i like big bikes

faliq likes to take me on a ride with his big bike. at first i was a bit apprehensive, because im not used to riding motorcycles. but when he managed to send me to pudu in just 10 minutes, i have suddenly start on rooting for the bike :)

one of the things i used to 'kutuk' about minah rempits was how their top would 'terselak' and reveal their body/butt to the whole world, but then when i was suddenly in their shoes, i find that those things happened 'accidentally', so to avoid such incidences again, i tucked my top into my jeans, even though i look like a complete moron.

riding the bike is definitely somewhat refreshing, that is if you plan on touring KL, with all the traffic jam and all, it is definitely worth the back ache as you manage to evade these traffic jams, and even stupid car drivers that hog the road.

aside from the fact that it doesnt burn a hole in your pocket when you want to isi minyak, it makes you feel extremely cool. hahaha *please do not mind me, as i have always been a geek, so this is my only cool moment in life*

just satu je tak best, muka rase berhabuk and lepas naik mesti nak basuh muka dengan facial cleanser. nasib bawak dalam beg :)

a great trip back home

little things that makes me feel normal again. little things that made me miss home even more. like going out for drinks with your former schoolmates, drink sessions with your closebuds, walking by the park with the boyfriend, attending your niece's first birthday party. it made me feel like a normal person. it made me feel whole. haha..the once void space in me has been filled temporarily; and it has once again subsided, filled again with this emptiness while i yearn for another trip back :)

there wasnt enough time *there was never enough time* and i didnt get to see some of the people dearest to me. i am truly sorry of the time constraints and the gepgraphical issue that is hovering over me.

sorry to friends yg i tak sempat jumpe. :( but i definitely miss you guys :)

nak balik dah tak sabar ni

BALIK KAMPUNGGGG

WO WO WO

BALIK KAMPUNGGGG

WO WO WO

BALIK KAMPUNGGG

HATI GIRANGGGGG

futsal drama

and so, off i went to the futsal court brimming with energy.

well, i did what i did the prior week, warming up and all. and poof, 15 minutes in the court i was struck with insufferable muscle cramp that i had to spend the remaining time watching my friends play instead :( ni nak balik rumah ni nak pegi jalan2 macamane..aiyoh. menyusahkan betul.

lesson learned. warm up and stretching betul2. nanti nak jalan pun susah.

in remembrance of the past

i can still remember vividly of my house in subang. how my room looked like, felt like. i remember the spacious kitchen. i remember the living room. i remember the view i'd see out of the window from my room. i remember how it feels like when you sit outside the patio for tea.

it feels like home.

i remember my room when i was studying in university. i remember how the halls at the kulliyah looks like, every nooks and corner of kaed. i remember the feeling of having friends just by yourside. i remember the giddiness of making plans with friends to go out after class. i remember packing for study trips and having a blast working on-site. i remember presenting during final presentation and getting praises for it.

it feels like anything is possible. it feels like the world is in your hands.

what do i do with all these feelings that i yearn to feel again. life that waits for no one. it moves without warning and leaves you dumbfounded over what-ifs and would be possibilities that you were just to cowardly to take.

i am not sorry of where my course of life has gotten me. but i am sorry that i can never feel those moments again.

the void sense of belonging

sometimes it saddens me. not having a sense of belonging anywhere. its not the issue of places. it concerns with the internal conflicts in which i have to battle within myself.

i always have this sense of detachment. like i dont belong anywhere. i try to become someone people will remember, but by the end of the day, i am only someone who has made an impression but never really leaves a mark. that is sad. people will say, "yeah, i know syaza", but do they really consider me as their friend?

it's sad, that even the most grounded thing you think is yours will never really be yours. because by the end of the day, it will leave you.

energizer bunny i am, she says

my boss referred to me as an atomic molecule that could not sit still.

well, she is right.

i do have a hard time sitting still. when taking pictures, as you wait for the camera to load, i could not sit still hence why some pictures are blurry because i would be moving, or shaking my legs (therefore, if you want to take pictures with me, better make sure your camera cepat tangkap gambar.hahaha)

it was worse when i was hooked on coffee back when i was in 3rd year. everytime before BAHASA MALAYSIA LANJUTAN class, i would buy a cup of mocha blended because the subject was damn dreary, it was slotted at 2.30, and it was the perfect class for you to fall asleep, except i could not because my seat is right in front of the lecturer. hence the need for mocha, it did keep me awake throughout the class, but i stopped as soon as i realized i couldnt stop shaking my legs as i sat in the lrt, months after taking it on a daily basis.

i would probably be the worse person to be in a meeting because i get bored easily, and sitting for long hours just itches me to walk about and move around. which is why i annoy the person next to me because i would be clicking my pen, moving my chair, shaking my legs and doing every imaginable thing i could to keep moving and not sit still.

i am always amazed by the fact that some people have the discipline to sit still for hours. they can even fall asleep while they're sitting upright. its probably one of the things that tops the list of things that amazes me, just like how people can actually enjoy eating vegetable.

so i would really appreciate some suggestions that can make me be an effective employee during long, dry and dreary meetings. hahaha

lost and will never be found again

walking away from something you've hold on to for so long is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.

worse..walking away from someone.

what if he is my kismet? what if he is meant for me after all, despite all the crappy things that ensue.

what if i will never find someone like him?

am i putting myself as an easy target by professing my fears and sadness out in the open like this? am i considered as a loser for pining for someone/something that i know will not work out?

what if this is the only chance i get to experience love.

peristiwa memalukan di kluang

i've got many embarassing moments that i do not wish to erase, because looking back, it was bloody funny and made my life a little bit colourful. of course, after the account of the incident, you'll have to endure weeks of being the subject of the joke, but then again, it really made the moment, or trip, something you remember till the end.

now. this one particular moment is one of those excrutiatingly embarassing moment that i'll just keep quiet for now and relive it years later.



now tell me, what does this picture tells you?
a) mak guard nak saya rekomen barang mekap ape saya pakai sampai nak selongkar beg sebab muka saya jelita sgt?
b) die nak tgk perfume ape saya pakai sebab beg wangi sangat, sebab baru tadi perfume tumpah kat beg
c) beg digeledah sebab disyaki mencuri barang sebab ketika melangkah keluar detector berbunyi dan amat memalukan sampai semua pandang ingat aku ni pencuri yg sgt hina

haha..itulah die. kawan2 yg lain hanya mampu pandang helplessly semasa beg digeledah kerana muke mereka pun terkejut campur nak gelak sampai golek2.

