keje tak semestinya tak baik

being new in the working arena consist mostly of hardships and pain. and embarassment. because sometimes you're faced with superiors who expects you to swallow a mouthful of experience in one day, and talks to you like you're an idiot.

then there's also the part of socialising with your colleagues. you might come to terms with bitchy ones, the nasty ones, the mean ones, and absolutely difficult to work with. then there's also some colleagues who later became good friends with you, and even ended up being your life partner.

but anyways, back to being a new worker, with zero knowledge of working in the real world and zilch experience, you really have to keep your horses down, and be HUMBLE! *which i sometimes find hard to do,especially when the boss talks to you like you're a complete idiot, and there you are trying to reign your temper and muster a smile*

then, there's also some bosses who expects you to read her/his mind, and when you fumble the job, they stare at you like they're about to eat you up alive.

tapi working ade yg best. kadang2 bosses ni baik2 jugak. main bola same2, main net ball same2, bagi can la bile nak pegi klinik, nak pegi melawat orang la, nak gune kete company pegi klinik la, dan macam2 lagi.

dan colleagues pun not all are bitches. so. fikir2 la dahulu sebelum nak buat ape2 rash decision, biaselah tu adat bekerja, we cant have it all, in order to get the measly wage ur earning, you have to put in 101% of effort to make it worth money ur getting :)

kenapa saya sering negatif disini

haih. i dont know why im being so difficult lately. i should just quit it and start putting in some effort in making my life a bit easier.

therefore, i've drafted a plan, and it all depends on 15th May.

then, we'll see where we go from there. hoo boy. 15th May is not that far.

SO in the meantime, get ur ass back to work!! haha

PICTURES FROM SINGAPURA!

at the famous durian

getting a bit excited seeing a malaysian company at the heart of the cbd

at orchard central, one of the newest malls to be opened this year. amazing how they can build such a mall with a very small Floor Area, so, the only way to maximize space is to go up!

THANKS JOE FOR THE AWESOME PIX! more pictures will be uploaded on facebook :)

second time, best jugak

went to singapore for the second time yesterday, and it was great. :)

finally saw the tanjung pagar station; which is still tanah hak milik malaysia. i find it funny that a country has a chunk of land in another country; what more with makam diraja sultan johor which is still existant there. we made a joke when amir left his passport at Keppel bay; that if the polis singapore tahan die, he can run to the tanjung pagar station because that is still tanah malaysia.

anyways, this time, my tour guide is mr joe, so amir, kak miza and i had a taste of what it's like to shop in singapore, only, we didnt buy anything because no money. HAHA. so we just went window shopping, and breaking a few rules here and there. like crossing the road not using the zebra crossing "*because selagi dapat break rules kecik2, break kan je, sebab nanti menyesal, polis singapore cekap sangat".

went to the al-falah mosque which is actually incorporated with another building, so i was a bit in awe over the fact that this is the first masjid which is not a stand alone structure like we usually see in malaysia.and its great to see that the muslims there are sort of reviving awareness on islam to everyone by having basic infos on islam on the sliding doors of the mosque *shouldve taken a photo so u guys would know what the hell im babbling about*

i will definitely come again. make sure to kumpul duit banyak2. menyesal betul tak beli baju kat cotton on tu. siot betul. *pixxies will be uploaded later

mati aku.

im going nuts because i cant access twitter anymore. shit.

tension episode 2

hari ni aku tension. esok aku nak tido sampai lebam. kalu ade masalah, itu ko punye pasal. aku tak kacau sape2 pun.

mentang2 family aku jauh.ko ingat ko boleh buli aku la?

please dont hurt me anymore

this week has been a trying period for me.

im not a strong person. i can only take so much blow at a time.

i am seriously at the lowest point of my life and i think i need to get out of this soon.

goodbye.

life ni tak sempurna

sometimes we cant help but be envious of others around us. flipping through an old friend's album of hers, while she's studying overseas makes me green with envy.

while im here. in my office. bekerja macam pencacai with a measly wage. that sucks.

minggu ni sgt sucky

ive missed my lunch thrice in a row. and i sure hope tomorrow i will be able to go out and get myself a decent meal.

went to the clinic for the 2nd pengambilan darah, now my left arm is hurting. now i hate needles and i hate the fact that nanti my arm lebam after amik darah *kak miza said its not normal. maybe i am abnormal. fuck.

i will know the result by monday. all i know is today is not such a good day, and this whole week has been somewhat a trial for me.

ya allah.berikan la aku kekuatan.

majulah singapura tu anthem die.

maybe going to singapore this sunday with my officemates. SINGAPURA. saya tak habis bertemu dgn kamu lagi.

i hope this time its a bit better. my dad calls me and faliq the crazies for going to singapore with only 70 sing dollars to spend. HAHA.

HELLO- SAYA NAK AMIK DARAH AWAK LAGI SIKIT BOLEH?

yesterday i woke up to a swelling feet, not that it hurts or anything, but it grew to become an enormous foot *the left part* that i call it kaki gajah. so off i went to the clinic with my dear friend amir who was kind enough to drive me there.

the doctor was bit clueless on what happened so she poked and pricked every inch of the body and made me go for a urine and blood test. when such a small stupid thing like a swollen feet becomes into such a huge HOO-HAA sampai nak test kencing and darah, mesti la risau gile ingat diri nak mati tak lame lagi kan?

but anyway, i think it's just because of an insect bite. HAHA. bet the doctor didnt think of that one. :P the clinic called just now, told me to go there again tomorrow morning sebab blood diorang amik semalam tak mencukupi, nak amik lagi sikit, kelaka la.

Doctor kat gelang patah cracks me up.

TOASTED FOR LIFE

yesterday, UEM Land HR department invited the Toastmasters club over for some introduction. oh whaddaya know, they're going to set up UEM LAND'S very own TOASTMASTER'S CLUB! *pure-pure happy.

For those of you who might have never heard what this toasty club is all about, well, its basically public speaking. you were given a topic, and then go up there in front of everyone and make a fool out of urself chattering about god-knows-what.

ingatkan intro je, rupe-rupenye ade demonstration, and hoo boy, how was i to know the piece of paper they handed out to everyone was actually a "lucky" number for you to speak publicly. nak pulak all of my friends got a blank paper each, and i was the only one who got the paper with a number on it. WTFISHHH.

owh, amir got number 2, so i was a bit relieved ade kawan la jugak. haha. mine was 4. the topic given was the experience of my first date, and i couldnt remember what the hell i did on my first ever date, it was a decade ago! (fuck, i sound so old) so i told them about my experience going out with an ex named Naim; who was extremely shy and quiet that we didnt talk to each other at all during the date (it was hard for me to keep quiet, but he didnt say anything at all!). just walking around KLCC killing time.

but this toast thingy is actually quite good if you want to improve your presentation and communication skills, therefore, i was being a complete doofus and volunteered to be the member of UEM'S toastmasters club. *ye, disebalik itu, saya juga ingin mengambil hati boss2 yang hadir. HAHA*

A toast to a new club!

