh and i was sure that he had a very comfortable sleep that night.

my cousin brought three of her friends to stay over and help us out..which was a blessing because they know more about what to do than i do..despite the 5 years gap..haha..so malulah..i dont even know what the h*ll is kerisik until i found out it was actually fried coconut pounded till it turns into some sort of a liquid..(sad man..)

what was supposed to be one of the most important events in my life was showing signs of turning into a complete disaster when two of the most important in my life has cancelled their `kedatangan`. stress flows in with thoughts about why should i go on with the function after all if they`re not here to see me.whats the use of me looking `pretty` if arif wasnt going to be there.and the most hateful thing was i couldnt be mad because they had their reasons..and it was a very REASONABLE reasons..aish*

radhi kept me sane enough not to burn the specially-designed dress(which i designed myself..ahem~) and i was pretty anxious to wait for the historical day tomorrow...amazing how humans can bounce back so easily after a few small boost..not small actually...maybe a bit big..okay..okay..very BIG.heh.

didnt sleep the whole night because i had to pack the pulut kuning and had quite a difficult time explaining to edwin what was the purpose of preparing the pulut kuning for my ustazah..in the end i was found slump on the floor with a box of pulut kuning waiting to be closed before some fly decides to make it it`s newfound home.

you actually guess that the next morning i had a terrible pair of bags under my eyes,which makes the usage of the caly mask the night before totally useless. and i was freaking out because suddenly the tudung had a life of its own and decided to rebel against its rightful owner,while arin sat at the table laughing..completely amused by the scene of me freaking out..

and the next half an hour went by like a dash with me trying very hard suppresing my f*rt and not batalkan my ablution.and before i knew it..i was walking towards the ustazah`s house, with a `parade` with me..a troop of makciks from the marhaban group and my cousins looking nervous as hell and the crowds..jeez!

thankfully i didnt doze off while i was reading as edwin would very much like me to..but i made quite a LOT of misatakes until the makcik from the marhaban group was starting to doubt if i was qualified to khatam at all.haiyoh..then i glanced up and saw the group of people who have been there all this while..my father smiling through the sweaty face,my mother,my cousin who was trying very hard to get a good pic of me through the grill,radhi,nina and ida who managed to make despite being lost..and i knew i was glad i made through it after all.and all the `harassment` seemed worthwhile.. :)