well, turns out the clear mascara i bought at WATSON, KLCC still had it's tag on, and the detector at KLUANG PARADE detected it. so, although had to endure the embarassment of going to the counter to take out the tag, it somehow managed to make me the joke of the century. all it took was 10 minutes. 10 damn minutes to make the joke of the office for about 5 months or more.

haha. wished i was actually a shoplifter. NOW THAT WOULD MAKE IT EVEN MORE INTERESTING. dari muke pucat dan gelabah macam kene kantoi. :)

KLUANG TOAST AND KOPI AIS IS THE BEST!

the weekend trip to Kluang was a great trip. with the sole purpose of going to the original kluang station kopitiam for breakfast, the 8 of us woke up extra early (earlier than we normally would kalau nak pegi keje).

sampai sanggup tak makan ape2 semata2 nak makan breakfast kat situ. and i have to tell you, it was worth the wait. :)

i somehow felt like being in a schooltrip to kluang, because most of us were suddenly all kids again, excited to take the train, wearing backpacks and taking pictures non-stop.

tunggu train tangkap gambar, nak naik train tangkap gambar, atas train tangkap gambar, train berenti kat kulai and kempas tangkap gambar, abg ktm check tiket tangkap gambar, turun train tangkap gambar, nak pegi kopitiam tangkap gambar, eh..semua la tangkap gambar.

the breakfast was definitely worth the trip. the toast was to-die-for. the kopi ais was heavenly (no wonder almarhum sultan johor loved the coffee here), reminds me of Hai Peng in Terengganu *now that's another must-visit place for coffe lovers.. and the price was enough to make us swoon with happiness (nasi lemak 70 sen mane nak dapat kat kl?).

pictures will be available on facebook. for now, enjoy snippets of the trip from my humble handphone camera :)


ni sape nak pegi, sila-lah tgk die punye opening hours :)


the famouse kluang station kopitiam! *pernah masuk tv3 ni


seorang budak sekolah sesat di kluang ditinggalkan cikgu yg sebok amik gambar kat train stesen



the famous kopi ais, nasi lemak 70 sen, roti bakar yg sedap sampai boleh dapat heart attack sebab sedap sgt

updates. of my not-so-cool life.

oh god. what a week. a sudden change in the organization chart and my whole world turns upside down.

updates:
1. celebrated Joe's birthday at TGIF with kak yan kat johor (yay! the one and only friday's here); and i was introduced to the delicious snicker's treat.

as it was still during the mourning period of the demise of Sultan Johor, i thought the rule of wearing white tudung was only applicable during office hours; when much to my horror, i entered the restaurant with almost all occupants staring at me for wearing a bright blue tudung instead.

2.Ida and sobho got married. Finally.

it coincides with the date of the CPTDT (Can Plan This Damn Trip, for those who might not be familiar with this term, it's an annual thing me and my girlfriends do each year when kuhaz and sue got back from oz, last year we went to melaka)

since cptdt did not agree with everyone's schedule, we planned to have it a one day; well, though it didn't turn out the way we wanted it, i was very much glad to be given one day to spend it with my friends.

3. a sudden wave of workloads has seen me spending nights at the office. only this time it wasn't as much fun as AJM before. dah la memang takde life, tambah lagi keje sekarang duduk kat ofis. memang bertambah jadi loser la aku ni.

4. due to my lacking in social relationships with other people, i've decided to join the office's weekly futsal game. maybe i could at least get to know other people aside from my office mates.

5. my officemates have planned a trip to kluang, which the plan was to take a train to the kluang station from JB, have breakfast at the famous original kluang station kopitiam, and then take a train ride back to JB. *serious takde keje giler, memandangkan trip sehala adalah 2 jam*

Johor has a certain smell

Johor has this certain peculiar smell, a strong smell that reminds me of the time when i was strolling at near the motel we stayed in India. Ika said its the smell of cinnamon and some other god knows what tree.

funny how it has become the smell im accustomed to when im away from home.

twitter account baru bukak :)

i have a twitter account! finally..

i still dont see what's the hype all about, but it's still too early to tell.

so please, add me and banyakkan followers i, haha..cewah..and i boleh add you jugakkkk :)

syazazubir tauuuuuu

ungrateful much?

i heard on the radio that there are almost 900,000 unemployed people out there..

am i being ungrateful?? (shut up, i can see you nodding your head..)

well, the safest excuse i can give you is that life is never easy for anyone.. *smirks

if it will make you feel better, i am starting to accept my life here..(YAY..A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR SYAZA!) rasa macam baru je admit i was a smoker in smokers anonymous.

i was not in denial. i was just being...well..me.. a little drama on the side doesnt hurt does it?

Mastersssssss

so, ive managed to somehow get a second opinion regarding my plans to further my studies, and all im getting is "GO FOR IT!!" with two thumbs up from each persons.

ive finally found the course that somehow seemed to look like it's tailor-made for me, CEWAAAHHH.. its MASTERS IN SCIENCE CONSERVATION AND HERITAGE MANAGEMENT... haha because it complements my degree and points me to the right direction of being involved in the conservation field (YES!)

nak tau kat mane it's offered? UiTM! yayyyy!!! sebab it's in shah alam, and god knows i've had enough being a orang di perantauan.

but when i called to ask about the application and such, adoiiii.. it turns out the course is only offered once a year, and the next intake would be in December...NOOOOOO..But if there is any consolation in that, i think im still eligible to apply for the mini bajet for masters, because it says that orang yg nak apply kene belajat year 2009 and 2010. so kalau december 2010 pun, still december kannn..

tapi..ape ape pun, this means i actually have to spend a YEAR in Gelang Patah.. :(

takpelah..at least when i leave, ill have a one year work experience, and maybe i'll be able to save up a little (quite impossible given the pathetic salary im earning right now, but what the hell la kan).

calamari hanyalah sotong tepung goreng

betul tak ape claim di atas?

im doing the reimbursable claims of one of the consultants in Puteri Harbour when i came across a receipt of their meal, they ate a plate of calamari that costs a bomb, so i figured it must be a swanky restaurant. alah..pegi pendas dapat less than RM 10 for one plate, lagi murah, banyak plak tu.