PENAT MENUNGGU

When there's this itching feeling that life has gone ahead with gear5 while u'r still trying to comprehend the mechanics of switching to gear 3, u'd know that there's something wrong with you. IM 24 this year for GOD'S SAKE.

i know what i want, but life's uncertainties has become some sort of an exhaustive factor in my life right now. im tired of waiting around. i need something concrete. at least SOMETHING that i can hold on to and look forward to.

i guess this is one of the downsides of being an ADULT; you get tired easily. 

EXAM YANG BUANG MASA AKU

needless to say, aku serah segalanya kat takdir la sekarang. tawakal je la *im talking about my SPA exam*

antara soalan2 yang i came across during the general knowledge exam is; who was the creator of google, apakah laman web sosial yang boleh diakses di angkasa lepas, negara mana paling lambat masuk ASEAN.

tapi yang paling men-tension-kan, time soalan maths, there was 40 questions needed to be solved within 45 minutes. WTFISHHHH. dah la maths dah lama karat. the last 10 questions memang i pasrah-ly menandakan secara rawak di kertas OMR tersebut.

Essay questions tak payah cakap. i finished all 30 minutes earlier and spent the entire day sleeping on the desk.

SPA EXAM. u suck big time.

masak nasik goreng susah SIOTTTTT

yesterday was my first attempt making fried rice. needless to say, i need to instill more skills in being a woman at the kitchen than prancing around in netball/futsal courts.

nasi kurang air, sambal hangit. hahaha.macam2. dari dah mandi jadi berpeluh balik. the outcome was okaaayyyyyy la.. *cube menyedapkan hati* but it was quite pedas. my housemates were full of comments as all of them are good cooks *malu gile mase serve kat diorang*. Emy plak kate, "eh sedap la u masak". HARAM JADAH, nak jaga hati aku la tu. hahaha. either that or he's bloody hungry. hahaha..

i need more practice. thank god ibu was only a call away and saved my nasik-tak-cukup-air; menjadikan ia nasik yang best.

all about your love love love love ~ Love-As Tall As Lions

It's easy falling in love with a person. but staying in love is the harder part. hardest would probably be the acceptance of that person you love, bad, ugly, and however he/she is.

who am i to judge love? i've only known love for a short while, as compared to others who have become great friends with love over the years.

it amazes me how much a person can be so in love even after staying married for decades. Hats off to our parents; or whoever we know that have grown old together and still be happy. :)

SPA EXAM MACAM TAIK LEMBU

ive got my spa exam coming up this weekend, and ive only finished reading 20 pages out of HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF PAGES OF "malaysia kita". WTFISHHHHHH

okay. vacation mode off, study mode on, it's getting quite rusty :P but thank god now im at the history page, which i totally dig.

SEMOGA SAYA TIDAK TERKORBAN DI MEDAN PEPERIKSAAN.

words cant describe

it feels like we've only started dating, but it's been almost two years now. :) i love you.

DAH PEGI DAH. oookkkaaayyy laaa...

finally. i went to singapore. at long last, i fulfilled my innermost desire to visit the infamous neighbour of my country.

came back with a sense of aweness on their infrastructure, but that's about it. i will still choose malaysia within a heartbeat. :)

the URA center, where they housed the scale model of singapore. not that it's thaat big pun. haha

went to the malay heritage centre. somehow it's sad to know that this is the only malay legacy left here.

lost in kampung glam.

singapore, i shall come again when i have the moolahs.

SAYA SUDAH TAK PAYAH PAKAI P!!

went out at 8 am. not to work, but to Tebrau to get my full license. YES!!!! FINALLY!!!

well, for those who are not familiar with Johor. the road here is shitty as hell. especially the one towards Pasir Gudang. Sape transport planner die rase nak bunuh je. Bottle neck traffic, with lorries using this road on a frequent basis, and there's only TWO FUCKING LANES. bile accident *which is often* mesti jam. BODOH.

stuck dalam jam nak dekat 1 jam, buat lesen tak sampai 5 minit. HOOOO. HAPPY GILER.

and then accompanied amir to get his BB. hahah..muke mamat tu berenti senyum.

will be going to singapore with faliq on sunday, insya allah. :) cant wait. hahaha

Counting my blessings..

this week sounds too good to be true. :)

short but long weekend :)

best betul balik weekend walaupun sekejap sahaja. dapat berjumpa sahabat dan taulan, keluarga dan buah hati, ECECEH. AYAT TAK LEH BLAH.

Finally i met the new member of the family, well, memberss, Amoi and her brood. *i dont even know why my sisters call her amoi, but she's damn manja with my parents, aku die tak layan lansung. siot betul kucing ni. and gave the names to all her kittens, we have Ollie, Marmalade and Tigger. until i realized that all are female. well, its too late to turn back now. HAHA.

had a lunch date with Nina, Radhi, Munshi and Tee at this really nice, but stuffy place called Fullhouse just a 10 minutes walk from KLCC. they really should turn the air-cond on, but the settings are really pretty and feels like you're someplace else. :) the price is quite okay too. and it was Munshi's birthday so radhi and nina got him cupcakes which was really SEDAP.

later that evening faliq and i took my sisters to the movies to watch How To Train Your Dragon. as the only available show was at midnight, we lepak at Mama's house for awhile. the movie was really cute. and i wished i had a dragon i could ride instead of a sombong cat. HMPH

the next day, on sunday, went for a drink with Oche, whom i havent met in awhile and later that day made a volcano from plaster of paris using this kit Kak Aya got for the twins. i only get to do the moulding because the twins insisted on painting it *the fun part* ceh, bengang kejap lepas tu ingat balik diri dah tua and tak perlu nak mengade2 cat bende macam ni. i remembered when i was a kid, almost every weekend my mum would take me to this place called plaster funhouse, and i'd sit there for hours painting my plaster figurines. BEST WEH. LAYAN GILER. dengan glitters and all *tempat tu dah takde dah :(

went back to johor dengan hati yang puas sebab dah at least spend it with the tersayangs. tapi lain kali nak kene lepak dengan kawan2 yang lain juga.

munshi's cupcakes :)

tgk wayang bersama boipren and adik2

the volcano thingy *as u can see, the middle is hollow for u to put baking soda and vinegar and it'd be like lava pouring out

this is amoi. she likes to stuck out her toungue like that.its not like she's panas ke ape. die memang suke jelir lidah.

hari ni tak baik

today is a fucked up day.

swimming in the sea

we went swimming again yesterday. only this time i was the only girl, and had the privilege to have the buoy all to myself. HOHO.5.30 on the dot i went to change my apparel into a swimming suit and..APE LAGI, LOMPAT LA DALAM LAGOON TU. dgn contacts still intact. HOHO. HEBAT TAK..

being in seawater is a totally different feeling than what u get when swimming in a pool. the uknown depth of the water, with a totally dark surface could put this fear upon yourself that u can drown anytime. Thank God i didn't. but really need to do this more often because i asyik pancit je. Emy swam like an otter. i was amazed with the stamina he has, given the size of his body. HA-HA.

me and amir

bobo yg malu nak tunjuk body yg HAWT

forgive my large arse.

sometimes the marina provides solace for me.

LIFE HERE DAH NOT SO BAD KAN?

sometimes i'd wonder how my life would be like if i work in kl. whenever sharif comes over (he does every friday because the company he's working for is handling a project in Puteri Harbour which i coincidentally is involved in) we'd talk about what we'd do after work. his plans consists of going out for movies with his colleagues, going karaoke, or any other activities an urbanite would do.

well, my plans would be..hmmm...after work, it'd be either futsal night, or swimming at the marina, or kayakking at the marina, or cycling along the promenade at Puteri Harbour. god. that sounds a bit loser-ish innit? it's as if my life revolves around puteri harbour and the people in it. and somehow it sounds like im health freak but actually these are just activities to pass my time here.

maybe if i work in kl, i could meet up with nina and radhi and mizi and faliq after work, then go to the family gathering during weekends *which i always somehow missed :(

but now that im here, i dont actually feel so bad now, i've got a steady set of friends such as bobo, amir and ima. and people here always find ways to spend the weekend with a blast. *such as the kluang trip :)

so maybe life here isn't so bad anymore :)

please just go.

i dont wish to have you. i dont wish to see you anymore. but i am not made of steel.

i dont want this anymore. i wish you would just go away. leave me to where i was before.

weekend yg sgt mengharukan

god. a weekend almost totally changed my life here in JB. but im glad i acquired two new friends :) Emy and Eryn.

went to watch UemLand team play futsal against other companies that are here in JB with Emy. we lost in the finals 4-2 to some company which i forgot the name. right after the match, emy got a phone call from his mum that his tok sedara was nazak, so we dashed to the hospital, with me tagging along. hoo-boy. it was a looong day spent with emy and his family. because right after that, sadly, his tok sedara passed away. so i stayed with the family the whole day, and even went to the family's tahlil, and met all his sepupu sepapat. my god, baru first day kelua sama and i've already met his WHOLE FAMILY. hahaha. talk about being forced into an awkward situation, and had to brush off allegations that we were dating because the family members kept asking. *aiyoh

but within the chaotic moment, i managed to seal my friendship with emy's twin's gf, Eryn, and now we're friends. Eryn and Emy are going to take me to get a new haircut. hahah..thank god i've met a gf here in JB that can take me to places guys wouldnt know about :p

stupid big files

i hate stupid big files. they take the longest to download, and i really want to go back home right now. its friday, and i dont want to spend any more extra time at the office.. its a fucked up day today, and i wish i was back in kl so i could at least have an idea how to unwind and let go off all these anger.

anak manja

call me a softie for all i care. i want to go back home. i miss my family :(

dont overdo urself-she says

yesterday my colleagues and i went kayakking at the marina. i was paired with amir, and it was quite fun because amir can row pretty fast, and we reached the breakwater in no time. hahaha..unlike the last time i went kayakking with kak yan :s

soon after kayakking, kak zu, another officemate was idling by marina, watching emy (one of the marina staffs) swimming happily and shouted to me to come join her swimming. hoh. ape lagi. terjun terus la dari kayak. hahaha..noo..we are not that adventerous; i actually stood at the pontoon thinking if i should actually go in or not; which i later did when emy said he had extra towel to spare. HOH. sgt memenatkan betul, cepat giler pancit. emy and amir dah swim nak sampai revetment dah, aku masih tergedik2 kat marina tu.

later i messaged my mum to tell her about my day; and later got a message from her telling me not to overdo myself; when i asked her why, she said she didnt want me to fall sick. and then it hit me that i miss my mum A LOT, same goes to MY FAMILY.

:( i want to go back home.

SAYA NAK JADI JUMPER BOLEH?

when i listen to music, it makes me feel like im someplace else. when i listened to alanis morisette's ironic, it made me feel like i was in the car in her music video at some snow covered canadian location.

how nice would it be to actually be someplace else right now. *sigh*

singapura kah atau pun tioman?

looking at the calendar and wondering when i can get a leave so i could go bercuti with faliq when he comes over to johor.

i haven't the slightest clue what to do here, except maybe go to singapore. fine. call me a fucking traitor, but i really want to go to singapore, ive been to all parts of asia, and i have yet to go the infamous neighbour of my country.

amir kept telling me to go to tioman, the plan really sounds intriguing, but i am marred by the thoughts of going to singapore..singapore...is only 500m away from this bloody clubhouse, and i have yet to step foot on it. amir thinks im obsessed with singapore. i think so too.

everytime i start talking about singapore, joe would go like" you haven't been to singapore??" even though he fully knows that i haven't and probably does that to rub it in my face because he works there, and he kept inviting me over to singapore and i always turned down his offer because i'd like to go with faliq. hmmmm

i know that if i create an option to faliq, he will choose tioman in a heartbeat. so i think ill just keep it quiet. but i know ill be in a deep shit if amir or bobo even blurts out to faliq, or casually ask if he'd like to go to tioman, so i will have to eventually tell him of the option.

MY GOD! THIS IS FUCKING COMPLICATED.

crazy weekend for the pessimist

the weekend was a little bit crazy. and now i am down with a flu, and i wished im back at home :(

started off with the kelong trip. it was quite interesting being stuck in the middle of the sea with abundant of food and endless karaoke, only that, i dont really like karaoke, and i wasnt in much of a good mood to start with. the food was okay~ but in the end left early for bed, only to get the "ko tau lepas ko blah, jadi lagi happening sebab bebudak marina yg havoc dah datang". great. i missed the show.

then on saturday went to tebrau with bobo after his drum class to watch alice in wonderland, only to get the "full" shit for two straight shows. however, we went back to the counter after 45 minutes, hoping that there are some uncollected booked tickets, and it paid off! yay! but alice was a major letdown. the only solace i could find was johnny depp was fucking cute despite his weird make up. later that night, went to meet bobo's friend, and we ended up watching the midnight show of green zone. wished i watched it sooner, because it was damn good as compared to alice. *stupid tim burton

sunday, hoping to go swimming but was cancelled at the last minute becuase of heavy downpour, and later that night went out with bobo and amir, and bobo's friend and his gf to play pool. only i didnt play, and watch from the sidelines, and felt totally miserable and loser-ish because i didnt play, but i was really not in the mood.

god. i feel so crappy. faliq kept telling me im taking people for granted, and i think i really do. i really have to put my pessimistic thoughts far far away from me so that i can enjoy life, and be who i was before. not this dark, moody girl who is hating the world. not good.

taken before the kelong trip

dah tak reti nak letak kat blog, testing je la

Tutorial for kuhaz

testing testing

puteri harbour punye orang sekarang active semacam

had a tiring kayakking session yesterday and vow not to come near it again for maybe 6 months or so, in order to recuperate from tangan yg sakit and lenguh teramat sangat. kayuh bagai nak rak pun canoe tu tak kemana. tension betul.