yesterday as i was battling with self-doubt over my future, Li ann, my second boss came over. it was like kismet, there i was wallowing in depression over working here, and suddenly she came over for a chat. after the motivational talk about how working here is not so bad, and you'll get the hang of it in time, she said "remember, project management is not rocket science, it's common sense". so im wondering i must be quite a senseless person for finding it tedious and hard. but it is tedious; well, its not the work that's bothering me boss...i left out the people factor.

however, right after the chat, i was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of optimism; i find that it is not that difficult, and when i was actually enjoying doing my job, i was in quite a good mood, never mind the bitchiness of other people. it just failed to spoil my mood that day.

oh god. the wonders of a small pep talk from a superior to her young 'uns.

so today, i am actually okay, and im not even moping,..yet.haha, which is quite the improvement from yesterday. :)

torn and completely unhappy :(

i am fearing for my mental health, because as i woke up this morning, i realized that i was talking to myself in the mirror and im pretty sure my reflection replied me back.

this deteriorating state of my mental health is the contribution of prolonged stress due to lack of social life and job satisfaction which i am currently facing. so i woke up this morning, aside from dreading to go to work (which is a normal routine) i also realized what i want to do.

i am going to take my masters..haha..in what? wait for it..wait for it...MASTERS IN ARTS MAJORING IN CIVILISATIONAL STUDIES!!! how cool is that???

i mean, ive always loved history. if i had astro, my favourite channels would be the history channel, national geographic and discovery channel. *yes, im a geek..i just dont see the appeal of watching mtv and channel v 24/7. please dont get me wrong, remember, i told you, im a geek. i even knew about the history of nasi kandar dammit.

im not really sure of the career prosepect though because i am a hardcore daydreamer and dreamed of becoming an activist in conservation of some sort. most likely working with UNESCO. haih..but we all know that masters basically means that u'll be a lecturer, with a charity gig at the side.but i have yet to know if there is any

but the only thing that is bugging me is my responsibility to my parents. earning a decent living so that i can repay them back. in any way i can, make them comfortable, taking them to umrahs and hajjs, providing the best special education for my sisters, and many more, which i am thinking right now can only be achieved if i am here, in this shitty corporate state of mine.

im torn. that's what i am. my dad said i should go for it, do not let my dreams get away, but i cried when i think about the epf money we have to spend if i do continue, it was meant for the purchasing of our own house dammit. i searched the internet for the said budget for postgrad studies but that was in bajet mini 2009. im not so sure of bajet 2010. :(

any suggestions or advice that might help me out of this glitch perhaps?this could be a ticket out of my misery here in Puteri Harbour! :D

lesson number one: people are not like how they seem

im a people person. i like mingling and making friends. but when i am faced with a situation that belies me from making friends, it actually took a strip of happiness away from me. i drew my strength from my close circle of friends and faliq. now that they are away, i feel a little lost.

reading friends catching up with each other makes me envious of the time and distance that betrays my needs. i am facing one of the most tumultous period of my life. it reminds me of the time when i moved to bangi from subang. lost and completely confused. but it was heavily cushioned by fact that i have my family with me. now i dont.

im feeling a little jealous and hurt. being shut out so soon is actually a painful feeling. just because of make-up stories, gossip and things that might make me a little different than you doesnt mean im a bad person. im hurt that you deem me unworthy to be a part of your "circle of friends". i didnt even do anything to you.

i came here because of the sole purpose of gaining experience in one of the largest companies in Malaysia. i didnt come here to make enemies. which is not even from my doing! (a cafe worker got pissed because she mistaken me for my friend who she thought was rude to her, and boom! the story was all about NUSAJAYA how "rude" i was , when it wasnt even me who asked for the bloody spoon from her)

yeah, it is actually pretty stupid. people judge you because of a spoon, but then, that is how people are. they judge. they make remarks that hurts you, they treat you like crap because they think you're not good enough to be a part of the crowd.

thanks nusajaya. you just made my day.

stick and stones might break my bones, but it will never break my spirit.

boat ride

went on a boat trip a few weeks back. but unable to publish anything for fear it mught cause some ripple in the working place. *dont ask, this is office politics for you

but then realized that this is my blog, and i can damn well put anything i want, as long as i dont put anything provocatice enough to make me being put unde ISA or the seditions act stuff.

the boat ride was a pleasant one, followed by lunch at a fisherman's village. the food was good, but im actually tired of eating seafood and steamboat every other week; yes yes, because joe likes to belanja me seafood almost twice a month. hahah..not that im complaining, free food man, but then, sometimes you just need a change of scenery, but you just do not have the heart to tell him so; because he is joe, one of the nicest guy ive ever known :)

but the pictures are not of me and joe and kak yan, but it is of me and ima (my housemate) and several others which were not in the pictures :)

nak kete jugakkkkk

woke up late today but managed to get ready within 15 minutes before my housemate leaves for work. *groaning because i have yet to have a car; but am actually looking forward to the end of the month so that i'll get my third month's payslip and can process the loan for my carrrrrr

heehee

somehow i've focused my entire energy into the "getting-the-car-soon" mood that im afraid ive made it into the solution to all my problems and unhappiness, which is not 100% true. i mean, yeah, im miserable because im still immobile; but then, i shouldnt wallow in too much of this negative attitude because i think im beginning to see the effect on my health as well as my life.

yeah maybe when i will get my car eventually, i will be able to solve 50% of my problems, but new ones will definitely crop up in no time. hee haa.. petrol lagi, tol nak balik kl, nak service and maintenance cost. ingat murah ke??

tapi, bile dah ade kete, okay la sikit. definitely maybe :) anyways, when i do have my car, please do come and visit me in johor so i can take you places :) and faliq will be able to come down too :D

p/s: tapi kene sewa bilik hotel la, maklumlah, bilik i kecik macam tahap storage punye tempat, nak himpit ramai2 memang tak muat. hahaha...budget hotels are aplenty here, so no worries, and then we can go to singapore!!!!

toilet drama

i hate sharing toilets. meaning, if i am in the toilet, a public toilet, mind you, i would prefer it very much to be alone. i know, i know, defeat the purpose of why they even call it a public toilet when other people are refrained from using the rest of the free cubicles, but i really dont like it when they're there while im doing my business. get me?

now i know why japan invented toilets with music at the toilet stool. such a revolutionary invention is direly needed here. :(

ade jugak resolution

encounters with people who are beyond rude and incredibly narrow-minded puts you off the mood of celebrating new year. however, it leads to a new revelation in which i have finally decided to go on with having a resolution for 2010.

TA-DA:

1.I will not let people who are the scums of the planet (in my opinion, orang macam ni memang pangkat lagi bawah dari kampung, ntah2 orang kampung pun lagi BAGUS dari diorang) ruin my day / my mood. simply because they are not worth the grief and anger at all.

2. i will be grateful with EVERYTHING i have and not be so pessimistic about EVERYTHING because that is just toxic, especially when im in the position where im supposed to adapt, mind you, adapt, not change according to their ways (which is very much menyampah and degratory like i mentioned before)

3. i will be the best worker UEM Land has ever seen, and not be too consumed with facebook or any other websites; as well as not let the fact that being stuck in a place like this bring me down; simply because the working experience is extremely important, moreover with the most famous upcoming waterfront development in Malaysia.

4. I will not forget who i am, what my values are, and what i hold on to and belief even when i mingle with a set if new people

5. start having a life, and do whatever i want. e.g. dancing class ke, sign language class ke, marathon sampai singapore ke, wth. just go for it and tak payah tunggu orang lain

there, ive said it. lega sikit rase. macam major unloading took place. anyways, yeah, the resolution was more about finding myself, and staying true to myself. refusing to let people treat me as they like, its hard to earn respect, but before you do that, you have to respect yourself. i will not let myself sallowing into depression just because some cafe worker is constantly rude to me, because they are just not worth the anger.


so, have a break, have a godiva :)

new year is inching near, and i feel old already. god. im going to be 24 :(

joe bought me a box of kurma from oman, and the minute i saw i the box, aww..its bateel la..that's so nice of him.

tonight puteri harbour is having a new year's eve party, which i think is kinda lame since we all have to got to work the next day (yes, johor tak cuti new year); but then, since u get to eat free food, why not right?

ive somehow ditched any plans of making resolutions because i believe it is a total crap. i 've never managed to fulfill all, and along the way, even forgot the list of the many resolutions. *yelah, tulis nak sampai berbelas2, lepas tu bodoh2 plak, lepas tu bende same je every year, since last year tak dapat accomplish, carry forward to the next year.

resolutions are for suckers. u dont need resolutions to change your life. you need YOU to change it.

happy new year people. dont party too hard, sebab nanti i jealous. boo johor.

a piece of advise from me to you.

do not let tv rule your life.

"malas la nak keluar, malam ni ade csi"; "i bole keluar lepas pukul 1.30 je, sebab melodi pukul 1"; oh god, please, get me an ubat sakit kepala pronto man.

sekarang ni penyakit dah berjangkit dkt aku plak; joe and kak yan invited me out for dinner, and im actually contemplating because at 8.30 tonight ade citer korea boys over flowers. wtf la syaza.

i mean seriously guys, we have let our lives to revolve around the television a wee bit too much. yeah i get it that if you miss the show you'll miss it forever, but oi, ade re-runs kan? maybe not as soon as you might want it to be, maybe 3 months later or something, but hey, the point is here, we really should not hinder our social lives to be what it is now, when we actually had the opportunity to have fun, meet new people and interact just because we're afraid to leave that one episode. so please do not give me that crap that you're single lah, takde bf lah, gelabah nak kawen tapi takde calon-lah because you're not doing anything about it! the damn tv is not going to introduce you to a new set of friends! you have to do it yourself man.

life is just too short to wait for the tv show to end. get out there and enjoy life while you're still at it! and dont give us the sad excuse there's no one out there. that is just plain lazy and lame.

induction program

yesterday we had an induction program for trainees, and for the first time, no, actually, the second time, i get to meet the other trainees in UEM Land. this is not an easy feat you see, because Puteri Harbour is located at the very tip of Nusajaya, therefore all contacts with others staffs of UEML is minimal. which results to me, and zarina, having little contacts with the other trainees. and by the time we went for the induction course, which was 2 months after our appointment, the others have already formed their own cliques and circles. *sad case betul la. somehow it felt like going back to school all over again, like you're sitting in a class, while a lecturer talks in the front, but i never managed to kick off the habit of sleeping in the class, because i slept during the induction too! hahahaha.. which resulted to my arms being bruised due to ima's pinching in an attempt to wake me up :p

but nevertheless, the induction program was somehow an eye opening experience for me. now im beginning to take things seriously, because i realize that i am blessed to be given the opportunity to work here. even though the gaji is shitty la kan~ its the experience that counts right?rightttttt

so came to the office and found this on my table, given by my boss, li ann, who is on leave today because of christmas eve.


im going back today, somehow the excitement has worn off a bit. *sigh* merry christmas everyone

dah ready ke belum

an old schoolmate just got married. pondering on how life has been lately, cant help feeling a bit old. hahaha..god, im only 23 for god's sake. well, 24 this coming new year. :)

im thinking of whether im ready to get married, therefore i've devised a checklist to see if im ready to get married:

1. cooking - so far i've only done fryings, does that count? i can fry onion rings, nuggets, eggs, etc. owh, and i once cooked a veggie dish (although i dont eat them, nina taught me how, in case my future husband wants to eat veggies, which i assume he would because any normal people except for myself eats veggies) > check

2. taking care of kids - i've been an okay aunt to my nephews and nieces, only that i get really disgusted by their poo > check

3. having a stable job - okay, im only a trainee right now, so..i'll have to pass off this one

4. able to shop, even after you've bought things for your kids (which is very expensive because a maclaren buggy costs RM 1k)- DEFINITELY NO! i cant even afford to shop that much for myself! with this ounce of money im making right now!