today im going on a kelong trip, please dont ask me what kelong means because i dont know it either. all i know the boys will go out fishing and later we will all have bbq and a sing-a-long session.

next week the activity is swimming because that's when the marina will be have a better water quality and we wont get any lumut stuck to our clothes.

p/s: ayam came to the office yesterday, felt weird meeting him after a long time, but somehow felt glad we went on our seperate ways

saya ade kucing-kucing baru

my mum told me we have 5 new kittens. okay, in the first place, we didnt even  have a cat, how the hell did we end up with 5 new kittens? so my mum told me about them taking in a pregnant stray cat, and now, we are blessed with a smart cat and 5 new kittens. she named one of them marmalade.

we've never had a formal pet before, like those pedigree cats like my friends and faliq has. we've taken in a few strays and they always leave. haha. i should think that the fact my sisters have tortured them enough was the reason they left. the stories of them trying to snip off the cat's ears and putting another one in the washing machine was a classic funny tale among my friends.

sometimes i'd envy my friends who have cats. cats are cool and cuddly, and smart. i'd look at faliq's cat in envy, and love it when his mum retold stories of their deceased cat, charming, who became part of the family. but due to my family's financial constraints, i think that was the reason why we never have one. my dad would say, "nak bagi makan anak-anak ayah pun tak cukup duit, ni nak bagi makan kucing".

now that we have a cat, wait, cats, i really want to go back home. :(

taken from lemonade.wordpress.com

dearest kuhaz

KUHAZ.

i dont know how to upload the stupid video that i promised you on my blog. aiyoh. forgive me for being a daft when it comes to technology.

so i put it on facebook. haha.

kedatangan yang dialu-alukan

thank you. for coming over. you made my monday :)

SAYA HAPPY HARI INI

this morning i couldnt stop grinning. i cant wait till the clock sets to lunch time. AHAHAHAHA

just a thing you want to rid off :)

i dont know what i was trying to do.bobo took the picture even before i could get ready. *siot betul*

i learnt a lot from my past, failed relationships. the most important thing was to love myself. love who i am. and not to waiver and compromise what i believe in just for a guy. because it is not worth it at all.

although i've been through heartaches and pain, i was sure they loved me during the relationship. but it just didnt work out. sure, i can be a really cool girl, tapi maybe ade yg kekurangan and tak kene. see, that was what i used to think before. but now, i just take it as it is. but then again, do i want to be with someone that makes me doubt myself everyday?

here you are, a degree holder with so much potential in you, lowering your guard because a guy does not like you, say, because ur wearing tudung? or because he thinks you're not sexy enough? come on. we don't live in the ice age anymore. you be with that person because of his/her personality. that engages you. that makes you feel like you're the luckiest person on earth because he thinks you're smart, beautiful even when u tak mandi and pegi old town makan bfast dgn die, and loves your crooked teeth.

i am lucky. and im glad a lot of my friends are lucky too. for the first time ever, i've stopped doubting myself.

sesi berbasikal bersama kawan sepejabat

yesterday went cycling with my officemates. i think all this healthy shit was triggered by the incident of this marketing guy who got stroke; he's only in his 20's. so my boss was like, we really have to emulate this healthy living thing you know. i was thinking, balik office pun pukul 9~10 pm healthy apekebendenye.

so..thank god puteri harbour has all these healthy activities lined up for visitors, and staffs as well *please note the sarcasm here*, we have cycling, water kayakking, swimming (that means just go and jump into the marina, we dont have any swimming pools). and yesterday they opted for cycling. i was not really keen on cycling because i had a terrible accident involing cycling which ended up my toot getting chipped (dah la jongang, chipped in the front plak tu).

i chose this bike at first. but abg halim (a senior exec who is an experienced cyclist, he worked with shimano before) said i better choose a bike that has gears, because they're going for the long trail. *basikal ini hanyalah untuk santai purposes sahaja*

so i grudgingly choose a bike that oozes macho-ness, with gears and all, and forget about the cute bicycle with a small basket in the front.

the cycling was fun, even our Deputy General Manager joined in (he's a nutcase) and we all managed to make it back to the office safely (no casualties or orang jatuh patah ape2). and next week we're probably going kayakking. must remember to put on loads of sunblock.

kesian kat aku ke..

sometimes orang akan cakap bende yg membuatkan orang lain terasa. sometimes they would probably think that it's just a joke, but then turns out to be a really mean one. i dont know why im always the target of these jokes. macam ade tampal kat dahi aku ke yg aku ni gullible sgt pun aku tak tau.

the butt of the joke. that's me. yup.

maybe im being a little too emotional because im about to get my period. but that's not the point. just that, i didnt just suddenly have this reaction. there was something that stirred it. im sorry la im not as cool as you. kesian kan ade loser friend macam i?

i pity you. but i pity me more.

thanks for the memory.

you. i miss.

i am missing this guy MUCHO TEMPO. *that means very much in Spanish right??*

i didnt think i was up for a long distance relationship; but hey; when ur into deep already, i dont think you'd want to turn around and head for the shores again.

well, it's been almost 4 months now. *being in a LOOONNGGG distance relationship that is*; and we're about to hit the 2nd anniversary soon.

Best of luck to us!

stupid lesson

i am having problems understanding the malay folkstories that involves Hang Tuah.

to me, he is a stupid idiot who abandoned friendship for some spineless sultan.

i think Hang Jebat oozes macho-ness in a way Hang Tuah never will be.

why do we have to take hang tuah as a hero when hang jebat was the one we should look up to? i mean, he defied the sultan for the sake of his murdered bestfriend who was falsely accused of adultery by the sultan.

are we trying to promote the practice of following someone's order blindly without questions?ikut membuta tuli walaupun bende tu salah. that is even wrong in Islam! we're humans gifted with brains for god's sake. dogma is out of the question!

whenever i think about how hang tuah is proclaimed as the malay hero, i feel somewhat angry for the fact that hang jebat was labelled as the traitor instead, when all the while he was trying to honour his "slain" bestfriend who in the end killed him instead because the sultan said so. that. is. pathetic.

i want to be happy

there is no possible way you will be satisfied with life.

right now im in a MAJOR DILEMMA. to leave or not to leave. what is more important? career advancement or having the best life with the ones you love, but with not as much prosepect * i wouldnt call it prospect-less because you have yet to know what the future holds for you*

i came across a blog of this girl saying she's quitting even though she doesnt have a back-up plan because life is too short to be miserable. i find it exhilarating and a bit stupid at the same time; but all in all, i envy her for making such a bold move.

i've missed a lot of get-togethers; my best friends have already left for aussie and i only met them once; i've missed family get-togethers; and i miss having faliq around. please note that this decision i will make is not entirely because of him, i made it because i want to have the most in life, and not waste it by being miserable and having stupid consultants spoiling my day.

i want to be happy. but im scared.

Orang macam ni tak patut wujud

i've read too many news on kids being abused and molested that i feel like going to the places the suspects are detained and give them several tight slaps.

we are turning into horrible monsters. binatang pun sayang anak tau tak. taknak anak, jangan buat anak.pakai condom!

bodoh giler. children are gifts from God. nanti dah tua baru menyesal, baru nak pegi TV3 cakap anak tinggal kan kat rumah orang tua la ape la. padahal perangai macam setan time muda.

the recent one about that Syafia Humaira who died after receiving severe kicking and beating. the family of the suspect was saying, "he was such an angel, he couldn't have done it"..PURE AND UTTER BULLSHIT. depan2 memang la nampak baik, macam sayang anak tu, beli baju la ape la. tapi dah jadi macam ni, nak cakap ape?do u still want to defend the fact that you THOUGHT he was an angel? even when he has killed an innocent 3-year old??

orang macam ni tak patut wujud kat muka bumi.

OI..HAVE A HEART LA WEH

i am referring to the statement made by the Terengganu MB, on the Ho Ann Kiong temple destroyed in the fire last month.

"there is no need for the state government to make any monetary contribution because they could get fundings from businessmen alike" - quoted and rephrased from The Star, 1st March 2010.

that is a 209-year-old temple, a national heritage for crying out loud. what is wrong with handing over a small sum of contribution for the preservation works? this has nothing to do with which religious side ur on or racial differences. this is about the importance of historical conservation that we Malaysians are seriously lacking.

its not even definite yet that they will get funding from businessmen, i mean, places of worship are supposed to be the responsibility of the government, since when do we have to get fundings from the community to build it?nak renovate ke ape ke, boleh la terima. i mean, why do we even pay taxes if we're getting this sort of service from the government?

you are just giving other races a reason to hate this country. the so-called 1 malaysia. pft.

Confucious kate..

my plans to  treat my family dinner at ikea went completely awry. first it was the appointment my dad made with his friends, sampai kene marah dgn my mum, " itulah ayah ni, dah tau nak keluar time ni la nak buat appointment".

then when we finally leave the house at about 7, it was raining cats and dogs. the moment we reached subang, it became worse as the storm drain was flooded, and spilled its nasty contents on the road. there were a couple of cars that got jammed up because of the increasing water level, i think it was more than ankle length, almost a quarter up to the knees, *my knees mind you, i know im short*

a lorry who thought he could evade the traffic light mistook the drain as a small local road because of the same water level

that was already 7.45 to 8; so we had to ditch the ikea dinner plan, because the cafe closes at 9, so we headed to subang parade. ooh boy, whaddaya know, pizza hut penuh, kenny rogers ayam problem *ntah ape ayam problem pun tak tau*; and then nandos pun ade problem ayam. manhattan was definitely out of the question because my sisters don't really favour seafood, so we decided to go to domino's pizza at carrefour instead, which was just across parade.

my mum said," according to chinese beliefs, if you want to belanja orang, and all these obstacles happened, that means that person is kedekut". kene sebijik.

Tolong saya hentikan perangai buruk ni

I bought a pair of new shoes, which have received mixed reviews from the others.i know it reminds you of what a clown would wear, but i cant help it. it's CUTE!

this is the problem with me. i can't stop from buying new shoes. i dont even know why. it gives me a sense of relief when i've bought a pair right after i got my pay *tu yg tak pernah dapat save, asyik beli kasut je*

haih..teruk betul la syaza ni.

sekejap. terpikir kejap.

you know, when you have this whole life ahead of you, it somehow swallows you as a whole and makes you feel drowned and a little lost.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be an actress. i wanted to be an interior decorater, i wanted to be an architect.

i got a scholarship from the star to pursue a diploma in architecture in Alif's academy (now called alfa). it was the most poignant moment of my life when i nailed the interview, and recieved praises on how well i could converse in english. they were surprised by the fact that a tudung-clad girl who wears a baju kurung to the interview could speak fluent english.

and then i turned it down when i received an offer from IIUM. and as you know now, i have a degree in urban and regional planning. not architecture. sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i did go on with the architecture gig at alfa's. do i actually have the balls for it? am i the architecture-isk material? do i want to do architecture in the first place? when i see my friends who are doing architecture, i am actually in awe of their commitment for the difficult course. i dont know if i have that strong drive to continue.

the only thing that sets me apart from the rest of the crowd when i was in uia was i could speak well. wtf. that is not even useful when you're working. yeah, it gets you noticed among your bosses, but does it take you far?

i really wished i'd taken a class in drama, or acting, or anything of that sort. i'd be different, maybe more outgoing than this. carefree and extremely loud (aren't all drama students loud?)

im 24 now. i dont see myself being in the urban planning scene at all right now. im not even doing planning *do i want to do planning?* i wish to further my studies in conservation, and im wondering where will this take me. ive always said i didnt want to be a lecturer, but now maybe i have to retract that statement. but one thing for sure is i definitely wont go near anything related to acting.

what is up with me?

i am feeling sorry for myself. i feel neglected, and somehow cant seem to shake off the feeling that people are merely amusing me because they had to.

that is sad. pathetic more like. saya rasa sangat kekurangan kasih sayang sekarang ni.

perempuans unite!

i have a problem with women lately. how they perceive themselves. how they are projecting themselves to the opposite sex. yes. i do have a problem with Mila's song (si minah af tuh) ape macamane lirik die? "jika kau ubah fikiran, aku kan setia menanti" basically talks about this guy who is not ready for any commitment, and here she is saying that if the guy changes his mind and suddenly goes "alah, aku nak la ade awek" pap, si minah tu kan ade.

tak ke easy sgt? i mean, come on woman, you're beautiful and you're better than having to be this guy's rnr or pit stop! are u so desperate for that guy's attention or nak di label sebagai gf die sampai kate, takpe lah..aku ade je kat sini AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. wtf.

give us women some credit la. sape yg buat lagu ni memang bodo seh. we women are not brainless chicks. majority of university graduates are female. ape kes nak ingat ktorang desperate sgt for a guy? dah la tak hensem. kalau hensem macam keanu reeves tu boleh la tahan gak.

kasut leper

i like wearing flats. ballet flats. i've got a few pairs, and i cant stop myself from buying them! they are just so damn comfortable! my current favourite shoes is my crocs, as advertised by nina and radhi many many years ago *i didnt have the money to buy them as they're bloody expensive, but now have been able to afford it with my own money* they are super comfy and looks cool too, despite the weird, rubberized shape.

it's not that i oppose to the usage of heels. i just dont have the thing for 'em. like some of my friends, they seemed like they were born to wear heels *pegi mamak pun pakai heels*

i think my fear of heels started when i wore this super high heels to prom, and couldnt walk properly for a week after that. but after i entered university, i started being influenced by the abundant ayu girls in UIA (they were MANY of them there) that somehow made heels looked like they were a pair of sneakers. they walked to classes wearing em and not once did they ever wince in pain. so i bought quite a few pairs and suffered blisters and many band-aid wearing sessions along the way.

when i realized that i will never be able to emulate any of those ayu-ness at all, i decided to ditch all of this stupid plans that might have made me look demure and ayu because, well, it's completely useless okay?? syaza and ayu does not go well together. and i might be suffering from hypertension for having to restrain myself from being a loud bitch that i am.