5. savings of 30k and above for the wedding reception - unfortunately for us, malays, we like to have a very lavish wedding reception and invite thousands of guests we didnt even know; because, that is just the custom. (okay, im exaggerating, our parents like to invite ALL OF OUR RELATIVES, and people we've never met before, but they have) > *sigh, savings sendiri pun tak cukup lagi

only 2 out of 5..so far..ill include more later so that ill have the majority win.hahaha..

avatar. great movie. no doubt about it.

i watched avatar twice in a span of two days. it's a great movie, though with a very cliched storyline, it kept you glued to the screen for 3 hours straight. at the end of the movie, i left the theater totally smitten by the guy called jake sully, wheelchairs,blue skinned, naked body and all.

the storyline though, posed a lot of questions to me, particularly how it publicly mocks consumers today, which it depicts how we couldn't care less for the environment as long as we get that damn unobtanium at any cost. unobtanium = our needs, a.k.a petrol, or energy, or anything that is detrimental to the environment.

another thing is the 'white man's guilt' storyline, like this one viewer said. the typical white man oppresion over indigenous group of people and how they destroy everything in their way in order to gain wealth, and alas, one of their own people (the white man) betrayed his own race and became the hero of this group of the oppressed. it shows how much they wish to rule and conquer from the inside as opposed to conquering the group as an outsider. the resemblance of the music and culture of the na'vis to indeginous africans is also just 'purely' a coincidence right?

sometimes a movie isnt just a movie. it is the mirror of what the world is. sometimes it is so true that you wished you wouldnt have thought so hard about the damn meaning and just enjoy the movie.

utm

ive been here for 3 days now. UTM. the first thing that comes into the picture was the size of this place. its twice as big as IIUM. it seems like the sort-of-university you've always dreamed about, they've got greens, a park, and even a stable of horses for their equestrian club.

students here are basically fitness freaks who jogs every evening, and plays sports. they dont have curfews and they can wear whatever the hell they want. hahaha..i sound like a jealous bitch. but then when you were a student of IIUM, it makes you envious of the liberal rules of other universities. IIUM kannn..naik motor dengan lelaki pun kene saman. islamic la katakan. tapi bile orang ofis tak efisien, tak buat keje betul2, tak de kene ape2 plak. tu bukan tak islamic ke tu?buat keje sambil lewa?..dah la..malas nak bukak balik pekung di dada (cewahhh..ah pandai gune bm punye proverbs)

*sigh..

anyways, my utm vacations was a fun one :)

the picture was taken when ika took me to the observatory tower in utm (they've an observatory tower for god's sakes!)

a slow number today

a slow day after a tiring day yesterday. missing the student's life i once had. reminiscing the past could sometimes make me feel sad, friends, and love, both lost and found, and the ones that remains, will always have their place in my heart. :)

cuti awal muharram saya buat ape.

yesterday, ika took me to places that i should visit in johor in order to eradicate my depression about being stuck in here, particularly gelang patah.

okay, we didnt go jalan2 in gelang patah, nak tgk ape kat gelang patah. takde ape2 okayyy... we went shoppinggggggg!! and haha..i didnt know that johor is haven for cheap but really cool items :D and i had the chance to see the new ciqp which was linked to the city square mall, it almost looks like kl sentral, only smaller. but hopefully the plan to link malaysia and singapore with the MRT / Komunter / what-have-you will be completed soon, because i WANT TO GO TO SINGAPORE!..kesian kan tak pegi2 lagi?

we wanted to watch avatar, but alas, we found out that the cinema was closed in respect of awal muharram (johor ni islamic jugak, new year pun tak cuti okayy). and it will only be opened at 6.30. so imagine the crowd that was assembling in front of the cinema at 6. it was massive! it almost turned into a stampede when the cinema doors were opened. but luckily, due to ika's quick action of selit2 (i was already sandwiched by giant guys all around), we managed to get the first show of avatar of the day :) and i have to tell you, the movie was worth the sandwiching between sweaty,smelly guys. :)

Later that night we went for dinner at this place they call atas pokok, because of its concept a'la dining in a tree house. and got pick up buy a guy. :D ahahaha. the day ended with a stroll along the fun fair at the danga bay, and we went on the huge carousel taking stupid pictures and laughed till our stomach hurts. the place felt like it needs a bit tweaking here and there, but poses great potential to be a really fun place. shame about the poor maintenance and lack of exuberance though.

thank you ika. it gave me GREAT COMFORT in knowing that johor is not that bad after all.

p/s: all the pictures we took was deleted by a stupid virus on ika's memory stick. f***k

nak spokang tapi tak terer

suddenly i came to a realization that i am becoming more and more 'bodoh english' by the day. words don't come out naturally as it should before, its getting more difficult to remember the correct words and terms associated with anything i had in mind at the moment, and i am not so conversant in english anymore. what the hell happened?

adoi..kalau nak speaking kat sini karang kene sepak ke ape, orang ingat, "eh, bajet habisss", newspaper pun sekarang susah nak dapat. maybe i shud just stick to reading books, but i really dont have any spare cash for books, and they're effing expensive! (eleh, for baju ade la plak spare cash kannn).

rase sedih pulak bile fikir pasal ni :'(

dulu bukan main lagi kutuk orang yg tak reti cakap english.sekarang, HAH! rasekan!

berebut lelaki

watched a video of two girls in a brawl over a guy. OVER A GUY. apekah? takde keje lain ke ape? do you know who they should give their flying kicks to instead of to each other? to that particular GUY! gaduh sampai tergolek2 kat lantai mall, tak malu ke ape. lelaki setan tu pegi mane plak? takkan terus lari kot. nampak sgt memang tak boleh pakai.

girls, im not being a miss smarty pants here, all im saying is, its not worth the fight la. i once had a bf who cheated on me with a girl 4 years younger..when i found out, of course i felt like it was a slap in the face? was i showing signs of aging already? we were both 17 FOR GOD'S SAKE! but i did what i had to do. rid him off the system and just walk out. it wasnt easy, but i did it. and he couldnt accept the fact that i left, i think he was expecting a fight to ensue, but sorry..
hahaha..ive got an exam coming up (SPM la mase tu). bile dah ade toxic dalam diri, takkan nak simpan kan?

so, laydieess, please, dont stoop down to their level. you're better than this. there will always be someone out there for you. if it doesnt work out, then let us just leave it that way. is he someone worth fighting for? when he had the cheek to cheat on you, AND expect you to fight for HIM? BANYAK CANTEK DIE.