that also boils down to the fact that when i wear heels, i could never run, or jump * which i always do when im hyper <---- that is even more often than when im normal*
when i wanted to for fear of spraining my ankle. so off with the heels and HEL-LO flats!

it also made me realize that i should never change myself in order to fit in. because, come on, sampai bila boleh tahan and pretend to laugh politely when all you want to do is laugh your head off with a 100 desibel?

jgn bodoh sombong boleh tak?

i hate to say this. but i told you so. stupid fuck.

i like big bikes

faliq likes to take me on a ride with his big bike. at first i was a bit apprehensive, because im not used to riding motorcycles. but when he managed to send me to pudu in just 10 minutes, i have suddenly start on rooting for the bike :)

one of the things i used to 'kutuk' about minah rempits was how their top would 'terselak' and reveal their body/butt to the whole world, but then when i was suddenly in their shoes, i find that those things happened 'accidentally', so to avoid such incidences again, i tucked my top into my jeans, even though i look like a complete moron.

riding the bike is definitely somewhat refreshing, that is if you plan on touring KL, with all the traffic jam and all, it is definitely worth the back ache as you manage to evade these traffic jams, and even stupid car drivers that hog the road.

aside from the fact that it doesnt burn a hole in your pocket when you want to isi minyak, it makes you feel extremely cool. hahaha *please do not mind me, as i have always been a geek, so this is my only cool moment in life*

just satu je tak best, muka rase berhabuk and lepas naik mesti nak basuh muka dengan facial cleanser. nasib bawak dalam beg :)

a great trip back home

little things that makes me feel normal again. little things that made me miss home even more. like going out for drinks with your former schoolmates, drink sessions with your closebuds, walking by the park with the boyfriend, attending your niece's first birthday party. it made me feel like a normal person. it made me feel whole. haha..the once void space in me has been filled temporarily; and it has once again subsided, filled again with this emptiness while i yearn for another trip back :)

there wasnt enough time *there was never enough time* and i didnt get to see some of the people dearest to me. i am truly sorry of the time constraints and the gepgraphical issue that is hovering over me.

sorry to friends yg i tak sempat jumpe. :( but i definitely miss you guys :)

nak balik dah tak sabar ni

BALIK KAMPUNGGGG

WO WO WO

BALIK KAMPUNGGGG

WO WO WO

BALIK KAMPUNGGG

HATI GIRANGGGGG

futsal drama

and so, off i went to the futsal court brimming with energy.

well, i did what i did the prior week, warming up and all. and poof, 15 minutes in the court i was struck with insufferable muscle cramp that i had to spend the remaining time watching my friends play instead :( ni nak balik rumah ni nak pegi jalan2 macamane..aiyoh. menyusahkan betul.

lesson learned. warm up and stretching betul2. nanti nak jalan pun susah.

in remembrance of the past

i can still remember vividly of my house in subang. how my room looked like, felt like. i remember the spacious kitchen. i remember the living room. i remember the view i'd see out of the window from my room. i remember how it feels like when you sit outside the patio for tea.

it feels like home.

i remember my room when i was studying in university. i remember how the halls at the kulliyah looks like, every nooks and corner of kaed. i remember the feeling of having friends just by yourside. i remember the giddiness of making plans with friends to go out after class. i remember packing for study trips and having a blast working on-site. i remember presenting during final presentation and getting praises for it.

it feels like anything is possible. it feels like the world is in your hands.

what do i do with all these feelings that i yearn to feel again. life that waits for no one. it moves without warning and leaves you dumbfounded over what-ifs and would be possibilities that you were just to cowardly to take.

i am not sorry of where my course of life has gotten me. but i am sorry that i can never feel those moments again.

the void sense of belonging

sometimes it saddens me. not having a sense of belonging anywhere. its not the issue of places. it concerns with the internal conflicts in which i have to battle within myself.

i always have this sense of detachment. like i dont belong anywhere. i try to become someone people will remember, but by the end of the day, i am only someone who has made an impression but never really leaves a mark. that is sad. people will say, "yeah, i know syaza", but do they really consider me as their friend?

it's sad, that even the most grounded thing you think is yours will never really be yours. because by the end of the day, it will leave you.

energizer bunny i am, she says

my boss referred to me as an atomic molecule that could not sit still.

well, she is right.

i do have a hard time sitting still. when taking pictures, as you wait for the camera to load, i could not sit still hence why some pictures are blurry because i would be moving, or shaking my legs (therefore, if you want to take pictures with me, better make sure your camera cepat tangkap gambar.hahaha)

it was worse when i was hooked on coffee back when i was in 3rd year. everytime before BAHASA MALAYSIA LANJUTAN class, i would buy a cup of mocha blended because the subject was damn dreary, it was slotted at 2.30, and it was the perfect class for you to fall asleep, except i could not because my seat is right in front of the lecturer. hence the need for mocha, it did keep me awake throughout the class, but i stopped as soon as i realized i couldnt stop shaking my legs as i sat in the lrt, months after taking it on a daily basis.

i would probably be the worse person to be in a meeting because i get bored easily, and sitting for long hours just itches me to walk about and move around. which is why i annoy the person next to me because i would be clicking my pen, moving my chair, shaking my legs and doing every imaginable thing i could to keep moving and not sit still.

i am always amazed by the fact that some people have the discipline to sit still for hours. they can even fall asleep while they're sitting upright. its probably one of the things that tops the list of things that amazes me, just like how people can actually enjoy eating vegetable.

so i would really appreciate some suggestions that can make me be an effective employee during long, dry and dreary meetings. hahaha

lost and will never be found again

walking away from something you've hold on to for so long is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.

worse..walking away from someone.

what if he is my kismet? what if he is meant for me after all, despite all the crappy things that ensue.

what if i will never find someone like him?

am i putting myself as an easy target by professing my fears and sadness out in the open like this? am i considered as a loser for pining for someone/something that i know will not work out?

what if this is the only chance i get to experience love.

peristiwa memalukan di kluang

i've got many embarassing moments that i do not wish to erase, because looking back, it was bloody funny and made my life a little bit colourful. of course, after the account of the incident, you'll have to endure weeks of being the subject of the joke, but then again, it really made the moment, or trip, something you remember till the end.

now. this one particular moment is one of those excrutiatingly embarassing moment that i'll just keep quiet for now and relive it years later.



now tell me, what does this picture tells you?
a) mak guard nak saya rekomen barang mekap ape saya pakai sampai nak selongkar beg sebab muka saya jelita sgt?
b) die nak tgk perfume ape saya pakai sebab beg wangi sangat, sebab baru tadi perfume tumpah kat beg
c) beg digeledah sebab disyaki mencuri barang sebab ketika melangkah keluar detector berbunyi dan amat memalukan sampai semua pandang ingat aku ni pencuri yg sgt hina

haha..itulah die. kawan2 yg lain hanya mampu pandang helplessly semasa beg digeledah kerana muke mereka pun terkejut campur nak gelak sampai golek2.

well, turns out the clear mascara i bought at WATSON, KLCC still had it's tag on, and the detector at KLUANG PARADE detected it. so, although had to endure the embarassment of going to the counter to take out the tag, it somehow managed to make me the joke of the century. all it took was 10 minutes. 10 damn minutes to make the joke of the office for about 5 months or more.

haha. wished i was actually a shoplifter. NOW THAT WOULD MAKE IT EVEN MORE INTERESTING. dari muke pucat dan gelabah macam kene kantoi. :)

KLUANG TOAST AND KOPI AIS IS THE BEST!

the weekend trip to Kluang was a great trip. with the sole purpose of going to the original kluang station kopitiam for breakfast, the 8 of us woke up extra early (earlier than we normally would kalau nak pegi keje).

sampai sanggup tak makan ape2 semata2 nak makan breakfast kat situ. and i have to tell you, it was worth the wait. :)

i somehow felt like being in a schooltrip to kluang, because most of us were suddenly all kids again, excited to take the train, wearing backpacks and taking pictures non-stop.

tunggu train tangkap gambar, nak naik train tangkap gambar, atas train tangkap gambar, train berenti kat kulai and kempas tangkap gambar, abg ktm check tiket tangkap gambar, turun train tangkap gambar, nak pegi kopitiam tangkap gambar, eh..semua la tangkap gambar.

the breakfast was definitely worth the trip. the toast was to-die-for. the kopi ais was heavenly (no wonder almarhum sultan johor loved the coffee here), reminds me of Hai Peng in Terengganu *now that's another must-visit place for coffe lovers.. and the price was enough to make us swoon with happiness (nasi lemak 70 sen mane nak dapat kat kl?).

pictures will be available on facebook. for now, enjoy snippets of the trip from my humble handphone camera :)


ni sape nak pegi, sila-lah tgk die punye opening hours :)


the famouse kluang station kopitiam! *pernah masuk tv3 ni


seorang budak sekolah sesat di kluang ditinggalkan cikgu yg sebok amik gambar kat train stesen



the famous kopi ais, nasi lemak 70 sen, roti bakar yg sedap sampai boleh dapat heart attack sebab sedap sgt

updates. of my not-so-cool life.

oh god. what a week. a sudden change in the organization chart and my whole world turns upside down.

updates:
1. celebrated Joe's birthday at TGIF with kak yan kat johor (yay! the one and only friday's here); and i was introduced to the delicious snicker's treat.

as it was still during the mourning period of the demise of Sultan Johor, i thought the rule of wearing white tudung was only applicable during office hours; when much to my horror, i entered the restaurant with almost all occupants staring at me for wearing a bright blue tudung instead.

2.Ida and sobho got married. Finally.

it coincides with the date of the CPTDT (Can Plan This Damn Trip, for those who might not be familiar with this term, it's an annual thing me and my girlfriends do each year when kuhaz and sue got back from oz, last year we went to melaka)

since cptdt did not agree with everyone's schedule, we planned to have it a one day; well, though it didn't turn out the way we wanted it, i was very much glad to be given one day to spend it with my friends.

3. a sudden wave of workloads has seen me spending nights at the office. only this time it wasn't as much fun as AJM before. dah la memang takde life, tambah lagi keje sekarang duduk kat ofis. memang bertambah jadi loser la aku ni.

4. due to my lacking in social relationships with other people, i've decided to join the office's weekly futsal game. maybe i could at least get to know other people aside from my office mates.

5. my officemates have planned a trip to kluang, which the plan was to take a train to the kluang station from JB, have breakfast at the famous original kluang station kopitiam, and then take a train ride back to JB. *serious takde keje giler, memandangkan trip sehala adalah 2 jam*

Johor has a certain smell

Johor has this certain peculiar smell, a strong smell that reminds me of the time when i was strolling at near the motel we stayed in India. Ika said its the smell of cinnamon and some other god knows what tree.

funny how it has become the smell im accustomed to when im away from home.

twitter account baru bukak :)

i have a twitter account! finally..

i still dont see what's the hype all about, but it's still too early to tell.

so please, add me and banyakkan followers i, haha..cewah..and i boleh add you jugakkkk :)

syazazubir tauuuuuu

ungrateful much?

i heard on the radio that there are almost 900,000 unemployed people out there..

am i being ungrateful?? (shut up, i can see you nodding your head..)

well, the safest excuse i can give you is that life is never easy for anyone.. *smirks

if it will make you feel better, i am starting to accept my life here..(YAY..A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR SYAZA!) rasa macam baru je admit i was a smoker in smokers anonymous.

i was not in denial. i was just being...well..me.. a little drama on the side doesnt hurt does it?

Mastersssssss

so, ive managed to somehow get a second opinion regarding my plans to further my studies, and all im getting is "GO FOR IT!!" with two thumbs up from each persons.

ive finally found the course that somehow seemed to look like it's tailor-made for me, CEWAAAHHH.. its MASTERS IN SCIENCE CONSERVATION AND HERITAGE MANAGEMENT... haha because it complements my degree and points me to the right direction of being involved in the conservation field (YES!)

nak tau kat mane it's offered? UiTM! yayyyy!!! sebab it's in shah alam, and god knows i've had enough being a orang di perantauan.

but when i called to ask about the application and such, adoiiii.. it turns out the course is only offered once a year, and the next intake would be in December...NOOOOOO..But if there is any consolation in that, i think im still eligible to apply for the mini bajet for masters, because it says that orang yg nak apply kene belajat year 2009 and 2010. so kalau december 2010 pun, still december kannn..

tapi..ape ape pun, this means i actually have to spend a YEAR in Gelang Patah.. :(

takpelah..at least when i leave, ill have a one year work experience, and maybe i'll be able to save up a little (quite impossible given the pathetic salary im earning right now, but what the hell la kan).

calamari hanyalah sotong tepung goreng

betul tak ape claim di atas?

im doing the reimbursable claims of one of the consultants in Puteri Harbour when i came across a receipt of their meal, they ate a plate of calamari that costs a bomb, so i figured it must be a swanky restaurant. alah..pegi pendas dapat less than RM 10 for one plate, lagi murah, banyak plak tu.

yesterday as i was battling with self-doubt over my future, Li ann, my second boss came over. it was like kismet, there i was wallowing in depression over working here, and suddenly she came over for a chat. after the motivational talk about how working here is not so bad, and you'll get the hang of it in time, she said "remember, project management is not rocket science, it's common sense". so im wondering i must be quite a senseless person for finding it tedious and hard. but it is tedious; well, its not the work that's bothering me boss...i left out the people factor.

however, right after the chat, i was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of optimism; i find that it is not that difficult, and when i was actually enjoying doing my job, i was in quite a good mood, never mind the bitchiness of other people. it just failed to spoil my mood that day.

oh god. the wonders of a small pep talk from a superior to her young 'uns.

so today, i am actually okay, and im not even moping,..yet.haha, which is quite the improvement from yesterday. :)

torn and completely unhappy :(

i am fearing for my mental health, because as i woke up this morning, i realized that i was talking to myself in the mirror and im pretty sure my reflection replied me back.