empty bird nest tak pernah wujud

no matter how old you are, when you are in the company of your parenst, all your troubles just sort of sort itself out. they have this amazing ability to make you feel safe as soon as you step into the house, ade hutang keliling pinggang ke, sakit sampai tak boleh berjalan ke, kelaparan sebab takde duit ke, balik je rumah, mesti terus elok balik.

i went home unexpectedly due to an emergency case, and as soon as i boarded the bus, i was overcome with a sense of relief that 3 hours later i will meet my parents, and everything will be okay. i didnt feel so alone as i did an hour earlier.

tapi kadang2 diri ni manja sgt pun. sampai semua bende pun nak suruh ayah ibu buat. isi borang bank ayah buat, goreng makanan ibu buat, jahit button ayah buat, tak ke mengade tu? elok jugak i duduk kat gelang patah ni, belajar sikit macamane nak be independent. takdelah macam penyegan sgt (penyegan is a term for pemalas in northern accent).

but then again, i dont really get people who could go on for years without coming home once in awhile. yeah, i get that you're busy and all, but it wouldnt hurt to spare a weekend to go home every 4 months or so. ive got a few friends who could go on for months without coming home. although i find that pretty hebat, its actually quite sad too that you've disengaged yourself from home. *sigh, owh well, i am after all my parent's anak manja.

JOHOR DAH OKAYLAH

weekend was an utterly exhausting affair; shopping for groceries and a pair of platforms and a cardigan in between :)AND PEOPLE, PLEASE, AVOID J CARD DAY ANYTIME POSSIBLE, BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY CAN GET A BIT CRAAAZZZYYY.

i went to an Indian wedding yesterday night. well, i must say, indian weddings are a lavish event brimmed with colours and glitters everywhere. how everyone came and put on their best saris was a scene one wouldnt want to miss. and the music! oh god, it certainly lifts up and make u want to go on the dancefloor and dance some bhangra :D (forgive me of my limited knowledge of indian cultures and dances)


life in johor has finally caught up with me. just a while ago i was whining about missing home so much, and the weekend turned out to be quite likeable.

and this weekend im going for a paintball match with my colleagues.

Have a GREEN Christmas everyone :)

im not going to kid myself anymore

who am i trying to kid? God? putting up pictures of forced smile with a backdrop of a gorgeous waterfront does not mean im a happy girl.

Im not happy. i miss my family, my other half and my friends terribly. at the same time, there are these dark, negative thoughts shrouding my already weak mind like a person given anaesthatic, telling me to go home. sometimes i cursed myself for being too weak. stupid. stupid. stupid.

missing dinners, dates, and get-togethers have somehow become a norm. this is not how i pictured this phase of my life to be. but then again, life always take you by surprise. and a hell-lot of a surprise it was.

the only silver lining i could think of was, the limited time spent became unforgettable moments. breathing in the familiarity, watching your family while they watch the tv, unable to wipe off the grin on your face as you come face to face with your love is....well..it makes you appreciate the good things in your life more.

i think ive been in this stagnated position far too long. drowning in my own misery and wallowing in self-pity is not going to get me anywhere. it's time i take the wheels and push back all these emotions aside, for awhile as i fight for what i've always dreamed about. im not in high school or university anymore. this is REAL.

gambar di tempat keje dan semasa site visit

them. i miss

i miss my sisters. :(

Jacob black saya punya

oh my god...i can't believe jacob can be soooo HOTTTTT...and his hot body is to DIE FOR...

did you think it was easy trying to look uninterested when a full-blown adonis is displayed on the large screen because faliq was looking really uncomfortable as i showed signs of swooning due to extreme hotness of jacob black.

GOD! THESE DAMN HOLLYWOOD MOVIES BOLEH MENDATANGKAN KEMUDARATAN PADA ORANG RAMAI!

YAY!!!

walaupun gaji pangkat pencacai, but it's still my first paycheck!! (disregarding the paychecks i got from AJM :P )

Al Fatihah for izu's dad

condolences and al-fatihah for my dearest friend and one of the best roomates ive ever had, Izu; her father has just passed away this evening at 2pm.

right now i hate being here because i cant be there for her. i hope she will be okay.

a short trip that kept me sane :)

a walk by the beach will certainly loosen some of those tensed muscles of yours :)


this is the cardigan im dying to get but at the moment "no money" kicks in and i wished i couldve just shoplifted it....>.<

last weekend i followed my housemate back to her hometown in PD as a quick excuse to get away from Johor.

i know i know..my workload hevent even piled up and yet im complaining..but hey, you're not the one stuck at the end of the peninsular with no form of entertainment execept for a few lousy singaporean channels.

so i'll say this, the trip did me good, and i came back to work energized and ready to boom it all out. im going to have to start finding a new hobby as so to keep
my emotional health in check.

p/s:we didnt get to take a dip in the laut because it rained, so the best we had was a walk by the beach. pictures will be uploaded later in facebook. :)

a fruitful day it was yesterday

me in the corporate uniform of UEM Land. rase macam pekerja kilang pun ade :P

God! Yesterday was an utterly exhausting day! But im quite excited now that my work pace has finally increased a little as compared to before. Before lunch, we had a signing ceremony between UEM Land Berhad and UM Land regarding the Sales & Purchase agreement for a commercial building here. And right after the ceremony there was a meeting between the consultants and the CEO of UEM Land regarding the CS4-1; a mixed use development that will implement green building technology. its a treasured experience I wouldn’t trade with anything else to be able to sit in a meeting with an international architecture firm (the name is HOK International, it’s one of the largest in the world I think); which takes the proposal slightly up the notch as compared to local architects along with the CEO of UEM Land. This is even confirmed by local architects themselves :) even though right now we’re only in the conceptual design stage, it is indeed a new learning experience for me to understand the built environment industry better.

p/s: I keep seeing the motivation that could drive me towards achieve my goal, but i have yet to know the way around to it.