this deteriorating state of my mental health is the contribution of prolonged stress due to lack of social life and job satisfaction which i am currently facing. so i woke up this morning, aside from dreading to go to work (which is a normal routine) i also realized what i want to do.

i am going to take my masters..haha..in what? wait for it..wait for it...MASTERS IN ARTS MAJORING IN CIVILISATIONAL STUDIES!!! how cool is that???

i mean, ive always loved history. if i had astro, my favourite channels would be the history channel, national geographic and discovery channel. *yes, im a geek..i just dont see the appeal of watching mtv and channel v 24/7. please dont get me wrong, remember, i told you, im a geek. i even knew about the history of nasi kandar dammit.

im not really sure of the career prosepect though because i am a hardcore daydreamer and dreamed of becoming an activist in conservation of some sort. most likely working with UNESCO. haih..but we all know that masters basically means that u'll be a lecturer, with a charity gig at the side.but i have yet to know if there is any

but the only thing that is bugging me is my responsibility to my parents. earning a decent living so that i can repay them back. in any way i can, make them comfortable, taking them to umrahs and hajjs, providing the best special education for my sisters, and many more, which i am thinking right now can only be achieved if i am here, in this shitty corporate state of mine.

im torn. that's what i am. my dad said i should go for it, do not let my dreams get away, but i cried when i think about the epf money we have to spend if i do continue, it was meant for the purchasing of our own house dammit. i searched the internet for the said budget for postgrad studies but that was in bajet mini 2009. im not so sure of bajet 2010. :(

any suggestions or advice that might help me out of this glitch perhaps?this could be a ticket out of my misery here in Puteri Harbour! :D

lesson number one: people are not like how they seem

im a people person. i like mingling and making friends. but when i am faced with a situation that belies me from making friends, it actually took a strip of happiness away from me. i drew my strength from my close circle of friends and faliq. now that they are away, i feel a little lost.

reading friends catching up with each other makes me envious of the time and distance that betrays my needs. i am facing one of the most tumultous period of my life. it reminds me of the time when i moved to bangi from subang. lost and completely confused. but it was heavily cushioned by fact that i have my family with me. now i dont.

im feeling a little jealous and hurt. being shut out so soon is actually a painful feeling. just because of make-up stories, gossip and things that might make me a little different than you doesnt mean im a bad person. im hurt that you deem me unworthy to be a part of your "circle of friends". i didnt even do anything to you.

i came here because of the sole purpose of gaining experience in one of the largest companies in Malaysia. i didnt come here to make enemies. which is not even from my doing! (a cafe worker got pissed because she mistaken me for my friend who she thought was rude to her, and boom! the story was all about NUSAJAYA how "rude" i was , when it wasnt even me who asked for the bloody spoon from her)

yeah, it is actually pretty stupid. people judge you because of a spoon, but then, that is how people are. they judge. they make remarks that hurts you, they treat you like crap because they think you're not good enough to be a part of the crowd.

thanks nusajaya. you just made my day.

stick and stones might break my bones, but it will never break my spirit.

boat ride

went on a boat trip a few weeks back. but unable to publish anything for fear it mught cause some ripple in the working place. *dont ask, this is office politics for you

but then realized that this is my blog, and i can damn well put anything i want, as long as i dont put anything provocatice enough to make me being put unde ISA or the seditions act stuff.

the boat ride was a pleasant one, followed by lunch at a fisherman's village. the food was good, but im actually tired of eating seafood and steamboat every other week; yes yes, because joe likes to belanja me seafood almost twice a month. hahah..not that im complaining, free food man, but then, sometimes you just need a change of scenery, but you just do not have the heart to tell him so; because he is joe, one of the nicest guy ive ever known :)

but the pictures are not of me and joe and kak yan, but it is of me and ima (my housemate) and several others which were not in the pictures :)

nak kete jugakkkkk

woke up late today but managed to get ready within 15 minutes before my housemate leaves for work. *groaning because i have yet to have a car; but am actually looking forward to the end of the month so that i'll get my third month's payslip and can process the loan for my carrrrrr

heehee

somehow i've focused my entire energy into the "getting-the-car-soon" mood that im afraid ive made it into the solution to all my problems and unhappiness, which is not 100% true. i mean, yeah, im miserable because im still immobile; but then, i shouldnt wallow in too much of this negative attitude because i think im beginning to see the effect on my health as well as my life.

yeah maybe when i will get my car eventually, i will be able to solve 50% of my problems, but new ones will definitely crop up in no time. hee haa.. petrol lagi, tol nak balik kl, nak service and maintenance cost. ingat murah ke??

tapi, bile dah ade kete, okay la sikit. definitely maybe :) anyways, when i do have my car, please do come and visit me in johor so i can take you places :) and faliq will be able to come down too :D

p/s: tapi kene sewa bilik hotel la, maklumlah, bilik i kecik macam tahap storage punye tempat, nak himpit ramai2 memang tak muat. hahaha...budget hotels are aplenty here, so no worries, and then we can go to singapore!!!!

toilet drama

i hate sharing toilets. meaning, if i am in the toilet, a public toilet, mind you, i would prefer it very much to be alone. i know, i know, defeat the purpose of why they even call it a public toilet when other people are refrained from using the rest of the free cubicles, but i really dont like it when they're there while im doing my business. get me?

now i know why japan invented toilets with music at the toilet stool. such a revolutionary invention is direly needed here. :(

ade jugak resolution

encounters with people who are beyond rude and incredibly narrow-minded puts you off the mood of celebrating new year. however, it leads to a new revelation in which i have finally decided to go on with having a resolution for 2010.

TA-DA:

1.I will not let people who are the scums of the planet (in my opinion, orang macam ni memang pangkat lagi bawah dari kampung, ntah2 orang kampung pun lagi BAGUS dari diorang) ruin my day / my mood. simply because they are not worth the grief and anger at all.

2. i will be grateful with EVERYTHING i have and not be so pessimistic about EVERYTHING because that is just toxic, especially when im in the position where im supposed to adapt, mind you, adapt, not change according to their ways (which is very much menyampah and degratory like i mentioned before)

3. i will be the best worker UEM Land has ever seen, and not be too consumed with facebook or any other websites; as well as not let the fact that being stuck in a place like this bring me down; simply because the working experience is extremely important, moreover with the most famous upcoming waterfront development in Malaysia.

4. I will not forget who i am, what my values are, and what i hold on to and belief even when i mingle with a set if new people

5. start having a life, and do whatever i want. e.g. dancing class ke, sign language class ke, marathon sampai singapore ke, wth. just go for it and tak payah tunggu orang lain

there, ive said it. lega sikit rase. macam major unloading took place. anyways, yeah, the resolution was more about finding myself, and staying true to myself. refusing to let people treat me as they like, its hard to earn respect, but before you do that, you have to respect yourself. i will not let myself sallowing into depression just because some cafe worker is constantly rude to me, because they are just not worth the anger.


so, have a break, have a godiva :)