stylish muslims

ive become increasingly fascinated with muslim fashion. actually this is not a new thing, ive started since i entered uia. well, if you must know, uia is the melting pot of various muslim fashion that looks great and modest. it might not look like what average malaysians would wear, but it does make a few heads turn. :)you see all these foreign students who are not afraid to wear whatever they like. outfits in various dazzling colours and styles, they even go for the layering look even though its 30 degrees celcius! but nevertheless, ive always admired their sense of style, some might oppose to it, saying they look plain ridiculous, but i think its all about confidence, and knowing you look good :)

recently i encountered this blog, caribmuslimah.wordpress.com. it gave me great insights on how to look cool without compromising your religious requirements :) maybe i should work on fine tuning my dressing style..hahaha

another day kat puteri harbour

today a big ship is parked at the marina. it belongs to TMJ. (Tunku Mahkota Johor). the name of the ship is Aminah, after one of his daughters. i think. and every once in a while the ship will blow its horn/bunyi honk yg kapal bunyik tuh, shocking the lives out of us here.

warna ship tu biru..macam a luxurious ship, unlike the other boats parked here. other boats paled in comparison to this particular ship.ship ni macam bukan jenis "orang travel the whole world with this ship" that depicts the hardships of having to go through the treacherous sea and bla bla, its more like a "im rich and im on a private cruise to majorca, and ade orang yg bawakkkan this ship".

so bile ship ni park kat sini, die macam out of place sikit. sebab harbour ni macam untuk orang yg jenis redah aje, tak main class2 ni..tapi takpelah..die ade kat sini macam style la jugak kan..

seronok dapat pulang sebentar

went back last weekend and it was awesome! i think it is true. that when you are away from the ones that you love, you will appreciate them more. like how i went back early after an outing with my besties just so i can spend some time with my family. *which i never did if i go out with my friends before i moved*

relishing all those moments, even if it is just for a short breakfast makes the 5-hours trip back home worthwhile :)

LAGU DAN ORANG DAN TEMPAT

when i listen to......, it reminds me of......:

1. angus and julia stone (just a boy) - sue
2. chevelle songs - radhi
3. Bob Sinclair (World Hold On) - nina
5. Radiohead (No surprises) - Japan
6. Estelle (American Boy) - Faliq
7. Lady Gaga (Poker Face) - Mizi
8. Arctic Monkeys (Fluorescent Adolescent) - Kori
9. Batmobile (its the ringtone for my smses) - Kuhaz
10. Spongebob Squarepants theme song - my family, because i always watch spongebob when im at home :(
11. Coldplay (Amsterdam) - when i was doing my practical in Kelana Jaya

there..this will actually fill my time while i wait for the office hours to end and i can go home :D

homecoming plans will be put off for now

my sisters thought that i am on a road trip or a program. they didnt know i will be staying here for a long time. when they asked me when im coming home, i cried after putting down the phone. maybe because deep inside i realized i am in a state of denial. i kept thinking that this is only a temporary post. im out of here sooner or later.

having to rebuild my life from scratch, meeting new people, and having to get used to being alone most of the time can actually take a toll on your self-esteem. i need a booster. im really starting to get annoyed with the frequent mentions of my ex. but im going to have to suck it up for now. after all, im barely two weeks old here.

its funny how this has always been what i wanted, i.e. getting a job in a MNC, moving to a new place to acquire new experiences, and now that i've got it, the only thing on my mind is home.

what is cinta and love?

how can you define cinta in English? the greatest love maybe? if sayang has already encompass love, then cinta is a totally different level of love.

people dont go around saying "saya cinta awak" or "baby, i cintakan you"; well, except for maybe in malay dramas (because dah name drama pun, so overly dramatic is their niche)

people say,"i sayang you", or "saya sayang awak".

i guess cinta is reserved for the only one who deserves it. our greatest love of all. our Creator. "saya cintakan Allah", that's what people would say. because to sum up the feeling of love for Him is well, impossible.

cant wait for friday :)

facebook has been blocked by my company..whattttt...anyways, i am sooo looking forward to friday, because ika will pick me up and we'll have a sleepover at her room in UTM. and this weekend..FALIQ MIGHT BE COMING OVER, ALONG WITH NINA!

YAY! today i had such a big fat smile on my face that i didnt really care im actually stranded in a middle of nowhere called nusajaya. :D

but so far, working here is okay la. last saturday there was an event at the harbour, and i get to take pictures with Barney and Pingu :) owh, and not to forget, Yasmin Yusoff who was the emcee that day :) and later that night we had a live band performing and a bbq party along with the boaters and i had the chance to dance with them.

p/s:i bought tickets for raya haji already!hahaha..tak sabar giler nak balik, padahal lagi 3 minggu

housemates

these are two of my six housemates when i was in GEMS. i was exceptionally close to enard, the one with the cute bob, and nad. suddenly i miss them a lot; especially when i start to think about my current housemates. :( this picture was taken on the night when i was leaving GEMS. we cried till but still managed to put on a smile in front of the camera.

my housemates, ijat, tiqa, fara, zura, enard and nad; is an eccentric bunch of people, and i miss their eccentricities. :(

i wish them all the best. and hopefully they will acheive their goals and dreams.

my workplace

this is my cubicle. this is a usual view of it when it rains.
however, leaking roofs aside, my office is a really nice place to be at.the other two pictures are the sceneries of the office :)

whatever

When you left, you leave behind a trail of your so-called “legacy” and forgotten friends who still remember you. When I left, you made it sound to the whole world how cruel I was, without pointing the same finger to yourself.

All these while I was feeling guilty, waiting for the reckoning for whatever I did to you; well, it has finally subsided. I don’t need this anymore. Oh, and as for the job, I earned every right to be there, out of my own qualifications and effort. I certainly did not owe it to you. I am perfectly capable of achieving it on my own.
thank you very much

summary of life that moved too fast to savour

How can I sum up all the things that has happened in my life? I cant. Life moved as quick as a lightning with a burning desire to retain what I had, felt, or experienced; and yet I know the only way I can go now is forward.

My GEMS experience is one that I will never forget. I don’t regret joining the program because what I gained in return is much more rewarding than the prior desire to get the allowance allocated for us participants. I pushed myself to become more than I was before. I was more outgoing, expressive, and active. I participated in events I never knew I would, such as public speaking. I gained new knowledge and skills that will benefit me in the future, and last but not least, I gained good friends that I hope will last me a lifetime. The late-night mamak visits, karaoke, bowling during lunchtime, and even swimming with the four boys had given me memories that I will treasure for life.

And now im in Johor, under the YES trainee program for UEM Land. A big transition from the busy city life in KL to a new one in Johor, Gelang Patah to be exact. I have to admit that im not made of stone. I have only been here for 4 days, and I miss my home like crazy. The impending thought that I will remain here permanently almost exhaust my tears. But I know deep down is I have to do this for my family. For myself. To push myself to a new territory that I never know of before, to challenge myself. I can definitely do this.

Before I left, I was given the opportunity to enjoy the company of my friends. In GEMS, they held a small going-away party for bob and i. the geng larut malam even took me out for a last mamak visit for my favourite roti canai garing. I had the lala session with me ex-roomies and it was great catching up. And last but not least, my ring of friends that I will always treasure, mizi, nina and radhi, along with their respective partners, hahaha. The dinner at klcc was as casual as ever, as if it was not a goodbye, just a reassurance that things will always remain this way. Nothing will ever change. And the same goes to my relationship with faliq. Things will remain steadfast as ever.

On my first day, I received countless calls and sms-es from friends, families and the other haf asking how I was doing. Mizi, nina, shahir, zura, nad, ika, my parents, and my faliq. Thank you for your concerns. I love you guys.

p/s: two tutors (en. Ismail and Tuan Faiz) has told me that I will do well here in UEM. I should proof to them that they’re right, right?

my boyfriend the yakuza

this is faliq and i when we first started dating. notice how he looks clean and nice



this is faliq's look right now. mizi said he looks like a yakuza, seconded by sue.

public speaking is scary

yesterday was the preliminary round for public speaking. so..if you all must know, GEMS will be having their talent day competition this saturday. and guess what? i got to be one of three finalists for public speaking!!!!!!

omg, when i think of speaking in public, it gives me quivers that can cause me countless trips to the toilet. no need to elaborate on that, i think everyone knows what happened. it'd be an awful lie if i say that i was not happy. out of 11 very good speakers, i managed to become one the three enlisted to the finals :)

so thank you gems for boosting my self-confidence and improving my skill in speaking in the speaking in the public :) (macam promo ad je kan?)

this is really good

khairun got me this when she went to australia last month..hahaha..im laughing at the irony of it

sad of leaving

after being here for 3 weeks, im starting to get attached to this place. GEMS i mean. i think its the people. its quite refreshing to meet new people, and finally doing something after being cooped up for so long watching nothing but spongebob.

during my first few weeks, my roomate, tika, and i played bowling almost everyday (yes, we have a bowling area here), and i got a spare and a strike! tak percaya?tgk la score board nanti..(we bowled in our baju kurungs)

and my groupmates are a hell of a bunch. they're loud and its not hard to get attached to them. :)

ill be sad when the time comes for me to leave this place. :'(

afraid

im scared. im shitless scared. of moving to johor. what if i had a late night craving of roti canai? whose going to teman me to the mamak restaurant? and ika told me the mamak over there are bloody expensive. how am i supposed to counter this???how how how?

im scared because im uncertain. but at the same time, im excited. to proof myself. to proof that i am capable of anything. i am excited because this is one step to a dream ive always had.

but i there are a lot of things i'll miss. persons. and routines. and the familiarity. its scary how easily people are able to move on and get on with their lives.

last saturday, the night before my graduation, i spent the day with faliq. i cried as i think of the uncertainties ahead of me, it scares me that finally, i will be on my own.

last sunday was my graduation day. it signalled the end of my relationship with IIUM. the past few days was filled with a whirlwind of events that i didnt have time to reflect upon my life, especially on one of the biggest days of my life.

as i returned the robe yesterday, i couldnt help being overwhelmed with emotions, and held back my tears as i drove out of the university. it was somehow my sanctuary for 4 years, through thick and thin, it was one of the only unchanged force in my life. and here i was, feeling as if i was forced to evict this comfort zone of mine.

i saw how proud my parents were, their eldest daughter, finally finishing a phase of her life and about to embark on a new journey elsewhere. they went through the trouble to get me the perfect bouquet and bear. they made sure they had saved enough so that the whole family could take pictures together at the studio.

it wasnt just an ordinary day for me. it was a day i could finally put an end note to a chapter of my life, a day i made my dear parents proud, a day i became stronger.

dah jadi graduan betul2!!

I have officially graduated from IIUM!!! pictures will be uploaded later :)

tak payah cover2- cakap je la

when i was a kid, i used to think that jalan mati was a road where ada orang pernah mati. i remember being overly spooked when my two adult cousins took a wrong turning,and faced with a dead end. "eh, jalan mati", they said as they took a minute to reverse the car. the headlight was pointing towards a playground, and it was at night. i kept imagining someone getting shot at the very end of the road, and how did my cousins knew it was this particular road was completely amazing.

kids, they are so blunt, straighforward, and naive that even when you were being sarcastic, or probably have a different meaning than whatever you just said, ill give you a 100 bucks that they wont notice it.

maybe these are one of things we should learn from kids.

hendak pergi

the prospect of moving to johor is quite BESAR at the moment. suddenly i panicked, saddened and a whole lot of different feelings, mixed together that makes your stomach hurl and causes you to cry.

my mum was against the idea of me relocating, even though deep in her heart she knows that she cannot win this one, if so my rezeki is in johor, then so be it. but i will miss the life i will leave behind, but i will definitely look forward to a new one :)

the interview with UEM

well, what can i say? PUTERI HARBOUR WAS GORGEOUS! despite the almost non-exitent human presence in Nusajaya (alah, tempat tak habis develop lagi kan..) i have a feeling that it will turn out to be a beautiful place :)

singapore is only 400m away from puteri harbour, and it is their military exercise zone. okay..hopefully there will be no stray bombs coming our way..

i had to apply for a 3days leave from GEMS..(pumps fist in the air) seronok betul dapat cuti ni..hahahaha...

anyhoo, this interview will provide me with the biggest opportunity working with UEM.. >.< *sigh..

im 23!!!!!!

the day the registration for the GEMS programme, was my birthday. it felt like any other day, only this time it has a little bit of zest and cheer to it because you feel special.

i wished my camera didnt conked out, or i would've taken the picture of the cake my mum baked for me, complete a "happy birthday" icing. recieved calls and smses from friends and cousins, and not to mention the facebook wishes, that i could only access to 2 days after my birthday.

the day was completely filled with activities and by the end of the day, i couldnt even enjoy the limitless calls to other maxis number. :( but nevertheless, it was a great birthday, because people remembered :)thank you guys :D